The Curse of the French Kiss
By: fakeid
Summary: In the last battle Harry is unknowingly hit with a curse that causes several round of impotency.
Rating: R
Warnings: THIS IS SLASH! Do not read if you do not like. Flamers will be thrown to Antarctica.
Notes: Please review and if there is a grammar error or anything you need clarified please DON'T hesitate to drop a review. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.
"Yes Ginny! Take it all!" Harry moaned as he pounded into Ginny's body. Faster and faster till all they were doing was moaning, trusting, grunting, and making other primal noises that were only made in sex(and never spoken of in public).
Ginny threw back her face and arched up toward the ceiling reaching for something that wasn't yet there as she came. Harry was close. He could feel it down in his bone marrow. Yes…at age 18 after the defeat of the esteemed Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter was having sex. But at the current moment our Boy Hero was not thinking about Voldemort, Ron or llamas or about anything that is worth writing down. Harry Potter was going to lose his virginity! Or so he thought…
Where was I? Ah, yes Harry's muscles were taut and tense with anticipation he was almost there. Yes, yes, yes! Dear Merlin, Harry thought, it was so good! How did the monks live without it? Why did the Nile flow backwards? How was Draco Malfoy's hair the color of flaxen gold with highlights of ground wheat? Suddenly, as if Dolores Umbridge walked into the room wearing lingerie carrying a whip, Harry's erection wilted. In fact it wilted so much Harry didn't come.
"Harry, what happened?" Ginny voice was raspy, sexy, but it did nothing to help his current dilemma.
Harry thrust forward for a minute or two before pulling himself out of Ginny's body. Yes, at age 18 Harry had experienced his first round of impotency.
Yes fate certainly threw a curveball on Harry Potter.
Unsurprisingly the same thing happened when Harry was fucking Blaise Zanbini.
One minute he was fucking the hottest piece of arse you have ever seen. I mean it was gorgeous. Smooth lines of defined muscle, tan skin. In other words Blaise was more than considerably attractive. Harry fucked him into obliviation. Who know? Maybe the reason for his impotency was that he was gay and his prick didn't work for girls. Then again maybe he was just cursed….
Blaise clawed at his back making small breathy noises completely (for once in his Slytheriny life) not in control of the situation.
Harry smiled…yes for once in his life things were going his way. He was close now he could feel it slowly rising from the pit of his stomach to his toes. He pounded in Blaise harder and harder both making obscene noises and then…it happened…again.
The next thing he knew his prick just sort of flopped out and twitch feebly before finally deflating like a balloon. He glared at it hatefully for a moment. Stupid thing! Why couldn't it just work? I mean it was bad enough that people had betrayed him, but his own body! Now that was just sacrilegious. He poked it gloomily. Wanting to hurt it, but having enough foresight to realize it would hurt him too. Arg…stupid world. He cursed whatever god was up there making a mockery of his life.
"Babe? That was terrible! Snape was a better lay!" Blaise cried out when he finally managed to pull himself together and regain the ability to speak.
Harry was horrified. Blaise wasn't Ginny, he wouldn't keep his mouth shut! No! His reputation as a sex god would go down the drain. Wait…did he just say he shagged Snape! EWWW! Had Snape stuck his prick when Harry had just stuck is? Gross! He was probably now infected with something terrible like Dragon Pox just for associating with something that touched Snape.
"S-S-nape?"
Harry left the hotel room with a bruised ego and a very scarred mind. Never mind that his purse was practically empty from paying hush money to Blaise.
Blaise kept quiet for a large sum of money and a promise that he would do him as soon as he fixed his "little" problem.
After drinking a wee bit too much that night he ended up at Hermione's.
"Hermione! My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in! Harry slurred before falling (quite literally) into her living room. Hermione unused to dealing with a drunk hero spouting off bad pick-up lines and random Shakespeare decided to make him a cup of tea. Tea could be drunk in times of war and times of bad break-ups it was one of those versatile substances that she knew she could depend on.
"Harry, what's wrong?" Hermione asked cutting right to the matter at hand.
And it all came babbling out…
"Well at age 1 I lost my parents to this evil bastard named Voldemort. He was really really ugly! I bet that's why he was so evil, no one ever shagged him! Did you know he hated the color pink? His arse was probably wound so tight that if you stuck carbon in there it would become diamond in a da-"
"Harry! Stop! I meant why are you here?"
And so this time all the correct babbling came out. Hermione sat there shocked or astounded or perhaps she was just really tired at one in the morning.
"I know what's wrong with you!"
In Harry's defense it should be said that he honestly didn't know about the curse (or its side affects), and if he did he probably wouldn't have found anything about it without "Mad Librarian" gene. Thankfully Hermione was in possession of this gene and found a short summary of the curse:
The Curse of the French Kiss by: Niginwa Horace
The Curse of the French Kiss was originally used by nobility to keep wayward children from consummating from people other than their respective husbands or wives. Unsurprisingly it was banned only fifty years after its creation. New humanity laws(the same laws the banned time-turners) banned the curse under the Restictions of Clause 142: Thou shan't attempt to direct the fate of others.
Precious little is known about the curse except that when cast the caster has to constantly think about the one they are going to bond someone to. If the concentration is missed even for a minute the consequences are terrible.
In one particular case Urgon the Hairy, son of Orgon the bald, was bonded to a cat for the rest of his short life( he died of a broken heart when his cat jumped out a 5 story window).
Once the curse is cast the castee(the one whom it was cast on) and the bonded will be unable to perform any sexual act and derive pleasure from it unless it is their "lifebound". There are no physical signs of the curse, making it almost impossible to tell who cast it or who the bonded is. The only sure way to tell is by completing the consummation. For more information please refer to page 6880….
Yes, fate threw a curveball and Harry Potter and it just hit him in the face.
Well what do you think? Should I continue or leave it as a one-shot?I am still a fairly new author and would love to hear some feedback. I know this chapter was kind of plotty and boring, but I promise it will get better if you want me to continue.
There will be no smut on here because of the new restrictions. If you would like to read the full version please tell me and I will post the link.
Credit:
The quote,"My love for you…" is from Baron's wonderful story Seeker to Seeker.