Title: White Horse
By: Princessinblues
Summary: Jake breaks Bella's trust, and someone is there to comfort her. Based on the song by Taylor Swift.
Playlist: White Horse-Taylor Swift
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. *cry cry*
Author's Note: Please read and review, the flashbacks are in italics. Enjoy!
If looks could kill, hers would. Her blue eyes were twisted into slits as she looked at him with hate. "Get out of here," She spat venomously. His shoulders sagged as he looked at me for hope.
I shook my head, still allowing the tears to fall. Out of the pouring rain I walked until I was in the safety of my living room, turning all the lights off.
I wasn't deserving of the lights anymore. Alice's eyes bored into mine, and she gave me a look of pity. "I'm so sorry, Bells. What a jerk." Alice spoke softly hugging me. I shook my head and sobbed.
"Oh, it's okay," She enveloped me in a hug. Then, her presence was gone. Alice stood up in front of me.
"Do you want me to leave? Sometimes it's better to be alone when going through this." Alice spoke softly. "If you don't mind," I prompted my voice hoarse.
I nodded, as I pressed my fingers to my forehead. No doubt a migraine was on the way. I nodded, she needed to go. She stroked my tangled brown hair as her diamond ring scratched my scalp lightly.
"I'm sorry," Alice spoke softly, mindful of my migraine. "There's Tylenol in the cabinet if you need something for a migraine," Alice instructed lightly. "I will," I nodded bobbing my head, not letting her see my tear stricken, not beautiful enough face.
I could tell Alice's shoulders fell again as she touched my shoulder in comfort.
The door swung closed as she made her way out into her car, and I could hear the engine accelerating as she drove away. The pain started at my heart, stabbing me like a thousand knives.
Then it came all the way up to my head where it formed a monstrous migraine. My sobs picked up. Why me? Why did this have to happen? I'd made a mistake, I knew it. My problem was I didn't want to believe it. I shook my head as I thought about how stupid I was. Black make-up marked my face like I was ready for battle.
In reality, all I wanted to do was sit here being the emotional teenager I was and cry my heart out. I was defeated; a giant spear was through my heart. Shaking uncontrollably, my mind swept me back into the daunting memories that I feared would never go away.
"Stop, stop," I demanded through giggles. "So that spot is ticklish, huh?" Jacob teased tickling my tummy. "No, no," I ordered. "I will stop if you stop making that adorable look on your face," Jacob promised. My face fell as I stopped giggling.
"You mean like this?" I pointed at my calm face. "Still cute, but I'll stop," Jacob shrugged kissing my forehead. "So what do you want to do now?" I jumped off the sheets of the bed.
"I don't know, whatever you want to do," Jacob spoke. Nodding slightly, I went over to the couch and sat on it. "You want to watch TV?" Jacob guessed.
"No," I shook my head, letting a few hairs loose from my messy ponytail. "I guess I can catch the scores later, huh? Well, what's on your mind?" Jacob asked. I cocked my head for a moment and thought.
"Snuggle?" I ask. "Great idea," Jacob agreed. He pulled me close to his side and put his arms around me. Smiling like an idiot, I put my head against his chest and sighed contently. He treated me like a princess, or pretty close to it.
"Are you still tired?" Jacob chuckled as he saw my eye lids close. "No, I feel so relaxed right now," I replied a smile on my face.
I replied intertwining my hand with his. His hand was like fifteen times the size of mine. He took my hand, but studied it for a moment. "You're not going to compare hands again?" I groaned.
"Yes, we are," Jacob responded kissing my nose playfully. I smiled and put my palm against his. My finger tips barely reached his palm, and my lips fell down in a pout. "I have little hands," I sighed.
"They're cute though." Jacob replied making blush creep up my cheeks. He smiled my favorite smile.
"Thanks," Was my genius response.
"You're welcome, honey," Jacob smiled warmly. Whimsically, I fluttered my eye lids before I gave up and fell into my sleep again. Before I fell asleep, Jacob kissed my lips softly, and the last thing I thought before I fell asleep; was he was everything to me. And hopefully I was his.
Was my mind trying to torture me more than I already was? Stupid me, I should've known. Maybe it was that I wasn't pretty or beautiful enough, or that I'm not worthy of him.
