Real Estate Circus
Co-Written by Hisan Kage and Kurenai Sakeme
Disclaimer: We don't own YYH. Not that this is anything like YYH, but hey. Damn lawyers…so picky.
------WARNING! MAJOR AU FIC INVOLVING CROSS DRESSERS, SUPERHEROES, X-MEN, CIRCUS PERFORMERS, SHOWGIRLS, ARMY RECRUITERS, AND BLIND JESUS FREAKS. EVERYONE IS MADE FUN OF MULTIPLE TIMES! SO, IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, GO GET ONE, COME BACK, READ, AND THEN REVIEW! OR WE MIGHT CRY…;.;------
Full Plot Summary: (crossover with Hunter X Hunter) Yusuke is a struggling clown in a near-bankrupt circus. To make matters worse, his dear old grandmother, Genkai's, house is about to be stolen and demolished by the evil real estate tycoon, Koenma, for a building site to erect a statue of himself. With the help of his friends, Kurama, Hiei, and Kuwabara, as well as a card dealer, showgirl, circus freaks, sideshow performers, a superhero and his nurse, and confused spies, he must fight Koenma and his army of bodyguards, Fashion Police, not-confused spies, and angry construction workers. Will Genkai's house be saved before the demolition date? Not likely…
Chapter One: Grandma's House
Grandma's house was a happy place. Rows of lovingly planted azaleas and rosebushes, pretty fountains and blooming rhododendrons. There were even cute little statuettes of gnomes and children running and fishing and whatnot. Everything was perfect.
But what's this? An unsightly yellow paper nailed into the door? Let's take a look at what it says…:
"CONDEMNED."
Yep, that's right. Grandma's house was condemned for demolition. The cause, you might ask? Let's have a look in the courtyard of this perfect house. At the center, at a crossroads of tidy little garden paths, there is a stone fountain. But not just any stone fountain. A stone fountain spewing chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.
Sweet, sweet chocolate that spews from a stone fountain isn't cheap, mind you. And dear old Grandma Genkai had spent just a tad too much on it. Enough to land her bankrupt. But her reliable grandson Yusuke can help her out, right? Surely, he has a steady job and a beautiful wife?
Well, his "beautiful wife" is really just a cross-dressing girlfriend named Keiko. And his steady job? A clown in a stationary circus, near bankrupt itself.
Yup. Grandma Genkai was screwed.
It was that very day that Yusuke was on his way to visit dear old Grandma Genkai, blissfully unaware of the fate of her house. When he walked up to the door, he took no notice of the note nailed to it and knocked. He got no answer, so he knocked again. Eventually, he got worried that Grandma Genkai had fallen and couldn't get up so he tentatively opened the door and looked inside.
"Grandma?" he called. At first, he thought no one was home but then he heard a muffled sound coming from another room.
He walked into the room the noise was coming from, only to see Grandma Genkai crying over her knitting needles. "Hey, Grandma, someone left you a note!" he told her casually. Grandma Genkai only wailed harder. "Uh…Something wrong?"
"D-didn't you r-read the note?" Genkai asked in between sobs.
"Yeah, well, you know that reading thing," Yusuke said, rubbing the back of his head and laughing. "Haven't been able to do it since the ol' accident! Ha ha ha…"
"M-my house had been condemned!" she informed him, slightly incredulous that her one and only grandson was still illiterate. "Th-they're coming to demolish the place in o-one month!"
"What?" Yusuke gasped, looking shocked in a very animated fashion. "WHY?"
"I went bankrupt…" Grandma Genkai admitted, hanging her head in shame.
"How?" Yusuke demanded. "What could you have possibly bought that made you go bankrupt!"
Genkai averted her eyes for a second, but then couldn't help but look sadly out the window at the grand chocolate fountain.
"Oh boy!" Yusuke exclaimed gleefully like a little girl who just got a new doll. "A chocolate fountain! Neat!"
As much as Grandma Genkai loved Yusuke, she couldn't help but admit the truth; her grandson was an idiot. "Not neat, Yusuke, that fountain is what made me bankrupt! Oh, if only I had a little more self-control. I don't want to be put in a home, Yusuke!"
"Well, why would that happen?"
"I'd be an old lady with no home. Do you know what happens to old ladies without homes?"
He thought for a moment, and then his face lit up suddenly. "Yea--" his face fell again. "No."
