The Breach seemed like a faraway problem despite the fact that Joshua lived in Haven with the Inquisition right at its doorstep. Its sickly green hue swirled as he made his way to the cabin Cassandra assigned to him. He had to hold back a frown as his marked hand sparked to life under his gauntlet.

The youth had to remind himself not to curse out loud from the pain that surged his hand as he slumped down against his door once inside; he had to be strong for all the people in Haven that depended on him: the Herald of Andraste. Someone might hear and there went all the hard work he put in. He had to maintain a facade of stoicism and control. Since becoming the First Enchanter of the Ostwick Circle of Magi and a distinguished Knight-Enchanter, he became a level-headed leader of Loyalists. But often his emotions would get the better of him and he had to calm down. He was the youngest son of the Trevelyan family. He had to make them proud, even as a disowned mage.

He slept and dreamt of a world without pain, a world where his older brother had lived and The Conclave never happened. Everyone was still alive. Unfortunately, he could selfishly hide only for so long in the Fade without being noticed. His quiet sobs had attracted the attention of a white wolf. Its cold gaze eyed at him from a distance to gauge the young man's situation until the wolf looked at him with wordless understanding, padded over to the Knight-Enchanter's side and sat with him until he awoke.

For the first time in a long while, he slept without interruption. Every night thereafter, the wolf would come to him and give him comfort in a world gone to hell. It would growl and bark, driving demons away and would allow the Knight-Enchanter to stroke its thick fur when the young man felt utterly alone.

Since his attempt to close The Breach, his Mark stopped growing and so did the hole in the sky. But, Maker it hurt sometimes! In battle, he charged in with bravado, a well timed frost step and fierce strikes with his spirit blade, aided by Sera arrows, Iron Bull's powerful axe and Vivienne's protective barriers, but after the fights he became silent and would distance himself from the others at the shelter he and Iron Bull made, because of the pain he always felt gnawing at his hand.

He remembered his Harrowing, how Senior Enchanter Lydia was so proud of him the next day when he came to. He remembered that that was the day he met Hope, He was a special case amongst mages. He was helped by a Spirit of Hope that he befriended during his Harrowing and it decided to watch over him during his time in Thedas. It was drawn to his sadness. All it wanted was to help him. But now, she was silent. Since The Breach opened, he found no traces of her. His dreams were nightmarish without her soothing voice. He missed her cheery disposition. But now he had a new friend. He didn't speak, but the wolf looked after him. The wolf could tell that he missed Hope.

One rainy night along the seashore, he decided to venture into the forest alone. He flinched when Madame de Fer found him seated on a wet log with moist eyes. He always thought she looked rather ridiculous in her pristine, white outfit and horned hat. It was elegant but utterly stupid for the Storm Coast's rainy weather. She'd have to replace it once they returned to Haven.

"My dear, you'll catch a cold." She began as she sat beside the dark blonde Knight Enchanter. He was shivering in the rain as he left his armor at camp and opted to go with a light brown tunic and black pants. He must have looked miserable as the Court Enchanter opted to remain and watched sadly as Josh clutched his marked hand close to his chest with a small grunt of pain. He cursed to himself for being weak in front of Madame De Fer.

For a moment, Joshua thought the older woman would chastise him for showing emotion. After all, she was the Imperial Court Mage to Empress Celene and an expert player of The Game. She taught him to keep his composure and to be cold like the ice magic he mastered, but to his surprise, she drew him into a hug.

"I know it's a lot to take in. Believe me; I still can't believe how everything has turned out. It'll be okay my dear. Don't worry." She said as she wiped at his tears with a silken handkerchief. It was near impossible to tell if it was tears or the rain. But he was drenched, hair messed from the rain and skin clammy as his shivering intensified. He was already coming down with a cold. He looked at her in confusion as she helped him back to his feet and smiled at him wholeheartedly.

Joshua moved meekly as he followed her back to the makeshift shelter before she lectured him. He saw Iron Bull was standing watch for the night and Sera preparing some alchemical fire for their jaunt in the morning to come. Both of them looked at the knight-enchanter as he passed by without a word and collapsed into his tent in a heap of cloth and muscle.

The Herald could hear them speaking about him in hushed tones. In all honesty, he was expecting them to gossip about his shortcomings and his naivety but instead the topic was not what he expected. They were worried about him. Joshua made no effort to adjust the way he was lying, pathetically clutching tightly to a large pillow that kept him warm at night, imagining it to be another warm body beside him that loved him and cherished him. A blonde with caring, pained brown eyes filled his mind and he snuffled slightly as he reminded himself of what the Commander had said as his heart broke into millions of pieces.