As I was pondering this, my cell phone buzzed. What do you want? I looked at the caller ID, and through my tears I saw the name 'Jake'. I sighed in annoyance and put my head once again in my hands. The ringing never stopped; finally I picked up the phone in my hand.
"What do you want?" I spoke as coldly as I could. He deserved it. The words swirled around in my empty mind.
"All I want is you," Jake replied, with his tone I almost believed him. I took a deep breath. "Do you love me?" Jacob asked. My heart panged in my chest, and I nodded before speaking.
"Yeah," I agreed. "Can you give me another chance, Bells?" Jake begged. I thought for a moment. He could deal with me thinking something he'd not been very good at lately. Another memory popped into my head, and regretfully, I replayed it.
"Hop on." Jake instructed. "Umm, no way. Do you want a broken back?" I refused. "You're as light as a feather," Jake argued. "Fine, but I'm not paying for your hospital bill," I sighed, agreeing. "Why would you?" Jake chuckled.
I got on his back. He started walking near the cliff... "It's so beautiful here," I remarked in awe of the ocean. . "Not as beautiful as you," He replied cheesily.
"You know I can't stand cheesiness," I glared at him playfully. "I know I like teasing you though." Jake replied. I rolled my eyes in return. "If you do that again, I'll drop you," He teased.
"You wouldn't dare," I gasped. "Nope, just kidding." Jacob assured me. I had to crack a smile. He moved me into his arms. "You ready?" Jake asked, gesturing to the water.
"You sure this is safe?" I squeaked as I saw the water. "Yeah, completely, I've done this so many times." Jake assured me. I bit my lip and let go of my fears. "Fine," I agreed.
He answered with a brief kiss on my lips. He jumped off the cliff with me in his arms. I braced myself for the impact of the water. It was exhilarating, I had to admit that. All the sudden we were immersed in the slightly cold water. I sputtered as we reached the surface.
"You okay, Bells?" Jake asked worriedly as I sputtered. "Yeah," I nodded breathlessly.
"Did you like it?" Jake smiled. "Let's do that again!" I answered smiling like an idiot. "Maybe tomorrow, Bells, first let's get you dried off," Jake rejected as we got to the shore.
"Bells, this is random, but I love you." Jake declared, smiling warmly. "I love you too," I nodded tears falling down my face. He leaned down to kiss them away, and then kiss my lips. With that my heart set off like a helicopter's propeller.
I didn't reply and I hung up the phone and my muffled sobs started again.
I felt like my heart had just been put through a cheese grater, and now was shredded. I stumbled up into my room, and looked out my window at the night sky, and Edward's house.
Edward's window was open and he was sitting at his desk. He looked at me briefly, and was horrified. Quickly he grabbed a note book to write down something. My mind decided to torture me more, so I stumbled into another flashback.
"Go fish," Jake smiled. I sighed and picked up another card from the deck and he asked me again. "Any fives?" Jake asked glancing at me over his hand of cards. I let out a sigh, and grumbled before handing him all my fives.
"Score!" He yelled smiling, doing a victory motion. I rolled my eyes in response. "Any sevens?" I asked, biting my lip.
"Darn, you got me there," Jake sighed, shaking his head but giving me his sevens. A smile crept on my face. "There you go, you're smiling again!" Jake laughed. "Why is that important?" I asked, letting a few chuckles free.
"Because you won't be for long," He teased. "Jake!" I swatted him with the back of my hand. "Just kidding, Bells, jeez." He chuckled at my behavior. I cleared my throat. "Yes," Jake replied.
"It's your turn," I responded. "Oh, right. Any twos?" Jake asked. "Go fish," I spoke quickly. "Darn, got me again," Jake mumbled as he picked up a card. "Got you," I teased throwing my head back in a fit of laughter.
"You're so cute when you do that," Jacob suddenly said, his arms winding around my waist. I leaned back in his embrace. "Do you want to keep playing cards?" I asked Jake gently as he kissed my cheek.
"Do I look like I still want to play cards?" Jake asked kissing me. "Nope," I whispered against his lips. After I pulled away. "Were you bored?" I asked.
"Playing cards? No," Jake responded shaking his head. All the sudden, a crack of thunder echoed. I cowered against him. I glanced outside, and sure enough purple clouds covered the sky, and water pelted the roof of the house.
I felt like a pathetic weasel, I started shaking; I'd done it since I was a little girl, whenever thunderstorms came.
