AUTHOR'S NOTE: There has been no Uchiha Massacre, although the clan is hardly at peace with the village around it. This entails a different life for Sasuke and Naruto and many other characters... This fiction will include Naruto X Sasuke (non-explicit) as a story element, but it will not only center around their characters and relationship, although this first chapter may give that impression. Look rather to the end for the first hint of what will come. The snowstorm foretells something much darker. This story will sooner or later introduce elements of psychological horror and much other mind-bending goodness (therefore the opening poem). So you are warned, any readers looking here for nothing but fluffy romance.
Without further ado: the beginning.
I turned again,
and twisted to the tall window,
20 ft. tall.
Outside of it was snow, trees
I coveted in snow,
a fence covered in snow,
burials of dead birds in the snow.
I turned again,
and twisted to the tall window.
A scraped clean glass,
and in it I saw a reflection of
psyche, my Djinn
in a tent
that waves to me and leaves
for the polar light of the snow.
I turned again,
and touched my hand to the
window,
which was clean, and clear,
it was cold to the touch.
My eyes were fastened to the snow,
and I still can't look away,
I still can't look away.
That winter it snowed for the first time in fifty years. As a mutt will wander in an alley-way and, barking loudly, snap its jaws at the falling snow, so the ninja of Konoha, snarling, pawed at the flakes, but they soon gave up their daily exercise to push open curtained tea-shop doors and chat over white steam and reflections in the steam. On the edge of town also, within a wall of grey stone that made a neat square within the larger circle wall of the city, the families slavishly took up the habit of tea and shuttered doors. The square wall kept all eyes away, mortared with cold suspicion.
Inside the compound's suspicious walls two teen brothers, sitting cross-legged on a porch, looked outwards to the white snow with their black eyes and sipped their white, china cups. They were pale, and let their long black hair fall to cover their ears and necks. Neither spoke until the younger of the two felt a flake of snow land on his hand and turned his eyes down to watch it melt.
"Mm. I never thought the snow would come like this."
Sasuke listened for the creak of wood while his older brother Itachi shifted, but only the rush of the wind made any sound at all. Sasuke wondered at how Itachi always kept himself so quiet. Itachi's quiet, deep voice finally sounded out over the wind.
"I saw the snow deeper and whiter on a mission to the north…"
Sasuke looked over as Itachi took a small sip of tea.
"But as for myself, I like the cold. And the snow is very beautiful. Do you not think so, Sasuke?"
Sasuke sighed.
"We're Uchiha ninjas, not idle children who lose their heads over the snow. I would understand cutting back on some missions, but no one's even outside the compound today."
Itachi tilted his head and blinked.
"Well, there's certainly a fine line between idleness and admiration, Sasuke, but with this much snow we have to pick one of them. As for me…I'll choose admiration."
Itachi took another sip and nodded.
"Maybe the snow will never end. Wouldn't that be wonderful?" he said.
"No," Sasuke thought, but he only grunted and looked out at the snow. It wasn't any use; Itachi did not consider his missions, whether they were assassinations or escorting merchants on the bandit-filled highways, any more important than sitting here on the porch and sipping tea. But he was the best ninja the Uchiha clan had here, in their walled-off town within a town, and he had never dishonored their family.
Sasuke had never had that luxury as the youngest child in their family, always living with his brother's achievements hanging over him. Still, they were brothers who took care of on another, and so they quietly sat with one another on the porch and did not fight.
And he imagined Naruto, without a thing to do, pacing back and forth in his apartment in the town beyond the Uchiha compound.
On the average day of a hot blinking sun Sasuke would have had lunch with him. Even if Naruto was composed of too much noise, shouting half the things he said, and of too much color and movement that could overwhelm Sasuke, and of dramatic appetites, even then it would be a little less of a whole day for not having their usual spar. Not that he would ever tell that to Naruto. He exhaled slowly, not quite a sigh, and looked down into his tea and saw a part of his reflection, and the center of his eyes that were deep and black, scooped out of the white of his eye with nothing left behind. He amused himself by summoning the red pinwheel pattern sharingan and watching it spin for a moment over the black. Itachi's teacup clinked when it was set down.
