A/N:
1. Disclaimer: I don't own any characters/story lines from The Big Bang Theory and I'm totally just making all this up as I go. Sue me not.
2. To those who are also reading my other story: I know I should be updating my other TBBT fic Dissolve, but I just had to get this out of my brain!
3. God, I just have to apologize. For my nasty, raunchy, single-girl mind where this idea has been swirling around for awhile. But in my defense, I blame Sheldon's blue eyes, Penny's rocking bod, and Amy's dang beckoning pelvis. ;) Hope you guys like it.
Penny swiveled her hips and waved her arms around like windmills to the beat of the music. "Oh, yeah," she panted, watching herself in her full-length mirror as Beyoncé sang the hook. "Gotta remember to thank Raj again for this awesome CD." She turned away from her reflection and resumed gathering her dirty clothes off of the floor of her bedroom while the music from her living-room stereo carried through the walls of her apartment. It was a miserably hot Saturday afternoon in early July and Leonard had been gone for almost two months. When Penny wasn't waiting tables at the Cheesecake Factory or signing up for acting workshops while she waited for her big break, she had to keep herself busy to ward off any idle moments where she would sit in self-pity out of missing her boyfriend's touch. Bernadette and Amy were nearly always available for girl time, and when she was in the mood to slum it with her boys, all she'd have to do was stroll across the hall and join three of her four favorite nerds on the planet as they played vintage video games or watched some Star Stuff.
And when none of that worked, and she'd drink. A lot. Her faithful comrade Captain Morgan and Penny would sail the seven seas and she'd sit on her couch (or the ship) as she let her tears fall. But every Saturday morning, after a 1 mile run around her city block, she'd suck it up and let the false happiness known as endorphins flow through her body and while she rode the wave, she'd pick up around her apartment.
After twirling around and shaking it to Raj's beloved Beyoncé Bootylicious Dance Mix, not only did she work on some kick-ass dance moves, but it made the menial task of cleaning go by much faster. She was running her hands through her hair and pouting her lips in the mirror, wondering if she should start auditioning for music videos, when in the silence wedged between the track ending and a new one beginning, Penny heard a rapid succession of knocking on her front door. "Coming!" she hollered, pulling the stereo remote from her cleavage and pressing 'pause'. When she reached the door, she left her hand on the knob and looked out the peephole before opening it; she was still in her small running shorts and sports bra. But when she saw that it was just Amy Farrah Fowler standing on the other side, she opted out of grabbing her robe to cover herself and yanked the door open, greeting her friend with a bright smile. "Yo!"
"While I'd usually be more than thrilled to bask in the glow of your immaculate figure, Bestie, I'm afraid because of events that have just transpired, I just don't have it in me today." Amy's frown spanned the length of her face, her bottom lip plump over her sharp chin. "Would you mind covering up then breaking out the wine?"
"Uh, sure," Penny said slowly, moving to the side as Amy let herself in and collapsed on her aqua colored couch. "Sorry, I was sort of…working on my cardio while cleaning up the place. I'll go grab a T-shirt." Seconds later, she returned wearing a pair of black yoga pants and was yanking a gray tank top over her head as she walked to the kitchen. "What's going on, Ames?" She waited for her friend to speak while she opened her fridge for an open bottle of wine, retrieved it, then turned around and set it on the counter.
"I think I'm going to have to break up with Sheldon," Amy muttered as she removed her red-rimmed glasses and fanned a hand over her eyes. "I am completely shattered."
"Amy!" Penny cried out in shock. "What happened?" She skipped the search for a clean glass somewhere underneath the accumulation of dirty dishes and brought the bottle right to Amy's awaiting hands. She sat back and let the neurobiologist guzzle the alcohol all on her own.
"We just had a fight. A big one." Amy took two more big gulps, holding the dark bottle by its neck. "And although it was mostly my fault because I started the argument, I refuse to be held accountable for the stagnant retrogression of our defunct intimate relationship." Amy's cedar green eyes met Penny's emerald ones, and when she saw her blonde bestie's dull stare, she clarified hastily. "I'm not getting laid, Penny! I must get laid! Like, yesterday!" The volume of her voice caused Penny to jump.
"Okay, okay," Penny said in a soothing voice, running her hand up and down Amy's arm covered in one of her signature wool sweaters. Absently, Penny wondered how she could dress in so many layers when it was in the upper 90's outside. "Calm down, Amy. Take a deep breath and start from the beginning."
After another swig from the bottle, Amy sighed. "Sheldon was sitting at his computer, reserving a spot for our date night next Thursday at our favorite restaurant, and he happened to say something that I thought was his attempt at an innuendo." Penny's eyes went slack with skepticism as she eyed Amy. "I know," Amy continued. "I know it's difficult to believe. But sometimes it's hard not to twist every word that comes out of those delicious lips of his into something about sex. It's all I think about these days—I'm like a horny, adolescent boy."
"Well, what did he say?"
"He said, 'Just reading this online menu is working up my appetite, but that's probably because it's almost time for dinner. Amy, won't you give me something to eat?' Then he grinned at me." Amy looked miserably at Penny. "So I…"
Penny chewed on her bottom lip, seriously wondering if she wanted to hear more. "What did you do?"
"I walked up behind him, slid my hands down his chest and leaned into his ear, then whispered, 'Oh, I've got something for you to eat.'"
"Oh, Amy," Penny groaned, her eyes to the ceiling.
"Then the next thing I knew, we're both on our feet, screaming at the top of our lungs because he obviously wasn't referring to engaging in some third-base foreplay, he just wanted me to make him a meal. And then he told me that he missed the days when I was an intelligent equal to him, but all I seem to be doing recently is pestering him with my carnal demands and dirty mind." Amy shivered as she finally let tears fall. They streamed from the corners of her eyes as Penny embraced her, patting her head. "He made me feel like a stupid little girl with a crush, Penny," she murmured into her best friend's shoulder. "I've given him three years of my life, and I know that my priorities have shifted since we initially met and I took coitus off the table, but things have changed because I love him, Penny."
"Of course you do, sweetie!" Penny assured her, holding Amy at arm's length to look at her in the eyes. "And you have every right to feel upset. You're an amazing woman and any man would be lucky to be intimate with you."
"But I don't want just any man," Amy protested, wiping her eyes delicately with the back of her hand. "I want Sheldon." She sniffed and swiped at the wine bottle that sat in front of her on Penny's coffee table before bringing it to her lips. "But I can't keep feeling this way, you know? Unworthy of him. Just one time, I want him to look at me and want to touch me, hold me, and not because he's obligated once a year on our anniversary to casually peck at me with his fingers because it's in our relationship agreement." Penny continued to let Amy vent and her heart felt heavy for her friend. Everybody knew that Sheldon was practically part robot, even Amy knew this, but maybe somehow they all thought that one day Sheldon would thaw out and perhaps really give it to her. Well, at least Penny thought he would. Personally, she was going crazy on her own after just two months of no sex in Leonard's absence; she couldn't even begin to understand how Amy felt, being within inches of her own boyfriend everyday but wasn't allowed to touch him without being lectured for a half an hour about personal space and germs.