"Bells? What's wrong?" Jacob asked, flabbergasted at my blank mask. I sat there, shaking, and mouth a gape.
"Bella?" "Bells, c'mon, snap out of it!" Jake pled, snapping his fingers in front of my face. I blinked, but didn't change positions. My head swirled with fear, and my head chanted for me to calm down.
My stupid heartbeat sped up, making a huge thumping sound that you could hear around the world.
"Bells, talk to me, c'mon," Jake pled, placing me into his arms again. "Are you scared?" Jake asked, whispering in my ear. Speechless, I nodded weakly. "They're not that scary," Jake comforted. Then, the lights went out. "You don't call that scary?" I asked, still open mouthed, and raspy.
"Well, its okay, baby, nothing is going to hurt you," Jacob stroked my cheek in reassurance as he spoke. My rigid stance loosened and I fell into his embrace. "Shh, I'm here." Jake shushed me, hugging me closer. "Always," He promised. If only he'd kept that promise.
Each flashback was like opening a new wound, it stung. The words repeated in my head again. I drew my attention to Edward again. He scribbled something down, and held it up, approaching the window. This had been our secret language ever since he moved here from Chicago.
"BELLA, WHAT'S THE MATTER?" I read the words on one of the sheets of paper. In response I grabbed my own note book and scribbled something down. "JAKE AND I BROKE UP." I replied simply. He gasped and wrote another thing down. "I'M SO SORRY, BELLA. WHAT HAPPENED?"
I sighed, and shook my head.
"HE CHEATED ON ME." I wrote down as more tears fell down my face. As he read my paper, his expression twisted into anger. "HE'LL PAY." Edward replied, threatening. "NO, IT'S OKAY." I wrote down.
"HE HURT YOU BELLA, BESIDES WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT TO YOU?" Edward flashed the paper at the window. I shrugged, and replied. "THERE'S PLENTY OF BETTER GIRLS OUT THERE THAN ME." I replied.
"THERE'S NOT. YOU'RE PERFECT, BELLA." Edward replied. I chuckled. "I WISH." I wrote down. He shook his head. "ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?" Edward asked.
"I'M FINE, THANK YOU." I replied. "IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, JUST COME ON BY. EVERYONE'S OUT OF THE HOUSE BESIDES ME." Edward wrote. "OKAY, I WILL. THANKS FOR THE OFFER. :)." I wrote.
"OKAY, SO SORRY." He wrote. I smiled halfway. I shut the curtain and fell on my bed and cried once again. My throat ached as I continued to sob. Just as I thought it couldn't get any worse my mind flashed back to another painful memory.
I stepped out of my truck, my shoes crunching on the fallen leaves. Charlie came out of the passenger seat, walking beside me. I stuck my hands in my jean pockets as we walked to the house.
This was where we spent our Thanksgiving, ever since I moved here. Alice walked with us.
"Dad, why can't we go to the Hales'?" Alice asked grumpily. The only reason she wanted to go to the Hale's was because Jasper was there. Not to mention Rosalie, was there too. "I promised Billy we'd come here for Thanksgiving," Dad replied gruffly.
Alice let out an annoyed sigh. I was so used to her being hyper and outgoing. She looked so aggravated. She looked like me before I got root canal. "Alice, they're not that bad." I stated to her.
"I know, I just wish I could see Jazz," Alice said. "You just saw him a few hours ago." I chuckled.
"I just wanted to spend Thanksgiving with his family and him." Alice said, as we reached the door. "You don't want to spend it with us?" I asked, feigning hurt.
"Of course I want to spend it with you guys! I just wish we were going to Jazz's house." Alice answered. Charlie knocked on the Black's door.
"Hey, Charlie, Bella, and Alice," Billy answered the door, rolling his wheelchair near the door. "Come on in," Billy greeted oriented inside. "How are you doing?" Charlie asked as he stepped in the house.
"Fine and you?" Billy answered. Alice and I stepped in and Charlie and Billy sat down on the couch. "Looks like I'm making dinner tonight," I sighed. "You poor thing," Alice soothed. "I'll be in the living room," Alice spoke.
"I thought you hated football." I wondered, as I analyzed their stove. "I do, I'll be looking at some magazines." Alice replied as she walked into the living room. I sighed and rolled my eyes as I made some mash potatoes. Jake came in, looking worn out.