"Hm. If you're so restless, little brother, perhaps you should go see if he's in. You're not having any fun with me."
Itachi stood and walked inside. The "he" communicated "Naruto", of course. Sasuke stood up as well and looked blankly out to the snow that reflected only the sun. Squinting, he sighed and stepped out, feeling the first soft crunch, and cold clawed into his feet, so much that he funneled chakra to his feet to warm them before he used the energy to propel himself up to the roof of his house. He was headed for the square wall, and Konoha beyond it, and Naruto's apartment. Besides the distant acquaintance of his genin team (who were not Uchiha, so not worth bothering about) Sasuke and his clan did not stoop to meet the people on the outside, no more than they had to. So now, he laughed bitterly inside his mind because when it snowed, he had only one person, an outsider, who he wanted to see when the snow came. But he tolerated Naruto. There were many reasons…
It surprised Sasuke that there actually were a few clansmen who walked the compound's streets despite the cold. They were faceless in their heavy brown cloaks with hoods. In one alley that Sasuke leaped over he saw a few children playing in the snow. He did not see anything much different outside of the wall except for the occasional lingering eye that followed him until he went out of sight.
The bright yellow, green, and purple buildings of Konoha that were now crowned with white snow had taken on duller shades. Sasuke came to a rest standing on top of Naruto's small apartment complex and got his bearings by looking for the Hokage tower to the west, because he could barely see the sun that hid its face behind the clouds. Oriented, he then knew instinctively to find the window, which he pulled open quietly, slowly before he stepped inside. It barely creaked. Sasuke shut it behind him and saw that his breath had made the glass fog up for a moment, and he dropped his heavy robes and stood in the middle of the living room.
There was an unpolished brown wooden floor, a wood table with a single chair, and a white stove and refrigerator. The floor was a little wet where someone – probably Naruto – had tracked in snow on his shoes not long ago.
Sasuke – when no one came running out – looked to the bedroom door, and annoyance tightened his jaw and the once relaxed muscles of his arms as he frowned. He could not believe that Naruto had gone out somewhere without asking him along. He couldn't be doing anything in a blizzard. What the hell did he think Sasuke was doing that would keep him from coming by?
Well, Naruto did have other friends.
A biting voice in the back of Sasuke's head said, What are you, his girlfriend?
No, just one of his friends, a sadder voice replied.
He looked at the window and saw his small frown reflected in the middle of the sparkling frost that stretched over the glass, and so closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Calm, calm. Sasuke knew – made himself know – that Naruto's absence didn't bother him, so grabbing his robe he left the window to thud shut behind him. The whole thing just pissed him off.
But maybe he could put up with one of Naruto's friends, if he could just find Naruto.
He went to Sakura's place, since she was Naruto's old teammate, but she said Naruto was at home; to Kakashi's, Naruto's old sensei, but the door was locked and no one answered; to Ichiraku's ramen shop, but it was closed tight against the blizzard. The afternoon was coming to an end now, while the chill folded in on itself in the north and came in redoubled on a frosty wind, so cold that Sasuke, his clothes becoming wet and his extremities numb, prepared himself to give up and go home. Itachi would have hot tea ready.
But Naruto's absence was…ridiculous. Until now Sasuke had let the occasional looks from the few people who watched him from below blow by, scatter, and burn away, but now, Sasuke's sharingan spinning in response, their eyes parted ways for him while he flew above. The dying dusk lit up the compound wall, and on the western horizon the sunset's dull orange and purple appeared through all of the grey over Konoha. Standing on a roof in front of the wall, which stood over him tall and grey, Sasuke turned his head suddenly.
He stopped. Had he just heard something? But everyone was at home. His eyes spun red, and his vision grew sharper. He barely caught the weapon flying at him.
It fell apart in his clenched fist.
He stared blankly at the dripping snow. A…snowball?
"Heeeey! Sasukeee!"
By reflex Sasuke took a small leap to the side and watched more snowballs strike where he had just been getting ready to make his jump into the compound. When he landed, he crouched frowning and staring at Naruto, who was laughing from the other side of the roof.