He listened to his companions speaking about him and the tears fell without effort. For once in life he heard people who didn't even know him properly worry about him. The giddy elf was endearing to listen to as she ranted aloud and the Iron Bull telling her to lower her voice. Joshua heard someone pouring out something. He continued listening as Vivienne expressed her concern as well and it went against everything he knew of her. He feinted weakness once he heard the *clack* *clack* of the poorly thought out shoes she wore. He heard his tent open and felt a manicured hand on his forehead as the owner sighed sadly.

"Drink up, my dear. You will feel better." Vivienne chimed as the knight-enchanter sat up and begrudgingly took the cup she had in her hand. He brought it to his lips and cringed from the bitter taste but he had to admit that it filled him with warmth. Not the kind that increased his fever, on the contrary, her herbal tea made him feel sleepy. He smelled the sleeping powder in it. He needed to sleep so he downed the entire cup without any complaints and nodded to the mage as she took the empty cup and stroked his forehead. "Thank you darling."

"V-Vivienne." He murmured before the mage left. He felt his mind fog but he needed to say it. The ebony mage looked at him with a briefly look of concern but the Herald of Andraste gave her a sleepy grin as he clutched to his pillow and nodded. "I-I'll be fine. Thank you for l-lookiing after…m…"

Josh didn't even finish his sentence; he fell into a deep sleep and dreamed of death. He saw the Temple of Sacred Ashes explode and his brother caught in the middle, a burnt corpse amongst the rest of the victims of whoever destroyed the Conclave. He was then taken by the Inquisition as a prisoner, a suspect and he had to prove himself. He tried to pry himself away from the nightmare, to find his own path but he was constantly hounded by giant spiders that tried to tear into him. He would run and hide, weeping solemnly until the wolf would find him and protect him. Only then would he rest, for without the White Wolf he would not sleep.

There was something about the wolf that was so familiar, yet so…different- like he knew the spirit in question. However, the knight-enchanter didn't care for the moment. The wolf was a friend beyond words and he was ever thankful that the wolf protected him as it did. He would repay the wolf someday.

The mage woke up refreshed the next morning but still sad inside. He noticed that Sera, his normally overwhelming, crazy-ass friend watched him forlornly. He knew better than to ask what was wrong. He may not have been a Ben-Hassrath agent like The Iron Bull, but he could tell that the qunari had told Vivienne and Sera about what happened between himself and the Commander of the Inquisition's forces.

Cullen…

Josh smiled to himself as he remembered how he got on with the others. Josephine and Leliana liked him; most of the Inner Circle liked him. Amongst them Solas stood out, always giving him advice and helping him with his magicks and his alchemy. In general, everyone considered the mage to be a delight…a nice, well mannered, gentle man but far too young to be involved in the whole mess he was in.

But out of everyone, Josh spent the most of his time with Commander Cullen. They would share battle strategies, drink at the tavern together and even spar sometimes to improve morale. Joshua had found someone that he genuinely liked. There was no forced feelings and no need to be someone he was not, it seemed that the Commander liked him as well and that they would become good friends; however it was not to be.

Josh took a chance, a chance that ruined his friendship with the Commander and made him shamefaced whenever the man's name was mentioned. He kept his distance and tried to stay calm but it was hard to do, considering the fact that Cullen worked with him on a daily basis. He hid his pain and he covered it with a fake smile and he hoped to the Maker that no one noticed that the Herald of Andraste had rosy cheeks each time he encountered the Commander.

The Herald of Andraste was always told by his mother never to act on his base desires but to Josh it wasn't desire. It was something more. It frightened him. The last time it happened, his life was thrown on its head.

Days later, the group returned to Haven after sealing a rift on the shore, worst for wear but alive. Again, the youth retreated to his cabin. His interactions with Cullen controlled but limited. He smiled, but it was hollow and threatened to turn into a frown. Cullen was the last to notice this. He was led by Leliana towards Josephine's office, an unreadable look in her eyes as they moved through the chantry hall. She refused to disclose what was on her mind.

"Commander, we need to talk." The spymaster said as she ushered him into Josephine's office and gave Minaeve a brief look. The elven researcher nodded and left them with Cassandra and Ambassador Montilyet, then locked the door behind her.

