I was listening to Here With Me by Dido and this idea popped into my head. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Any mistakes are my own. I do not own Castle.
Ever since she had broken up with Josh two weeks ago, Kate Beckett had been nothing but a bundle of emotions. It felt as if some part of her was missing and that if she didn't start looking, she'd never find it. But, as Lanie had pointed out, she was more stubborn than a bull and she had been pushing the feeling to the back of her mind. And it had worked, until now.
Laying on her bed in the darkened room, her eyes scanned the ceiling for some source of distraction as her brain worked faster than the speed of light. It felt like something was clawing at the back of her mind, begging her to let it in and just accept it. She sighed loudly, twisting in the sheets as she turned on her side and let her attention fall to her bedside table.
Big mistake.
There on the table was a picture of the gang.
She remembered it being taken as if it was yesterday, even though it was a little over a week ago, her lips tugging up in a small smile at the excitement that had circulated through the precinct. They had just caught the kidnapper and murderer of two small children who had had them on a wild goose chase for the better part of the week, finally catching him when he made to kidnap another child. The case had been a tough one but once they had caught him, they were all relieved.
She didn't need the light on to know what the picture looked like.
Esposito had Ryan in a headlock as Lanie hovered near by, accompanied by the Captain who was giving the boys a discouraging yet fatherly look. Off to the side of those four stood her, Castle mere inches from her. Right before the picture had been taken he had said something so off the wall that she had busted out laughing, the picture catching her mid-laugh. Castle himself had this twinkle in his eyes with a look on his face, a look she hadn't been able to decipher.
But good ole' Lanie had.
"That, girl, is love." She had said simply, the words coming out in a I-told-you-so kind of way.
Her breath caught in her throat as she started at the picture, her heart thumping loudly in her chest as she reached out and grabbed it. Pulling it to her, she placed her finger on his cheek and let her mind wander.
She knew this was exactly what she had been running away from - this feeling, this man and everything else that made her feel so out of control. The erratic beating of her heart and the choppy way her breathing was coming only confirmed just how she felt.
Terrified.
Hurriedly she put the picture back on the table and sat up, fighting her way out of the sheets and off of the bed in seconds. She took a moment to glance at the clock but didn't let the fact that it was three in the morning change her mind. Instead she pressed on to her kitchen and grabbed her cell phone and keys before heading out the door.
Knowing better than to put herself into the elevator and leave her feeling trapped, she opted for the stairs and took them two at a time. It was only when she was on the ground level that she realized she was barefooted but by then she was too far gone. She couldn't go back to her apartment, she couldn't turn around - if she did, she would lose her nerve.
And that couldn't happen.
She made her way to the garage, quickly finding her car in her spot as she unlocked it and climbed inside. Although she was not intoxicated in any way, she hesitated for a moment before shoving the key into the ignition and starting the car. Urgency to get to where she was going was overruling all logical thinking.
After she had buckled her belt and left the garage, she maneuvered her way through the light traffic that was there. Every stop light felt like it last an hour and every slow driver felt like they were going twenty miles under the speed limit. She wanted to turn on the siren, she wanted to pull people over and give tickets for slowness but she knew better. If she did that, everyone would know just how bad she had let this get.
It took her fifteen minutes to get to his building. Fifteen long, agonizing minutes that let her mind wander and her heart ache. She couldn't help the sigh of relief that left her as she parked beside his car, quickly getting out and hurrying inside the building. Nodding to the door man, she allowed herself to step into the elevator and push the button for his floor.
Waiting. She hated waiting. Her eyes stayed on the numbers as they flashed before her, announcing every floor she passed. Just when she felt like she might possibly scream at the slowness of the elevator, it flashed his floor number and dinged to signal her arrival.
Swiftly she excited the small contraption and headed for his loft, pulling out the key that he had given her when her apartment had blown up. Never before had she been so thankful that he had given her it until now. Quietly, she unlocked the door and entered the darkened loft. Closing and locking the door behind her, she placed her keys on the small table beside the door before carefully heading to his room.
It didn't take her long before she was standing outside of his bedroom door, staring at it as if she was willing him to wake up and realize she was there. That wouldn't happen and she knew it. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she nudged the door open and slipped inside.
The moon shone through the window allowing her eyes to find his sleeping figure quickly, her heart seeming to sigh at the sight. The corners of her mouth turned up as she placed her phone on his dresser before crossing to his bed. She lowered herself to sit beside him, her hand brushing gently over his cheek.
He mumbled in his sleep, leaning into her touch as she rested her hand there for a moment before pulling it back. His lips fell down into a frown as he started to move slightly, obviously disturbed from his sleep now. She watched as his eyes opened and took her in, going from surprise to confusion in about two seconds flat.
"Kate?" His voice was groggy as his eyelids fought to stay open.
She simply nodded, not trusting her own voice as she felt the bed shift as he sat up slightly. He moved to turn the bedside table light on but she grabbed his wrist quickly, shaking her head.
"No," was all she said - her voice tight against the emotions she was holding in.
"What's wrong?" He asked suddenly, as if he was registering that this wasn't some dream.
She shook her head now, glancing around the room before letting her eyes rest on his once again. She was pleading for him to understand what she needed, pleading for him not to make her say the words out loud. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she started to fidget with the cover now pooled around his hips.
"I couldn't sleep," she said softly.
His eyes lit up with unasked questions as he studied her for a moment, trying so hard to understand just what she needed from him. She watched as he fought an internal war, his heart begging his head to just once let it win. Just this once.
Seeming to have made up his mind he scooted over in the bed, pulling the covers down for her to move in beside him. Grateful that he had managed to pull his great Beckett-mind-reading stunt, she crawled into the spot that he had made for her and under the covers. She knew that he was hesitant as he eased himself back down in the bed, his eyes never leaving hers and hers never leaving his.
When she was sure that he had made himself comfortable, she eased herself down as well and scooted over to his side. Without a word she laid her head on his chest and allowed her arm to wrap around his middle, anchoring herself to him as her legs tangled with his. Feeling his chest rise and fall beneath her as his heart thumped loudly in her ear, she smiled and let her eyes close.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"For what?"
"For making me feel whole," she murmured as her mind and body finally succumbed to sleep.