Why was I looking for him, again?
"Sasuke, I finally found you!"
Sasuke shivered and felt his teeth click against each other. But he held his face clean and blank so that it masked his fury.
"You find me…asshole. Where the hell were you?"
Naruto tossed the snowballs aside and took a step forward.
"Hey princess, what was that? I was at the practice field, but you didn't show up."
Sasuke wanted to burn Naruto to ash right then and there. Widely smiling, Naruto just reached into that wonderfully messy blond hair and scratched his head.
Wonderfully?
Sasuke said, "Thankfully for you I'm not going to start a fight here."
"Thankfully?"
"You'd get your ass kicked."
Naruto took another step closer. He had stopped smiling, and pointed at Sasuke. Sasuke just kept looking.
Naruto said, "Oh no, no way! Let's make a bet right here, and I mean it."
Sasuke snorted.
"I don't make bets with anyone, especially you. You just won't pay me back if you lose."
Putting on arrogance had served him well many times.
Naruto said, "You're so selfish. They put sticks up everyone's ass in your damn family?"
Sasuke's cool veneer suddenly broke when he felt the warmth of anger crawled up his cheeks. Naruto called him selfish? There was endless evidence to the contrary. And insulting the clan… so Sasuke stood up and bolted towards Naruto, whose face, registered detail by detail in the sharingan, went from open-mouthed surprise to a fierce grin that made Sasuke, his face halting only a few inches from Naruto's, skid to a stop. Naruto had not moved an inch.
"Wait, so, uh…we're not going to fight?"
Why did I let myself get so angry?
An excuse…
After taking a breath and collecting himself, Sasuke said, "We're…"
He looked down.
"…on someone's house, Naruto."
Another shiver. He tried to stop it but was too weak to do so, and that bothered him. But he could use it as reason to get Naruto out of his fighting mood.
"…and it's too cold. We need to go inside."
Naruto said, "Hm. Want to just go there? Seems pretty neat."
He pointed at the compound, and Sasuke cocked his head to the side, because Naruto had never been inside of the compound walls from when they met at fourteen until now, when they were seventeen.
"You don't belong there."
"Hey, what's that mean? Can I just come and see it for a little bit? I don't have anything else to do today. I'll even let you off the bet."
Sasuke sighed.
"You didn't even tell me what it was."
He watched Naruto grin for a moment.
"I'm not so sure you want to know. I mean, it was pretty crazy. You would've gone so red, and you don't get embarrassed too often."
Ridiculous. Naruto was obviously baiting him in some way, but curiosity, cool and silent, crept in unannounced.
"Hm. What is it?"
Sasuke took a step forward, and, watching Sasuke closely, Naruto, smiling mischievously, took a step back away from him. Sasuke almost gave up and jumped to the compound wall to get away, but the need to know kept him – turning over and over in his mind a way to weed out the information without annihilating a standing building, and becoming more attracted to the undisclosed albeit tantalizing idea of the wager – rooted in place.
"Are you deaf? What's your stupid bet?"
Naruto put his hand on Sasuke's arm, and Sasuke's heart immediately began beating faster, which made him pull back and grunt. He, an Uchiha, could not be weak. And that feeling – the tingling in his arm, the weakness of his stomach, and finally the emptying of clear thought from his mind thoroughly and all at once – was weakness that his father until that very day did his best to stamp out of his sons.
Was the cold getting to his head?
So that was why he pulled away. Naruto's smile diminished.
Naruto said, "Just…can I come to warm up at your place for a little while and I'll tell you?"
Sasuke closed his eyes so he would not have to watch Naruto's stupid face and with his inner eye staged the reactions of his family to seeing a boy – to them the carrier of an evil demon – walking in unannounced. But…
Sasuke said, "What's wrong with your apartment?"
"It's too far away and I wanted to hang out with you today. I mean, Sakura would just talk about her boyfriend, and Kiba would smell like dog."
Despite how Naruto had qualified "I wanted to hang out with you today" the tide of feelings shifted suddenly, and that same sharp voice back in Sasuke's mind disapproved like it always did. But it could shut up just once. Naruto did live quite far away, and the snow was only coming down harder.
