Title: Daycare and Officers
Author: Nemesis
Feedback: Of course! HP/SS
Rating: PG
Summary: This is part one in the series that follow the Effects series. This will make limited sense if you haven't read the Effects series yet. Severus and Harry get into a little bit of trouble (un-pregnancy related, for once) at the Muggle daycare.
Severus entered the Muggle daycare, looking around cautiously. Even though he had picked up his kids many times before, he was still nervous about the Muggle system.
He saw Avidius immediately, bickering with a woman. "Who is that?" Severus demanded of a daycare teacher.
"Oh, that's James' mother," the woman answered.
Severus walked over to Avidius. Avidius turned to his father and said, "Daddy, what's a mother?"
Severus raised an eyebrow, a look that had the woman reeling back in fright but left Avidius unfazed.
"A what?"
"Mother. This woman here says she's James' mother. What's a mother?"
Severus sucked on his teeth for a moment. "That, I think, is a conversation for the walk, Avidi. You, Sargon, Hyacinth, Serena and I can discuss it on the way home. And then, when we get home, Elena and Marc can tell us about their first day in kindergarten."
"Ah, yes," the woman said suddenly. "You must be Mr. Potter-Snape. Such a tragedy about your wife, it really is."
Severus raised his other eyebrow. The woman gulped slightly but continued, determined.
"Was she a nice woman, the late Mrs. Potter-Snape?"
Severus blinked a few times. "The late what!"
"Your wife. Mrs. Potter-Snape. She passed away, am I correct."
"Sweet Circe, no!" Severus cried. "I never had a wife."
"Really?" the woman asked incredulously. "Well, that would explain why she never picked up any of the kids."
It was clear she disapproved of them having fifteen kids.
"Yes, it would, wouldn't it?" Severus answered mockingly.
The woman stuck her hand out suddenly. "Linda Ayer-Johnston."
Severus extended his hand as well and answered, "Professor Severus Snape."
"Ah, so you're a professor?" the woman asked, practically attached to his hand.
"Yes, I am. Avidi, go tell Hyacinth, Sargon, and Serena that Daddy's here. If you can, tell Mrs. Joles that I'll be by in a couple of minutes to pick up Darius, Solon, Abby, Alexys, Liz, Cassius, Jackie, Sarah, and Max."
Avidius nodded and ran off, excited to be charged with such an important mission.
"That's so interesting," the woman continued. "James' father and I split up two years ago; the man was a right bastard."
She paused for a moment, still gripping a disgruntled Severus' hand. "You're Snape, did you say?"
"Yes," Severus answered. "If you need to know, my full name, including titles, is Professor Lucius Septimius Severus Alexander Caracalla Elagabalus Snape II. Most people just call me some combination of Professor, Severus, and Snape."
"But you're kids' names, they all end with Potter-Snape." It was also clear that she did not approve of the hideously long names Severus had given the boys.
"I am well aware of that," Severus answered.
Hyacinth came by.
"I'm coming in a minute, okay?" Severus asked, careful not to call his kids any pet-names in public.
"So, are you single and raising this many kids?" the woman asked. Severus sighed inaudibly. The woman had no subtlety whatsoever.
"No, actually, I do have help," Severus answered dryly. "Perhaps you've met Harry Potter. He's picking up Marc and Elena from school today."
"Ah, yes, I know him. Young man. So nice of your eldest to help out with the young 'uns."
"Sweet Circe, the man is not my son!"
"Well, then, your brother. Or maybe nephew."
Severus had to admit that the nephew one was plausible. Not probable but definitely plausible.
"So, Sevvie, would you like to go out for coffee sometime? I know a delightful place in London. You'll love it. I bet you can get your nephew to watch the kids for a few hours. You should get out more and meet people, get over your girlfriend."
'Dear Merlin,' Severus thought. 'Is this woman really that stupid?'
"Madam," he answered, finally managing to extract his hand from hers. "First of all, I must go. I have thirteen kids here, all wanting to leave as soon as they can. Second of all, I have never had a wife, girlfriend, or any female life-partner. My name is Professor Snape, not Sevvie. There is one person in this world who I will allow to call me such an atrocious and disgusting nickname, and that person is certainly not you. I would not like to join you for coffee at any point in my life, seeing how you are already latched on to me in a daycare. I don't want to take my chances where there are no kids around."