"Hey, Bells!" Jake greeted smiling warmly. "Jake! How are you?" I asked him as I started putting the mash potatoes in the oven to keep them warm.
"Great, you?" Jake asked as he sat down at the kitchen table. "Okay," I nodded. "What are you cooking?" He asked as he looked at the food.
"Muffins," I said as I got out a muffin pan. "Cool, sorry you have to cook for us. Billy brought us a pre made turkey." Jake said as the chair creaked. "Good, I really didn't want to make turkey tonight," I laughed.
"I don't blame you," Jake laughed as he picked up an apple and bit into it. "So how's it going fixing up that car?" I asked him as I put the batter for the muffins in the pan.
"Great, it's coming along. Maybe after dinner you can see it." Jake offered. "Sounds great," I nodded. "How's school?" Jake asked. "Revolting," I answered.
"Strong word," Jake observed. "It's been pretty hard recently. How about you?" I asked him as I put the pan in the oven. I set the timer, and started on the corn bread.
"Well, you know me. I hate school," Jake answered.
"I understand, how's Quill and Embry?" I asked him as I pulled out another pan. "Well, Quil has a crush on you, and Embry's fine." Jake answered. I blushed as he said that.
"Well how's Billy been?" I asked him. "He's happier recently," He answered. A smile crossed my lips. "I'm glad to hear that." I smiled.
"How's your Dad been?" Jake asked. "Fine, he went fishing yesterday, so he's pretty happy." I informed. A few hours I was done with dinner. "Thanks for keeping me company," I said to Jake.
"No problem, Bella." Jake assured me. Billy rolled in with Charlie behind him. Alice came in a minute later. They all picked up the plastic plates I'd picked up earlier.
They all went out of the room, for Charlie and Billy it was back to watching the game. Harry popped by with Sue later on, I took my plate and followed Jake out to the garage.
"Here it is," Jake said, gesturing to the car. "Wow, you've done so much work on this," I observed seeing the finish he'd applied. "Yeah, it'll be worth it." Jake sighed.
"I'm sure it will." I nodded smiling. I turned to Jacob. "Bella, I know this is really random and bad timing, but I'm in love with you." Jake informed, biting his lip. "Jake," I cried.
He folded me into his arms and gave me a kiss. "Will you go out with me, Bells?" Jake asked, looking down at me. "Yes," I nodded. He gave me another kiss.
All that was in my mind was: 'You're such a stupid girl.' This was really true, sadly. I placed my arms around me so that hopefully the arms in my head would go away, and my own arms could replace them.
The rain fell into a down pour, and as the raindrops fell, I could hear my own heart falling and breaking with it. I kept wondering how I wasn't worth it.
I never knew in my life that I could cry that hard. I felt so useless, like an eighteen-wheel truck had hit me in the chest.
Or I was a quarterback and I'd just been sacked by the best linebacker in the league.
Yet another thing Jake taught me. Why was a person who seemed so perfect, so wonderful in everyway, turn out to be someone I couldn't trust? He deserved all those words my sister had said.
I was so mousy and quiet I couldn't confront him, not after this. Heck, I couldn't utter a single word to his face. I clutched my chest wondering if my heart was still in there.
Then, just when I needed it, another memory replayed itself and I closed my eyes, and decided to dream along with it.
"So which table do you want to sit at?" I cheerfully asked my best friend, Rosalie.
"Wherever you want to sit," Rosalie replied adjusting her purse on her shoulder. "Well, you know me, I love window seats," I smiled happily at her. "Yep, you just love to watch the world go by," Rosalie agreed sitting across from me in a wooden antique chair.
"You're absolutely right, except is one of my favorite days," I looked out the window at the rainy sky. "How can you like rainy days? All you do is sit around and be cooped up and do homework." Rosalie replied, questioning my sanity.
"I don't mind homework, keeps me from boredom. And the rain is so soothing, and you'll know it'll clear up one day." I responded glancing down at the menu.
"In this down pour, I don't see how." Rosalie chuckled once again staring at the rain, letting out a sigh. "If you stare at in any longer, you'll burn a hole in the cloud," I teased her lightly. Rose's eyes still studied the horizon.
"If it'll make the rain go away, I'm all for it," Rose replied never making eye contact with me. "So any idea what you want?" I asked her. "I'm going to go for the casserole, how about you?" Rose looked somehow out of it.
