Biohazardous Emotions- part one

This is something I wrote long ago on and published on a completely different site. But a revision is in order and my writing has improved so I'm to make it better thus time around.

No one ever really expects life to turn out the exact way they planned, right? I mean, how can you plan every aspect or your life and not expect one single thing to go wrong? Obviously, something or many things are bound to go wrong, especially since life isn't perfect. In fact, it's far from perfect. Which I guess can be exciting at those moments when you're not expecting anything big to really happen. And I started life thinking I'd always be normal, you know, ordinary...but my lifestyle was anything but.

"Miss Stevens?" an older voice called out, grudgingly bringing me out of my thinking bubble.

"Huh?" I replied in a low murmur as I gazed at my first period teacher, Mr. Riley. "Oh," I added in a mumble when I realized he was taking role and had called my name, "here."

I was a bit too embarrassed and tired to really feel anxious or nervous or even stupid. I just felt like I was way out of place.

It might have been because today was my first day of middle school, or it could have been because I didn't really have any friends or any place to really fit in. Which I guess was fine...if you liked being a loner.

Once class was over I couldn't help but feel relieved. Relieved because I deeply hated history and lectures and also because I knew that once the first four classes passed, I'd be that much more closer to finding someone who I still considered a friend- Michelle Apple-gate. And actually, she was my only friend. At one point we even used to be best friends. But now I wasn't so sure since I hadn't seen her all summer.

So when lunch finally rolled around I was presented with the opportunity to go and look for her. And maybe then I wouldn't be so alone or socially awkward.

I entered the noisy cafeteria a few minutes after the bell rang and immediately felt the chaos and commotion of the other students. But their rowdiness was nothing compared to the smell that seemed to overpower the entire atmosphere. Pizza. Today the cafeteria special was pizza. But even I couldn't focus too much on that once I saw Michelle sitting at a nice, huge table. Not only that but she wasn't alone. And it looked to me as if she had a whole new group of friends, people we said we could never see ourselves being friends with.

And so with that vision already in my memory, I decided to walk away in a different direction. All the while trying not to think about the scene I saw just moments ago. Because I was certain Michelle had befriended them over the summer break. And maybe I'd have more new friends too if my dad hadn't sent me to a stupid military academy this summer. I mean, why was it so important to him? I already knew how to defend myself. But not it felt like I was taking courses no kid should ever be forced to take. Self defense, fine. Martial arts, okay. Karate, alright. But why did I have to be treated like a criminal in a program that seemed a lot like boot camp with all its rules and regulations?

I shook my head and sighed as I left the cafeteria. I then ended up outside and somehow managed to find a nice big tree to sit under. All I had was half of a sandwich and some chips. And I tried to only focus on the actions of chewing and swallowing before I allowed myself to think of anything else. But, that's be too good to be true. Especially for me.

The thoughts of why my dad sent me away this summer continually flowed around in my mind and constantly bothered me. I knew the main reason why I guess, it was just hard for me to accept it fully because then I knew I couldn't really resent him as much.

Before summer had even started I felt a shift in my world. I don't know how, but whenever I was around my parents I could feel like something was wrong. And not the average affair stuff either, this was different, unexplainable and incomprehensible. But, like every kid, I brushed it off. And a few weeks later while my mom was flying back from a mission, her plane had crashed. It left me in a weird state but somehow I learned to deal with it...on my own. Sure I was sad, yes I was angry, and sometimes I felt more alone than anyone, but there was nothing I could really do to change it. My dad's only way of dealing was to ship me off to military camp. To help me toughen up and let out my frustration instead of dealing with it on his own. But my way of thinking was that he wanted me to be just like himself...and also like my mom.

My mom and dad were high class agents. What every kid dreams of, right? You would think it'd be cool to have parents who fight evil and take on the world together side by side, but truth was that it constantly left me alone. And since I didn't have any siblings that feeling was more prominent.

I sighed as I took a few bites of my sandwich. I knew I shouldn't have been thinking of the past and all of its problems, but I couldn't help myself. And I knew being outside, away from everyone else, wouldn't help with the whole loneliness thing. So, I got up and walked back inside the cafeteria before choosing an unoccupied table. I then smiled to myself for at least making the effort to do so and be more of the self I used to be before my mom passed. Back to when it was easier for me to smile and back to when I was more outgoing and had no difficulty making friends.