"Now, Severus, you really should consider getting yourself a girlfriend and settling down."
"I am settled down," Severus answered, a touch of impatience tingeing his tone. The woman didn't seem to notice or care.
"You really shouldn't think that just because you have fifteen kids you can't meet a nice woman and have a wonderful life."
"Sweet Circe, my life is fine the way it is!"
The door to the daycare opened, although neither of them noticed. The elder four of Severus' kids immediately noticed the black clouds gathering over Severus' head. "Uh-oh. Daddy and Dad aren't going to be really happy with this," Sargon whispered to Hyacinth. She nodded back.
"You're only saying that because you don't know how much better it could be," the woman answered, having managed to grab his hand again, patting it gently. Severus felt like throwing up, preferably on the woman.
"I have fifteen kids, wonderful friends, a great job, and a partner who is beyond terrific."
"Now, I know that last part was invented," the woman replied, rubbing circles in Severus' hand.
"Actually, it wasn't," a new voice answered.
"Daddy!" Serena cried, rushing to Harry's leg and clutching it fiercely. "Daddy's angry, isn't he?" she asked.
Harry chuckled. "He is. Then again, the woman is not being very understanding."
"Understatement of the century," Severus muttered.
"Who are you?" Linda demanded, turning to Harry. Harry picked Serena up and balanced her on his hip.
"I'm Professor Harry Potter," Harry answered, sticking his hand out and shaking Linda's, who mumbled, "Linda Ayer-Johnston." He quickly let go of the woman's hand.
"Serena, is everyone ready to go?"
Serena nodded. "Daddy was just talking to this woman here."
"Severus, I'll be back in a couple of minutes. I'll just go get the other nine."
Severus nodded. "Put Serena down. She's four, she can walk."
"Yes, but she much prefers being carried around."
"Indeed, but you do have others to get. Put her down, and I'll wait for you here. Are Marc and Elena here?"
Harry shook his head. "Albus wanted to take them to the Alley today, remember?"
"I plum forgot, actually," Severus answered.
Harry laughed and placed his four-year-old daughter on the floor. "I'll be back in a mo, sweetie," he said to Serena, crouching down so he could look into his daughter's face. Unlike his husband, he had no qualms about calling his kids pet-names in public.
She laughed, and Harry strode off.
"Wonderful man, your nephew," Linda said suddenly, grabbing Severus' hand again. "But who is this Albus who took your kids Marc and Elena?"
"He's like a father to me. Or grandfather. He's old enough to be either. He likes to take the kids out occasionally. He decided to pick up Marc and Elena after their first day in kindergarten." Severus shook his hand free again, seriously hoping he could get the message across to this woman.
"So, Sevvie, what do you say? Five o'clock this Friday afternoon?"
"I think not," Severus answered. "I'm busy on Friday afternoons. We pick up the kids and then relax, maybe go to the park."
"That sounds like a wonderful idea! Let's meet up there and talk."
"Let's not," Severus answered impatiently.
"So, what park do you usually go to?" Linda asked, rummaging around in her purse for pen and paper.
"Sweet Circe, I'm not going to tell you that. I would prefer to have my Friday afternoons uninterrupted by others."
"Well, now, Sevvie, I can't very well meet you there if you don't tell me where you go!"
"My name is Professor Snape, not Sevvie, and I have no desire to tell you where I go to relax! Because, quite frankly, for me to relax involves a place without irritating, annoying women like you!"
Linda, of course, still didn't get it.
"Right, Sevvie, now what was the name of that park again?" she asked, her pen poised over the paper.
Severus' fists clenched. He felt a hand on the small of his back and sighed imperceptibly, recognizing his husband's touch instantaneously.
"Sev, love, I have the kids. Let's go."
"That's disgusting!" Linda cried suddenly. "Your nephew calling you as though you were his lover! That's outrageous! I'll have you arrested for incest, young man!" she shrieked, shaking her fist in Harry's face.