"They get sent off by the state to nursing homes!" she appeared distraught. "After all of the work your grandfather and I put into this house…the time and money…they're just going to tear it down to make way for who-knows-what…" she set off into a fresh tangent of wails. Yusuke looked a little confused, as though he had no idea what he could possibly do for his poor grandma. Then it hit him.
"I'm gonna save your house!"
"Oh, Yusuke, d-don't worry ab-bout it. I'll m-manage somehow in the o-old folks' home…There's nothing more that we can do."
"I'll get my friends to help! We'll figure something out!"
"Yusuke, honey…n-no. You'll h-hurt yourself."
"Leave it to me, Grandma Genkai! The house is as good as ours again!"
"N-no, seriously-!" Grandma Genkai began to say, but it was too late. He was already out the door and halfway down the street. "Oh, what is he planning?" she said worriedly to herself. After all, her grandson wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.
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"Really, Yusuke…you have to stop visiting me when I'm working." Kurama complained. He and Yusuke were in the back room of the grocery store where he worked, Stop 'N' Shop.
"No, Kurama, this is important! We're on a mission!" Yusuke insisted. "An important one!"
Kurama appeared curious. "Mission? What are you talking about?"
"Grandma Genkai got a note today saying that her house was condemned for demolition because someone bought it from the bank after she went bankrupt. Some guy named Koenma. So we have to save her house!"
Kurama was silent for a moment, as though he were thinking of the gentlest way to break the news to his "special" friend. "Uhm…listen, Yusuke. If Koenma bought her house, there's no hope. He owns more real estate than anyone else in Japan. He's also rumored to be involved in the Mafia and other crime rings. Genkai's house is gone. The smartest thing to do is look for a nice nursing home for her."
"No! She doesn't want to go to a home!"
"She doesn't have a choice. Now, I have a shift to finish. See you tonight, okay?" With that, Kurama left his friend in the backroom, knowing that Yusuke knew where the door was.
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Yusuke, who was almost impossible to bring down, decided to try and get some of his other friends in on his plot. He didn't have very good results:
"Kurama is right. There isn't anything more we can do for her besides try and get her placed somewhere nice by the state." Kurapika, the amazing trapeze walker commented bluntly.
"The Lord says that Grandma Genkai is screwed!" preached Yomi, the blind Evangelist of the Tokyo subway system.
"Where'd my bourbon flask go!" Was all Chuu, the belligerent and abusive father of the kid who helped Yomi could muster.
"I am Super Sensui!" cried the man Yusuke stopped in the street. He was wearing a spandex suit with a large "S" on it.
"Aieee! Aieee!" Kuwabara, the famous dancing monkey put in. His sister, an organ grinder, translated that to, "I am quite sorry, dear friend, but there is no way in the seven levels of Hell that we can get her house back before the demolition date. Good day."
But remember! For every stupid and naïve person in this world, there are ten others just as useless, incompetent, unintelligent, and ignorant.
"There's gotta be some way! I mean, I'm a bearded lady, for Pete's sake!" said Leorio, one of the freaks in Yusuke's circus.
"Wait a minute, you're actually a lady?" questioned Gon, joining them in their pre-show conversation. The three were in the dressing room, preparing for the show.
Leorio appeared confused. "Wait a second…am I?"
Yusuke looked thoughtful for a moment before he suggested, "Maybe you should check again."
"Okay." Leorio said, and with that he skipped off toward the little shman's room.
Yusuke smiled widely as he applied the finishing touches to his clown makeup. Somewhere deep inside him, a flame of hope had been ignited. It didn't matter that it had come from a gender-confused sideshow freak, or that there had been no explanation of how saving his grandma's house was possible.
All that mattered was that, with the same childish rapture that we all have as kids, he thought that he could do anything, be anything, and overcome any crime-involved real estate tycoon.
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And that is that! New chapter will be up relatively soon, hopefully, so be on the lookout. Since this is really AU, a character glossary will be up to help you understand a little better! Now, review, and please include your favorite part of the chapter! (By the way, sorry if you were offended! You were warned!)
UP NEXT: "Saving Showgirl Yukina"- Hiei finds out from his dying mother that he has an estranged twin sister. He tracks her to a casino--where she is working as a showgirl! The uber-religious Hiei then hurries out to the American west to save his sister. But why in the hell is her blue-haired card-dealing friend stalking them back home?