DISCLAIMER: I own NONE of the characters, ideas, or people used in this story. This is just something that was written out of boredom, or on an MSN high. You'd need to ask the one that wrote the start of this what it really was... It could have been a multitude of things... Pipeweed... SpARkilY snOW... God knows...
The start of this story was written by Jedi Pikachu, but then she got bored of it and I took over. I thought it was too priceless to not add to! I'll try to add to it as often as I can and I hope you like it!
If you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me! I love to get ideas for my stories from the people that actually read them!
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The Ultimate Crossover - Part 1 : Mel, Keanu and James Bond! Oh My!
Setting: Coliseum Gladiator Times....
The crowds are hushed...waiting to see the great Maximus emerge from the depths of the tunnel...
A whiney sounds and all the heads turn towards it...waiting...
Suddenly a white horse gallops out and everyone cheers loudly...
CROWDS: MAXIMUS! MAXIMUS! MAXIMUS!
They stop confused.
There upon the horse is not the great Gladiator but..........
DR.GREEN: YAY! I'm a Gladiator!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
MAXIMUS: What the-? That crazy dude stole my horse!
DR.GREEN: No I didn't.
MAXIMUS: Yes you did!!!
Maximus pulls out a sword a quickly swipes off Dr. Green's head
MAXIMUS: Yippee! I killed the evil doctor! Haha!
The whole crowd starts singing.
CROWD: Ding-dong! The Doctor's Dead!
Maximus dances around throwing rose petals.
Emperor of Rome: I always knew he was an odd one!
Emperor PALPATINE: Tell me about it.
Maximus continues to dance looking like the idiot we all know Russell Crow-er Maximus is.
Then, from behind the gay, dancing Gladiator appears...
Keanu Reeves??
KEANU: Haha! Take this you crazy old hag!
Proceeds to start performing some really cool moves, totally Matrix-ish, torturing Russel-er Maximus with each blow.
Maximus lies panting and bruised on the floor of the coliseum.
MAXIMUS: Mr. Reeves...please...violence doesn't solve anything!
KEANU: Wanna bet?
Holds a gun to his head and kills him.
KEANU: (cockily) That solves one of THIS world's problems....
EVIL VOICE: Oh really? I can think of another...
KEANU (scared): Wha? NONONONONNONONON!!!!! NOT YOU!!! YOU'RE MY IDOL!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHKKK---!
MEL GIBSON: Braveheart triumphs again.
MAXIMUS: Braveheart?? Where??
MEL: Shut up you're dead.
MAXIMUS: Yes Master.
MEL: Master?
MAXIMUS: I adore your battle tactics! We could make a great team!
MEL: Indeed! Now shut up!
EMPEROR OF ROME: Mel Gibson.... cool.
EMPEROR OF ROME'S SISTER: Mr. Gibson! Do you know what I'm thinking right now? Tee hee.
MEL: Sorry baby. A Patriot never talks about such dirty things!
EMPEROR OF ROME'S SISTER: Oh...you're such a tease!
MEL: I know.
Suddenly Voices are heard from down the tunnel.
From in the depths emerges..........
MEL: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! It's SPOCK!!!!!
EMPEROR PALPATINE: SPOCK!? WHERE?! Stupid trekky...
VOICE: Somebody stab him!
MAXIMUS: As a loyal SW fan.... I will!
Spears him through the heart.
CROWD: YOU'RE DEAD!
MAXIMUS: Sorry.
KEANU: Er...is it just me or do we need some grrrl power out here? Heck, even The Matrix had a semi-good female sex symbol- er.... side kick.
MEL: That gal was hot!
KEANU: Oh I know.
MEL: Ahem!
KEANU: I know, I know. I'm dead. Bye-bye!
EMPEROR OF ROME: Do you hear that?
EMPEROR PALPATINE: I do...sounds like.........
EMPEROR OF ROME: A bunch of screaming women with PMS?
EMPEROR PALPATINE: Indeed...
From the tunnel emerges a group of fierce females: Angelina Jolie, Princess Leia, Mary Poppins and last but most certainly least, the woman who got pregnant pre-marriage.... Elizabeth.
