After the death of her closest friend, Nikki is faced with a life of loneliness. That is, until she meets a beautiful woman called Helen, the daughter of her deceased friend. AU

Chapter 1

It wasn't the kind of day Nikki expected to greet her when she woke from her restless slumber. The sun shone through the open blinds of her lounge room, making her feel a kind of warmth she couldn't really enjoy on such a cold day.

She rose from the couch and staggered into the kitchen, flicking the switch for the kettle as she retrieved a mug from the cupboard. As she stared out the window, taking in the blue sky, the patches of clouds, and the brightness of the morning sun, she felt a wave of nausea wash over her. Having spent the previous night drowning her sorrows with a bottle of gin, it was now time to face reality and get herself together for the remorseful day ahead; Dawn's funeral.

Nikki had first met Dawn when she was 15. She regularly visited Dawns bookstore, 'Dawns Haven', losing herself in the stories she read as a way to detach herself from her own life. A kind of friendship developed between the librarian and Nikki. One that would become so meaningful, that everything else would take a back seat.
Nikki sat in her dining room that morning sipping her coffee and let her mind wander back 10 years to the moment that changed her life forever. She had walked into the Dawns Haven with tears streaming down her face.

****

"Nikki darling, what's the matter," Dawn gasped, "You look distraught!"

"It's my parents…they found out about… something, and they kicked me out of home," Nikki responded, sniffling and wiping away her tears.

"Oh sweet heart, come here," Dawn said, gathering her into her arms and holding the trembling child. "Everything will be ok, I promise."

Dawn led Nikki to sit down in a couch at the back of the store and held her until her sobs subsided. She draped her arm around her shoulders and tenderly wiped her tear stained face.

"How did they find out?" Dawn asked.

"Mum found my diary," Nikki explained. "She said she was looking for some earrings, but I think she was just being nosey."

"Are you sure this isn't just going to blow over?" Dawn asked, a touch of hope in her voice.

"They seemed pretty adamant," Nikki replied with remorse.

"Mum said she was disgusted. Dad was just furious…said he wasn't going to let me disgrace the family."

Nikki held her face as tears came flowing once again. All Dawn could do was hold her and reassure her that all would be fine. She knew how it was to be an out caste in a family, although she could not imagine having to deal with all the emotions and outcomes at 15. She also had no idea as to what was written in her diary.

"What am I going to do Dawn?" Nikki asked, feeling deflated and exhausted from the day's events. "I have no place to go, and no job. I can't live on my own!"

"Well then," Dawn began, "there's only one thing you can do."

"What's that?" Nikki asked feeling almost defeated.

"You'll have to come live with me, and work here at the bookstore," Dawn suggested, although it was more of a demand than a query.

"Oh Dawn, I couldn't do that," Nikki argued. "You don't want some kid hanging around, surely."

"Don't be silly," Dawn replied, placing her hand on Nikki's shoulder. "You practically live here anyway. And I enjoy your company."

Nikki looked into her eyes and saw love, understanding, and most of all, honesty. She looked down into her lap and let a small smile appear.

"Thank you," Nikki replied, looking back up to meet her eyes. "You don't know how much that means to me."

"Don't mention it love," Dawn replied, standing up. "Now come on, let's go get you settled."

Nikki stood and embraced her friend, feeling a kind of love for her that she could not contemplate for her own parents. She knew then that everything really would be ok.

Nikki wiped the tear that escaped as she stood from her chair and made her way to the kitchen. After placing her mug in the dishwasher, she made her way upstairs to get ready. She was working this morning in the bookstore and was almost running late.

Dawn's funeral was at 3 o'clock, which meant closing the store early for the first time since she'd started working there. It was not something she felt comfortable doing. Dawn and she always tried to make sure that one of them was always there, from the time it opened at 8 o'clock in the morning, until the time it closed at 9 o'clock at night.

"I don't like to disappoint any of my customers," she used to say. "What if someone needs us?"

Dawn loved her bookstore, and all those that visited. Nikki loved watching her face light up when she heard the bell above the door, announcing the arrival of a customer. She was always so kind, and always made them feel welcome. They were like her guests, offering them tea or coffee and biscuits as they sat in the lounges and read.

Everyone loved Dawn. She was a mother figure for everyone. There was not a person to walk through that door that was not touched by the way she looked after them, and listened to them. Dawns Haven was more than a bookstore. It was a place people came to get away, unwind, and generally feel relaxed and at home. This had made Dawns death all the more harder.

All through the week Nikki had customers offering their deepest sympathy. They would come into the store smiling, and leave the store with tearstains on their cheeks. It had been a considerably draining week for Nikki, keeping the store open on her own, and trying to console the customers in grief. She knew that today would be no different.

