I said I was working on a Hetalia/AoT crossover and here it is! I plan for it to be three or four chapters long but, as sometimes these stories get away from me, it might be longer! Anyway, have fun!

Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya and Attack on Titan belongs to Hajiame Isayama!

Enjoy!

Inspection!

New recruits of the 105th Trainee Squad were lined up in the training yard as a sea of tan jackets, bearing the crossed swords symbol, being glared at by the bald man with head frown lines and a small beard as he examined all the fresh meat ready for him to chew up and spit out.

All were quaking in their boot at the sight of this intimidating man. Keith Shadis was not intimidating for no reason, he had method in what he did. Too many came with a naïve view of what being in the military meant, not knowing what they would have to face and that some planned to be part of the top ten so they could join the Military Police and not face the titan threat at all. It was Shadis's job to shatter that rose tinted view, break them down and rebuild them from the ground up to give them a better chance of surviving against the titans, at least those of them who would actually be facing the titans.

What a motley crew this lot were! Particularly the several blondes, two brunettes, two raven heads and the white mop at the front. Shadis began to walk down the lines and stopped at one of the raven heads who reminded him of that Mikasa Ackerman cadet and was almost as short as Captain Levi of the Survey Corps.

"Salute and sound off, cadet!" he ordered. The small man put his right fist over his heart and bowed.

"Hai!" he replied with a Japanese accent. "I am Kiku Honda from Tokyo District!"

"Well, Kiku Honda from Tokyo District!" Shadis said. "Why is a pipsqueak like you here?"

"To fight for Humanity, sir!" was the response. Shadis smirked at him.

"Would you die for Humanity, cadet?"

"Hai!"

"Good answer! You'll make a nice bite size morsel for the titans !" Shadis mocked. "Now drop and give me twenty!" Kiku pondered why he was being punished but got on the floor and began to do push up while Shadis moved on to his next victim, the white haired, red-eyed weird kid.

"And what's your story, cadet?"

"I'm the Awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt," the albino replied, clearly Germanic. "I'm from Berlin District!"

"Awesome, are you?" Shadis said. "Why?"

"Sir?"

"Why. Are. You. Awesome?" Shadis spoke as if to a child. Gilbert looked as if he was looking for a answer to that because no one had ever asked him that question.

"Well...hm...ah..!" Gilbert struggled to reply and the man with slicked back blonde hair and pale blue eyes next to him groaned and facepalmed, attracting Shadis's attention. The cadet looked fit, as if he looked after himself or had done hard work before joining the military.

"Know this idiot?" he asked.

"Ja!" the blonde man replied in a similar accent to the albino. "I'm Ludwig Beilschmidt, also from Berlin District and the idiot is mein großer bruder (my big brother)." Shadis gave a mirthless laugh.

"My sympathy! You should tell your bruder to do something with that ego," he commented. "Thinking he's awesome will just get him eaten!" He went back to Gilbert and said, "Which would be no great loss to Humanity, Egomaniac! Now, you drop and give me twenty!" Gilbert looked like he would argue but a look from Ludwig quelled him and he began doing push-ups. Shadis turned back to Ludwig.

"And why are you here, cadet?" he demanded. Ludwig kept his eyes forward and stood straight with his fist over his heart, the epitome of the perfect soldier.

"To obey orders!" he replied. "To work and train to the fullness of my ability and protect Humanity from the Titan threat, Sir!" It sounded like kissing up but Shadis sensed that this Ludwig meant every word but being a soldier was not just about obeying orders, it's about knowing when to obey orders and when to rely on your own instincts, especially out in the field when surrounded by titans. Unless he planned to hang around on the walls all day or join the Military Police, pushing around the civilians and guarding the piss-pots in the King's palace!

"Then you can get to work now!" Shadis said. "Fifty laps of the training yard! Now!" Ludwig did not argue and began running. Shadis had no idea that Ludwig was used to running twice that distance. But what he did not know would not hurt him!

