Title: Don't Ever
Rating: T
Pairing: Addison/Alex
Summary: Somewhere along the way, Alex gets back in touch with Addison, and one phone calls turns into several that evolve into more. And although tricky long-distance relationships, career choices, and stubborn personas may seem like more than enough obstacles to have Addison and Alex cut ties, it doesn't mean they will.
Note: This one is...different. Although it may not be viewed as uber-romantic, given this pairing, it is. Call it epic, if you'd like. This one is Addison/Alex to the motherfrakkin' max, so I do hope you enjoy.

There were two things she knew--one, that soul mates were a fairy tale whispered for dreams to manifest and hopes to flourish. And two, that everything did in fact happen.

Seven months ago she could still feel the disgust and irritation at just thinking about what she had put herself through by having expectations. As if believing, wishing and hoping were sins that would have grand repercussions if used.

But four months ago, there was a call, and two months ago there was a visit, and two days ago there was a fight over the phone.

Long distance relationships aren't just a tricky thing--they're very dangerous things. Factor in two people with either serious issues or damaging histories (most often than not, a combination of the two), and the thing became extremely high risk. It was far from planned however, just something that happened one day to the next, and it was only discussed two days ago.

Four months ago, her cell phone rang at seven pm, as she and her friends Naomi and Violet laughed about something, probably something far from amusing but hilarious due to some alcohol consumption.

She didn't recognize the number, but that was not unusual. The only unusual thing was that this wasn't a patient, a doctor calling about a patient or something familiar, or a telemarketer. Point being, this wasn't a complete stranger.

Instead a voice she knew and recognized too easily for her liking said 'hey' and patiently waited until she responded coherently enough for him to divulge the reason for his call.

She had to walk away from her friends who looked at her nosily, gesticulating and mouthing who this Karev guy was. She had to walk into her house, close the sliding door, and sit down on her sofa and sober up immediately.

This call was personal, but this call was also business, and geez it had been awhile since she had to deal with both components simultaneously. What most got to her though was the situation this man was putting before her.

Many months ago, in Seattle there occurred a disaster that called on any and every doctor available to help the injured, the people of the fairy boat crash. From that disaster, other tragedies would spring up, with the first and most notable one being the near-death of Meredith Grey. That affected a lot of people, including Dr. Addison Montgomery who witnessed her ex-husband watch and care for Meredith in a manner in which he had never done so with her. A moment of weakness transpired, and she called on a bet that could lead her back into the arms of a man she was not enthusiastic to be with again.

Jane Doe happened too. And she went on to become Ava for Dr. Alex Karev. And when she was revealed to be Rebecca Pope, she became the answer to a question Addison had wanted to be. And then there was this, where that woman who had been pregnant and crushed under a pile of debris became a portion of Jane Doe, Ava, and Rebecca Pope. This all came to a revelation the same night Addison left after her one day visit to Seattle Grace Hospital. And four months later, the call came, and so the almost defeated-sounding Alex was rounding up help.

Yes, she worked in a private practice. Yes, the same private practice with Dr. Feelgood. Yes, there was a great therapist on hand. Yes, patients were dealt with personally, and were given hours at a time, and even daily check-ups. Yes, it would be a great place to take a patient such as Rebecca Pope. Yes, there should be an opening in the next week or so. Yes, she would call him with details later.

So she did. Addison spoke with Sam, spoke with Violet, spoke to Naomi even about special accommodations.

And only Naomi was brave enough to ask why she was taking such special interest, and even to her best friend Addison could only say that Rebecca Pope had been a patient of hers. As a doctor, Naomi could accept that answer. As a friend, Naomi knew something was left going unsaid.

But when Rebecca Pope came in a week and a half later, with a man accompanying her and when Addison only reacted by guiding Rebecca to Violet, the therapist, while acknowledging the man with a comforting smile, they let it rest.

Addison managed to hide her surprise that day. She expected Rebecca to come accompanied by a man, but for some reason expected not her husband but rather Alex. Yet something else Alex failed to communicate, but that wasn't a surprise. It was best this way. The one with the rights was the husband, the husband who took care of his child as Rebecca was in a hospital with one Alex Karev.

But that night, she received a call again, and this time she recognized the number. He asked how it went, she quickly mentioned that she expected him to be there, to which he responded that the last time he saw Ava was the last time he called her for a consult at her private practice.

