Tip For A Lifetime: Don't listen to the Internet trolls that refuse to shut up, in the time they take to write that stuff they could've done something productive like give blood or money or fall down a flight of steps. Not that I wish that upon them, just sayin'.
Warnings: Foul language, Bad jokes, bad writing, the usual
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto (WHO IS ALIVE DAMNIT) and Tvtokyo does.
Thankies: Princess Zathura, Yuti-chan and Queenoffanficworldlovegunner Chu~
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So we're on an island on a beach of rocks, that has dead bodies of ninja strewn about randomly and a single Zetsu that for some reason is all green, Do some fans really not know what the color White is? I don't know let's just move on.
Our characters, Team-Enter random number here and their sensei watching each other intently, standing in Charlie's Angel poses.
Staring. Creepily. Somebody do something! please make them stop!
"This is awkward," Chouji mumbled.
"I agree," Ino whispered.
"Hn," Asuma grunted.
"Enough talk time to battle!," Shikamaru charged forward, kunai in their fight began.
But we don't get to see it because we've driven off the path of one plot and onto another. They're basically the same, except this one is taking place in a forest! Everyone knows a forest is the best place to fight a ninja.
What with all the trees and bushes and possible routes to escape.
Luckily we don't have to worry about that because the bad guys ego must be like a donation from a super rich Lawyer and ,much like a cat, it needs to be stroked and polished so he isn't going to be running away.
"FINALLY!," Kankuro exclaimed, pulling his hair.
Well it looks like the back-up squad of melted star wars figurines have arrived after their long mysterious absence.
"Sorry we're late guys," One of the samurai greeted rubbing the back of neck, well what that stupid suit made it into. They look like hamsters is all I'm saying.
"Zack refused to put on his shoes," Another Samurai explained.
"So we left him,"
Back at the Samurai base camp place a lone armored man stood in the center of a circle of tents ,trees and bushes. He looked around nervously.
"Hello?," he called "Guys?," the wind blew and the branches ruffled, sounds of snapping made him flinch and turn in the direction the sound was coming from, "I'm willing to compromise,"
000
Kankuro pinched the bridge of his nose, yeah these guys were quite the back up, really some reliable men,"Anyway, the enemy uses poison, so let's try to avoid that okay?," he said.
A samurai, let's call him Phil, scoffed,"We're wearing masks! We'll be fine!," he waved off the young generals worry only to have said kitten headed doll boy snap back.
"yeah but we aren't wearing masks!,"
"That's your fault,"
Then for no reason Mifune decided to work his way into the conversation,"Boys, stay out of my way, I don't need your help!," he's a good talker.
The helpful squad samurai looked at each other, each of them shrugging of the statement or making some weird noises,"We weren't expecting too help you,"
"huh?," The old samurai leader guy blinked.
"We didn't bring any weapons, only this bag of airline peanuts," Phil held up a tiny blue aluminum bag in between his thumb and forefinger to show Mifune -who's jaw had fallen to the ground- that he wasn't lying.
"One to split between all of us, this is the last time I ever fly with Sai," Chad, another samurai grumbled in an irritated tone, crossing his arms over his chest.
Mifune slowly turned his attention back to the ever content hanzo, it must take great practice to be that comfortable with a razor sharp blade mere inches from your face.
Then it is finally made clear that some serious shit is about to go down because Mifune glared at the Rain ninja. Glared daggers man.
"So Mifune, you're working with ninja now," Hanzo stated.
"Yup," Mifune answered quickly, still glaring.
"I was expecting more of a long explanation to be honest,"
"No,"
The blond man stared at the old man oddly,"Am I in the right show?," Unless Mifune's an Uchiha, I don't think so.
With an epic stare down, a swipe of a sword and a very uncomfortable authoress the fight began and the two conflicting enemies jumped backward away from each other. Not exactly the epic first strike most of us expected.
mifune landed and brace his sword,"Peace!," he randomly shouted.
Oh are we playing the random word game?
"Peace?~!,"
Hey no repeats.
"My drive towards peace is fueled by faith," The Le-Iwa-(Which village does this guy come from?~!) explained.
Back behind the action that we totally don't care anything about (Pft who cares about action and plot?) kankuro decided to go all short term memory loss and gape at Lady Chiyo like she was a Yeti,"lady Chiyo,"
Uhhh didn't he already meet up with Zombji Chiyo before?