Shadis moved on to a blonde cadet with a lock of hair that did not give a crap what gravity dictated and sky blue eyes, shining behind rectangular glasses, who was looking around like a excited kid.

"What's floating your boat, blue eyes?!" Shadis mocked. "Name and district, now!" The blonde man stood up straight and gave the salute with a happy grin on his face.

"Alfred F Jones!" he replied, American in every syllable. "New York District! And I'm the Hero!" Oh, Shadis was going to have fun with this naïve idiot!

"Hero, are you!" Shadis asked him with a grin. "Do you know what we call Heroes around here, cadet?" Alfred's smile faltered a little.

"No, sir!" he replied.

"A TITAN'S CHEW TOY!" Shadis bellowed straight into Alfred's face. Another blonde next to Alfred could not stop the burst of laughter from erupting from his mouth which unfortunately drew Shadis's attention to him.

"And what's your name, laughing boy?" Shadis demanded, taking in the messy bed-hair, green eyes and Shadis never thought he would ever see eyebrows that were bigger than Commander Erwin's!

"Arthur Kirkland!" he man replied with a British accent and an expression that said he knew he was going to get punished. "London District! Sir!"

"So, Arthur Kirkland from London District!" Shadis sneered. "I'd get those eyebrows plucked before Commander Erwin thinks you're after his job!" This time, Alfred laughed.

"So you two think I'm a comedian!" Shadis said. "Let's see if you find this funny! Jones! Join Muscles running around the yard and Kirkland! You're on mess duty tonight!" Shadis was surprised by the response from the other cadets.

"Mein Gott! NEIN!"

"May my ancestors protect me!"

"Aiyah!"

"We're all gonna die!"

"Mon Dieu! I grieve for my poor palate!"

"VE~ I'D RATHER GET EATEN BY TITANS!"

"CHIGI!"

"General Winter! HELP ME!"

There was another response but everyone ignored it!

"SHUT UP!" Shadis shouted at a volume, worthy of a certain German at a World Meeting and everybody went silent with the air of men going before the firing squad and wishing they were. It would be more merciful! Shadis moved on to a very tall man with platinum blonde hair, violet eyes and a large nose, welding a pipe with a tap on the end, giving off a dark and disturbing aura. Screw that! He would get his name and district later!

Next was the second raven head who's hair fell in a ponytail over his left shoulder who seemed to have a panda in a basket on his back. He almost looked like a girl.

"And who are you, Panda Boy?"

"Yao Wang! Beijing District! Sir!" Yao gave the salute, clearly Chinese.

"And what are you going to do with your black and white teddy bear when you're working with 3DM gear?" Shadis said, deceptively quietly.

"Well, I ….," Yao stammered. "I suppose I'll leave him in the barracks."

"Then why didn't you do it this time?!" he demanded. "This is an inspection, not a Bring Your Pet To School Day! Take that animal to your barracks and then you're running laps with Muscles and the Hero. Now, get out of my sight!" Yao yelped and scurried off and Shadis moved on to his next victim. Another blonde with a beard and a need for a haircut.

"And you must be Goldilocks!" Arthur nearly blurted out in laugher again but managed to control himself.

"Francis Bonnefoy!" the man replied with a French accent. "Paris District!" Great! Shadis thought. A district known for artists and chefs. And flirts!

"And what are you doing here?" he demanded. Francis struck a pose that got even further up Shadis's nose.

"To do my part for Humanity!" he declared. "And to spread the love!" Oh wonderful! A philanderer! Shadis had to straightened this man out! There was no way he was sending someone out into the field, thinking with the wrong head!

"The only spreading out being done will be done by me!" Shadis retorted. "And what will be spread out is you, unconscious in the training yard now drop and give me FIFTY!" Francis gulped but obeyed and resisted the urge to complain about what this would do to his hair!

Shadis found himself looking at that Jones idiot again who should be running around the training yard and he was not amused.

"I thought I told you to do laps, Jones," he said, impatiently. "Get going!"

"Hmm...Well...you see...," 'Jones' replied.