Cullen looked questioningly at the women as they stood side by side in front of the desk Josephine used every day to write out letters that ensured the Inquisition had allies amongst the nobility. The spymaster held a letter in her hands. Unsealed, with the Ostwick Circle's heraldry on it, but her gaze was fixed on Cullen. Her gaze unsettled him. She was the Left Hand of the Divine. She knew everything. Probably- Cassandra however held a veilfire lantern. Its purpose stumped the former-templar.

"If this concerns the Herald, shouldn't he be here?" The former Knight-Commander asked as he pointed to the letter.

"He's in Val Royeux with Madame Vivienne. We felt he needed a break. This whole ordeal has been tiring for everyone, especially Lord Trevelyan." Josephine chimed as she set down her clipboard and retied a loose lock of ebony hair into her updo.

"Cullen, I will be frank. Whatever happened between the Herald and you needs to be addressed. He cannot function. He walks about like a zombie and you allow it." Cassandra said as she approached the former templar and brought her hand to his shoulder. "I cannot allow this to continue. We need him to live. At this rate- he'll fall on his blade in grief."

The former templar shifted his feet as he stood awkwardly in front of his fellow Inquisition members. He didn't know how to begin. It was complicated; far too complicated for his tastes.

"Josh and I would speak about everything: the weather, the soldiers- Anything that came to mind really. I enjoyed his company very much."

"Enjoyed being the operative word? You don't anymore?" Leliana interjected. The commander cringed when he heard her emphasis on "Enjoyed".

"I fear it's the other way around." Cullen replied as he rubbed at his neck. He let out a deep sigh and regained his composure, but his cheeks flushed and his ears reddened. A sickening feeling filled him as he recounted that fateful night at the pier with Joshua. "I- He...confessed that he was interested in me…romantically."

"What? Really?" Josephine asked with shining eyes. She was a hopeless romantic. She squeed and make a loud "Aww" that made Cassandra give her a questioning glance.

"Josie, let the man speak." Leliana said as she focused on the commander. His face held regret. "What did you say to him?"

The man let out another sigh. He remembered the look on the Herald's face as they stood on the pier in front of the frozen lake that night. His green eyes, normally shining in innocence and hope, overflowed with tears. The tears however, didn't fall. Cullen had told him that he couldn't give him what he wanted: a romantic relationship, he hoped to remain friends with the young man despite his feelings. Joshua just looked at him, the mage's smile fell away and he grimaced.

"I...I need to go. This was another m-mistake. I'm sorry!" The Knight-Enchanter stammered as he moved to leave. Cullen grabbed his arm, but Josh was quick, he fade-cloaked away and he wasn't seen for the rest of the night. "Another mistake?" Did he fall for someone else at the circle and got his heart broken? "Like now." Cullen thought to himself.

The former knight-commander searched everywhere, but he was gone. The next day, Cullen waited for him. The youth remained in his cabin until he was summoned by the others. It broke Cullen's heart in a way that Neria Surana could never affect him and he could not understand what he was feeling for his former friend.

Leliana waited for him to finish then spoke in a harsh tone.

"Do you know why he reacted like that, commander?"

"Because I broke his heart?"

Leliana shook her head. She handed him the letter and Cassandra illuminated it with the veilfire lantern Solas constructed. At first, the parchment was void of any writing but soon Thedosian writing in a light hand was revealed, written in ink only visible by veilfire.

"Madame Vivienne brought this to our attention. The situation is quite...dire." Josephine said as the Commander began to read it to himself.

Dearest, Madame Vivienne of the Montsimmard Circle of Magi.

I write to you with a heavy heart as I pour out a secret I have kept. I can keep it no longer and I fear for the boy's safety. And for this world.

His name is Joshua Trevelyan and he is a delightful young man. I had the privilege of teaching him when he was an apprentice at the Circle. He quickly adapted whenever I taught him a new school of magic and even mastered use of a spirit-blade. The one thing that made him stand out however was his attunement with spirits. He could sense them. He could interact with them without dreaming. He could befriend them too.

However, he was deeply troubled emotionally. His family disowned him when it found out that the youth preferred the company of men. His siblings however visited him from time to time and he was on good terms with them. Truth be told, I didn't care if he liked men. He's a child of The Maker. The Maker loves all his creations.

