This fic… is just because. Enjoy!
The Great Hall had just settled down for dinner, and Harry found the hum of conversation almost hypnotic. The other third year Gryffindors were chattering excitedly about their first trip to Hogsmeade tomorrow, and he was trying to tune them out so he wouldn't feel jealous. Hermione was just quoting some obscure historical fact about the town when the doors flew open and an agitated Hagrid rushed to the head table.
After a hurried, whispered conversation, Professors Dumbledore, Lupin, and Snape all followed Hagrid out the door nearly at a run. The student body immediately began speculating on the cause for their rush. The general consensus seemed to be that Sirius Black had been spotted on the grounds, but Hermione disagreed.
"It must be something bigger than Black! The professors all looked terrified!"
"Yeah," Ron added. "Dumbledore's not even afraid of You-Know-Who. Why should he be afraid of Black?"
The talk continued throughout dinner, and didn't end until all the students had gone to bed.
Meanwhile, an emergency staff meeting had been called, and the mood of the professors seemed to waver between excitement and fear. The headmaster finally raised his hand for silence.
"You are all aware by now that another of –them- has arrived at Hogwarts." He looked solemnly around the room, and Flitwick took the opportunity to ask a question.
"But we're several weeks into the term! How can they still be appearing?"
McGonagall looked at him sharply. "Never underestimate them, Filius. We're dealing with some of the most powerful creatures in the world here."
"Which is why I believe the students should be warned." The staff's attention refocused on the smiling face of their leader.
"Warned… how?" Snape seemed to have developed a twitch since leaving the dining hall earlier, and his eyes darted around, trying to watch the entire room and all its exits at once.
"We have a Defense professor. And we're dealing with a creature of dark magic here." Dumbledore smiled benignly, waiting for the others to follow that train of thought to its conclusion.
Remus stared at Dumbledore. "You must be JOKING! Expose the students to that… that thing?" The sandy-haired professor looked worse off than Snape. He was shaking visibly, and sudden movements from his colleagues had several times sent him diving for cover behind furniture.
"On the contrary, Remus. I believe that warning them of the danger and giving them hints of how to handle the situation is perhaps the only way they can be safe. There are only going to be more of them, after all, and as I recall, students have a better record of escaping them than adults." The headmaster's familiar twinkle was back, and the other staff sent looks of sympathy toward their lycanthropic comrade.
The next day dawned bright and clear, and the third year Gryffindors hurried through their lunches, excited by rumors of an interesting Defense Against the Dark Arts that day. They were all sitting at their desks when Professor Lupin arrived, still a bit jumpy.
"Put away your books, and bring your wands. I'm going to show you one of the most dangerous beasts in the world." The expectant students followed close behind their professor, stopping at a curtain-covered cage circled by a white line drawn on the ground. "I warn you now not to believe a word it says, or to get within its reach. The beast has a hypnotic power which usually effects men more than women, so everyone will pair off with a member of the opposite sex. You are responsible for keeping your partner outside the chalk line."
Harry turned to Hermione to ask her to be his partner, but unfortunately Ron got to her first, but one of the other girls was quick to volunteer. And not a moment too soon, for the pairs had barely settled when Professor Lupin pulled a rope, and the curtains fell away from the cage. The entire class stared at the cage's contents, then looked at Lupin, puzzled.
Seamus was the first to speak. "It's just a girl, Professor."
Indeed, it did seem to be a girl, about their age, standing by the bars and smiling sweetly at them. But hardly 'just' a girl. Her hair was silken and violet, and fell in ringlets to caress her hips, forming the perfect frame for her heart-shaped face with its emerald eyes and kissable ruby lips. Her body was slender, but with curves in all the right places. A school uniform miraculously flaunted her flawless figure, and it was impossible to not notice she was wearing a Gryffindor tie.
Harry found himself staring at her in awe, until a movement out of the corner of his eye distracted him. Parvati was clinging to Dean's arm, trying to keep him from rushing over to the cage. Dean suddenly pulled away from her, and Harry, thinking quickly, pointed his wand at the running boy. "Petrificus Totalus!"
"Ten points to Gryffindor, Harry." The professor levitated Dean a safe distance from the cage. "The creature in the cage is not a girl, Seamus. She is one of the most dreaded creatures in the world. A Mary Sue."
Hermione squeaked in amazement. "But none of them have been reported since the '70s! They're supposed to be extinct!"
Lupin shook his head and sighed. "Mary Sues have a tendency to vanish like that. The first reports of them date back several thousand years, when the wizard Gandalf wrote of them attacking elves. Not house elves, mind you, real elves. Great Elves, they're sometimes called. After that, they seem to have died out or vanished for quite some time. The next reports came from the founders of Hogwarts, who wrote of finding a nest of them in the Forbidden Forest. But there weren't really very many of them, and they soon ceased to be heard of."
Everyone looked curiously at the Mary Sue while Lupin spoke, and Harry realized in fear that she seemed to have eyes only for him. He shuddered and turned back to the professor, who was still lecturing. "They reappeared in small numbers about a century ago, then multiplied exponentially in the early seventies. It was horrific. And it's gotten even worse now. This is the seventy-third Mary Sue found on Hogwarts grounds in the past three years."
The students gasped and murmured together, then Lavender finally voiced the question on everyone's mind. "So… she's a Mary Sue. But what does that mean?"
"It means, that she warps reality in her vicinity. The cage limits her, but if she were free… You don't want to know what would happen." Lupin shuddered again before continuing. "They also have male counterparts called Gary Stus, who are just as dangerous."
Just then Harry realized the girl beside him wasn't anyone he knew. Or was she? There was something incredibly familiar about the auburn-haired, stormy-eyed girl. Come to think of it, she seemed a bit old to be at Hogwarts. And a student wouldn't be dressed in jeans and a bright green halter top. He started to say something, when he was suddenly glomped by a lilac-eyed blonde, whom he promptly fell in love with.
The auburn-haired one smiled down at them benignly, then pounced on Professor Lupin, tying him up efficiently. Pleased with herself, she picked up the bound werewolf and looked toward the Forbidden Forest, where a slender, goth-y looking girl emerged, followed by a grinning Sirius Black, who wore a collar and leash despite being in human form. The auburn one grinned. "Got what you came for, Reyna?"
"Don't I always?" Reyna raised a pierced eyebrow. "You didn't come out too bad yourself, Wyrm."
Wyrm giggled in response, patting Remus on the bum. "So, wanna take them out for gelato?"
"Mkay." The two friends dragged the last marauders off toward Hogsmeade, but Reyna paused to look back at the readers, who were shouting in protest. "What do you mean that's not a proper ending? Bitch, this is an AnitSue. There IS NO ending!"
And they walked happily off into the sunset. The End.
Right, so… this was written while Wyrm was under the influence of narcotics. Whee, migraine meds! But… erm… yeah. So anyway, after the drugs wore off, I had almost a complete fic written, so I decided to finish it. And here it is. Enjoy. Or not. And please feel free to flame.
By the way, this fic is dedicated to Reyna, who provided me with the perfect ending to an imperfect fic.