Why? What if you're just misreading this whole thing?
The cautionary question came to him, but Sasuke did not know what to say back.
The snow comes, and Naruto starts dropping all of these hints…
But do I really want to start this?
Sasuke said, "Whatever."
I don't know.
Naruto's leap and fist pump followed instantaneously. Sasuke brushed his bangs from his eyes and looked toward the compound, both frustrated and anxious, and he hoped he wasn't too transparent. He made up something to say.
"Be careful, though. Not a lot of outsiders come in."
More composed, he looked back at Naruto, who had crouched down to pounce up to the wall.
Sasuke said, "Ready?"
"Lead the way."
Their feet lightly left the ground and landed firmly on the top of the wall. Sasuke nodded to a guard, who nodded back without missing a beat, and jumped down among the wooden houses. He felt his heart beating faster than it should. The Uchiha allowed guests escorted by a member of the clan, but with Naruto Sasuke was probably pushing the boundary on who was an acceptable guest.
Not to mention his…ulterior motives.
While the cold north wind and the snow, suddenly increasing, whipped them as they jumped headfirst into them, Naruto took the moment to shout at Sasuke.
"Which one is yours?!"
Always so damn impatient. Sasuke blinked hard, because his eyes stung. The wind was becoming worse. He did not even bother to look back, but, crouching on to a snow-covered roof and preparing to jump down in front of his house, he pointed down at it and shouted.
"Here!"
He landed softly and jogged to the door, and he turned his eyes to see Naruto dashing after him. He was furiously rubbing his eyes. Sasuke slid the door open and walked in quickly, and, standing to breathe the warmer air, the click of the door closing sounded behind him.
"My eyes hurt so bad! I thought I liked this stuff this morning, but this is so stupid!"
Sasuke ignored him. He went on into the large, main room in which his family ate dinner and lounged on days they had to stay indoors after work (it was all made of wood, and all of its walls were paneled in the old style, leading off to many side rooms). An iron stove burned in the corner for heat. Itachi was sitting cross-legged at a shogi-table playing with Shisui, his friend, and he barely glanced over Naruto and Sasuke before speaking quietly.
"Welcome back, little brother."
He moved a shogi piece, and Shisui grunted. There was the sound only of breathing and of the crackling fire.
"And welcome, Naruto. It's been a long time, hasn't it?"
"Definitely, Itachi."
Itachi let out a small cough before continuing.
Itachi said, "Hm. Sasuke, you two should change clothes."
"And Naruto, Sasuke can share his clothes with you, since you're our guest."
Sasuke grimaced. My clothes?
"Hell yeah!"
Damn it. Whatever.
"Follow me."
Naruto stopped and nodded. He was grinning. Of course.
Naruto said, "After you."
Sasuke slid open a panel on the side of the room that revealed a small stairwell. He and Itachi had always lived upstairs, where it creaked and the bare wood didn't stop much heat from escaping. And he felt like Naruto was violating his space, but since his father had not been home…things had so far gone better than expected. With the mysterious wager hanging in his mind, Sasuke could tolerate Naruto's intruding.
Sasuke took a look back as they ascended the stairs. Naruto's eyes held a little wider than usual, he was looking at everything, and Sasuke turned back and asked.
"Too stupid to know what a house looks like?"
Naruto grunted.
"Shut up, Sasuke. It's not that."
"Then what?"
"I've never been in a house this big before. I mean, I've been in some on missions, but I was fighting then and that was different. But I've never just been in one, you know?"
"Hm."
Sasuke did not know what to say to that, because the house was of a perfectly normal size to him, even though it was one of the bigger ones in the compound. He had never thought about how Naruto hadn't lived in anything but that one-room apartment on the old side of town.
Of course I don't pity him. Why should I?
Shivering from the draft that ran through their hair and over their skin, they walked down the creaking hallway at the top of the stairs until they came to Sasuke's room. He slid open the panel, and they stepped inside. He made sure to slam the door shut and took a moment to look at Naruto, who had stood in the middle of the room (within reach, because it wasn't very big), and with that same, dumb curiosity was looking around. He looked back at Sasuke and scratched his head.
