Haunting
Memories
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own any Characters or Gundam Wing. -_-
::sigh::
The hotel suite was dark. It was now past three in the morning. At this late hour no one would normally be awake. And from the silence that would have been a correct assumption, however not this night. The Preventer's had sent the two of them on special assignment for the week, which only showed their lack of confidence in their own people. They were to watch the Vice Foreign Minister of the Sanq Kingdom as she attended meetings in their headquarters' city. This was the second day of their assignment and there had already been trouble. But it was nothing they couldn't handle; they were afterall former Gundam Pilots. This day had gone a lot smoother then the first one.
The hotel suite was dark. And from the silence and late hour no one should have been up. But that wasn't the case this night. A dark figure walked back and forth in the sitting room. The suite had three other doors connecting to the main room. Two of those were bedrooms and the third connected to the suite next to this one. The individual continued to pace. On occasion they would sit down only to get up again. They finally went out on the porch. It wasn't very big; there were only two chairs out there with a table. It had a nice view of the city. Even in a city this big, that wasn't suppose to sleep, it seemed quiet down there.
A breeze started up and pulled at strains of his short brown hair. Why he wasn't able to sleep, he didn't know. This had been going on long before this mission. Whenever he did sleep so many images came to mind. It was now happening even when he wasn't asleep. Now all he had to do was close his eyes for only a moment. He let out a low sigh and leaned on the railing going around the porch. He looked down at the lights below. They were the only light around but were still bright enough to light the street. The longer he looked at them; the colors seemed to bleed together. Until finally it looked like it was raining. He lifted his hand to his face, whipping at his tired eyes. Why was he feeling this way? He who wasn't suppose to have feelings...or was he? Had he ever felt emotions? He couldn't remember a time where he felt happiness, love, even true sorrow. Only the few memories he had, where he must have felt something at that time but now he couldn't remember what the emotions felt like.
He reluctantly closed his eyes, only for a minute. Then it came, the images that had plagued him for the past couple of weeks. There was no way to stop them. He wanted to open his eyes but he was too tired to do so.
***
It was a city, just like this city. People lived there happily with their families. Until one day when a base in the midst of the city was attacked. No one liked the military there, but they had agreed to just live with it. But someone took it farther and in the end the price was great. The explosion wasn't contained and spread throughout most of the city. Before they had a handle on it, it had already killed so many and destroyed homes. And in the middle of all the chaos no one noticed the one person responsible for it all. Even though they hadn't seen him, he had seen so much that night. So much that would be suppressed, only to come back again.
***
He forced his eyes open and breathed in deep. Everything came back into focus. But even seeing the lights below and realizing where he really was didn't keep the memories away. He backed away from the railing slowly, finally collapsing in one of the chairs. He just sat there almost as if giving up. He had tried so hard to fight it but by now he knew it was no use.
***
It snowed the next day. Usually on the colonies, snow was something exciting. Sure it wasn't the real thing but when it was there, it was something special. Usually there were kids out playing in it. But that was not the case today. The city was somewhat silent this day. The only noise were police cars that came and went throughout the day. Emergency technicians had been working most of the night, clearing debris and whatever else blocked the roads. Once again no one noticed the only person who didn't belong there. He walked to an area where there wasn't anyone. This section had been closed off. There was nothing left of the buildings. Little traces of the lives ruined were everywhere. He could feel a sudden empty feeling in his stomach. He just wanted the feeling to go away.
***
They had called him their weapon. That was all he ever was to them. He had no humanity or feelings; he was as lifeless as the machine he went down to earth in. The fact didn't bother him until recently but that was the reality of it. He was just a thing, a weapon. He didn't even have a true name. They had taken that from him too. No identity, no worth, and he had no say in the decisions at the time. He was just suppose to obey orders and not think for himself. But something had gone wrong in all this.
Somewhere there had been a flaw, because he wasn't all that he was suppose to be. He had done things that weren't part of the plan. So the question remained, what was he now? Was he still as perfect as they had trained him to be? Or was he 'broken'? He jolted awake at that thought, realizing he was still out on the balcony. He forced himself to stand up and walk over to the edge. He looked back down at the city below. Nothing had changed down there. With a sudden ache in his heart he wondered, would anyone even really miss him? A slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
"Life is cheap, especially mine." He remembered saying so long ago. Even though it made sense, the fact of the matter was that back then he had a cause worth dying for. In reality, dying now wouldn't be as significant. He wouldn't be viewed as a hero but as a coward. But would he ever be rid of those memories. They would be part of him for the rest of his life. They were something that should have affected who he was but they didn't.
"Heero..." A voice penetrated through his thoughts. That wasn't his real name though, was his first realization as he turned. His partner stood in the doorway, tall and silent. His spiky bangs seemed more unruly then usual and his green eyes looked at him wearily.