Harry suppressed a giggle. "I do hope you realize incest requires two people?"
"And rape!" she added indignantly.
Severus sighed. "Mrs. Ayer-Johnston, may I introduce my husband, Professor Harry Potter?"
"Husband?" she shrieked. "You married your nephew!"
Severus sighed and rubbed his temples. "Sweet Circe, no. Harry is not now, never was, and never will be my nephew. He is my husband of ten years, and we are incredibly happy together. I would appreciate it if you would stop your unwelcome advances upon my person."
"Sweet Circe, love, you sounded a little too legal there."
"Harry, you weren't here for the beginning. You'd want to strangle her with your bare hands if you had seen it."
Harry nodded. "I've seen enough. Dear Merlin, she is insane. Let's just go."
"Now, Sevvie," the woman said suddenly.
Harry whirled around. "Listen for one damned second!" he hissed, furious, ignoring Linda's sharp gasp at his blasphemy. Severus could feel the sheer magic and power crackling off his younger husband and shivered. Harry was damn good at intimidation when he tried. Severus slipped his wand into his hand, ready to stop his lover if it ever came to that.
"Listen for once in your goddamned life!" Harry hissed again. Severus recognized that tone. It was the same tone that Harry had used with Voldemort before he blasted him from this world. Suddenly, Severus almost pitied Linda.
"Severus – Professor Snape to you – is happily married to me. We have been married for ten years without many arguments or fights. We have fifteen kids and are exceedingly happy. We do not need you in our life. You can leave it now, quietly, or I can push you out of it. Your choice. You make it."
He turned sharply on his heel and stormed over to Severus, who smiled lovingly. "That's was beautiful," Severus whispered softly before giving Harry a chaste kiss on the cheek. "More at home, love," he whispered in Harry's ear.
"Let's just go home," Harry sighed, resting his head for a moment on Severus' shoulder. "I don't like to do that. I hate scaring the shit out of people. I was just so sick of the way she was treating you, like you were some prize to be won."
Severus smiled and grabbed Harry's hand, pressing it gratefully. Harry smiled, and Severus let go. They walked out of the daycare, somehow managing to keep track of all of the kids. Neither of them noticed the evil look on Linda's face.
Harry flopped onto the couch. Severus sat down next to him.
"Harry, love, it's okay. You weren't expected to tolerate her behavior."
"I don't see why you didn't intimidate her. You're good enough."
"Part of my intimidation here comes from my reputation and my power. You, my dearest Harry, manage to radiate power and energy. And the tone of voice you used was perfection – anger and hate. Sounded just like before you killed the sick old snake commonly referred to as dear old Voldie."
Harry laughed. "Dear old Voldie? Commonly referred to? In whose mind?"
"Mine."
"Sweet Circe, are you twisted. Must be why I love you so much."
There was a knock on the door. "Come in!" Harry called.
The door opened, and Albus entered, holding Marc and Elena's hands.
"How was it, Albus?" Severus asked.
"Wonderful. They are delightful."
Harry smiled. "Great! Thanks so much for watching them, Albus."
"Now, Harry, you know the pleasure was mine. I like being around your kids."
He smiled and left.
"So, what was kindergarten like?" Severus asked.
"Can you believe it?" Elena cried. "We aren't going to read anything until November! We just started learning the alphabet!"
"ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ," Serena recited proudly. "How hard is that?"
Severus chuckled. "Well, some parents don't teach their kids that."
"Daddy, what's a mother?" Avidius asked suddenly.
Elena and Marc looked smugly at each other, having already learned that. Harry suppressed a chuckle. There was no doubt those two would end up in Slytherin.
Hyacinth, Sargon, and Serena clamored around Severus and Harry, wanting to learn what a mother was. Harry chuckled and told them to sit down.
Severus and Harry looked at each other, wondering how to explain it. "Well," Severus started. "Most families aren't like ours."
"Really?" Hyacinth asked. "How are they different?"
"Well, you know you have two daddies, right?" Harry asked.
All four of them nodded.
"Most families only have one daddy."
"Why?" Sargon asked, enraptured.