"This is…it?"
Sasuke frowned.
"What's wrong with it?"
Naruto said, "It's just so much…smaller than I expected. You just have such a big house. Why's your room so small?"
Sasuke looked over it. The window was pulled shut and stuffed with rags around the corners to keep the wind out, and the only furniture was a wooden dresser on one side with some framed pictures on it and on the other side an unrolled futon, covered with a thick blanket, as well as the black, iron heater.
"In this family we have the rooms we need, not the rooms we want."
He went over to the heater and opened it. While he began to neatly stack up the small logs inside of it, Naruto replied.
"That's kind of stupid, I think. I'd have a huge room, and buy all sorts of cool stuff."
Sasuke, charging chakra for a small fire jutsu, heard Naruto pause to shiver.
"Hey, Sasuke…where are your, um, clothes?"
Sasuke belched out a flame that caught on the logs immediately. He looked at the tiny fire for a moment before replying.
"Where do you think?"
Naruto grumbled for a second before the sliding of the dresser's drawers answered Sasuke's question. Sasuke went to grab some fresh clothes for himself. Squeezing past Naruto, even pushing a little, he noticed Naruto was having trouble peeling off the wet clothes, and his skin was very pale.
He could be sick.
Sasuke put his hand on one of the dresser's knobs.
Sick?
What's making me act like a starry-eyed kunoichi?
He knew. He wanted to forget it. Whatever happened tonight, he did not want to make himself look emotional and weak. Pulling the dresser open, he spoke casually to distance himself from his words.
He said, "Sit next to the fire and dry off."
"Why?"
"You're freezing Naruto, just do it."
"But I don't-"
Sasuke then enunciated carefully.
"Just. Do. it."
Naruto said nothing else, and the floor creaked by the heater. Before peeling off his own clothes, Sasuke picked out long pants and a shirt. He peeled off his shirt, and his shorts, which all made slick, slurping noises before he threw them down in a pile, and he, stripped down to his loincloth, sat to the left of to Naruto, who was mindlessly staring, hugging his knees to his chest, and tapping his feet. He was just as stripped down as Sasuke, in front of the fire. Sasuke very quickly glanced at Naruto to make sure his skin color was returning.
Naruto seemed to have noticed his quick glance. Sasuke looked straight ahead at the fire but could still, by peripheral vision and the creaking of the floor, tell Naruto was leaning towards him. He turned his head away from Naruto.
"What is it?"
Naruto grunted.
"It's cold, asshole! If we, um…sit close together we'll warm up. We've done this a million times out on missions."
But we had clothes on, then.
And it wasn't in my room. You come to me, if this isn't some misunderstanding.
Sasuke said, "You'll be fine drying off over there."
At first Naruto said nothing, and Sasuke said nothing and stared into the fire, but then he heard – that is, by the creaking of the wood, he assumed – that Naruto had inched closer, and then the scratchy inner voice demanded him to move, but when he did not the heed the voice, paralyzed by his inaction it grew silent. Sasuke did not know what he wanted at that moment, but a mild buzzing (not a sound, but a feeling; a tingle) encompassed him and he did not know whether to move or to stare in the fire for a hundred more years, because the time that he divided into seconds corresponded with hours when his running heart took him over. His arm tingled. He wondered if Naruto had touched him, but he glanced. In that one glance he saw only Naruto with his eyes drooping and coming closer, but he had not touched Sasuke. Sasuke hated that at the moment he could only imagine Naruto touching him.
Well, he could imagine. He did not want to imagine, although he had suddenly forgotten why. Naruto still scooted closer and closer every few moments, and Sasuke could not move himself from his anchored spot. Sasuke imagined again and again, maybe in the form of an arm against an arm or an accidental hand on another hand, a small touch. He could not take his mind from it.
Naruto's arms suddenly wrapped around Sasuke's shoulders and pressed their bodies together. Sasuke started to struggle, because he was feeling warmer from something that wasn't just the fire, and that was dangerous. But Naruto wouldn't let go.
"Let. Me. Go."