"I couldn't sleep." Heero admitted, turning back to the city below.
"It would seem that happens alot lately." His partner remarked, walking out and standing next to him. Of all the people who knew him, he felt that this partner,...friend would know how he felt. He leaned back on the railing.
"I'm just having some issues right now that I need to work through." He started but felt weird talking about it.
"Oh really?" was the calm and quiet response.
"I've just been thinking alot lately." He explained hoping the conversation wouldn't go any further.
"What about?" No, the conversation continued. Even if his friend wouldn't pry if he didn't want to talk about it. But maybe talking about it would help.
"Do you remember anything before Operation Meteor, Trowa?" He asked looking over at him. Trowa wasn't expecting that question.
"Whenever I try to think of what happened before all that, there's not much there. It's blurry. I wish I could remember my life but I just can't." He explained. There was no answer, just a silent nod. Trowa gave Heero a questioning look.
"Why do you want to know about that. None of the others have ever asked me before." He pointed out. He noticed how Heero's expression almost became sad.
"My memories, I wish I could forget. But at the same time, I wish I could remember the things I've forgotten." He mentioned.
"So we have the same problem, don't we." Trowa answered him. Heero waited for him to explain further.
"We have both become something that somehow seems wrong. It's not who we are." Trowa told him. Heero looked back down at the city.
"So since our missions are over now, who are we?" There was silence between them now. Trowa straightened up and turned to leave.
"Does that really matter? Whoever we were before has had it's affect on the decisions we make now. Even if we can't remember." With that, he left Heero alone. The wind picked up again. He turned back to the city. In the darkness and with all the lights it reminded him of the colonies. His home, was it really his home? Why was this bothering him so much and why now?
"Where's Zero when I need it?" With that thought he headed back inside and sat down on one of the couches. He leaned his head back sleepily, looking up at the ceiling. When he had Zero it seemed that these questions were either not important or he just never thought about it. Zero seemed to help with the future but the past had never come up. He shut his eyes, the images came back. Again he was too tired to fight it.
***
Something moved from behind the debris. It was a person. He quickly hid before he was seen. It was more of a reflex then a reaction. The girl was about his age with long blond hair and an innocent face. She was obviously not from around there as she looked around. She stopped and looked down. He cringed when he saw what she was looking at. The teddy bear was singed and now without an owner. He caught the look on her face. The sadness that was there. Had she felt what he was feeling? But she didn't know any of the people killed in this tragedy. So why was she sad? She glanced his way and he concealed himself even more.
He couldn't help but wonder why she was even there. He decided it would be better to leave at that point. Before long those in charge of him would start looking for him. And he didn't want to be connected to this any more then he was now. He would just forget the whole incident.
***
Before he got lost in the memory, the sound of a door opening snapped him out of it. She peered out into the room. What was she doing up? She came out, worry written all over her face.
"Heero? What are you doing awake?" She asked, coming further into the room.
"Relena.." He leaned forward.
"Are you feeling okay?" She asked him. He looked down then closed his eyes. He didn't want her pity.
"I'm fine. It's nothing." He told her coldly. He just wanted to be left alone. He heard a sound nearby and looked back up. Relena placed a kettle on the stove in the kitchen nearby.
"I'll make some tea." She offered giving him a slight smile. Relena. She in herself was a mystery to him. He had vowed to kill her only for her to accept it. As if she had some insight to his questions. She had seen something in him and wasn't afraid as so many had been. She was told once that she was like him and it was Dr. J who told her that. The only person that knew anything about his past. But how? How could someone so caring and loving be anything like him? He watched her as she went to work in the kitchen. She was amazing compared to him. He would never know why she bothered with people like him. He brought his hand up to his head tiredly.
Nothing was making sense. One minute he was telling himself that he was acting out of character, that he was loosing it. But then the next he was telling himself he wasn't this 'weapon' anymore. All these unanswered questions and the only people who could've given him any clues to who he once was were all dead. His head started to hurt. 'Why can't I figure this out? What's wrong with me?' He asked himself. Now he was holding his head and cringing. He leaned down, now feeling sick. Relena noticed him and rushed over.
"Heero? What's wrong?" She asked. She sat down next to him. He felt her hand on his shoulder. She handed him a mug and he took a sip. It actually seemed to help. He sat up and looked at her weakly.
"Relena? Who am I?" He asked, leaning towards her. The whole thing caught her off guard. She did her best to support his weight. He fell asleep quickly. No images or memories this time.
"Heero.." Relena smiled lightly to herself. "You're my protector." She said into his ear as he slept. He stirred some when she said that as if responding. After awhile she stood up, placing a pillow under his head. She left only for a minute then returned with a blanket.
