TITLE: Wavelength

AUTHOR: Liv

RATING: PG

FEEDBACK: Please?

CLASSIFICATION: Post-Ep

SPOILERS: "Dependent" S8

DISTRUBUTION STATEMENT: If anyone is so inclined to post this anywhere, let me know about it first...I promise you'll get the green light...and I'll be flattered

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters on SVU, I'm only playing with them for the time being and will return them in one piece...I promise.

I stand there for a moment, shocked at the scene unfolding before my eyes. Who knew that five little words could effect a person so much?

I want to come home.

A year ago, that would have been all it took to end what would turn out to be one of the most trying times of my life. Honestly, I don't think being a pregnant high school senior even held a candle to going through a separation and divorce. But now, just over a year has passed since the "official" collapse of our marriage began. A year to heal, to grow, to change. A year that has been both emotionally draining and spiritually rewarding. To hear these words now, I'm simply baffled.

"Elliot, what's going on?" I ask. "I'd heard about the investigation, but you were cleared, right?"

He sighs, then looks up at the navy blue night sky. "Yeah, I was Kath. I think it was for the best though. The whole thing made me see things so much clearer. I feel like, I've finally figured out what I've been looking for all this time; what's really important. I just wish I'd realized I'd had it the whole time. Can I come home?"

I look down to avoid his intense gaze that has just landed on me. I can't believe what I'm about to say. "It's not that simple, El, you have to know that," I start to explain, my shaky voice giving away my unease. "We're divorced. It's official now. The kids have finally started to accept it for what it is and we're going to spring this on them? How is that fair?"

"The kids will love this Kathy! It's all they whispered about for months after we separated. We can work it out. It will work. I promise." His reply is said with so much conviction, I'm actually starting to believe him myself. I quickly shake that thought out of my mind and prepare myself for what needs to be said. My eyes start to fill with tears and know that I have accidently given him false hope and I hate myself for it.

"Elliot," I begin, twisting nervously at the hem of my shirt. "The kids are moving on. I've moved on. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

He thinks for a moment, seemingly puzzled at my last remark. "You've moved on? Does that mean you're seeing someone? Is it serious? " He waits for an answer and when I don't give him one right away, he says my name softly.

"Yes, I'm seeing someone. Right now, it's not serious, but I can see how it might be in the future and that's a choice I'd like to make when the time comes. " I cannot believe I'm discussing dating with my ex-husband. I feel like a teenager again being grilled by my parents before the school dance.

Elliot rocks back and forth on his feet for a few seconds staring up at the stars. "Are you sure this is what you want, Kathy? You really don't want us to try to be a family again?" I can see the unshed tears in his eyes now too.

I swallow hard, trying to find my voice. Slowly, I nod my head and wrap my arms protectively around my chest. "Yeah, Elliot, this is what I want." My response is barely above a whisper. "You need to try and move on too. We both know that it was over long before we separated. I'm truly sorry it went down the way it did, but something had to be done. If you weren't going to make the first move, I had to. I didn't want to pretend anymore."

He fidgets with the zipper on his jacket while formulating his response. "I just can't believe I'm hearing this from you. You were always the one talking about how we needed to work harder on our marriage and now you're the one saying we should just let it go. Amazing…"

"You can't just decide that you want to fix our marriage when there is no marriage anymore. We're divorced, remember? We both lived through that hell and I'm not going to put myself or our children through it again. Once was enough. I don't understand your sudden change of heart, Elliot. Pardon the expression, but too little, too late. What's done is done; there is no going back. You will always be a part of my life and have a special place in my heart, but our relationship is beyond repair. I'm sorry, but I can't let you hurt me again. I won't."

The tears are now flowing freely down our faces. For two people who shared half of a lifetime together, I can't help but think we really don't know each other all that well. How is it possible to be on two totally different wavelengths when we're supposed to be completely in sync?

"If that's how you feel, Kathy. I guess this is settled. I was hoping for a much different response though," he says sadly.

"It was settled the day the papers were drawn up, Elliot. You just haven't realized it yet. I will always love you. I need you to know that." With that, I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him. We stay that way for a few moments, then he leans down and kisses me on the cheek.

"I love you too, Kathy. Kiss the kids goodnight for me."

He turns and gets in his car and I suddenly feel a chill without his arms around me. Deep down, I know I've done the right thing and unfortunately, doing the right thing (in this case) hurts.