There comes a time...
By: Clauida Tryniti Rae
Disclaimer: No own, Lawyers be gone!
Warnings: Personal angst on my part. I am writing this as a release of the anger I am feeling right now, so you are warned, this is true only interpreted in the form of words and characters.
Dear _________,
You know, I have come to the realization that life is so not fair it hurts. I really don't think anything will ever go my way in life. I have now know true pain and suffering and that comes in the way of the man I love more than my life. Heero, dear Heero. I never knew how possessive a soldier could be. I always thought that we were perfect and happy. But I know now that jealousy can rip a rift that is so unimmaginable betwixt two in love that the bond between the souls is torn for an eternity.
I have now reached the point whereupon I must either choose or die. I feel as though I am being torn by unberrable, unseen, unsprekable sources that will not relinquish their hold. And so I fell to my knees and begged to be relinquished from this pain and suffering. Being the monarch of the world and a leader of men and women alike does not help my meloncholly situation to any surface.
In any way known only to you, I, and the source of the pain, I am rather weary of the anger. I can see it brew as a storm upon a troubled sea would. I can feel the tension build higher than the tallest of all of the world's mountains combine. The weight built upon these slender shoulders that I will forever carry. My burden.
I will never show that I am saddened. I will be strong. I am like Trowa, hiding behind a clown's mask, showing only that which I wish for everyine to see. The fake, masked happiness that I show to the world in the form of a smile with the depth of a grain of sand. Well, that to so many is true depth, taken at face value. Hn, shows the depth of the world, ne? I really do try to not be cynical, but that is all I have left. The cynical, meloncholly feelings that creep upon me in the night. Kind of like that monster that would hide under the cloak of darkness in a child's room, awaiting the night to come so it may arise and strike. Yes, that is what it is like. A vampire sucking the life-blood from my veins as though it was fresh meat.
Why is it that I feel as though the world has been torn from beneith my feet? Can you answer that for me? Well, can you? I thought not. It is because it has no answer, just another question. How long does happiness last? I highly doubt forever, but I don't believe that it just does not exist. I prefer to hide behind that lovely mask of indifference and passive resistance. That beautifully constructed porcelain shell, painted like that of a Geisha. Noble and fair, beautiful and strong, yet holding in the pain of a life of immense trouble and guilt. That is all I am, a beautifully constructed porcelain doll, show off and dressed up, but never really known. Shoved upon a shelf and forgotten until it is to be shown off. I think that is just what I am. A doll.
He fogets that I have feelings. He thinks that I am like him and I have nothing left on the inside. But everytime that look appears upon his beautiful face I know that another piece of porcelain is placed upon the mask. I am a shell, a fragment of what I used to be. Now frail and meek, once was I strong and outspoken, vibrant one would say. Now what am I? Merely a shell.
There come's a time when one must let go. Well, I think that time has come...
All my love,
Relena
She closed the journal and place the pen upon her nightstand. Sighing she picked up the small .38 calliber handgun and placed it to her temple. She paused thinking one final thought before pulling the trigger, "I wonder if porcelain breaks?"
~*Fine*~
Authors notes: I had to get this out...
By: Clauida Tryniti Rae
Disclaimer: No own, Lawyers be gone!
Warnings: Personal angst on my part. I am writing this as a release of the anger I am feeling right now, so you are warned, this is true only interpreted in the form of words and characters.
Dear _________,
You know, I have come to the realization that life is so not fair it hurts. I really don't think anything will ever go my way in life. I have now know true pain and suffering and that comes in the way of the man I love more than my life. Heero, dear Heero. I never knew how possessive a soldier could be. I always thought that we were perfect and happy. But I know now that jealousy can rip a rift that is so unimmaginable betwixt two in love that the bond between the souls is torn for an eternity.
I have now reached the point whereupon I must either choose or die. I feel as though I am being torn by unberrable, unseen, unsprekable sources that will not relinquish their hold. And so I fell to my knees and begged to be relinquished from this pain and suffering. Being the monarch of the world and a leader of men and women alike does not help my meloncholly situation to any surface.
In any way known only to you, I, and the source of the pain, I am rather weary of the anger. I can see it brew as a storm upon a troubled sea would. I can feel the tension build higher than the tallest of all of the world's mountains combine. The weight built upon these slender shoulders that I will forever carry. My burden.
I will never show that I am saddened. I will be strong. I am like Trowa, hiding behind a clown's mask, showing only that which I wish for everyine to see. The fake, masked happiness that I show to the world in the form of a smile with the depth of a grain of sand. Well, that to so many is true depth, taken at face value. Hn, shows the depth of the world, ne? I really do try to not be cynical, but that is all I have left. The cynical, meloncholly feelings that creep upon me in the night. Kind of like that monster that would hide under the cloak of darkness in a child's room, awaiting the night to come so it may arise and strike. Yes, that is what it is like. A vampire sucking the life-blood from my veins as though it was fresh meat.
Why is it that I feel as though the world has been torn from beneith my feet? Can you answer that for me? Well, can you? I thought not. It is because it has no answer, just another question. How long does happiness last? I highly doubt forever, but I don't believe that it just does not exist. I prefer to hide behind that lovely mask of indifference and passive resistance. That beautifully constructed porcelain shell, painted like that of a Geisha. Noble and fair, beautiful and strong, yet holding in the pain of a life of immense trouble and guilt. That is all I am, a beautifully constructed porcelain doll, show off and dressed up, but never really known. Shoved upon a shelf and forgotten until it is to be shown off. I think that is just what I am. A doll.
He fogets that I have feelings. He thinks that I am like him and I have nothing left on the inside. But everytime that look appears upon his beautiful face I know that another piece of porcelain is placed upon the mask. I am a shell, a fragment of what I used to be. Now frail and meek, once was I strong and outspoken, vibrant one would say. Now what am I? Merely a shell.
There come's a time when one must let go. Well, I think that time has come...
All my love,
Relena
She closed the journal and place the pen upon her nightstand. Sighing she picked up the small .38 calliber handgun and placed it to her temple. She paused thinking one final thought before pulling the trigger, "I wonder if porcelain breaks?"
~*Fine*~
Authors notes: I had to get this out...