"I could, you know…talk to him?" Penny watched Amy's wet eyes peer up at her. "I could let him know how dangerously close he is to losing you, and then perhaps I could encourage him to read up on that book that Leonard and I got him a few years back."
"That sexual education book?" Amy asked, her brows furrowing together.
"Yeah," Penny said, nodding hopefully.
"He tossed that book out a few months ago," Amy said pitifully. "I picked it up and was grazing curiously through the pages and when he saw me, he plucked it out of my hands so that I wouldn't get any 'ideas', then stuffed it into the trashcan." Suddenly, Amy stood up, her purse strap still around her chest and the wine bottle tight in her grasp. She wobbled for a moment and Penny held out her arms to steady Amy, but she finally straightened out before speaking again. "He makes me feel, I don't know…undesirable. Worse, even. Like there's something wrong with me."
"Okay, listen up. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Amy. You're smart, witty, and so beautiful." Penny stood up and watched Amy as she walked unevenly around her apartment, still drinking the wine. "If anything, there just might be something wrong with Sheldon." She paused when Amy whirled around and stared at her with an enlightened look on her face.
"You think so?" she asked. "Do you think that maybe he might not be…fully functional down there?"
Penny's face twisted in barely concealed disgust. "I don't exactly think about it often, Amy," she said with a shudder.
"Penny, could you do something for me?" The look on Amy's face made Penny wary, but she found herself nodding anyway. "Could you talk to him for me? Perhaps something is biologically wrong with his genitals and he feels too embarrassed to talk to his potential sexual partner about it. Oh, it would just explain so much!" Before Penny could protest, Amy had wobbled her way back to her, wrapping her arms tightly around Penny's body. "Please, Penny!"
"Amy," Penny began, receiving a mouthful of Amy's straight hair as she pulled her tighter to her chest. "Let go, you're crushing my ribs."
"Sorry."
Penny took a deep breath then motioned for Amy to hand over the wine bottle. After a thoughtful sip, then a meaningful gulp, she sighed. "I'll talk to him. But I'm not gonna ask him about his junk or if it's functional. I'm just going to, I don't know…try to push him in the right direction."
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Amy cheered. "I don't want to break up with him, Penny. I truly do love him. And I know, somewhere deep down inside of that complicated, bad boy exterior, he loves me, too."
"I agree," Penny nodded, stifling a laugh. Sheldon a bad boy? That'll be the day. "I know he feels strongly for you. Don't worry, Amy, it's going to be okay. I'll meet him in the basement tonight for laundry night, then I'll call you as soon as we are through talking." Penny was met with another forceful hug, but she gladly returned the embrace. She was going to need more wine to go through with this, but it could wait; seeing the beaming smile on Amy's face was going to be worth the cringe-inducing 'sex talk' she was going to have with Sheldon in a few hours.
At exactly 8:15 PM, Penny armed herself with a large white basket of dirty laundry and stepped out of her apartment, slamming the door behind her. Less than a second later, Sheldon Cooper appeared before her with his own basket as he shut the door to apartment 4A behind him.
"Hello," he greeted her politely with a small nod. "I see you're armed with your own detergent and fabric softener, but can only hope you have enough quarters this time. Lest we not forget what happened the last time you tried sneaking your soiled clothes into my loads when you were out of money."
"Yeah, yeah, I'll take the class when I get the chance," Penny mumbled, rolling her eyes. She suddenly had the urge to administer Sheldon a strike—a physical one. "And yes, I have my own quarters." She turned slightly to the side, waggled her eyebrows, and gave her rear a slap to indicate that a roll of quarters was in her back pocket. But Sheldon's eyes never left hers. She wasn't trying to be suggestive, but any guy with functional junk would've at least snuck a peak at her ass when she so willingly put it on display. Sorry, Amy—this isn't looking too good for you. "Shall we?" She motioned with her free arm to the staircase and Sheldon nodded, taking point as they descended the steps. "How's your day gone?"
"Meh," Sheldon replied. It was an uncharacteristic response, especially since she knew the moment the sentence left her mouth that it was grammatically incorrect and he made no effort to correct her. Penny figured the fight he had with Amy earlier was still weighing heavily on his mind. When they reached the third floor, she tried again.
"I saw Amy leaving your apartment a few hours ago. Did you guys have a nice time?"
"No, not really." Sheldon swallowed hard, the tendons in his neck shifting noticeably.
"Oh," Penny tried to lead him to the water. She really didn't want to have to bring up this subject without any warning. Sheldon was a flight risk who could dodge personal questions and adult conversations as swiftly as Sugar Ray Leonard could dodge a punch. "Want to talk about it?" She earned a sideways glance from Sheldon and she returned it steadily as they turned the corner and made it to the second floor.
"No, not really," he repeated, then looked down again, watching his feet as they took the steps at an even pace.
"Okay," Penny said quietly. She racked her brain, toeing the line of going through with it and just backing out of it and calling Amy to apologize. How could Penny just flat out ask Sheldon what his deal was? It was hard enough to get him to admit once that one day he thought that getting intimate with Amy was a possibility. Plus, he seemed so cold and distant at the moment that she wasn't sure that an innocent round of questioning on her behalf would end well between the two of them. She wasn't the type of girl to take anyone's shit, especially Sheldon Cooper's. And he wasn't the type to let anyone walk away without having him administer the last word in an argument.
She sighed inwardly. She should have finished off that wine before dealing with this crap.
Finally, they reached the laundry room in the basement and separated to their respective machines. While Sheldon divided all of his colors and occupied two different washers, Penny dumped her entire basket into one machine, pushing down on the humungous pile of clothes with both arms to stuff them in. Only when she stopped hearing Sheldon fiddle around with the measuring cup for his detergent did she look up, and met his intense stare. She cocked her head to the side and asked, "What?"
"What?" Sheldon echoed, turning away quickly from her and returning to the measuring of liquid detergent into his load. Penny looked down at herself and realized that during the effort of using both arms to push down her clothes, her cleavage had been extremely visible with the low-necked tank top she still had on from earlier. And whoopsie, she forgot to replace her sports bra with a regular one, so during the struggle with her clothes, she had probably given Sheldon quite the ample show. Maybe you don't have to worry after all, Amy. She smirked and went to plan B.
"Hey, Sheldon?"
"Hmm?" He closed the top of the washer and strolled over to the table where his basket awaited him. Then he turned back to look at Penny. His chin was up in its usual expression of derision, but the barely-there blush on his cheeks betrayed him. Oh yeah, someone got an eyeful.
"I have a confession to make. I know that you had a fight with Amy."
"Not surprising," Sheldon muttered with a haughty roll of his eyes that were as blue as ocean spray. "I'm not entirely oblivious, you know. I know that you two and Bernadette have takena liking to sticking your noses where they don't belong, and Amy has trouble keeping her trap shut."