"Sleep well Heero." She said heading back to her room.
*The *End*
The hotel suite was dark. It was now past three in the morning. At this late hour no one would normally be awake. And from the silence that would have been a correct assumption, however not this night. The Preventer's had sent the two of them on special assignment for the week, which only showed their lack of confidence in their own people. They were to watch the Vice Foreign Minister of the Sanq Kingdom as she attended meetings in their headquarters' city. This was the second day of their assignment and there had already been trouble. But it was nothing they couldn't handle; they were afterall former Gundam Pilots. This day had gone a lot smoother then the first one.
The hotel suite was dark. And from the silence and late hour no one should have been up. But that wasn't the case this night. A dark figure walked back and forth in the sitting room. The suite had three other doors connecting to the main room. Two of those were bedrooms and the third connected to the suite next to this one. The individual continued to pace. On occasion they would sit down only to get up again. They finally went out on the porch. It wasn't very big; there were only two chairs out there with a table. It had a nice view of the city. Even in a city this big, that wasn't suppose to sleep, it seemed quiet down there.
A breeze started up and pulled at strains of his short brown hair. Why he wasn't able to sleep, he didn't know. This had been going on long before this mission. Whenever he did sleep so many images came to mind. It was now happening even when he wasn't asleep. Now all he had to do was close his eyes for only a moment. He let out a low sigh and leaned on the railing going around the porch. He looked down at the lights below. They were the only light around but were still bright enough to light the street. The longer he looked at them; the colors seemed to bleed together. Until finally it looked like it was raining. He lifted his hand to his face, whipping at his tired eyes. Why was he feeling this way? He who wasn't suppose to have feelings...or was he? Had he ever felt emotions? He couldn't remember a time where he felt happiness, love, even true sorrow. Only the few memories he had, where he must have felt something at that time but now he couldn't remember what the emotions felt like.
He reluctantly closed his eyes, only for a minute. Then it came, the images that had plagued him for the past couple of weeks. There was no way to stop them. He wanted to open his eyes but he was too tired to do so.
***
It was a city, just like this city. People lived there happily with their families. Until one day when a base in the midst of the city was attacked. No one liked the military there, but they had agreed to just live with it. But someone took it farther and in the end the price was great. The explosion wasn't contained and spread throughout most of the city. Before they had a handle on it, it had already killed so many and destroyed homes. And in the middle of all the chaos no one noticed the one person responsible for it all. Even though they hadn't seen him, he had seen so much that night. So much that would be suppressed, only to come back again.
***
He forced his eyes open and breathed in deep. Everything came back into focus. But even seeing the lights below and realizing where he really was didn't keep the memories away. He backed away from the railing slowly, finally collapsing in one of the chairs. He just sat there almost as if giving up. He had tried so hard to fight it but by now he knew it was no use.
***
It snowed the next day. Usually on the colonies, snow was something exciting. Sure it wasn't the real thing but when it was there, it was something special. Usually there were kids out playing in it. But that was not the case today. The city was somewhat silent this day. The only noise were police cars that came and went throughout the day. Emergency technicians had been working most of the night, clearing debris and whatever else blocked the roads. Once again no one noticed the only person who didn't belong there. He walked to an area where there wasn't anyone. This section had been closed off. There was nothing left of the buildings. Little traces of the lives ruined were everywhere. He could feel a sudden empty feeling in his stomach. He just wanted the feeling to go away.
***
They had called him their weapon. That was all he ever was to them. He had no humanity or feelings; he was as lifeless as the machine he went down to earth in. The fact didn't bother him until recently but that was the reality of it. He was just a thing, a weapon. He didn't even have a true name. They had taken that from him too. No identity, no worth, and he had no say in the decisions at the time. He was just suppose to obey orders and not think for himself. But something had gone wrong in all this.
Somewhere there had been a flaw, because he wasn't all that he was suppose to be. He had done things that weren't part of the plan. So the question remained, what was he now? Was he still as perfect as they had trained him to be? Or was he 'broken'? He jolted awake at that thought, realizing he was still out on the balcony. He forced himself to stand up and walk over to the edge. He looked back down at the city below. Nothing had changed down there. With a sudden ache in his heart he wondered, would anyone even really miss him? A slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
"Life is cheap, especially mine." He remembered saying so long ago. Even though it made sense, the fact of the matter was that back then he had a cause worth dying for. In reality, dying now wouldn't be as significant. He wouldn't be viewed as a hero but as a coward. But would he ever be rid of those memories. They would be part of him for the rest of his life. They were something that should have affected who he was but they didn't.
"Heero..." A voice penetrated through his thoughts. That wasn't his real name though, was his first realization as he turned. His partner stood in the doorway, tall and silent. His spiky bangs seemed more unruly then usual and his green eyes looked at him wearily.
