In Memorium

"How's Joanne taking it?" Cap inquired, after a somber roll call.

"Hard. You know, she tells me as long as I'm making the living, it's up to me to decide what I'll do. But after yesterday I'm starting to wonder. Maybe I'm putting too much on her, asking her to live with the fear I won't come home."

"Do the kids know?" Johnny asked quietly, as he sat next to Roy, clasping and unclasping his hands.

"We hadn't decided whether we were going to tell them. But then their friends started calling, asking if I was okay. We had to tell them. They would have heard about it at day camp, anyway."

"Yeah," Johnny responded. "Ya know, most of my neighbors dropped by yesterday to see if I was okay. One of them baked me cookies." He shrugged. "She said, ya know...she wanted to thank me for my service."

Chet dropped into a chair near Roy. "Man, a whole crew wiped out. I just can't get my mind around it. I worked with those guys before I came here. They were...they were all great firefighters, every one. I don't see how...how..." Chet rested his head on his arms and he took a deep, shuddering breath. Roy patted him on the back.

"You okay?"

"No." Chet raised his head and gulped. "I'm gonna be a pallbearer. I don't know how I'm gonna get throough it. I mean, it's not like I'm really doin' anything concrete for the family. I donated to the fund for the survivors and I'm gonna be there to help. but how do you explain to a civilian why we love our jobs? That it's in our blood? That we love what we do, the service, the feeling ya get when ya...oh, forget it." He dragged himself to his feet and wandered away. Cap went after him.

"Roy, I just want you to know...if something ever happened to you, I'd be there for Joanne and the kids. I'm not you, but I'd be there."

Roy smiled wanly. "Thanks, Junior. I was thinking that last night. But what if we both bought it?"

"You got life insurance?"

"Sure. But it's uh..." Roy choked up. "It's not about the money. It's about leaving my family. Ya know, it's something you try not to think about too much, but when something like this happens...Joanne was crying when I left this morning. She's an amazing woman, John. I don't know how she does it."

Johnny was silent a moment. Then he murmered, "Yeah. Joanne, all the families. They're incredble."

Marco wandered in, silent, head bowed. Roy wiped his eyes and tried to smile. "Marco? You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." Marco poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter. He took a sip and shook his head. "I went to visit my mother yesterday, to see if she was all right. She was at church, so I went there. Big, beautiful church, you know. And there was my mother, kneeling, praying, crying her eyes out. I sat near her. She saw me, threw her arms around me and cried some more. I've had a knot in my gut ever since." He sighed and shook himself.

The phone rang. Cap answered it from his office. His voice, murmering quietly, drifted over to the dayroom. He hung up and walked to the dayroom. He paused at the threshold. "That was about the Fireman's Picnic."

"Cancelled?" Johnny asked quietly.

"No. It's uh...gonna be a fundraiser for the families of the, you know, the survivors." He sat down on the couch and took one of Henry's ears in his hand. "I have never felt less like having this event. But if it's gonna be a fundraiser...we should go."

Chet appeared in the doorway. "Hey, Mike's outside. You'd better come."

The men shuffled outside after Chet.

Mike was standing at the flagpole, rigid, staring up at the flag, hung at half mast. there was no breeze. The flag hung limply, as though it had no energy to fly. The men gathered silently around Mike, looking up at the flag. After a few moments, Mike turned to his crewmates, tears glistening in his eyes.

"Let's get back to work."

The End

To find out how you can help the families of the Arizona Hot Shots, contact your local fire department.