(Actual Mangastream translation) "I wasn't pretending to be dead, you understand that, right Kankuro?," No when they buried your wrinkly ass under eight feet of sand and a huge ass hour glass headstone we thought you were just faking, you were so great at that.
Chiyo almost, ALMOST, busted a cane in the sky voices nonexistent ass, but instead she went for rectification,"But my thinking that nobody believed I was dead isn't important right now, what is important is that I know all about Hanzo's salamander!," NOT A SALAMANDER! I refuse to believe it!, "Refues if you want as long as you do it quitely," she placed a finger to her lips, "As I was saying, Ibuse generates and store posion inside his body,"
So if it was a salamander it'd be like a Newt.
"Precisely,"
Hanzo's eyes narrowed in annoyance,"Oh my Kami, she blabbed about the one thing that was obviously a secret!," he screamed,"Ibuse RUN! Run for your life!," Enjoy freedom while you have it little friend.
The Lemon Head licked its lips or blew a bubble before jumping through the leaves of the branches surrounding his perch in the trees
On the other side of the forest Kimimaro decided it was time to get the party started for real and attacked the samurai guys and then we just skip back to Mifune so it was pointless and you're glad I skipped writing it all out.
The chain attached to hanzo's weapon flew across the battlefield and wrapped around the blade of Maifune's sword, not that he noticed seeing as the space invaders have come in the form of a black floating Mustache.
The Blade of the Tobi Shuriken landed dead center of the end of the Katana's hilt as Mifune finally snapped out of his daze just in time to keep himself from being killed. the rain ninja pulled back his weapon.
You see Tobi Shuriken are not fitting weapons in grand battles, they have a limited range and if the wielder drops the chain it can wrap around his feet and trip him!
Though technically neither the shuriken or the sword wouldn't hold up against a gun. in fact if any character showed up with a gun this series would be over in two seconds.
"Why don't you just let me kill you quickly? Die with some honor instead of running away like the little
Neutral life sheep you are," Hanzo chuckled,"You know I used to be like you, full of hope for the world, striving for ''peace''. But then I realized," he paused.
the elder rose an eyebrow,"Realized..." he trailed off.
CABBAGE!
A smirk stretched across Hanzo's face,"That War, Is nothing more than a challenge," they went on to talk for several more panels about war and peace but mostly war before finally Mifune used his Katana psychology and things get busy.
"I'm going to erase all of you samurai!," Hanzo bellowed pulling his chain taunt.
In a flash Mifune was right back to his original position with his sword precariously hanging in front of Hanzo's face.
"Do you remember," he muttered.
The Salamander summoner (*shrug*) grunted in confusion, Did the old geezer really have to go mental during a fight?
"The time we fought, back in the day, when I was a sharp featured young samurai,"
Hidden amongst the trees Kankuro Blinked,"Young?,"
A samurai that had hidden with the young puppet master behind a tree hummed,"I always thought he hatched from a giant egg,"
"Your Kusari-Gama struck me in the head and knocked me unconscious, you would've known that if you had bothered to check my pulse," Hablahablahabla Hockey rink knock out, boring, boring, boring.
"Ah yes, I think I remember now. Man you got ugly," Hanzo smirked
"TORMENT!," Mifune cried, dragging his enemy into a flashback. And If that isn't torment than what is?
Flashback
There was a very stale and metalllic scent in the air surrounding some random place in Amegakure,"To bring me to my knees," A wounded Hanzo leaned up against a torn up fence said, "Just who are you?,"
"Have you really forgotten me?," The familiar spikey haired black sillohuette standing in front of the downed Salamander king asked. that hair, that manner of speaking, it must be glared down at the heaviily bleeding,wounded Hanzo.
Damn it that's not who I wanted to see.
"Yahiko...But you killed yourself!,"
The orange haired corpse blinked bemusedly,"Our ally Danzo betrayed us," Surprise, surprise, "And you only ever cared about youself...Both of you are trash...There was a time when I respected you, but my mind has changed,"
Out of no where the other five Pain bodies showed up,"You will know Pain,"
End flashback
'That flashback didn't help at all!,' Hanzo cursed himself, what was it with the minds of antagonists and not bringing us back to anything useful? like Deidara's past before his fight with Itachi or Madara's face after Hashirama's death but before he formed the Akatsuki.