"Hey!" Penny said with a flare of anger. "No need to be such an ass. You hurt her feelings today and she did what any normally functional woman with said feelings would do—she came to vent to her best friend."
"Her feelings?" Sheldon squared his shoulders as his stare bore into Penny's. "Don't tell me I have to hear it from you, too, Penny. You know, I am sick and tired of having to accommodate the feelings of others just because none of you know how to control them." He turned to cap his detergent, his long fingers trembling as he worked to keep them steady. "Do any of you people stop to think about how tedious it is for me to trek through your mind-numbing mess of emotional displays on a daily basis?"
"We don't have to stop and think about how you feel, Sheldon," Penny said dryly. "You never shut up." At this, Sheldon exhaled angrily through his nose like a bull. Penny thought it was cute, but kept her face straight. "And why don't you stop referring to us, your friends, and Amy, your girlfriend, as 'you people'. It's rude and it makes us think you don't care about us at all." She saw his fingers stop moving and he kept his back to her as she added, "And more importantly, it makes Amy feel like she's not worthy of you."
"What?" Sheldon asked, pivoting to face Penny. "She said that?"
"Yeah, she did."
"You're telling me that a woman as brilliant and radiant as Amy Farrah Fowler is so completely at the mercy of her own raging hormones that she corresponds her self-worth with my lack of interest to engage in coitus?"
Penny got about half of that. "Yeah," she nodded. "That's exactly what I'm saying. And between you and me, pal, she's about this close to telling you to hit the road." Penny pinched her forefinger and thumb together, leaving a space as thin as a strand of hair and thrust her hand at Sheldon. She watched the wheels work in his head. He looked lost in thought for a moment, like his vision was impaired by an insolvable puzzle. Then he suddenly looked straight at Penny like she was the missing piece.
"Interesting. What I'm gathering is that if I don't have intercourse with Amy, she will either stay with me and be miserable, or terminate our relationship." He placed one hand on his hip and the other arm crossed his chest as he rubbed his chin with his free hand. While he paced in the small area that the laundry room provided, Penny leaned back against her washer machine and nodded gravely.
"Yep. So it's time to put up or shut up. You know that Amy would never want to force you into anything, Sheldon. But she's been extremely patient with you for years. Don't you think that she deserves a little more contact and affection than a hearty handshake and reading a romantic line from the Spiderman franchise?" She was met with an annoyed frown.
"You hens really do cluck about everything to each other," he said bitterly before continuing to pace. "So, while you both droned on about our personal affairs, did Amy…you know…recite the terms of what she wanted to do…" he cleared his throat uncomfortably, "…sexually?"
Now we're getting somewhere. "No, she didn't lay out her fantasies for me or anything, Sheldon." Now it was her turn to clear her throat uncomfortably. "But Amy's a simple girl. Just…at least offer her a night of love-making, Sheldon. Something to satisfy her. Perhaps she'll see that you truly are uncomfortable and will just at least appreciate you trying to step out of your comfort zone." Penny watched as Sheldon regarded her last sentence carefully. "What do you think?"
"I think that's a good idea, Penny."
Wasn't expecting to hear that, ever. "Really?"
"Absolutely," Sheldon encouraged her, giving her a small grin. "Perhaps attempting to appease Amy with an offer of coitus will simply be enough to satiate her for now." He gathered his detergent into his basket and hoisted it into his arms, giving Penny another thoughtful look. "Then maybe she'll understand that I truly am fond of her, that she isn't 'unworthy' and she'll forget about this nonsense for good." As he turned around, satisfied with himself, Penny ran up to him, placing a hand on his arm and twisted him around to face her.
"No," she said firmly, frowning up at Sheldon. "That's not going to be good enough, Sheldon. Amy is a woman with needs. You can't keep trying to keep her at bay. You'll lose her."
"Penny, I thank you for your advice, but I know what I'm doing." He ripped his arm out of her grasp and looked her over with a gaze so intense, Penny felt herself recoil in discomfort. "This is, after all, my relationship and not yours." And with that, he fled from the laundry room and Penny was left sadly staring at the floor, calculating how much money she'd have left over for bills after she stocked up on more wine for Amy.
"Amy, this is Sheldon Cooper."
"I know who this is, Sheldon," Amy replied, unable to keep the scathing tone out of her voice. She was sitting on her couch, her feet propped up on the coffee table when she heard her phone buzz inside of her purse. She was pleased to see that it was Sheldon calling so soon after their epic argument, but was still annoyed all the same to hear him announce himself so formally. What she wouldn't give for a normal boyfriend.
"Great," he continued, unaware of her attitude. "I was wondering if you'd like to come back over to my apartment tonight. There are some things that I need to say to you in person, and I'd very much appreciate your effort being that you just left here a few hours ago. I would be happy to reimburse you for your gas."
Amy waited a beat before answering. She pulled the phone away from her ear and saw the lit up screen, searching the top of the display to see if any text messages had come in from Penny. Had she spoken to him already? Did she actually get through to him? She put the phone back and took a deep breath. "Sure, Sheldon. Reimbursement won't be necessary; I can be there within an hour."
"Excellent, see you then, Amy." And the line was silent.
Amy could barely contain her excitement as she tossed the phone back in her purse and jumped in the shower. She took her time shaving her legs and trimming a few other areas that were begging for her attention after being neglected for so long. Then she wrapped a towel around herself, letting her hair air dry instead of blowing it straight like she always did. She didn't want to put all of her metaphorical eggs in one basket, but if tonight was the night and Sheldon was actually going to propose intercourse, she wanted to look nice for him. When she let her naturally wavy hair air dry instead of ironing it straight, it did this sexy, beach hair look. Minutes later as she scoured her closet for an outfit, she peered into the mirror to see that sure enough, her brunette mane had settled into a tousled look. "Sex hair" she had once heard Penny call it. At the thought of her best friend doing her this huge favor, Amy let out a small squeal of glee. They truly broke the mold when they made her B.F.F.
Finally settling on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans that she found at a thrift store but never wore because of how tight the denim fit on her derrière, and a green v-neck cotton shirt with quarter-sleeves, Amy admired herself in the mirror. She wasn't sure if it was the prospect of getting laid tonight, or maybe she had always looked this good, but Amy was impressed by her hour glass figure complete with full-sized breasts and a beckoning pelvis. Sure, she wasn't the stuff of chiseled abs and golden tan skin that Penny was, but Amy longed to show off her curves more often to her boyfriend. The one time she removed one of her signature wool sweaters that was over another baggy shirt (it was 90 degrees outside, for crying out loud) in front of Sheldon, he chastised her and begged her to control herself; this wasn't a brothel. She had felt embarrassed back then, but even she didn't miss his wandering eyes on her chest as she slowly buttoned the sweater back up.
She put a small hint of lip gloss on and lined her eyelashes with a very minimal amount of mascara before giving herself one last look over. She had to put on her glasses because she didn't own contacts, but even with them on, Amy had to give herself an "Atta girl" before she grabbed her purse and keys, then raced to her boyfriend's apartment.