When the boy's Harrowing came up, we were all scared but excited for him. He was a good boy and he was strong willed. He would not fail.

But he did.

Something happened during the Harrowing and he was dead. Or at least we thought he was for a moment. When he came to, he explained that he was attacked by a Pride demon. It managed to weaken him to a point where he gave in, but his despair attracted a Spirit of Hope. It defended him and it kept him alive.

After his Harrowing, he was much more emotional than before. He kept to himself and shut out the world, even after the other enchanters made him the First Enchanter due to his unique entrance to becoming a fully fledged Circle mage. He led us to greatness and cared about the templars and his fellow mages, but he was depressed. Always. He smiled but it was a facade. He was in constant pain- but hid it to seem stronger than he was.

He went to The Conclave with few others. He wanted an end to the bloodshed. But instead, he became the Herald of Andraste. Not anything near what he wanted, so bear with him. It's a reminder of his past failures.

I can hear someone outside as I write this and I smell fire. My time is nearly up.

Please, keep him safe for me, Madame de Fer. You're the only one I can trust. If the Templars knew...

Dying in The Fade is Tranquility. He was touched by Hope. With rumors of a cure for Tranquility on the horizon...he may just be the key.

Beyond that…there…is something wrong with the boy. Take care of him. He…is of a fragile sort.

Yours truly

Senior Enchanter Lydia of the Ostwick Circle of Magi

Cullen looked at the women in disbelief.

"He was Tranquil!?" The former templar half-shouted in horror. Leliana nodded.

"I suspect that he doesn't even know it. And we must keep it that way." The spymaster said solemnly. The others agreed reluctantly. Cullen at first protested with a mortified look until Cassandra interjected.

"If the rogue templars or even the mages knew, he would be in danger. Worst yet is that he's unstable because he broke Tranquility. If we set him off, he may turn against us and I would not blame him. For now, we have to ensure his safety, body and mind. After we seal The Breach, we will tell him."

Cullen didn't want hurt his friend- former friend anymore but if it kept him safe, it would be justified. He tried to convince himself of that, but it didn't stick. He hated what the others asked him to do.

The Spymaster unlocked the door and was promptly met by Butler. Cullen remembered that she gave the reformed traitor another chance and it seemed to be working out. He silently thanked the Maker for sending Joshua. He was…exactly what the Inquisition needed to keep everyone grounded. If only Cullen could find a way to help Joshua through his pain.

"Dispatch for you, Sister Nightingale." Butler said with a salute as he handed her a sealed letter and rushed out of the chantry to return to his post. The redhead let out a cuss as she opened it.

"What is it?"

Leliana passed the letter after reading it to Cullen and rushed to her tent. The letter had Duke de Guislain's heraldry. That was Vivienne's heraldry too. She was his mistress-

The Herald was with Vivienne.

Sister Leliana

My dear, I failed. The Herald is gone. He left a message.

It said: "Found help. Will be back soon."

I'll try to find him, but he's tricky.

Ask that buffoon Sera to get here.

One of her friends seems to know where the Herald is.

He wants Sera's permission. As if that imbecile could run an informant network.

Oh and Joshua left this for Cullen:

"Ir abelas, ma falon."

I have no idea what that means.

I'll be in touch, darling.

Madame Vivienne

He heard Cassandra yelp in shock as he read it aloud. The seeker ran after Leliana as the spymaster did what she did best and co-ordinated a search party to find the Herald with Charter. Cullen moved to follow but was ambushed by an angry, fuming Sera. He was about to speak when he heard a woman speak.

"Fenedhis! Excuse me! Miss?!" A shrill voice called out. A young elven woman, roughly in her mid twenties with long red hair, blue eyes and tree-like tattoos' on her face waved Sera down as she was about to shout at the Commander.

"Why are you talking to me Elfy? Shite- You lost?" The Red Jenny asked as she stopped in her tracks upon seeing the archer with a scowl. She was clad in dalish armor and had an intricate bow on her back with a quiver with few barbed arrows remaining. Cullen knew better than to interfere, so he watched as the girl approached. A scared look in her eyes as she saw Cullen standing beside Sera.

"Yes! I'm Alara!" The young woman nervously declared as she removed her right hand glove to reveal...a smaller Mark. Cullen's mind immediately raced to his friend and his mind began to throb with pain as her Mark sparked to life, garnering a gasp from many a passerby and Cullen himself. "I'm looking for my brother, its urgent!"