(the Typical DAMN YOU KISHI! line doesn't seem appropriate)
For a moment it seemed like the winner would be obvious. But the Lemon headed summoning monster from Gorgar 9 (Not to be confused with the Grape headed summoning monsters of Gorgar 4) decided he wanted a piece of the action too, since he'll be forgotten by the end of this fight.
So he broke through the ground and swallowed Mifune whole! Yes, yes! Devour him you twisted son of a mutant alligator!
"Kill the purse!," Hanzo ordered his ''Pet'' who was at this point blowing a bubble, only it's not a bubble it's Mifune's massive power!
The Samurai's katana came down through the head of the amphibian slicing in half and freeing him with ease.
Okay stop...
We have a giant Salamander, A zombie Ninja that can only be taken down if he's either sealed or brought to peace, and an old Samurai that has no relevance to the story other than to take out said Zombji and also happens to have a grand power that allows him to slice open a Mutant Creatures head with a Katana like it was butter.
It's like an episode of Jerry Springer mixed with a boring acid induced scene from The Twilight Zone.
Mifune leaped forward,"Only dull blades collect dust!," It makes about as much sense as the translated line.
It's a serious fight, with strong sturdy blows thrown, side shots to show off the young Samurai's long flowing girlie hair in the flashbacks and lots of dick measuring in the normal timeline.
But If it's so serious it only begs the question, Where is Hanzo's shirt? He's missing it not only in the current timeline but in the flashback of him and young Mifune's battle too. What is it with Kishi and having all the Guy characters get naked before dying?
A light breeze blew through the open plane as Hanzo's blade broke off and flew across the battlefield.
Hanzo fell forward, his mist breather thing breaking off as he did so, "How..How did you defeat me?," he gasped on his hands and knees, slowly turning his head to look over his shoulder, "You were so fast your blade is clean,"
His comment made Mifune smirk,"You bent your faith, so your blade was dull," Faith is a strong thing. It's a moral we should all teach children. If somebody doesn't believe the same thing you do, you should protect yourself from the evil by tormenting them with long drawn out monologues and killing them all!
"A blunt sword will not last on the battlefield," and so the chapter ends. Yaaay.
random Time
In a large white room full of ceiling high stacks of rectangular paper, sat Konan, her fingers wrapped in band-aids, her hair pulled back into a ponytail to keep it out of her face as she worked on the key item of her master plan to defeat Madara.
After careful research and observations she had finally come up with a way to kill that sorry old man once and for all! it would be the end of the savagery! The end of the emotion barbwire he dragged her and Nagato through day after day! The end of underwear draped over the towel rack!
Ah yes it was a beautiful day!
"Ouch,"
And neither the multiple paper cuts,
"Konan,"
Or Nagato could stop her from achieving her goal.
"Pain?," Konan looked over her shoulder at the Pain body standing in the door way.
Though he could give her an excuse to finally take a break.
"What are you doing?,"
"Making six hundred billion exploding paper tags," The bluette answered her friends question quickly and simply, fidgeting with the edge of a square piece of explosive paper.
"Konan, is this some diabolical plot to destroy Madara again?," Pain asked in a fatherly tone.
"But it'll work this time Pain! I know it will! I did all the calculations!,"
The orange haired puppet body blinked at her before rolling his eyes and spinning on his heel,"Don't work too hard, you gotta cook dinner tonight," he lazily threw over his shoulder as he left.
Konan scowled at his retreating back,"I'll show him," she mumbled angrily pulling apart the square on the creased line down the center,"I'll show them ALL!," her finger slipped over the sharp fine edge of the paper,"DAMNIT!,"
End:
(Note: I don't think the weapon Hanzo used was really a Tobi Shuriken, and I didn't check this over AT ALL)
My neighbor has a friend who works in Japan, near tokyo/Chiba or some place near there, and on Friday, I went over because I babysit their twins and they had to go to work. That's where I heard about the quake. To make a Long story short, the misteress of the house stayed home from work, made a bunch of calls and we found out her friend was all right, turns out she had to go futhur inland for something. But it makes me really sad to think, that not all people were that lucky that somebody, somewhere made that call and nobody ever picked up. That's what's burned itself into my mind. Sour'd my mood a bit. I'm very depressing today. Thank you for reading please review. bye.