I peered over to her face, which was virtually unreadable, except for the look in her eyes, which looked blank. "Hey, Rose," I started looking over to her. She peeked over her menu and returned my gaze.
"Yes?" She replied, her eyes showing pain. That expression quickly was erased by her eyes looking emotionless. "Are you okay? You look kind of out of it?" I asked kindly, I could feel my face soften in concern.
She however, was still as still a stone. Rose gave me a brief half smile and nodded. "I'm fine, rainy days do this to me," Rose assured me, running a hand through her golden hair. Returning a smile to her, I saw the waitress come over to both of us.
"May I take your order?" She asked, quickly whipping out her small pad of paper waiting our responses. "Camilla, you know what I want," I told her. I came here often with Jake, Rosalie, or Alice.
Whenever Charlie was busy or taking the night shift Alice and I would eat a meal here. "Turkey sandwich? Alright?" She nodded, writing down my order. "Yes, with tea please?" I added in.
"Of course, and Rosalie?" Camilla nodded at me, and then turned to Rose. Rose thought for a moment.
"Casserole and a coke please?" Rose replied, heaving a long sigh. I glanced quickly at her, to check if she was readable. Too bad she wasn't. I shook my head softly as the Camilla wrote down our orders and darted out of sight.
"Rose, I know you, what's wrong?" I started again. "Do you always have to ask? What if it's none of your business?" Rose snapped. Rose never snapped. "I'm sorry, I should've asked," I apologized turning scarlet red.
"I'm sorry; I'm just not in the best of mood." Rose replied her face softening for a moment. "Its fine, I should've had done that. So how's Emmett?" I asked Rose, who seemed to brighten in response.
"He's great, we had a date last night," Rose replied. "And how was that?" I asked eagerly. "Fantastic," She smiled, her eyes sparkling like the bubbles in apple cider. "I'm glad," I replied.
"Yours?" Rose asked, her eyes automatically turning a dark shade of blue. Obeying her request, I decided to let my observative self stop prodding into her business.
"He's everything I ever wanted. He's so sweet, I love him," I replied smiling, but my smile fell as soon as I realized I'd let those three words slip out of my mouth.
I put a hand over my mouth, embarrassed.
Rose grew stiffer and her eyes softened. "There's something you should know," Rose spoke softly, making eye contact. I nodded, encouraging her to go on. She put her hand over mine, before she began.
"I saw Jacob with this girl the other day. He kissed her, and then they went back into the house. I checked and that was Leah, they've been engaged for a year. She's pregnant," Rose admitted.
My face fell and my heart felt like it had been shot. "You...sure?" My voice broke, and my jaw fell. "You know me, Bella, I would've told you if I didn't know it for sure," Rose sighed, her eyes becoming sympathetic.
"Maybe you're wrong," I piped up. "I hope I am, but Bella, if I was to bet..." Rose never finished. I looked out to the horizon, and I knew from now on, I would never again like rainy days.
I couldn't believe a word that had come out of her mouth. I felt bad for walking out on her that day, but for some reason my heart got the best of me.
Tears scraped down my face, and I let out a chocked sob. I thumped my fist uselessly against the wall; maybe this pain would replace this unbearable pain. All I felt was a shot of pain enter my fist, and then leave seconds later.
I wanted to throw something across the room, besides this guilt, sadness, hurt, there was anger.
Time didn't matter anymore, so I threw my watch across the room and watched it as the face shattered into small glass shards. The shattering made a loud crack, and I didn't feel an ounce better.
Why did Earth seem to hate me? I was so in love, and instead of getting Prince Charming, I got Cheating-Jake. I limply put my head on the cold wall, and shut my eyes, begging for relief.
Begging for the memories to be erased. Instead of a peaceful relaxation, a memory flashed behind my eye lids.
I looked at Rose with pure shock. I couldn't believe it. She could be lying. This is all a sick joke. Maybe it's all a misunderstanding.
"I'm so sorry." She spoke, breaking my train of thought. I nodded at her. I looked blankly down at my food. I hadn't taken a bite. I bit my lip, and called Camilla over. "Can I bring this home?" I asked her.
"You're finished? Alright the cost is twelve seventy. I'll bring out a to-go package." Camilla nodded, swiftly going back into the kitchen. "I can pay for the bill," Rose offered digging out a few crinkled dollars.