Sheldon was a man. A man with an IQ far higher than what could be simply measured on a regular scale, a future Nobel Prize winner, a man of principle and science.
But he was also a man with a healthy blood circulation, and for this, he cursed himself. He stepped out of the freezing temperatures of his cold shower and after he dried off and dressed himself, he continuously fought the urge to pick up his phone, call Amy, and cancel the whole evening. It was already close to 10 PM, thirty minutes after he invited her over. Sheldon rarely acted without carefully mapping out all possibilities and outcomes, but even he had to admit he fudged up pretty bad tonight and called Amy way too hastily.
After his conversation with that crass Nebraskan who lived across the hall, a plan sure had formed into his mind that he was verily pleased with himself for formulating. It was perfect, flawless even, and he phoned Amy without hesitation, knowing that nothing could go wrong.
Then he started picturing all the ways that it could go right. Not that Sheldon was an expert by any means of sexual activities, no, his imagination was running rampant on hunches. He once described his non-existent sexual escapades with Amy Farrah Fowler to Barry Kripke as "smooshing our bathing suits areas together", and even that juvenile description sounded ridiculous to him. Because even though he hated to admit it, he really did think about having coitus with Amy every once in awhile. And in his very vivid fantasies, Amy did more things to him than just rub her private areas against his like they were Barbie and Ken dolls being slammed together to simulate sex by a prepubescent pre-teen. No, she did far more than that. And in these fantasies, Sheldon was always quick to lose control, to allow himself to enjoy it and live in the moment of being sexually satisfied. He had seen the great potential in scientists and academic men like him be wasted by allowing a woman to cloud their intellect. Sheldon refused to be one of those men, a dog with a bone like his co-worker Kripke.
Sheldon's plan was that he would take Penny's advice and offer a sexual experience to Amy Farrah Fowler. And he was going to be resolute; she could take this offer or leave it. If she didn't agree to his demands, then he would not succumb to her need for coitus. And this offer was so outlandish, so degrading even, that he knew Amy would refuse. And he would win because she would know that he did find her desirable enough to be intimate with and would not feel so bad about herself, while at the same time, he would not have to engage in coitus at all. Not now anyway.
Yes, Penny's advice was extremely helpful. And so was Penny. Penny was always willing to lend a helping hand whenever she could…very helpful hands…
"Dear, Lord." Sheldon dashed back to the bathroom and turned the faucet in the tub on, setting the temperature all the way to the blue indicator.
Penny's hands.
Just when Sheldon thought maybe he had been wrong and this idea wasn't a good one after all, he heard a familiar sequence of knocks on his door. Sighing deeply, he turned off the faucet and closed his eyes tightly, willing the tightness in his trousers to disappear. He glanced down at his wrist watch and narrowed his eyes. "Only Amy would say she'd be here within an hour and show up 59 minutes later." It was one of the things he loved about her.
Penny poured herself another glass of rum and Coke, but was way too buzzed to get off her sailing aqua blue ship to walk the plank to the kitchen and grab another soda. So she settled for just a rum and rum. Sipping slowly from her tumbler, she thought about Leonard. With the spotty connection and weeks he spent underway, she only received one letter from him the entire time he was gone and about 2.5 seconds of unbuffered Skype time the day he got on the boat. She sniffled and took another sip. It wasn't his fault, he was living one of his dreams, and she would never hold that against him.
She just really wanted to hold him against her.
A little more emotional than usual, Penny knew she was just feeling guilty about letting Amy down after her disastrous conversation with Sheldon a couple of hours ago. She still hadn't even built up the courage to call her friend yet and give her the bad news, instead reaching for her trusty Captain Morgan bottle rather than her phone. Then she got to thinking about some of the nasty things she used to do to Leonard after finishing a bottle of the Captain's rum, and then she got weepy, and now here she was. Before she knew she was doing it, Penny's hand had snaked its way under the waistband of her yoga pants and cupped her vagina, relishing its warmth. And this was another thing Penny did to keep herself busy now that Leonard was gone. So she allowed herself to …enjoy herself…before she called Amy. Hell, neither of them were going to get laid tonight, so she might as well get herself off.
Her eyes closed as she pictured Leonard's hands, albeit smaller than hers but efficient, roaming over the twists and turns of her body, keeping one hand firmly grasping her folds while the other hand reached up to remove the elastic band from her hair. The blonde waves spilled down over her shoulders, tickling her skin and causing her to shiver. The feel of her long hair (the hair Leonard liked to playfully yank on every once in awhile mid-hump) cascading down her back elicited a low moan. The half-empty bottle of rum now forgotten as it sat on the coffee table, Penny continued to roam one hand over her entire body, pinching here and rubbing there, when a knock at her door caused her to jolt forward and cover herself with the couch's afghan like she had been caught. A split second later she realized she was a 27 year-old woman who lived alone and she threw the blanket on the floor, muttering to herself. She wiped her damp fingers on the tail of her tank top and stalked over to the door. The alcohol hit her swiftly and the room spun, but she ignored it and yanked the door open.
"Hi, Bestie." A girl who looked and sounded like Amy, but could not be Amy, stood expectantly in front of Penny.
"Hi," Penny started, squinting at her guest. "Amy? Amy!" She shook her head as if trying to rid of the smog that the rum had created and peered at her friend. "Wow, you look great! Your hair…what did you do?" She watched Amy look down sheepishly and touch a hand to her playful waves that fell around her face. When she dipped her head, Penny caught a glimpse over her shoulder and saw that Sheldon was standing just inside of his apartment, peering around the open door at Penny like a scared child. She narrowed her eyes at him before returning her gaze to Amy. "What's up?"
"Um, Penny," Amy stammered, fidgeting with her fingernails and staring down at her feet. "Can we…talk?"
"Sure," Penny answered after a moment's hesitation. Whatever service she was supplying herself with earlier could wait until she climbed into bed that night. It was going to be a long, boring evening anyway. "Everything okay?" She let Amy in and closed the door slowly, staring at Sheldon's wide eyes the whole time before shutting the door.
"Yeah, I think so," Amy answered, still fidgeting with her fingers. She spotted the Captain Morgan on the coffee table and pointed at it. "Can I?"
Penny crossed her arms. "Sure…what's going on, Ames?" She waited quietly as Amy threw back a few swallows of the brown liquid and let out a breath, her tongue waggling like her mouth was on fire. "Yeah, easy there, tiger," Penny laughed, taking the bottle from Amy and setting it back down. "You taking up drinking now?" Before she could add a "just joking," Penny's mouth was suddenly covered. She couldn't register at first exactly what was inhibiting her speech until she felt the unmistakably slippery texture of a tongue dart against her lips, and when her vision finally focused, Penny realized it was Amy who was covering her mouth—with her own. She squealed and tightened her lips, closing off any access that Amy had planned on gaining with her tongue, and pushed her away. "Amy, what the fuck?!"
"I'm sorry! God, I'm so sorry," Amy rambled, throwing her hands in the air. "I just…I had to try."