Nikki stepped out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror. She let her eyes roam over her naked body, taking in the sight of the tall, slim, dark haired women before her. Her naturally tanned skin, her dark brown eyes, her short brown hair…that was all the same. However she had lost weight over the past week, and the baggage under her eyes could not go unnoticed. She missed Dawn. She also worried about what would happen with the bookstore.

Dawn had rarely talked about her family in the beginning. Although over the years, Nikki learnt more and more about her life before Dawns Haven. Their friendship first started to blossom after the night they sat in Dawns lounge in front of the fireplace, and told each other their deepest secrets.

****

"Dawn?" Nikki sighed, throwing her head back in the armchair to look at the ceiling.

"Yes dear?" Dawn asked, "What is it?"

"Can I ask how old you are?"

"I'm 44," she answered, lifting her head from her book and removing her glasses. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason, really," Nikki said, shifting her weight in the chair to bring her legs up underneath her. "It's just, well, my parents are you're age, and they're married, and have…well, had me. So I was just wondering why you don't have a family. Or…do you?"

Nikki lifted her head and gazed over at Dawn, sitting in an armchair opposite her, cradling a book in her hands. Her face was unmoving, giving nothing away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry," Nikki began, feeling bad for bringing the subject up. "I was just thinking about my family, and how they kicked me out."

Nikki placed her head back in the chair again, her eyes glazed over with tears that threatened to fall. She wanted to confide in Dawn, but was unsure how she would react to what she wanted to say.

"Nikki dear, are you alright?" Dawn queried with concern for her young companion.

Nikki didn't answer. Silence hung in the air as Dawn waited patiently for Nikki to open up to here, and Nikki contemplated how much she should tell Dawn. When the silence became too much, Nikki decided it was now or never, and that if she could trust anyone, it would be Dawn.

"I'm gay," Nikki whispered facing the ceiling, and tears began to stream down her cheeks.

"That's why they kicked you out," Dawn thought out loud, finally understanding.

"Do you hate me?" Nikki whimpered, holding back from sobbing with the hope that Dawn wouldn't disown her.

"I don't hate you," Dawn gasped. "In fact, I'm proud of you."

Nikki lifted her head to look at Dawn. She could not hide the surprise on her face, and Dawn took it upon herself to answer her unvoiced question.

"You are not ashamed of who you are, and you told me, even though I know you were unsure of how I would react," Dawn continued. "Did you think I would leave you too?"

Dawn watched as Nikki bowed her head and nodded, almost looking ashamed that she thought Dawn would not react well.

"Nikki, since you confided in me, I suppose there is something I should tell you," Dawn confessed.

"What's that?" Nikki asked, looking back at her expectantly.

"I'm a lesbian."

Nikki recalled the comfort Dawns confession generated, and how close they became over the years since having that conversation. With one last glance in the mirror, Nikki took a deep breath and continued to get ready for work.

After getting dressed and playing with her hair, Nikki picked up her bag and headed to the door, noticing along the way that her home was becoming quite a state. She'd had little to no energy in the passing weeks, and housework was the last thing on her mind. She decided that like it or not, she would get stuck into it the following day, before pulling the front door shut and heading to Dawns Haven.

As expected, the day was filled with people offering their sympathy, and asking when the funeral would be. Nikki knew that there would be many familiar faces at Dawns funeral that afternoon. Many customers had informed her how much Dawn had meant to them, and assured her that they would be attending the funeral.

The day went by rather quickly. There weren't many people in the store, and those who were, were too distraught to stay long. Come 2.00pm, Nikki was ready to leave, and as politely as she could announced that the store would be closing until the following morning, before leaving the store and making her way to the burial ground.

As she drove along the quiet streets, her mind began to wonder if any of Dawns family would be attending the funeral. As far as Nikki knew, Dawn had lost contact with her family not long before they met. Nikki smiled sadly as she recalled the conversation she had with Dawn about her only daughter.

****

"You know, my daughter is about your age," Dawn suddenly admitted. "Although, I haven't seen her for a while now. Probably forgotten all about me if her father has anything to do with it."

Dawn's confession took Nikki by surprise. She was in the kitchen making pancakes, Dawn sitting at the dining room table watching.

"I'm sure that's not true," Nikki replied. "If you were my mother, I'd never forget you."

Dawn became a little tearful from Nikki's kind words. She had often thought about her daughter, what she was like, where she was going in life. Living with Nikki this past year had made her realize just how much she missed her family.

"What was her name?" Nikki asked, breaking the silence.

"Helen," Dawn replied simply.

Nikki continued with the pancakes while Dawn sat, reminiscing. Nikki wanted to know all about her family. It had taken a while, but eventually Nikki had opened up to Dawn, and told her her most inner thoughts. It had hurt that Dawn had not shared her own thoughts back, but she understood that there was something painful about her past, and that she needed to give her time.

After cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, Nikki went and sat opposite Dawn, placing the pancakes on the table.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Nikki finally asked.