Naruto shivered, loosening his grip slightly, but pulled tight again just as Sasuke tried to move away.
Naruto said, "Wait…"
Sasuke could not get leverage to push him away. Painfully aware of each bit of his cold skin that touched against Naruto's, he gave up but did not relax completely.
"What's the deal, Sasuke? It's helping the cold already."
Only because I can feel you against me.
"Whatever."
They sat like that for a while even though it was uncomfortable, and Sasuke soon relaxed. Naruto's grip relaxed too. Sasuke didn't try to get away again. The heat in his body had dripped into his brain, and he couldn't think clearly, which made part of his mind furious. Sasuke had forgotten why he would be angry, though. He let his right hand fall down and rest on Naruto's left leg. The fire – crackling and throwing bright light out in every corner of that tiny room – was beautiful and drew Sasuke's eyes into it, while he let the sensation of the firm chest pressing against his shoulder overwhelm him. Was this a dream? He faintly remembered that he should push away.
No.
Naruto lightly shook Sasuke and whispered.
"You feeling alright, Sasuke? You feel like your burning up."
So are you.
I guess I should say something…
"Hm, I'm fine…What have you been doing today, besides looking for me?"
Naruto loved to talk, and quickly replied, "Eh, really that's all. I went to Ichiraku when it was still open, but I woke up so late in the morning that I didn't have time to do anything else, you know. I'm glad I finally got a hold of you though."
A pause, and Sasuke took a deep breath.
He said, "Well, that's boring."
Naruto had never given any hint that he too wanted Sasuke, which allowed Sasuke – having digested the issue thoroughly in his mind's eye when on moonless, quiet nights his thoughts began to race, murmuring to the night and with pride smothering the unmanly, pointless, burdensome lust – to bear the burden of the secret very lightly for the last years because he had no hope to nourish it. So when without any undue expectation Sasuke, putting an arm down to support himself, leaned to the side and turned his neck just far enough to see Naruto, they (Naruto's flushed cheeks, his half-closed eyes) gave him unwanted evidence. Hope.
He can't…this is the one time we meet outside of a mission or sparring field, and how is it this easy?
Sasuke realized that Naruto, his eyes closed, was leaning a little closer to Sasuke's face, and Sasuke held in his breath and closed his own eyes until he felt a cool, wet pressure against the side of this mouth.
A kiss?
He mulled over the idea. Part of him was gratified above all, but anger flared up suddenly. He couldn't let this happen, at least not this easily. Pushing out of Naruto's arms, which had become entirely slack, he bolted up and walked to the other side of the room where the window creaked against the wind.
Why is he grabbing me and acting like this is no big deal, anyways? Does he think I'm some damn…whore?
"Hey…Sasuke…"
I can't lose control. Did I forget who I am?
"Naruto," Sasuke said.
I'm an Uchiha.
Sasuke did not turn around, but behind him there was no sound as he continued.
"This…tonight…"
Now he shook his head.
"…only satisfies the desires I have. I don't want anything else from you that's…"
He tightened his fists. Naruto had gotten up.
"…like this."
"You bastard...I finally get a chance, and you act all uppity…hah...so you like this, huh?"
When Naruto put his hand on Sasuke's hip and ran it over the top of his hipbone, Sasuke, having to shut his eyes, took a deep breath.
All he could say was, "Hm."
Naruto chuckled and said, "You're still so much nicer like this."
Nice?
Sasuke slapped Naruto's hand away and turned around. He had to push his back against the window to create a space empty of their bodies, which made a gulf between them. Naruto, his one hand extended, stood there and with wide eyes looked at Sasuke. Sasuke looked away from him.
He had felt guilt, or something like it. But his mind changed not a bit.
He said, "I'm a member of the Uchiha clan, Naruto. I have trained every day of my life to fulfill its traditions, and part of that is starting a family to keep the bloodline flowing. There is no place for…this, in my clan. Maybe there's a place for it among the people outside the walls, but not here. I'm doing this to satisfy myself. Not you. No one. Only myself."