"Try and what, molest my face with your tongue?" Penny wiped her chin furiously with the back of her wrist. "God, Amy! What the hell was that for? Are you seriously drunk?" As she said the words, Penny's own tongue suddenly felt heavy and numb. She didn't know if Amy was drunk, but after all that sipping on the couch and suddenly standing on her own two feet, Penny was definitely on her way there.
"No, I'm not drunk," Amy said, looking positively deflated as she slumped to the couch. "I can explain."
"Well, get on with it," Penny slurred. She cleared her throat and crossed her arms, staring down at Amy with defiant eyes. Even though she didn't know which Amy to stare at, being that there were three of them in front of her.
"Sheldon has proposed something."
"What?" Penny didn't feel like playing guessing games, and by the worried look Amy wore, she was well aware of it.
"He said that we could have sex tonight, under one condition." Instead of finishing her point, much to Penny's irritation, she stopped and stared up at her bestie with wide, pleading eyes. Penny envisioned orange fur and whiskers suddenly covering her face. Amy was doing the Puss in Boots stare. Which meant she wanted something from Penny very badly. And judging by the assault on her mouth a moment ago and the sudden thirst she quenched with another sip of Penny's rum, Amy wanted something that was going to change what Penny had in mind for that Saturday night.
Sheldon paced for what seemed like hours before he heard Penny's door slam. He raced to his desk chair and opened up a Word document on his laptop then began typing the preamble to the U.S. Constitution by memory so it could look like he was busy if anyone walked into the apartment at that moment. Sure enough, his door swung wide open and in walked two women. The blonde one zeroed in on him and kept walking until she was within an inch of him. She jutted one hip out to the side while both of her hands rested at her waist. The brunette quietly closed the door, locked it, then clasped her hands together in front of her as she stared at the floor.
Oh, boy.
Penny's foot tapped an even beat on the wooden floor as she waited for Sheldon to turn around and face her. He took a deep breath and swiveled slowly in his chair to give her his full attention. "Hello, Penny."
"Hello, Penny, my ass," she growled. Her green eyes bore down on his head as he found it hard to maintain eye contact. "What exactly did you tell Amy, Sheldon?"
"Now, Penny," he began, rolling in his chair away from her before he tried to stand up. She took one large step and was right within an inch of him again as he straightened out his frame. He towered over her but at the moment he felt like she was looking down at him with the fire of a thousand angry suns burning in her pupils. "You seem extremely disturbed. Would you like some tea?"
"No, I don't want any damn tea," she shouted in one breath. "You have one last chance to spit it out. What. Did. You. Tell. Amy?"
This would be so much easier if Penny had a bra on. His eyes snapped up to meet her face and he exhaled. "I told Amy that we could engage in coitus tonight on one condition." He paused, looked over Penny's head and met Amy's eye. She looked hopeful, but sad at the same time. At least, that's what he guessed—he was never good at reading emotions on people's faces. But as he looked at Penny again, he realized that he could probably write a paper about all the emotions on her face. "And the condition is if we…add a third."
"A third?" Penny's eyes were suddenly out of focus. Sheldon took a moment collect himself as she pondered over his confession. Was that smell that suddenly invaded his nostrils…alcohol?
"Yes," he said, holding his breath. "I said we could…do it…if, and only if, you agreed to join us." After a long silence, Penny's expression changed from murderous, to smug. Sheldon marveled at the sudden shift, until Penny spoke.
"Amy," she called, her eyes never leaving Sheldon. "What do you think?"
"I'm sorry, what?" Sheldon blurted out, only to be silenced by Penny's flat palm being shoved in front of his face. It didn't matter what Amy thought—she wasn't supposed to agree to this!
"I asked Amy what she thinks." Finally, Penny walked away from Sheldon and turned her back to him while she slowly crossed the room over to Amy, her slender arms swinging back and forth. "Well? Amy?"
Amy's eyes flickered from Penny to Sheldon and back again. She looked like an unwilling child who had been called upon to answer the question on the blackboard. "I…don't know."
"No?" Penny asked, her voice high and playful as she approached Amy. "You don't know?" Sheldon watched as Penny stuck two of her fingers out and grazed them against Amy's neck, causing his girlfriend to visibly shiver. Then she trailed the fingers down to Amy's exposed collarbone and tossed the curls that were there behind her shoulder. "Are you sure?" Poor Amy was silent, her mouth slightly open as she watched Penny with a careful eye. Sheldon was about to protest, open his mouth to call the whole thing off, admit to his indiscretion and attempt to pull a fast one over Amy, but was rendered speechless as he watched Penny glance back at him over her shoulder with a sultry, teasing stare. Then she returned her attention to Amy and lowered her face until it met with her neck. Penny's tongue carefully fell from her mouth as she flicked the wet tip against the bare skin at the base of Amy's throat.
"Hoo!"
"Sheldon is willing to give you everything you want, Amy," Penny purred, catching Sheldon's gaze as she said his name. He watched in mild horror as Penny walked behind Amy and snaked her arms around her waist, splaying her fingers flat on Amy's abdomen, the whole time maintaining eye contact with Sheldon. "The only catch is you have to let me play, too. Am I right, Sheldon?" With an evil glint in her eye, Penny lowered her face again to nuzzle Amy's neck, gently pushing her head to the side and she bit down on the pale flesh. If the sight weren't enough to take Sheldon's breath away, and it certainly was, the look on Amy's face caused the tightness in his pants to reappear. He watched his girlfriend's expression go from confused, to abashed, then to extreme pleasure as Penny's teeth continued to nibble on her skin.
"Amy. Penny." Sheldon whispered so quietly he was afraid they wouldn't have heard him, but they did. Amy's face relaxed from its pleasurable grimace and Penny perched an eyebrow, removing her mouth from Amy's throat. He didn't know what to say now that he had their attention, but he just knew that they needed to stop. For his own sanity.
"Give her what she wants, Sheldon," Penny purred again. "Tell him, Amy." With this command, Penny's hands traveled up until both of her palms had healthy handfuls of Amy's breasts. She rubbed them gently at first and Sheldon's arm shot out to his side, grabbing for anything that would hold him steady. He felt the back of his arm chair and leaned onto it for dear life as Penny spoke again. "I said tell him," she demanded, giving Amy's breasts a rough squeeze with each word.
"I want it, Sheldon," Amy said quickly, her chest rising and falling quickly as she slumped back against Penny. "Please."
"Please," Penny echoed in another playful tone. She released one of Amy's breasts and used the free hand to beckon Sheldon over with her finger. "Come give it to us, Sheldon."
She had done this before. Sure, she had only been 21 and way too wasted to be good at it, but she had "taken one for the team" before to help get her friend laid. It wasn't that bad, but it definitely wasn't good. Her friend was a beautiful girl, and the guy was good-looking, too, but Penny had been fresh off the heartache of a bad break-up with her ex-boyfriend Kurt and needed to consume anything that would make the pain hurt less. So that night she consumed vodka, Dos XX, tequila, and two people named Sandy and Dylan. She never spoke to Sandy much after that night, but she didn't mind. Friends like Sandy were only there to call upon when you needed to get drunk and make bad decisions. Not much longer after that wild night, Penny moved into apartment 4B on 2311 Los Robles Avenue, and hadn't had the urge to make bad decisions after that, so she never called Sandy again.
