PURE SATIRE. Go read My Immortal if you want to see the real thing. Just google worst fanfic ever and hit 'I'm feeling lucky'. You'll get to it. And yes, I'm serious about that. I've not started my satire yet.
All right, here we go.
AN: ur all preps if u flame dis!!!!11111 im gofficnk nu cnt sy nifin 2 prvei;m not!!!1111!
LOLTROLLTROLLTROLLLOL
my nam is suicide mary sure toshiko kawaii b'loody ravn ebony black cutcutcut emobitcch hunter – my real name is jstr mary seu but I didn't wnt 2 4gt my bad past of goffick emoness.i put on mi black bra n walked round hogwrats sexily commnfo werin it and it onli but ni put n ny stiiilerttoes (thaer piiiink butt I get dem frm hot topic so there goffik"!"") n deni lkked at dumblidero n he was so gettim an ercshion frkm me n mcgozable wus glarikm at me evilly cuz sher totalli fanczies dimbverldori n dat so I just pouted bck her sexilu n she wus so staring me orgasmingly.
i looked my diray of mi emo life n all abot hosw ni got abandoned bi my mufthe n then adikpti ble parents n raepfed bi dem n force d I ntfo slaevrty n raesdid in pveorty evdn tho I weus tnhe sol e sjurebvivor of thde car crash whikch got rdik of mi fsamili n raeptf bhy dujmbledore n I wus illigeitmeat aswell n it wisu all mi faaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuullllllllllllttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!111111
I wnt n cjugtt cut cut miself 9(nit's accofr,ross the street nt doswn the rd 4 rl emdos!) I put on edvanescvence n mcr n called loeis drakuscla n vlasdimer (they usd 2 b called draeco hrray n rno butvc therye brutghes rlly n the y all f oung out thxc 2 me!) n teyh gn g raped mne! I sxlsaloooed them bcuz their prevrts!
I ran off n creids bludf n blcka teazsd n slet mi wrisfts! N crked but cin my poestar oad garard wai saved mi frm mioself n ri laied down n cried. N I looked mi bdi I am fin enof 2 ber anerixoc n ki love it but ki stiklld fik k I,m f.
Dik I men tgion ik've got an iq of over 4 bi,kllionz n I'm related 2 kween liz fo England n im her heir evnw thoo jahve a TAewin sister caledf Rita n she's dnot as brpertti as me caisde I habve llong blacjk hair wiv purople n bjlkoiod red streks n razorbloade grety eyes wiv purpled n or,mge spexck n palde skin n ik'nm vgolrgeous n it's a curse especially my amaxin singkngin voice n my fcolieuency in French german hapanes cheinese klkingon Portuguese n nkieorwegiAN/? N EV N tho we're biof strayt wer'[e secretly soding incest lezibans smex!
Im also gufd evrutyhing! N den I rox n I kelol alolo prfeprs caujse I'nm goffik nt emo u fags!
…
Did you enjoy that? Of course you didn't seeing as I've just broken your brain! Wooh –review the satire!