I shook my head. I gave her a small smile, and replied: "You've done enough. Besides, you paid for the last meal," I told her.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Rose asked all the sudden. Darn, she knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. "No, thank you. This is something I have to do myself," I assured her.
To be honest, I didn't want her to see my cry. I couldn't believe Emma was blaming herself for this. She'd just accidentally saw something; she didn't tell me until she knew the whole story. "Rose," I called over to her, she was still slumping in her chair.
"Yeah?" Rose replied her sullen eyes finally ripped apart from her death stare at the tile floor. "This was never you're fault," I told her truthfully. Maybe I saw her previously cloudy dark blue eyes clear and brighten for a short second.
She nodded, and bit her lip. Camilla came back with the to-go package. I stuffed the turkey sandwich in there, and paid the bill.
Quickly, I grabbed my black coat and shrugged it on, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rose, looking distressed. "I have to go," my voice cracked, because of the sobs building in the back of my throat.
Rose nodded, still biting her lip, and gave me a short hug. I grabbed the food package, and handed it over to Rose.
"What?" She asked, cluelessly fiddling with the package in her hands. "I have a feeling I won't need it. I'm full," I replied. "But!" She yelled, but I was already out of the restaurant.
For some reason the rain had stopped pouring for a moment. The sunset was already starting on the horizon, and faster than I could process, the sun fell beneath the hills ahead.
I lost track of time, but luckily the street lamps lead me to where I was going. I wanted to wake up from this and let it all be a dream. I could trade anything for that.
My strides were almost slow. For some reason, as much as I wanted to tell Rose she was wrong, I also didn't want to find out. Once I saw green street sign, I knew I was close.
The cool air ripped through me, I started to shake. This was either because of fear, or the cold of night.
My mother had always said, 'you're going to find a time, when you feel braveness is your only alternative. Just remember, until then, you don't need to be brave.' In some weird way, she was correct.
Maybe this was my moment to be brave, my moment of truth. Or maybe I would find Jake, still lovable and innocent, alone in his house.
I prayed to God, I'd never have to live with this suspense that was eating me alive, ever again. Although somehow, I knew I would. I'd always imagined, I'd be like those girls in the movies, be a crying mess.
But somehow, I wasn't crying, or sobbing. I was in shock; my breaths came out quick and shallow. Almost like I'd just ran a marathon, but inside me, there was something threatening to break me.
Adrenaline coursed through my veins, as a teaspoon of hope trickled through my heart. Then I had one of those gut feelings. My Dad used to tell me all about those, in his line of work. He said to always trust them, no matter what.
He always told me; sometimes it's better to trust your gut over your head. For the moment, I agreed with him.
My head was the rational side of me right now, suggesting Rose had never been wrong, and questioning my actions. Bella, how could you have been so stupid? Not trusting your best friend?
The one who's been here for everything? What a selfish girl. My mind scolded me. However, my heart was praising me. 'She'll understand, maybe she's wrong.
Everyone is wrong at some point in your life. Just keep walking, you'll find your answer soon enough; my heart applauded me.
I took a deep breath before walking down the last street. Did I have to guts to confront him? After all, sad to admit, but I was the weak one in this relationship. It felt like he was comforting me, more than I was comforting him.
This relationship felt different though. It wasn't abusive, like my other two boyfriends treated me like shit. I was too weak to break it off. Then one day I did. He treated me with respect, and hopefully loved me more than they ever did.
He'd cared for me when I'd gotten sick with the flu a few months ago; he'd hold me when I cried. Told me I was beautiful when I looked like a mess.
What have I done in return? I tried to be the best girlfriend I could. Trying not to be late for dates, this was a challenge, and even trying to be there for him, even when he wouldn't let me.
I looked up to the sky, and prayed for God and his guidance. What could I say? I was a good catholic girl, who went to church every Sunday.
I shook my head and kept walking, almost tripping over a crack in the side walk. I brushed a stray hair out of my face, and could feel the burning in my throat. The burning was due to the sobs I was holding back. If worst comes to worst, I would never let him see me cry.
Never, I promised. Then, I saw his house coming into view. I wanted to shut my eyes and pray for mercy. I prayed over and over again for strength, something I'd seemed to be lacking lately.
My heart set off beating madly in my chest. And my head was throbbing with anticipation. This was my stand. To find out the truth. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes.
There on the wooden porch stood a black haired, tan, brown eyed girl. She looked to be about my age. Her eyes narrowed with confusion as she saw me. I cowered away, hoping I'd gotten the wrong house.