But now, on the cusp of being that girl from 6 years ago again, Penny was at a crossroads. The two people in front of her weren't Sandy and Dylan. They were Amy and Sheldon, two of her very best friends, people she loved very much. Just hours before, Amy was at Penny's mercy to help her from making a big mistake and dumping Sheldon. Would she be able to step up and "take one for the team" again by joining them during their first sexual encounter? At first, she had been disgusted by Amy's kiss. Not because anything was wrong with Amy, but because Penny was happily in love with Leonard and …it was Amy! But as she looked down at her sad friend's face, a face that would do anything to make her boyfriend happy, to make her boyfriend love her and accept her as she did him, Penny's heart felt heavy. Deep down, even in her drunken stupor, she knew Sheldon had did this on purpose. He probably thought that Amy would have declined the notion of a threesome with Penny right off the bat and rescinded her request for sex, but Sheldon didn't see the Amy that Penny saw. The passionate, loyal woman who was devoted to her boyfriend and was willing to do anything to make him touch her, short of violating his trust by forcing him.
Shame on him.
So Penny took it upon herself to turn the tables on the brilliant Dr. Sheldon Cooper. He thought Amy would refuse him this? She would make him puddy in her hands. She was going to see how far she could push him until he inevitably put a stop to the entire charade. He'd run away to his room and lock the door, and show Amy what kind of coward he really was. As Penny beckoned Sheldon over to her while she embraced his girlfriend in the most intimate way, she saw a flicker of realization cross over Sheldon's face and right then and there Penny knew it wouldn't be that easy. Sheldon recognized a challenge when he saw one. And his eyes danced with a reply: challenge accepted.
"Follow me," he said briskly to the both of them, and Penny let go of Amy in surprise. She heard Amy exhale loudly then straighten out her shirt. Without a word to each other, the two women followed Sheldon to the couch where he sat dutifully in his spot, both of his hands on each of his knees. He stared up at them expectantly. "Now, continue."
"Wha…what?" Amy's voice dipped, her face unsure and her hands still clasped in front of her. She looked at Penny for guidance.
But Penny wasn't going to make it easy for Sheldon either. She took both of Amy's hands in hers while they stood right in front of Sheldon, so close that their legs touched both of his knees while he sat in his spot. Amy looked down at her boyfriend until Penny laced their fingers together. When she looked back up into her eyes, Penny whispered, "Trust me." Amy nodded stiffly, licking her lips quickly. Penny looked down at Sheldon who was watching his girlfriend with tight eyes. "Tell us what you want us to do, Sheldon." She nearly laughed aloud when Sheldon ripped his gaze off of Amy did a double take and at Penny.
"You want me to…instruct you both?" He swallowed hard, and his hands gripped his knees tighter.
Penny looked at Amy and nodded encouragingly. Amy cleared her throat and told Sheldon, "Yes. We will only do as you say." Her voice was husky, and Penny's lips turned up at the corners. Little vixen.
Sheldon's eyes remained on Amy's, holding her stare. "Very well." He cleared his throat and finally looked at Penny. There was that flicker again. If Sheldon were the type of man that cussed, his face would've said: Game on, whore. "Amy, remove Penny's shirt. Then run your tongue along her nipples." Amy visibly flinched at the word nipples as soon as it left Sheldon's bow-shaped lips. Even Penny got a kick out of it. She felt anticipation swirl around her insides as Amy let go of her hands and reached out to tug on the tail of Penny's tank top.
"It's okay," Penny assured her and with another stiff nod, Amy slowly lifted the shirt up. Penny dramatically shot her arms up in the air and welcomed the cool breeze across her breasts as her shirt was discarded. She snuck a glance at Sheldon and grinned evilly before she felt a suckling sensation on her left nipple. "Oh!" she cried out in surprise and much to her disappointment, it stopped.
"Did I hurt you?" Amy asked in alarm.
"No, not at all," Penny cooed, then brought her arms down to Amy's shoulders, squeezing them reassuringly. "Please, continue."
"Yes, Amy," Sheldon watched with desire oozing out of every pore. "Don't stop." Penny grinned again and closed her eyes as Amy lowered her mouth to one of her breasts and resumed sucking. Penny sighed and relaxed, slightly pushing herself further into Amy's mouth. She felt Amy's trembling hands gripping her waist, so she brought one hand down to pry one away and place it on her right breast. She looked down into her friend's uncertain eyes and winked. At that exact moment, Amy switched to the other nipple, covering the abandoned one with her other hand. That same tongue that had tried invading Penny's mouth earlier was swirling expertly around her hardened nubs, causing ripples of pleasure to coat Penny's insides. After a moment, she heard Sheldon speak again.
"Amy, bring your hands down and cup Penny's buttocks, keep sucking."
Penny was all for it. She arched her back as Amy took a step closer and brought her body against hers by squeezing Penny's ass and pulling her forward. Her lips never left her nipples, and the sensation that was merely pleasant at first began to intensify into dangerous territory. Amy began to nibble a little bit, causing Penny to gasp again and involuntarily pull on Amy's hair. The move elicited a moan from Amy, causing her tongue to vibrate softly against Penny's already sensitive buds.
Abruptly, Sheldon yelped, "Stop!" The two women froze, then detached from each other and looked down at Sheldon obediently, awaiting their next instruction. Penny couldn't help it, she kept searching Sheldon's crotch for any sign of functionality but he had covered it expertly with one of the throw pillows from the couch.
"What next?" Amy asked, her voice a little bolder. Penny giggled and marveled at her friend.
"Penny," Sheldon said, licking his lips. "Remove all of Amy's clothes then stand behind her." His chin had lowered a fraction and he was staring at the two women hungrily. She didn't have to see a tent in his pants to know that he was definitely turned on.
"Yes, sir," Penny said teasingly, then pranced around the coffee table until she was behind Amy. Then gently, she pushed her forward so that Amy was standing in between Sheldon's bent knees, looking down at him. Just the intense stare they were giving each other caused dampness to spread between Penny's legs. She couldn't wait until Sheldon ordered her pants off. Then focused back on the task at hand, Penny worked her fingers under Amy's shirt and brought it all the way up until Amy discarded it with a flick of her arm. Still standing behind her, Penny, brought her hands around to slowly unbutton Amy's jeans and then pulled the zipper down. She pulled the fly open a little to expose Amy's underwear to Sheldon and when she heard the physicist inhale sharply, she knew she was on the right track. The jeans Amy wore were extremely flattering on her figure, and Penny enjoyed peeling them off, coming face to face with Amy's cute, round behind. She ran her fingers up her legs at an agonizing pace, causing the neurobiologist to moan in frustration.
"Slip your fingers into the front of Amy's panties, Penny."