(Many months later he explained a bit more--he stuck by her, tried handling her on his own more often than not, but the husband wouldn't have it and he fought harder and harder until there were threats of authority enforcers involvement. So Alex said fine, he'd let it go, but with the condition that she get some help somewhere he deemed good enough. The husband adamantly argued against her remaining in Seattle Grace Hospital, and Alex could only think of that private practice one of the best surgeons in the country worked in, the one with those high profile doctors. So he called her, she answered, and Ava was on her way. He hadn't seen her since. Weeks after admitting to that, he confessed it was a weight off his shoulders. He had done more than enough to help her, maybe not in the right way, but he did what he could and Ava was better off with her husband. He was always the better man.)

From there the conversation took the smallest of turns, simply because he asked how she was doing.

He called again two weeks later, said he was bored and that he was watching some lame reality show. A reality show she so happened to indulge in once in a while, which caused him to laugh. There were 32 minutes left until the show ended when he called. The following program was three minutes in when they hung up.

Two days later she sat gossiping with Naomi, Violet, Pete, and Cooper when her phone rang. Upon seeing the number, she smiled softly, excused herself from the kitchen island of the private practice's lounge, and went outside to answer. It was no more than eight minutes. She went back into the lounge with a big smile and higher spirits, and with four people staring at her curiously.

Quickly, she claimed it safe to call him as well, especially after a test trial. She was headed off to work one day when she got stuck in traffic. She had the option of hearing the radio, silence, or a phone call. She opted for the last choice, and he was the first person she had in mind. Fortunately, during the 20 minutes she was stuck, he didn't hint at having to be elsewhere or doing something else. He listened, spoke, and laughed along with her.

She quit going on dates after that.

There was no exact pattern. He never told her when he was free to talk, she never told him how much free time she had to talk, and never did they day what this was. But they were able to configure when it was that they were free, and would call each other then.

She didn't worry herself. Not until the calling became a daily thing, and one day when they did make plans for him to call her because he had an extensive surgery, he didn't call. When she realized it had been over 24 hours, and when she realized she was staring at a clock, she wanted to bang her head against the wall. She worried herself for this, because he, he probably saw this as a whole friends thing. Which she did as well, or so she thought until she waited anxiously and couldn't focus on the conversation her friends were having.

But this was just her worrying as a friend. Right.

But a doorbell rang, and even when Naomi nudged her, she hardly noticed the ringing so Naomi went to get it. Then there were looks thrown between Naomi and Violet, which caused Violet to snap her fingers in front of Addison, leading to Violet urging Addison to go to the door.

Addison had to roll her eyes because her friends could be overdramatic at times, and surely it was just some delivery or a random patient or doctor showing up as it was rare, but not unheard of.

Instead, as she neared the door, she heard Naomi chatting up this person who just chuckled nervously. She knew that chuckle, also knew that this was the most unexpected of things--or perhaps that had already occurred, two months prior to that when one call turned into two, and so on.

Naomi moved, and there he was with a half-grin, hands tucked into his pocket jeans, and just a smug, if slightly embarrassed look.

"We should leave you two alone," Naomi mumbled. She reached for her jacket, then Violet's hand, and as she walked out through the door, wriggled her eyebrows suggestively as Violet gave her two thumbs up.

Addison waved them off and quickly locked the door on them before turning to Alex, who's eyes were steadily trained on hers.

She asked questions, because it was strange and abnormal, even if not unwelcome. Strangely enough, it's all she could think. How did he get there, what about work, how did he know where to find her, and why--why?

But he smiled, and God she wanted to wipe that smile off his face because she was sounding like a fool who didn't know what to make of herself. Then her eyes snapped to his, she made a face at him, demanded he answer at least one question, but only found that he was moving closer to where her back was against the door.

His lips made their way over hers, his hands inched up her blouse as he pushed her up and her legs wound around his waist.

Whether or not his intention was to get them to her bedroom, she never asked. All she knew was that she fought back, she pushed his shoulders back, sucked on the skin of his neck, dug her fingers into his back. Their clothes came off, they moved haplessly around the living room until they got to her couch, and they gave up moving around because that's where they stayed. And they joked, through some remarks at each other, made fun of the others urgency until they were done playing and just…

It was late and he hadn't eaten, but when she began moving so she could make him a sandwich or something, he swung an arm around her stomach and pulled her closer. His stomach was rumbling and he looked drained of energy, but he didn't seem to care that they just lay there.

In the morning, she woke up to find that there was a throw on her, and that there were some noises coming from the kitchen. She wrapped the small blanket around her and went to sit on a stool as he made some pancakes, and he would eye her, smirking as his eyes went over her figure.

Her plate was served and he sat next to her with his own plate, and she tilted her head to kiss him on the lips lightly, but soon breakfast was forgotten and they didn't even make it to the couch.