Maybe this was the wrong house...Then all my hopes diminished as I saw Jake, with a grocery bag in his hand walking towards the house.
The house with the girl who was much prettier than I was. My heart dropped. They kissed. When the girl pulled away, she stared at me. I stared back at her, and then glanced at him. I could feel my heart breaking.
I shook my head, my jaw locking. Jake gave me a pleading glance. His eyes flashed that innocent look, I loved. Too bad I didn't believe him.
I shook my head once more before running away. I could hear my name being called over and over again. I wasn't his anymore. No, no, no, no! I chanted in my head, begging for mercy, and asking why me?
I could hear steps behind me, and in fear I ran faster, the tears stinging as they fell relentlessly down my face. There in my doorway, stood Alice, confused. I collapsed into her embrace, and she held me up.
I could hear her angry words as he came closer. Yet all I could do was sob, and I stood up. Wiped the tears away and faced him.
Bravery for me never came easy, and right now I was being the opposite. There was a voice inside of me telling me I correct, and I should be crying and sobbing like a banshee.
Also, there was this ornery voice that was telling me I was being so stupid, and should reconsider my actions.
"And there you are on your knees. Begging for forgiveness, begging for me! Just like I always wanted, but I'm so sorry." Each note and word gave my heart a huge tug, and right now I wanted to die.
This feeling was awful; it was like I was being torn slowly and tortuously into small pieces. I was ripped pieces of paper, and somehow, no amount of tape was ever going to heal the rips.
For me, I'd always known I was a weakling, ever since I was five. My sister had always been the strong one, sticking up for me during school, popular and beautiful.
And then there's me, the quiet, mousy younger sister who still had a dream of finding her Prince Charming. While Alice had already found hers, she was engaged. I couldn't blame her or been happier for her, but the selfish jealous side wished it was me.
I saw Edward still sitting down at his desk. I bit my lip nervously thinking of a plan. I looked up, and I felt a drop of moisture fall down my face. Almost like a tear; this isn't too out of the ordinary, because I was crying rivers at that point.
"Why me?" I cried pathetically. My cell phone buzzed, perfect timing. Why should I care? I asked myself. Sighing loudly, I grabbed the offensive device and pressed the phone to my ear.
I didn't answer at first. I pressed my back up against the wall for support as I attempted to stand up.
"Baby, c'mon, take me back." That stupid voice begged. The cheater, I pursed my lips. "What do you want?" I asked, coldly. "All I want is you," Jake replied. I bit my lip, resisting the urge to fire back: 'Really? Can I ever trust you again?'
But I didn't, I just was speechless. "Do you love me?" He asked. "Yeah," I responded quickly, wiping away the stray tear scraping down my ashen cheek.
"Can you give me another chance?" Jake asked, pleading. I let out that breath I was holding and flashed through all the memories. The first meeting, date, when he held me, all the kisses, and all the moments.
Out all of those, the most prominent in my mind was when I realized he was cheater.
"No!" I cried shutting the phone. Then I sunk to the ground, grazing my back against the wall. Then the tears and the sobs started. Then when it felt like I couldn't possibly cry anymore, I thought of my plan.
I grabbed my phone, ran to the door. Thoughtlessly I ran out into the pouring ignoring my shaking body and got on the sidewalk, I wanted to let someone in.
I could leave all these terrible memories behind. I had so much to say to Rose and Alice...but I didn't have the nerves to explain why I was going, hopefully they'd understand.
I knew what I was doing was incredibly selfish, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I walked to his door, and hesitantly knocked on the door. I hoped he would let me in. Edward opened the door, and studied my appearance.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," Edward apologized for the millionth time. I nodded and fell into his arms. He held me close and whispered in my ear.
"Bella, I would never do that to you." I actually believed him.
I saw Jake's Rabbit round the corner and look at my house. Edward helped me in the house and poured me a glass of hot chocolate and wrapped a blanket around me.
Maybe it was a figure of my imagination when I saw Jake peer out of the car riding past the house. It was way too late for him and his white horse to catch me now.
Edward hugged me again as I cried and comforted me. "I love you, Bella." Edward whispered. I looked up at him. "I'll wait for you," He promised. I smiled halfway and kissed his cheek.
"Thank you," I whispered as I laid my head on his shoulder.