Penny gave herself a quick pep talk. She hadn't reached inside someone else's treasure chest in years, so she mentally prepared herself and began to extend her fingers around when Amy clutched her hands with her own.
"Wait," she protested, staring at Sheldon. "I want you to." Penny's eyes widened as she waited for Sheldon to respond. He didn't disappoint. He quickly tossed the pillow he had over his crotch—ladies and gentlemen, we have some functioning junk—and reached out to Amy. "Penny," Amy said softly, snapping Penny out of her stare contest with Sheldon's impressive boner. "Keep touching me, too."
"Okay, Amy," Penny nodded and went to work back unsnapping her bra. Amy's neck rolled around and she leaned against Penny, her bare back on Penny's naked breasts. As Penny pinched Amy's nipples, she felt her friend's knees buckle and heard her breath out another "Hoo!" Looking down, Penny watched as Sheldon pushed Amy's panties to the side and placed a flat hand against her folds. Penny kissed Amy's shoulders then whispered in her ear, "Tell him what to do." Penny wasn't sure where this new sexy Shamy had come from, but she knew it only went so far; they were both still virgins.
"Sheldon, stick one of your fingers inside of me." Amy barely got to finish her sentence before she jolted forward, both of her hands landing on Sheldon's fully clothed shoulders for support. Penny peered down and saw that his long, nimble middle finger had disappeared completely into Amy, pushing in and pulling out at a painstaking pace. It made Penny bite her lower lip, and before she could change her mind, she pulled one of Amy's hands off of Sheldon's shoulder and brought around until it reached Penny's crotch.
"Me, now," she moaned in Amy's ear, and she felt her fumbling around to yank down her yoga pants. When Penny's pants fell to the floor, Amy immediately plunged a finger between her folds. "Yes," Penny hissed and her eyes rolled up into her head. She rocked against Amy's eager hand, continuing her assault on her nipples, then looked down to see that Sheldon was rising from his sitting position.
"Both of you, on the couch—now," he demanded. They both removed their hands from each other before taking their positions on the couch. They were both now completely naked, having removed their underwear before sitting down on the cool leather. Amy hissed as the cold material touched her burning skin, and Penny knew the feeling. She looked up at Sheldon who was pushing the coffee table out of his way and then she gasped as he kneeled in front of her and Amy. "Spread your legs." He looked at both of the simultaneously, and he watched as they both opened their knees, allowing him in. With both of his hands, he rubbed their centers slowly at the same time.
Penny found herself in a moan-off with Amy Farrah Fowler. They both threw their heads back on the couch and allowed the feeling of Sheldon's warm, long fingers fill them both.
"Kiss." Another command from the doctor. Amy nuzzled Penny's neck as she leaned over and pressed her lips to her jugular. Penny cried out as the pace of Sheldon's fingers sped up and she took her hand to place it on Amy's neck to bring her closer. She crushed their lips together, suckling Amy's bottom lip for a few seconds before allowing her tongue to twirl around with her own. The warm intensity was building up in her lower abdomen, and she could only hope that Amy was feeling as much pleasure as she was. The buzz from the rum was still lingering, but the sheer rawness of this experience was suddenly making the situation become clearer. Though Penny was more turned on than she had been in so long, she remembered what her mission was. Now that Sheldon had proved he wasn't going to back down, she had to take it to the next level for Amy.
"I want you to fuck your girlfriend in front of me, Sheldon," Penny declared. Before he could protest, she pulled herself up into a kneeling position, feeling Sheldon's wet fingers slip out of her and almost regretting it. She glanced at Amy and smiled. "On your back, sweetie." Amy's eyes landed on Sheldon as if she was silently asking for permission, and when he nodded, she pushed herself off the couch and embraced him, pressing her lips to his. Penny watched as Sheldon was frigid at first, his knees on the floor between Amy's legs while she sat on the couch, but finally after a few seconds, his mouth opened slightly, allowing Amy to mold her lips easier to his. Penny sighed happily, then rubbed her hand down Amy's back, causing her friend to shiver. "Get on your back, Amy," she said again. This time, Amy complied. She stood up, holding Sheldon's hand the whole time as he watched her, then she laid on the rug beside him. "Climb on top of her," Penny instructed Sheldon, but once again, they were interrupted by Amy.
"Wait," she said, positioning herself up on her elbows. "I want…to see you both do it first."
Penny had not expected this. "Wait, what?" She heard Sheldon make a noise of confusion as well, but didn't dare look at him. "Amy…"
"No, it's okay," Amy nodded, her eyes round and kind. "It will be a big turn on for me. I want to see how it's done."
"Amy…" It was Sheldon's turn to protest. "I don't know…" He stopped when Amy placed a gentle hand on his cheek, which he covered with his own hand as he closed his eyes.
"I trust you, Sheldon. Please."
"Tell me how," he replied, opening his eyes to peer at his girlfriend. Though Penny hadn't exactly agreed to this part, actually having Sheldon inside of her, she couldn't help but feel intrigued. She had been staring at the bulge in his pants all night, now she was finally going to see it. And perhaps even feel it. Oh God, don't think about it, because then it'll feel wrong. Don't think about Leon…
"From behind," Amy ordered, causing Penny and Sheldon to do a double take. "If that's okay with you, Penny." She peered at her hopefully. You go, Amy.
"Okay," Penny agreed reluctantly then turned her focus on Sheldon.
"Take his clothes off, Penny," Amy urged her with hungry eyes.
"Ay yi, captain," Penny cracked, feeling very self-conscious all of a sudden. She looked Sheldon in his eye again and asked him if he was ready. When he nodded, she let him work on taking his own shirts off while Penny unzipped his khakis. When she saw the waist band of his tighty-whities peeking out as she pulled his pants down, she almost lost it. She was about to let Sheldon Cooper fuck her from behind, while his girlfriend watched! She bit her lip until she tasted blood so that she wouldn't laugh. She knew if she did, the entire atmosphere would change, they would both check out, and she would have ruined everything. So she got in the zone and yanked his pants down all the way. She watched as he rocked back on his heels to remove his pants completely and set them carefully on the couch, in his spot of course. All that was left was his underwear between them, and Penny was pleased to see that he willingly began to shove them down. Her smirk disappeared when what Sheldon Cooper was working with sprang out and greeted her and Amy face to face.
"I knew it," Amy breathed, entranced by the wide girth and low hang of Sheldon's length. Penny ran her hands over Sheldon's chest and slid her fingers down until they reached the taut muscles above his dick and between the V-shape at his hips. "Touch him, Penny," Amy said, almost reading Penny's mind. So with one hand gripping his waist, and the other hand firmly grasping his length, Penny began to pump him. She watched Sheldon's long neck expose itself to her as his head rolled back, and she fought the urge to press her lips to his milky skin. Instead, she waited for Amy's next command. "Get on your knees." Penny assumed that was directed towards her as she let go of Sheldon and turned away from him, facing Amy. She watched her friend look at her boyfriend and nod. "Now enter her, Sheldon."