Naruto dumbly nodded, and, satisfied with his understanding, Sasuke leaned forward and pressed his lips to Naruto's. Then his word aligned itself with his world – that is, within his heart, he softened his desire until he saw it as a lust, because then he could more easily understand it, but that overwhelmed him still. Sasuke felt hot blood rush up the arteries of his neck and follow, even down to his toes, to lower parts. This was his, though.
Finally.
Naruto's lips pushed back against his. Sasuke tried to open his mouth to press his tongue into Naruto's, yet Naruto simply kept his mouth closed and kiss until Sasuke gave up. Well, he didn't just give up. He pushed back.
This is mine.
Sasuke finally pulled away from Naruto with a wet pop and gasped for a breath. His eyes were still shut, but he could feel Naruto's forehead lean against his. He could hear Naruto breathing just as hard. Now Naruto was shaking his head.
"You only want to keep this private, huh…"
Sasuke whispered.
"It's…yes. You can't convince me otherwise."
When Naruto's thumb brushed his cheek, Sasuke tightened his jaw and kept quiet. For a moment Naruto said nothing. Sasuke resisted opening his eyes.
Naruto said, "You-you're such an asshole…"
Naruto exhaled sharply.
"…but anyways, there's no way in hell I'm going home in a blizzard."
Sasuke would have grabbed Naruto and thrown him out for thinking he could impose himself, but although he had barely noticed it, the wind blew cold against his bare back. Now he suppressed a shiver. He conceded.
"For tonight. Leave in the morning. We can spar when the snow is gone like we always do, but I'm never going to act like this with you outside of your apartment. It's dangerous that we're doing this in the compound, even in my room."
Sasuke's actions went against what he just said, but it was only one night, after all, and no one suspected him. He treated most girls with disdain, but that was expected from the son of a clan leader.
Leaning back, Naruto kissed Sasuke's forehead and laughed in reply. Maybe Naruto had nothing to say after that, or he was just relieved, but he just nervously laughed. Sasuke finally opened his eyes. It was almost disappointing, because the warmth – the gaudy splash of emotion that overwhelmed him – corresponded to the more familiar Naruto, who was standing there and watching Sasuke. His skin was red. So Sasuke lifted his arm and dragged his finger across Naruto's splotchy, red collarbone, and heard Naruto's breath catch until he lifted his finger, which had become wet with some sweat. He felt reassured.
He said, "Lay down with me."
Naruto kissed Sasuke's forehead again.
"Ok."
It was hard for them both to fit, and Sasuke ended up turned on his side (and half-uncovered) in his small bedroll so that he could face Naruto. Naruto's eyes were half-closed. His arms were laid in front of him so that they brushed against Sasuke's, and Sasuke's skin would crawl when Naruto would stroke him lightly. Sasuke accepted the caresses but would only look back at Naruto in return.
Laying there, Sasuke – feeling warm from both Naruto and the small furnace burning next to them, at which he would flick his eyes from time to time and watch the fire that lapped so slowly with the wood, and drag down to his throat and to his heart all of the small touches that Naruto left at the places Sasuke could never expect them, and imagining his reflection, with his head peeking over Naruto's shoulder, just as he might see it in a clear, small mirror – could not do anything.
Weakness.
But as long as I keep it hidden…
Some time later (Sasuke could not sleep), Naruto met Sasuke's eyes and spoke quietly.
"Sure I can stay here all night?"
"No one will check."
"Why?"
Sasuke held Naruto's gaze, but he had to pause to summon a reply.
Because no one cares what happens as long as I don't turn up dead?
No… that's wrong.
"They trust me enough not to check on me."
"They even trust you after…"
That day, huh?
"Yes, Naruto. They do."
Sasuke leaned forward and stroked Naruto's jaw.
Naruto said, "What really…happened to you guys? The Uchiha. I mean, I've heard the stories, but it can't be that bad."
Sasuke pulled his hand back suddenly.
"Not now."
He put his hand around Sasuke's waist, and Naruto crushed Sasuke against himself. Sasuke stretched his arm around Naruto in return. He really wanted to do more than just to lie here with Naruto, but the thought of moving beyond this terrified him too much for now.
Naruto said, "You're my friend, or whatever this is. You can tell me."
