The Drunken Endeavors of Haymitch Abernathy
Chapter One: Karaoke Night
Chapter Two: Bare Bottoms and Bear rugs
Chapter Three: A Set of Lips
Chapter Four: Gravity is never your Friend
Chapter Five:
Chapter Six:
Chapter Seven:
Chapter Eight:
Chapter Nine:
Chapter Ten:
Karaoke Night
The long haired, fifty-something year old, Hunger Games victor downs another bottle of scotch. He turns around to look at his surroundings. The bar was dark and smelt of stale beer. Not that Haymitch minded much. Haymitch watched a younger, less drunken woman walk up to the stage that was at the far end of the bar. She grabbed the microphone just as the music began.
I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
And girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun
That's all they really want some fun
When the working day is done
Girls- they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun
Haymitch begins to think to himself, "Now that looks like fun!" So, after a few more shots of the finest Russian Vodka in all of Panem, took the stage.
Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere
A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night.
Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlights people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlights people
The crowd in the bar goes wild. Haymitch takes a few more shots before jumping right into his next song.
super cool
I pimp to the beat, walking down the street in my new la freak, yeah
This is how I roll, animal print pants out control
Haymitch rips off his old, faded jeans to reveal a leopard print spedo.
It's Red Foo with the big afro
An like Bruce Leroy I got the glow, yo
(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
Haymitch flexes his arms over and over again.
I-I-I work out
(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
When I walk in the spot, (yea) this is what I see (okaay)
Haymitch makes an "I'm watching you" hand motion to the audience and receives a mixture of whistles and hoots.
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it...
Haymitch pelvic thrusts towards the audience and receives more whistles.
I'm sexy and I know it (x2)
Yo, when I'm at the mall, security just can't find them all
When I'm at the beach, I'm in a speedo trying to tan my cheeks (whaat?)
Haymitch turns around, his back facing the audience, and gives his buttocks a firm smack.
This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go
We headed to the bar, baby don't be nervous
No shoes, no shirt, and I still get service (watch!)
Haymitch rips off his shirt, revealing a gray haired but still firm chest.
(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
When I walk in the spot, (yea) this is what I see (okaay)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it...
I'm sexy and I know it
Ayyy
I'm sexy and I know it
Check it out, check it out
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah (x3)
Haymitch starts wiggling his arms and upper body awkwardly.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wig-yea, yea
Do the wiggle, man
I do the wiggle, man (yea)
I'm sexy and I know it...
Ayyy, yeah
(Ahhhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
(Ahhhh) Girl look at that body (x3)
I-I-I work out
I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT.
Haymitch, drunk and way too into the moment, stage dives and lands with a loud thump on the wooden floor of the bar.