"Are you sure, Amy?" Sheldon asked, his voice genuine. Penny thought it was sweet, but now more than ever was anticipating what he would feel like.
"Yes."
Penny waited and closed her eyes as Sheldon's large hands found her hips as she bent over so that he had a clear view. She reached back with one hand and helped guide the tip of his dick to her moist center, using her own hand to rub the opening. She hissed as she led the round head to her slit and nudged it in carefully, then let go and braced herself. "Fuck me," she groaned and she didn't have to ask twice. Sheldon took a deep breath and slipped inside of her. He stayed still for a moment, allowing them both to adjust to the new sensation. Her face was hovering over the carpet now, and her knees were steady, spread far apart as she waited. "Come on," she called, keeping her eyes on the ground. After another few seconds, Sheldon began to work his hips, his dick sliding in and out, slowly allowing Penny's wetness to lubricate his movements. She threw her head back and pushed herself onto him, the whole time catching glances at Amy who was watching with her mouth open and her eyelids fluttering closed every so often.
"Oh, God," Sheldon muttered, the sounds of his testicles slapping against her filling the air between their shallow breaths. His fingers dug deeper into the skin of her hips, and Penny almost growled like an animal when she felt one of Sheldon's hands get a handful of her ass and squeeze, still pumping in and out of her roughly at a quickened pace.
"Come kiss me, Amy," Penny begged. Her friend crawled on her hands and knees and stopped in front of Penny, alternating between kissing her sensually with an eager tongue, to stopping and watching in fascination while Sheldon came close to orgasm.
"I have to…" Sheldon breathed, slowing his pace down. Penny hated to do it, but she moved away from Sheldon far enough so that he fell out of her and she heard him grunt in protest.
"It's Amy's turn," she reminded him, and soon his eyes focused on his girlfriend.
"Amy," he pleaded, and the desire in his eyes was enough for Penny to know that this was worth it. To see Sheldon finally unmask his yearning and audibly beg for Amy, it put a smile on Penny's face. Sure, this was incredibly erotic, and wrong on so many levels, levels she would have to deal with in the morning, but for now, she watched as her beautiful friend Amy was eased onto her back by Sheldon's long arms. He hovered over her, eagerly pressing his lips to hers on his own without instruction. Penny sat back on the floor next to the couple and began to touch herself as she had been doing earlier before Amy came to ask her to join them. She closed her eyes and thought of Amy's delicate lips closing over her nipples, and Sheldon's lengthy fingers fucking her on the couch. Penny's eyes fluttered open and she watched as Sheldon's tongue snaked out and did a lap around Amy's body, her knees, up her thighs, past her abdomen and finally in the valley of her breasts, stopping only to swirl around her erect nipples as she cried out his name. As Penny got closer, using three fingers on herself now and using her other hand to rub on her breasts, she saw Sheldon thrust into Amy for the first time and cried out. "Amy, oh, fuck!"
"God, Sheldon," Amy panted, her knees up by her shoulders as she stared down, watching Sheldon pound into her at a steady pace. "I love you, oh, Sheldon, fuck me harder!"
"Amy," Sheldon winced, driving into his girlfriend harder just like she requested. "I'm going to…"
Penny took two deep breaths before she exploded, a yell ripping out of her that she didn't know she had been holding back. The orgasm erupted at ever nerve ending in her soaked center, and she felt her walls quiver and grip onto her fingers as she finished herself off. She laid flat, catching her breath as she turned and watched her friends in time for Sheldon to lose it.
"Amy!" His forehead was rested on her shoulder, his eyes closed tight as he gave one, two, three last thrusts between Amy's shaking legs before his groans became whimpers, and Amy cried his name out as well over and over until the word lost its meaning.
Penny woke, her back stiff, her joints screaming at her. She turned her neck slowly, expecting to see someone naked lying beside her, but she only saw rays of sunshine entering through her living room curtains, the aqua of her couch, and the grinning face of her Captain Morgan staring at her from his bottle of rum, still half-empty. The afghan was tangled in her legs and she jolted up, confused by her surroundings.
Crap-on-a-cracker, what was that?!
She felt around her body, touching the sweaty tank top and yoga pants she had worn all night. Before she could scream, she heard the door open across the hall at 4A. She jumped up from the couch and ran to the peephole just in time to see Sheldon lead Amy out of the apartment and to her dismay, willingly place a slow, lingering kiss on her lips. Then he watched Amy turn and leave, heading straight down the stairs. He stared at the empty space she had occupied for awhile before turning to go back inside. Penny unlocked the chain from her door and pulled it wide open. "Sheldon!"
He turned around in surprise, jumping from the volume of her voice. "Oh, hello, Penny!" He smiled pleasantly and she walked out into the hall.
"Don't hello, Penny me!" she hissed. "What …what happened last night? Did Amy stay over here?" She half-expected him to reply, 'Of course she did, Penny, don't you remember me fucking your brains out before coming inside of Amy?'
Instead he said, "Yes. I gave a lot of thought to what you said yesterday about Amy and how she equated her self-worth with my feelings for her." He paused for effect before adding, "And so we did something last night that is better than coitus." He paused again, waiting for Penny to ask him to continue. When she didn't, he stared at her in confusion. "I said, we did something that is better than coitus…"
"Yes, yes, better than coitus, what was it?" Penny asked hastily, eager to understand what the hell happened and if it really was just all a dream.
"We went over our relationship agreement to amend some clauses about physical contact and emotional displays. While I am still uncomfortable with the notion of engaging in coitus, I explained to Amy that it wasn't because of her. We actually stayed up for a very long time while I attempted to describe to her just exactly how I felt about her. And apparently it was a success. She said if I felt this strongly for her before coitus, then it can only get better afterward."
Penny shook her head from side to side, suddenly feeling like the biggest sleazebag on the planet. Here she was, dreaming the night away about getting nasty with Sheldon and Amy, while they were over here declaring their devotion to each other without taking their clothes off. "That's…great, Sheldon. I'm happy for you."
"Yes," Sheldon nodded, still grinning from ear to ear. "And while the object of coitus will never completely be off the table, I am glad that I won't lose Amy while I make the effort to become comfortable with the possibility of it happening soon. And she can't leave me in the meantime; I added it into the amendments." He gave her a small wave goodbye before turning to walk into his apartment. "Well, I'll see you later, Penny. I've got to start researching what a 'three-way' is."
"I'm sorry, what?!" Penny practically hollered, causing Sheldon to jump again.
"A three-way. Amy suggested we ask you to join us. Would that be something you're interested in?"
"Sheldon!" Penny held her hand out. "Don't research that. Tell Amy I said thanks, but no thanks." She turned around to hurry back into her apartment.
"Alright, Penny. But she'll be verily disappointed. She said it would be fun for all of us."
"Yeah, I bet she did. Bye Sheldon!" Penny slammed the door behind her before he could say anything else. Then she spotted the Captain, gleaming at her from his valiant pose on his bottle, so she took the son-of-a-bitch to the sink and made him walk the plank—straight down the drain.