Sasuke whispered harshly.
"No. Not now."
"Why not? Come on…"
Sasuke covered Naruto's mouth with his own, and the words of protest drowned and turned to a small grunt. Sasuke could only see blond hair when they broke the kiss and Naruto reduced himself to nuzzling Sasuke's chest. He pressed his face into Naruto's hair and smelled deeply. It smelled like the effaced smell given off by the snow and ice, which had penetrated everything. It was fresh and scraped-clean, the odor of winter. Sasuke also smelled sweat – he was no different - and a smell like the carpet in Naruto's room, warm and dusty. Sasuke probably was the only one who thought fondly of that smell.
Naruto kept mercifully silent. Sasuke thought the silence was easier.
He heard the door slide open at the bottom of the stairwell leading to his room, and heavy footsteps pounding up the steps. Only one person in the house walked like that.
No.
There was a creaking in the hallway. Naruto was not paying attention and kissed the nape of Sasuke's neck. How could he be so deaf?
"What are you pushing me away for?"
Wait.
No. A creak?
No no no no no….
He forced out, "Naruto, sto – "
Sasuke's heart was racing now as he heard his door slide open. Shocked, Naruto sat up and turned to look.
Sasuke's father's black eyes bored first into Naruto and then traveled to Sasuke, who looked away.
Sasuke said, "Father…
His father said, after a long, terrifying pause, "I thought you having the demon come into our home was bad enough…"
"Father! I can tell you what happ-"
"No! Explain nothing. Get out of here, both of you. Now. And take your clothes and go."
Sasuke's father had – with a slight tensing of the jaw – barely raised his voice. Knowing he had no chance, Sasuke could only watch his father shake his head.
He said, "No, I'll send Itachi for you when you can come back. But I know what this is, and there is no excuse. Now get out!"
Sasuke ran.
He threw warm clothes on and dragged Naruto outside, where the darkness and the snow completely obscured their vision. His father did not stand in their way. As if he were ashamed, Naruto said nothing to Sasuke. But Sasuke wanted Naruto at each moment to speak. When they had put on a few meager clothes – a layer or two, but not nearly enough – they plunged forward. In the darkness and driving snow Sasuke could not see the landmarks that he usually followed to Naruto's apartment. Instead, Naruto took Sasuke's hand and pulled him along, first on a slow climb up the side of a dim building, which Sasuke assumed was Naruto's building. Following Naruto, Sasuke scaled the wall. When he saw Naruto open a window and crawl into it, Sasuke crawled in as well.
He dripped, and then he fell and simply soaked the floor.
"Sasuke!"
It was hard to push the air out of his lungs.
"Get these clothes off of me…"
Naruto paused.
"Uh, ok…."
Sasuke shivered very hard.
Hurry, you idiot. It's so cold…
There was a pressure, because Sasuke's sense of touch was numbed, and Sasuke knew his clothes were being torn off. The pulling and tearing ceased finally.
Naruto said, "You're naked, what now?"
He shivered so hard his teeth clacked loudly against each other.
"Idiot…put blankets on me…make me warm…a-anything..."
Kotatsu, the young ninja on duty to keep track of the few missions that went out on that snowy day (he's was only twenty years old, with thick black hair tied back under his headband and dull grey eyes), sat in his office in the Hokage's tower and unhappily looked at the record sheet in front of him. Most of today's missions had been clearing village streets and other daily upkeep in the face of the snowstorm.
But he had sent one team to patrol in the area around the village and look for anyone – merchants, travelers, anybody who was struggling out in the snow – and to help them get within the walls. The four man team had left at sunrise, but had not reported back since. It was dark now. So Kotatsu still waited here, after all the teams but one had returned, and he listened to the radio to try to pass the time, rereading the day's reports under a dim light bulb.
Music played out of the radio, some love song. Kotatsu started to hum with it.
Then static began to fill up the signal, and Kotatsu started up and turned to look at the radio.
Suddenly the static and the music stopped all at once, and the lights in the office went out without warning, and Kotatsu now sat in the dark, alone. There was now only silence, and outside the sound of the howling, screaming winds bringing more snow out of the north…