Nikki saw Dawn knot her brow, the pain she was going through clear on her face. Just when Nikki thought there was not going to be any reply, Dawn started to speak.

"I was married to a man of God Nikki," Dawn began, looking into blankly into the kitchen as she recalled her past. "We dated in high school, and married when we were very young. I eventually fell pregnant after trying for years. We had a daughter, Helen. We were a happy family. On the outside, things looked almost perfect. But things started to change. I began to find myself attracted to women. I knew it was wrong. I knew what the church thought about homosexuality, so I kept up the pretense. When Helen was ten years old, things began to fall apart. I began to have feelings for one of the women at the church. I don't know…I thought there was something there, I thought she felt it too, so I made a move on her. God, I don't know what possessed me to do that, I was putting my whole life at risk. Anyway, John, my husband, eventually caught wind of the gossip. He confronted me about it, and I just couldn't deny it."

Nikki watched Dawn as she spoke, the emotion and the sadness that was going through was evident in the way her words trembled. Tears finally began to fall as she recalled her last days with her family.

"That was the day everything fell apart. John left me, or rather, made me leave. The church disowned me, my family didn't want anything to do with me…my life was over. He eventually got full custody of Helen. That was the worst day of my life. To not have her in my life was the worst thing…for any mother. She was everything to me. I've often tried to find her, or contact her. But what would I say?"

Dawn began to openly sob, and Nikki moved around the table to comfort her. She instinctively knew that she would not get any more out of Dawn about her family. Although, after what she had heard already, it was enough to take in. Nikki knew what it was like to be an outcast from her family. Although she imagined it was much more difficult for Dawn, having a life she built torn down around her.

Nikki arrived at the Graveyard 20 minutes before the funeral was to begin. As she pulled into the car park, she took in her surroundings and was glad to see the beauty of the grounds, given its use. It would make the ceremony she had arranged feel more special.
Nikki walked towards the top of the hill to collect her thoughts before the ceremony. It was a beautiful view… 'Just what dawn would have wanted' Nikki thought to herself. It had been hard coming to terms with Dawns death. Standing in the graveyard where she was to be buried finally made her digest reality; Dawn was gone. After Dawn had her first heart attack, Nikki spent as much time with her in hospital as she could between working, eating and attempting to sleep? Looking back now, Nikki realised that Dawn was trying to prepare Nikki for her death. But only now, was she prepared to accept it.

****

"Nikki dear," Dawn sighed, struggling for breath. "Come sit with me here, we need to discuss a few things."

Dawn shifted in her hospital bed as Nikki sat beside her. She took a hold of Nikki's hand before she began to speak.

"I need you to do some things for me dear. Is that ok?" Dawn asked already knowing that Nikki would do almost anything.

"Of course Dawn. You name it!" Nikki replied.

"Ok. Now listen to me before you say anything. You must know that I am not going to be around for much longer…"

"Dawn…" Nikki pleaded, beginning to interrupt.

"Nikki, please, listen," Dawn insisted, and waited for Nikki to nod her head before continuing. "I can't live forever Nikki. I know that I have become your family. You must know that you are my family as well. The past 15 or so years have been wonderful. It's like having a daughter all over again. That's why you are the only person that can do these things for me."

Nikki gave a nod again, and squeezed Dawns hand, encouraging her to continue.

"My bookstore Nikki. Please, don't let them take it. It's so special to so many people. You must not let anything happen to it."

"Of course," Nikki replied, "It will always be Dawns Haven."

"The second thing…I want to rest somewhere beautiful. Find me somewhere that I will be happy."

"Ok," Nikki said as tears began to prick behind her eyes.

"And lastly Nikki…This is very important. Helen. I need to know she will be ok. Please Nikki, I know you are strong, can you find her? Can you look out for her?"

"It would be my pleasure Dawn," Nikki replied, before reaching out to hold her.

They sat talking until visiting time was over, and Nikki reluctantly left.

"Look after yourself Nikki. You're a special woman, with such a big heart. You'll be just fine, ok?" Dawn said as Nikki stood to leave.

"Thank you Dawn. I love you!" Nikki replied. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Nikki left the hospital and arrived home to find a message on her answering machine from the hospital. Dawn had another heart attack not long after she said goodbye and died.

****

Nikki wiped the single tear from her face before making her way back for the service. From a distance, she could see many people arriving; most of them customers from the bookstore, the rest of them were friends she had made over the years. Amongst the crowd, however, she saw one person she didn't recognise standing alone. It wasn't until she got closer that she realised the resemblance… A woman who looked her own age, with dark blonde hair, petite figure, and the most beautiful green eyes Nikki had ever seen. The first thing she noticed, however, when she finally stood facing her some 20 feet away, was her extremely kissable lips. There was no doubt that this was Dawns daughter, and the most gorgeous woman Nikki had ever laid eyes on.