"I couldn't sleep." Heero admitted, turning back to the city below.
"It would seem that happens alot lately." His partner remarked, walking out and standing next to him. Of all the people who knew him, he felt that this partner,...friend would know how he felt. He leaned back on the railing.
"I'm just having some issues right now that I need to work through." He started but felt weird talking about it.
"Oh really?" was the calm and quiet response.
"I've just been thinking alot lately." He explained hoping the conversation wouldn't go any further.
"What about?" No, the conversation continued. Even if his friend wouldn't pry if he didn't want to talk about it. But maybe talking about it would help.
"Do you remember anything before Operation Meteor, Trowa?" He asked looking over at him. Trowa wasn't expecting that question.
"Whenever I try to think of what happened before all that, there's not much there. It's blurry. I wish I could remember my life but I just can't." He explained. There was no answer, just a silent nod. Trowa gave Heero a questioning look.
"Why do you want to know about that. None of the others have ever asked me before." He pointed out. He noticed how Heero's expression almost became sad.
"My memories, I wish I could forget. But at the same time, I wish I could remember the things I've forgotten." He mentioned.
"So we have the same problem, don't we." Trowa answered him. Heero waited for him to explain further.
"We have both become something that somehow seems wrong. It's not who we are." Trowa told him. Heero looked back down at the city.
"So since our missions are over now, who are we?" There was silence between them now. Trowa straightened up and turned to leave.
"Does that really matter? Whoever we were before has had it's affect on the decisions we make now. Even if we can't remember." With that, he left Heero alone. The wind picked up again. He turned back to the city. In the darkness and with all the lights it reminded him of the colonies. His home, was it really his home? Why was this bothering him so much and why now?
"Where's Zero when I need it?" With that thought he headed back inside and sat down on one of the couches. He leaned his head back sleepily, looking up at the ceiling. When he had Zero it seemed that these questions were either not important or he just never thought about it. Zero seemed to help with the future but the past had never come up. He shut his eyes, the images came back. Again he was too tired to fight it.
***
Something moved from behind the debris. It was a person. He quickly hid before he was seen. It was more of a reflex then a reaction. The girl was about his age with long blond hair and an innocent face. She was obviously not from around there as she looked around. She stopped and looked down. He cringed when he saw what she was looking at. The teddy bear was singed and now without an owner. He caught the look on her face. The sadness that was there. Had she felt what he was feeling? But she didn't know any of the people killed in this tragedy. So why was she sad? She glanced his way and he concealed himself even more.
He couldn't help but wonder why she was even there. He decided it would be better to leave at that point. Before long those in charge of him would start looking for him. And he didn't want to be connected to this any more then he was now. He would just forget the whole incident.
***
Before he got lost in the memory, the sound of a door opening snapped him out of it. She peered out into the room. What was she doing up? She came out, worry written all over her face.
"Heero? What are you doing awake?" She asked, coming further into the room.
"Relena.." He leaned forward.
"Are you feeling okay?" She asked him. He looked down then closed his eyes. He didn't want her pity.
"I'm fine. It's nothing." He told her coldly. He just wanted to be left alone. He heard a sound nearby and looked back up. Relena placed a kettle on the stove in the kitchen nearby.
"I'll make some tea." She offered giving him a slight smile. Relena. She in herself was a mystery to him. He had vowed to kill her only for her to accept it. As if she had some insight to his questions. She had seen something in him and wasn't afraid as so many had been. She was told once that she was like him and it was Dr. J who told her that. The only person that knew anything about his past. But how? How could someone so caring and loving be anything like him? He watched her as she went to work in the kitchen. She was amazing compared to him. He would never know why she bothered with people like him. He brought his hand up to his head tiredly.
Nothing was making sense. One minute he was telling himself that he was acting out of character, that he was loosing it. But then the next he was telling himself he wasn't this 'weapon' anymore. All these unanswered questions and the only people who could've given him any clues to who he once was were all dead. His head started to hurt. 'Why can't I figure this out? What's wrong with me?' He asked himself. Now he was holding his head and cringing. He leaned down, now feeling sick. Relena noticed him and rushed over.
"Heero? What's wrong?" She asked. She sat down next to him. He felt her hand on his shoulder. She handed him a mug and he took a sip. It actually seemed to help. He sat up and looked at her weakly.
"Relena? Who am I?" He asked, leaning towards her. The whole thing caught her off guard. She did her best to support his weight. He fell asleep quickly. No images or memories this time.
"Heero.." Relena smiled lightly to herself. "You're my protector." She said into his ear as he slept. He stirred some when she said that as if responding. After awhile she stood up, placing a pillow under his head. She left only for a minute then returned with a blanket.
"Sleep well Heero." She said heading back to her room.
*The *End*