"NOW! BEFORE I MAKE IT A HUNDRED LAPS!" Shadis bellowed. 'Jones' jogged off, sighing, "I'm Matthew Williams from Ontario District!"

The last two at the end looked like they could be twins, except that one had darker colouring than the other and each had a stray curl springing from their heads, one on the left and the other on the right.

And the left-handed curl one was who attracted Shadis's attention as he was stuffing his face with a plate full of some kind of pasta dish.

Great! Another one like that Potato Girl cadet! Looks like we'll have to start locking the kitchen again! He bent down to look the new cadet in the eye.

"Does this look like the Mess Hall to you?!" he said. The cadet nervously swallowed the mouthful of pasta he already taken. "Name and District!"

"Ve~ Feliciano Vargas, sir!" the cadet replied, putting his fork down on his plate and saluting on the wrong side. "Venice District!"

"You seem to need a lesson in Human Anatomy, Vargas," Shadis mocked. "What side is your heart on?" Feliciano began trembling.

"O on...the ….l left, sir," he stammered.

"And which side are you saluting on?" Feliciano looked down and scrambled to correct his salute, almost dropping his plate but, in a display of dexterity that impressed even Shadis, he managed to get his salute right and save his pasta. Shadis sighed. Yes, he was another Potato Girl!

"Well," he said. "You're going to need to work that off now, Pasta Boy! And you can do that by joining Muscles, Hero and Panda Boy! This is a training yard, not a picnic! You won't defeat any titans with carbohydrates, now get moving!" Feliciano gave a little whine and raised his hand again.

"What!" Shadis all but shouted.

"Can I finish my pasta?" he asked.

"YOU'RE RUNNING TILL SUNDOWN!" Shadis bellowed and, this time, Feliciano did drop his plate and he jogged off, mourning his beloved pasta.

"Idiota!" Shadis heard the last cadet mutter and turned his attention to the look-a-like. He looked the complete opposite to his last victim, personality-wise.

"Who are you and what's your district?" he demanded. The cadet did not even bother to salute.

"Lovino Vargas! Rome District!" he said, like a challenge. Oh, this one needed an attitude adjustment in the worst way and Shadis was just the one to give it to him.

"Vargas!" he picked up on that point. "Like …." He indicated to Feliciano who was already lagging behind the others and panting for air.

"My idiota little brother!" Lovino snorted. "I'm only here to make sure he doesn't do something stupid and he's only here because of the Potato Bastard!"

"Potato Bastard!" Shadis was not sure he wanted to know.

"Muscles!"

"Why do you live in different districts?" Shadis asked. Lovino snorted.

"Our guardian sent me to live with some tomato-loving Spanish bastard," he replied. "Stupid bastard thought I had an "attitude problem!" He air-quoted 'Attitude Problem'. Shadis smirked.

"Wasn't so stupid, was he!" he said. "On the ground! Twenty press-ups! Now!" And he turned to inspect the other cadets. That was when a tomato hit him in the back of the neck!

"PRESS-UPS TILL I SAY STOP, VARGAS!" He bellowed, not bothering to look back at him and so never saw Lovino flip him off. As he walked among the other cadets, he realised he had his work cut out for him.

Later, he realised that, in punishing Kirkland the way he had, he had effectively punished everyone, including himself. His cooking could be used as a weapon against titans. The so-called Awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt was unconscious, Francis had his head in a bucket and Shadis was tempted to join him. As he looked around the Mess Hall at the other cadets and the trainers, all in various states of food poisoning, he was amazed that one person could bring an entire squad down! With food!

Bunks that night rarely saw their occupiers and the latrines were in full use and Shadis made a mental note never to punish Kirkland with Mess Duty again and Arthur Kirkland was forever banned from the kitchen.

Well, that went swimmingly and Shadis learned a valuable lesson! Never let Arthur Kirkland cook! DX Next chapter, they'll start training so that should be fun! XP

Till next time,

Hasta la Pasta!