"Well, there's a lot behind that. Mainly love. I love your daddy very much, so that's why you have two daddies. But most families have a daddy and a mommy. Mommies are…" Severus faltered. He had never truly had a mother – his was always out and never around. He looked at Harry, who shrugged helplessly.
"Mommies aren't that different from daddies, really," Harry continued. "They love their kids very much, too. The only difference is that they're women, and daddies are men."
"Oh," Avidius answered. "I get it."
Harry and Severus sighed in relief.
Two weeks later, Harry and Severus went to the daycare together. Severus had gone into the other room to get the kids when Harry felt a restricting hand on his shoulder.
"Are you Professor Harry Potter?" a man asked.
"Yes, I am. May I ask what is going on?"
"Professor, you are under arrest for rape, child molestation, and child abuse. We'll have to ask you to come with us. We won't go down to the station yet – we'll ask you a few questions in the office here."
They guided Harry to the office and sat him down.
"What have you got to say for yourself?" on of the officers demanded.
"I have absolutely no idea what's going on," Harry answered honestly. "What rape, child molestation and abuse?"
"Linda Ayer-Johnston…"
"Her again?" Harry groaned. "Sorry, continue."
"As we were saying, she reported seeing you abuse and molest your children and rape your uncle."
"My uncle is dead," Harry answered dryly. "He was… he died eleven years ago."
"Eleven years ago?" one of the officers snorted. "Impossible – we just saw him here."
"I have but one uncle," Harry answered. "Or had. His name was Vernon Dursley."
"Yes, but Mrs. Ayer-Johnston said your uncle's name is Professor Severus Snape. She said he had given her a much longer name at one point –"
"Professor Lucius Septimius Severus Alexander Caracalla Elagabalus Snape II," Harry rattled off, a hint of boredom in his voice. "Most people use some combination of Professor, Severus, and Snape."
"Damn right," Severus added.
"Severus!" Harry cried.
"What are you doing, Harry?" Severus demanded.
"Apparently Linda reported me as being a child molester, child abuser, and rapist. Now I'm just having a pleasant conversation with these two wonderful gentlemen."
"Shit," Severus answered, his wand slipping inconspicuously into his hand.
Harry's eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. "Don't bother with that, Severus. I didn't, as you can clearly see. Just take the kids home and get Albus. Minerva will watch them, with a little help from Molly."
"Enough chit-chat," the officer snapped. Severus nodded to Harry and ran off, clearly worried.
"The fact remains that you have raped your uncle," the other officer added.
"Severus isn't my uncle. He's my husband," Harry answered.
The two officers frowned. "Your husband, you say?"
Harry nodded. "We've been married for ten years."
"That's lovely," the officer answered sarcastically. "So why would Mrs. Ayer-Johnston say that Severus was your uncle?"
"Probably because she's a stupid bitch who couldn't find her arse with two hands and an infinite amount of time," Harry answered bitterly. "Either that or she's angry because she was hitting on Severus and wouldn't take no for an answer."
"You're just making that up," the other officer answered.
"He isn't," another voice answered. Harry looked up to see Severus again.
"What did you say?" the officer demanded.
"He isn't making that up. That stupid cow couldn't understand that I didn't want to date her, and now she's getting back at my husband by creating lies about him being a rapist, child abuser and molester," Severus answered viciously.
"Now, Severus, being bitter and vicious won't help at all," a new voice added.
"Who the bloody hell are you?" the officer snapped.
"Headmaster Albus Dumbledore," Albus answered pleasantly, dressed, for once, normally. "Severus said that Harry had asked me to be here. Now, what are the charges?"
"Rape, child molestation, and child abuse."
"All preposterous claims, wouldn't you agree?" Albus asked, his tone laced with something that made it rather impossible to disagree. "So just write up your reports and be on your way. You don't need to waste your time on false accusations."
The two officers blinked and hurriedly ran off, the effects of Albus' magic still washing over them. Severus chuckled. "Never let it be said that you aren't manipulative."
Albus shrugged. "It got Harry out of that god-awful situation quickly."
Harry smiled. "Let's go home," he answered.
Fin