He had to leave at four, maybe later or earlier, but somewhere around there. He got a couple of people to cover for him, but he had to be back to the hospital by early morning, and he had to drive.

When he left, before he left, they didn't say what this was. She liked to believe it meant something, because he took a day and a half off, drove all the way down to LA, found her house, and came to her just to kiss her, sleep with her, sleep next to her, make her breakfast, and when the meal didn't pan out, made her lunch, just to kiss her one last time, get in his car and drive back down to Seattle for work.

That had to mean something.

But she let it rest, because it was nice just talking. Their calls consisted of more or the same, except now there was no more borderline flirting slash borderline dangerous territory. There was just dangerous territory where they'd say little things like 'I've had a hard day, but our call sure makes it easier' or 'so what are you wearing--or rather not wearing?'.

Things they'd whisper for no one else to hear, things where'd they'd have to make sure no one else was around, and doors would be locked because it was of complete, private importance.

There was the day, though, two months after his visit, four months after the calls, where it had been a long day and she had turned down yet another man and it was enough.

"What do you want me to say, Addison? That I love you, or that I'm completely committed to you? You don't have to be a genius to know what kind of guy I am."

"I'm not asking you to say those things, I just want to know that there's more here than just random calls and visits where we just have sex."

"Fuck this, Addison. I didn't sign up for this."

"You called me, Alex. You kept calling me. You came down here. If you want to keep lying through your teeth, if you want to keep pretending that this--that we aren't anything, fine. Stop wasting my time as you decide to grow up."

She hung up.

--

But it's hardly nine days that they go without speaking to one another. In fact, it's hardly a day that she doesn't hear his voice.

He calls, leaves a message on her voicemail, says he wasn't done talking but if she wants to write him off just because of his past, fine, he doesn't want to hear her either.

He doesn't call again because he's not the type to leave a dozen missed calls or voice messages. Far as he's concerned he's done his part, but she just wants a week to think. But six days pass, and Richard calls before anything about a woman having a problem with her pregnancy, and her being too high risk to travel anywhere.

Isn't that always the case?, she thought to herself. She's needed, so she packs up and realizes she'll have to speak with Alex face to face, which she prefers. This isn't a phone call matter.

It's not easy.

They avoid each other like the plague, even when they work on the single mother who is 17 years old and only has her grandmother's support, and even with that the grandmother is far from a happy camper.

And when they lose the baby, and the grandmother holds her crying granddaughter, Alex nods his head and hastily walks away. Addison watche, feeling like a failure, until she feels her throat straining and she too walks away.

The NICU unit is around the corner and she almost steps inside, but finds herself unwilling to view the breathing, living babies. She sighs, leans against the walls, slips down with her knees to her chin and locked hands as she stares at the ceiling. At one point or another, he comes out, gives her a quick glance, but slowly walks away. She scrambles up, calls his name, and he stops turns, stares.

He waits.

It's unusual, but she takes it as a sign. Whether it's good or bad, she can't decipher, but there's something there in the way he looks at her, with the worry lines on his forehead and sad eyes that shift through her own.

"I should have let you finish talking. I was just--no, I am. I am angry Alex. I have a right to feel like maybe you're still wearing that mask and are just preparing to get the hell out of this before it really materializes. If it's still there to materialize."

His mouth remains closed, his shoulders relax, but the worry lines stay too. His eyes glaze over her face, he breathes in deeply, walks towards her.

He's two inches from her, and he whispers because he's not much good at talking, and he doesn't want anyone to hear him, anyone but her at least right now.

"Remember how I had that extensive surgery? The guy died not too far into the operation, and they say it's not my fault, but it was. I was angry as hell, Addison, just at myself, and at Hahn for forcing me to be part of the surgery when Cristina was the better choice. And I was just…the Chief sent me home, and I just sat outside the hospital like some idiot. I had my phone out, I was ready to call you. But I didn't just want to talk to you after my crappy day, I didn't just want hear you. I needed to see you, I needed someone that could tell me that this is the job, but it can't suck the fucking life out of me, and just say that by looking at me. And you were the one I wanted looking at me, Addison. That's why I got Iz and Mer to cover my shifts, to take over my interns and why I still owe them for taking my workload as I went on some trip."

She's motionless, but she's finally listened and he's spoken. This is more, and there is more at stake for him. He doesn't know what to make of it because he's always been the lone soldier who believes he's more than capable of handling things on his own. Until then when he wanted her to be his comfort, and that's a lot for him to grasp.

She hugs him and he accepts it, and they stand there letting the silence decipher who they are without defining them.