P. LEIA: What's with all the dead hotties?
MARY POPPINS: DEAD PEOPLE?? WHERE??!!
ANJOLINA: Look around you freaky woman...
MARY POPPINS: Gasps Is that Maximus the famous general?!
MAXIMUS: Yes... it's me....
MARY POPPINS: Oh no! Who did this! You're my hero! Baby. Here, some medicine to make you come back to life!
MAXIMUS: Yay!
Takes a sip
MAXIMUS: EEWWW!! Oh Rome! What is this... Crap?
MARY POPPINS: Something that will make you feels all better!
MAXIMUS: But it tastes gross!
MARY POPPINS: Sing with me now...Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down! The medicines go down! In the most delightful way!
MAXIMUS: But there is no sugar!
MARY POPPINS: DO I GIVE A CRAP?? NO! Now DRINK!
MAXIMUS: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
ELIZABETH: Oh Mary! Might I please have some medicine for my precious hubby?
MARY: sure. Here.
ELIZABETH: Oh thank you! My darling...drink this!
Grabs Dr. Green's head and tries to shove it down his throat.
ELIZABETH: frantically It's not working! Why not?
MEL: Sweetheart, when someone gets their head chopped off...they AIN'T comin back...believe me.
ELIZABETH: WHAT? NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Grabs sword.
MAXIMUS: Hey! That's mine!
ELIZABETH: May my lover and I go down in history as a tragical couple. Like Romeo and Juliet..........
She stabs her self.
P. LEIA: Well, at least that's one dead female in this coliseum. That's a first for the women.
ANJELINA: Indeed.
EMPEROR PALPATINE: Hey! That's my word!
ANJELINA: Stuff it! This is Laura Croft you're talking to here...DON'T mess with me!
EMPEROR PALPATINE: meekly I won't.
MEL: Might I make me a comment? Tragical is not a word. It was a reference created by the Backstreet Boys in their song Shape Of My Heart and is not in the dictionary.
P.LEIA: Oh well. Then she and her husband were both idiots.
ANGELINA: Amen to that.
Out of nowhere, a helicopter zooms in. From the cockpit of the helicopter, a lone man jumps out.
CROWD: It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No it's -
MAN: Bond, James Bond.
Everyone: GASP!!!
P. LEIA: Look at him! He sooooo hot!!! He's much better then Luke!
MARY: I do agree... He is quite the looker.
All the girls in the coliseum run over to JAMES' side and fawn over him.
ANGELINA: Oh James...
JAMES: Well girls, I'm really flattered, but...
Out of nowhere Keanu jumps up and does a Matrix style kick at James' head. James falls back stunned. That might have killed a regular man, but this is James Bond!
JAMES: Weren't you dead a minute ago?
KEANU: Yes. But I am The One remember. Nothing can kill me in this world.
MEL: But this IS the real world!
KEANU: Oh yea.
Keanu falls to the ground dead, again.
JAMES: Well that was odd... Why was he attacking me anyways?
ANGELINA: He was probably just jealous because you get all the girls because of your sexy British accent.
JAMES: Well I wouldn't call it sexy... Classy is more my word...
GIRLS: OOOOOhh...
MEL: This is getting ridiculous.
MEL takes out his cool looking cannon from The Patriot and blows off James' head just like in the Patriot.
KEANU: Well that another problem gone from this world.
MEL: You are dead remember?
KEANU: Oh yea...
Keanu falls to the ground again.
MEL suddenly falls over as if he was pushed from below.
A small hole appears below him and two small children (?) pop out.
SAM: Oh dear Mister Frodo, this looks nothing like Middle Earth.
FRODO: I don't think it is Sam...
SAM: Dear, oh dear.. This is not good Master Frodo...
LEIA: And... Who are you guys?
FRODO: Oh, my greatest apologies. I am Frodo Baggins of Hobbiton and this is Mister Samwise Gamgee of Hobbiton.
SAM bows as gracefully as a Hobbit can.
MEL: Ummm... Right...