This is Edward's Point of View in Breaking Dawn when Jacob comes the first time during Bella's pregnancy. I wanted to show how I could see Edward going through this. Just think about if the one person that you loved more than your own life, was dieing, because of you (or at least its seemed that way in your mind), and you had to watch it.
I walked out the back door with my family close behind, not wanting to hear the words that Jacob Black would use to persuade my dying wife to save her own life. I ran through the woods, ready to crumble and let my misery take over, in a place where my innocent Bella wouldn't be affected by the blatant pain on my face. As soon as I made it far enough that my family couldn't see or hear me- which wasn't too long at all- I fell to the ground, just as I had expected.
I cried, tearless, broken sobs. I let the pain and misery swim over me, just as I had in my time without Bella, and more like the time I thought she was dead.
But this was worse. I had to watch her die. And I had to watch her die because of me. I knew Jacob was right when he confronted her at the wedding. I knew I shouldn't have made love to her. I knew we should have waited. But if I had known that, how could I have still done what I knew was wrong?
Because I'm as selfish, arrogant monster that takes everything for granted. I thought about Bella, about every kiss, and every touch that we had ever shared, and even the ones she wasn't conscious for. I felt her cold and dying hand on my cheek, and it sent the unusual shiver up my spine. I groaned.
My fault, my fault, my fault, my fault. My brain didn't want to think of anything else. It was my fault. And Jacob was right. He'd always known that in the end I'd kill her, and what made it worse was that it wasn't a quick and easy death. I would have to watch her die. I'd have to watch the thing- the baby, my baby- inside her kill her on its way to birth. What was I going to do when she was gone? Would I care for the, the monster that had killed my one and only love? I wasn't sure if I could do that.
But Bella loved the thing inside her. She loved it, and as I had said so many times before, anything that Bella cared for was in my good graces. I was seriously considering an amendment to that rule. What would I do if I didn't care for it? I couldn't care for it. A world without Bella? No, I couldn't survive that? How would I end my immortal life? Surly my family wouldn't let me go to the Volturi. Alice would catch me even before I had the plan set in stone.
I had no direct thoughts. It was all a jumble.
Bella
Bella
Bella
Bella
My life revolved around her. And if you took her out, there wouldn't be a purpose. There wouldn't be a reason. I'd end up in the same spiral swirling downward to my doom. My life would be pointless, and I wouldn't live through it.
I suddenly realized with a choke of despair that Bella's frail string of life was going to end, and I couldn't do anything about it, because she wouldn't let me.
I opened my mouth and something finally came out; "AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I was still screaming several minutes later, when I felt a cold, dainty hand touch the side of my face. I tried to pull myself together, realizing I was in a fetal position. Not wanting to show whoever it was how much pain I was in, I hopped up, and turned to see who it was. Alice. She immediately wrapped her arms around me, hugging me close. I thanked her mentally for it, she was more of a life preserver at that moment, and I wrapped my arms around her, pretending she was Bella, happy and well.
"Thank you, Alice." And then we walked slowly back to the house.