He waits in the hotel lounge where she checks out, takes her back to Meredith's house where she settles into his room for the night. Meredith stares, but Alex won't make hysterics of it, at least not tonight. Nothing happens. They just lay in his bed, without saying a thing, and he falls asleep first, then she does. Then the alarm clock rings, and he sits up along with her.

It's a shame, but he has to get to work in an hour and her flight is in two hours. They look at each other with knowing glances--who knows when he or she will be able to see each other again, and they lend themselves to at least 15 minutes of it being just about them until Izzie knocks, saying breakfast is ready.

Addison sits at the table, uncomfortable. Alex sends looks to Izzie and Meredith, just begging them not to ask questions, and mentally the girls agree, but only until Addison's gone will they not ask questions.

They have to leave, and Alex makes them wait a bit longer in the car because he doesn't want them staring as he kisses Addison and tells her 'later.'

Before catching her cab to the airport, Addison unpacks one of her scarves, and it's corny and he'll hate it, but ten to one if and when she comes back to visit him she'll find it there on his nightstand where she leaves it.

It's impractical and maybe it doesn't make sense, but they keep up the calls, meet half-way once a month, until it turns into two times a month.

Somewhere here or there he's the one who asks her to move back, and they fight to the point where he doesn't show up to one of their meetings.

She cries like she hasn't in months, maybe years, on the bed in the room they usually rent, but she heads back to work and waits, hoping he'll call.

Instead, the day after her trip, there's a postcard. It's from Oregon, a city named Eugene, and the picture is of the prestigious Sacred Heart Medical Center.

At this point, they've been dating a year (although officially, it's been less than that), and the calls began well over a year ago, and she hasn't been able to visit him since that time he told her what she really meant to him. He's come by twice, and they were both short visits. Their visits half-way from one another have happened well over a dozen times, but even through all this this it's not enough for two dedicated doctors to abandon their work places for the other.

Seeing this postcard, with an address of a house on the back, and the picture of this hospital on the front tells her maybe he's made a move for her, or maybe he just wants a change of venue for his career.

Whatever the case, she knows she's received the postcard a day late. He must've been expecting her but…

She makes a call to Naomi, who without qualms moves her appointments over two days, and demands her friend to catch the soonest plane to Eugene, Oregon.

Addison is hesitant to leave so quickly, but Naomi insists, because she's never seen her friend be so comfortable and yet have so much fun with a man.

There's a plane leaving in forty minutes, and through some flirting and begging, they allow her on though they add a hefty last-minute fee.

The flight isn't too long, but it feels like forever, and when her feet touch the ground she runs, steals a cab out from underneath another traveler, and tells the driver the address she's memorized.

It's not a huge house, maybe a bit on the small side, but it looks nice, even homely. And just the right amount of him. It's a tan color, aside from the grass, no greens, and the steps are brick. She knocks, hoping he'll answer and just understand.

He answers, but there's a glint of anger, so she stands there, catching his gaze and begins speaking about the late postcard and her not willing to give up her job for another because it's not what she wants, even if she wants him. He rolls his eyes, fishes a key out of his pocket, throws it to her, and walks inside.

Up until he finishes his residency, Dr. Alex Karev remains in Eugene, Oregon in the house he's rented under a two-year lease. Turns out he planned on renting it before he and she began their monthly visits, something she finds out the night she first stays in that house. Just so she knows that like her, he's not corny enough to give up one job for another, he says.

Richard offers him a job as an attending when his residency is done, a job he accepts without hesitation not knowing Addison's handed in her resignation at the Oceanside Wellness Group a month prior as she's finally ready to head back not just to a real hospital, but to the one that she so quickly ran away from because she's accepted everything including her history.

She's bought a house, and when he tells her that he's accepted Richard's offer, she nonchalantly asks him--

"Do you want to move in?"

At most, they lived under the same room for the entirety of a two weeks. Their two week vacations only coincided for one week this one year, but by Addison's second week off he had to get back to work. It was a small test trial, but they saw each other every weekend and have been together nearly three years when she asks.

He pretends to think about it, as he begins asking about the square footage, the paint job, the rooms, etc. Then he goes on to ask since when did she buy a house, and why she waited so long to tell him that she took her job back.

She watches in amusement, not answering anything, just keeps her eyes steadily trained on him, waiting for him to answer.

"You're not gonna talk until I answer, huh?"

She shrugs. He says 'fine, I'll move in, just don't rub it in my face.'

Seventeen days later, she's in his room, watching him as he packs the last of his things. There's a scarf stuffed in the drawer of his nightstand, one she picks up gingerly as he watches out of the corner of his eye, with a small smile. It'd be nice to see it on her again--not that he won't steal it back someday and stuff it under his pillow or something.