A Visit to Earth
The engine sputtered for a few moments, then stopped completely, jarring the Jedi starfighter out of lightspeed.
"Master, I thought you fixed the power coupling yesterday," eighteen-year-old Anakin Skywalker shouted, struggling to make his voice heard over the rattle of the shaking ship.
"I did!" Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi hollered back. "Blast! This is why I hate flying!"
"Master," Anakin cried once more as he fiddled with the ship's controls. "You put the power cables in wrong. Again."
Obi-Wan let his young Padawan stabilize the ship. Anakin always knew how to fix things anyways.
"Where are we?" Anakin asked, looking around at the unfamiliar planets and stars swirling outside the cockpit. He deftly rewired the engine, wiped his hands on his long black cloak, and awaited his Master's answer.
"No clue," Obi-Wan replied. He'd never seen this star system before, even in the copious Temple Archives. "Let's get back to Sector Six."
Anakin groaned. He was tired of these "peaceful negotiation" missions the Council thought up. As far as he could tell, the only time the mission actually concluded in peace was when Obi-Wan miscalculated their lightspeed coordinates and they ended up on the unpopulated world of Elsenor rather than Kashyyyk.
"Come on, Master. We deserve a break," Anakin declared, steering the fighter through space and into the atmosphere of a small blue and green planet nearby.
"Jedi do not take breaks, Anakin Skywalker," Obi-Wan countered. "As the guardians of peace in the galaxy, it is our job to-"
"To work tirelessly for the greater good, and selflessly serve others," Anakin finished. "I've heard." Easing up on the main thruster, he smoothly landed the ship in an empty field. "But wouldn't it be much more peaceful to explore this place than to go off on another one of these diplomatic trips that get you nearly killed before I rescue you?"
"Peace is the goal here, not peaceful," Obi-Wan lectured. "Besides, you know full well that-" Suddenly he glanced up from the data pad he had been examining, only to find the ship in a gleaming golden field on some unknown planet. "Not again," he muttered to himself, before turning in frustration to his Padawan. "Ani, where are we?"
"Let's find out." Anakin shrugged and leaped gracefully to the ground. With a sigh, Obi-Wan unstrapped and followed his apprentice. After all, Anakin had a point – after their last "peace mission," in which the locals nearly beheaded Obi-Wan for suggesting that they join the Republic, they could use a rest. He just hoped this planet was peaceful.
Five hours later, Anakin and Obi-Wan finally spotted the first sign of civilization – a huge, glittering city sparkling with neon light and buzzing with nightlife. "Keep close by me," Obi-Wan instructed as the pair joined the jostling mess on the crowded streets. "And don't do anything rash."
"When have I ever done that, Master?" Anakin quipped. He loved getting Obi-Wan worked up. His Master was always so serious.
Obi-Wan gave a wry chuckle. He knew Anakin was purposely badgering him, just to make him laugh. Unfortunately, it usually worked.
The Jedi and his Padawan pushed through the streets, pausing often to examine the strange displays in the windows of enormous stores.
"This looks sort of like Coruscant," Anakin remarked as they passed a trio of musicians playing on a corner. Two scantily-clad young women approached Anakin, who pulled Obi-Wan into a shop full of what seemed to be female undergarments in order to escape their uninvited advances.
"Coruscant gone wrong," Obi-Wan remarked, staring at the tiny garments and wondering how they even passed for underclothes.
"Coruscant's already gone wrong," Anakin declared, pushing open the shop door and stepping back out onto the teaming street. "Unlike Naboo."
Obi-Wan gave his Padawan a sidelong glance. "What do you mean by that?"
"Nothing." Anakin gazed around at the tall buildings, avoiding his Master's eyes. "Excuse me," he called to an elderly man passing by. "Could you tell me where I am?" With luck, the man's response would be enough to distract Obi-Wan from investigating Anakin's love for Naboo (and a certain Senator of Naboo) any further.
"Santa Monica Boulevard," the man replied, pointing up at the street sign.
"Yes, but where is that?" Anakin continued, wondering why the stranger couldn't at least give a useful answer, instead of standing there gawking at him and his Master as if the two were from another galaxy.
"The City of Angels, Los Angeles," the man finally answered before hurrying away. Obi-Wan and Anakin rolled their eyes at each other. Probably yet another planet where the citizens were deathly terrified of Jedi Knights.
"The name of the planet would be nice," Obi-Wan remarked.
"So would some food," added Anakin, his stomach growling in agreement. He pointed to a stand a few feet away, selling something advertised as "Pizza by the Slice." "Come on, Master. I dare you to try it."
"Jedi do not do dares, Ani," Obi-Wan began, but reluctantly he allowed his Padawan to lead the way to the colorful food vendor. After all, it had been a while since they'd had real food, and even Jedi deserve warm meals, he reasoned.
"What can I get for you, sir?" the chubby brown woman at the stand asked in a clipped, bored accent.
"Two Pizzas by the Slice," Anakin answered, digging through his cloak pockets for some spare Republic credits.
"Yes, that is all we sell," the lady shot back, obviously annoyed. "What kind do you want?"
"Kind?" Anakin turned to Obi-Wan, a confused expression crossing his delicate face. Obi-Wan returned the look with one of his own.
The woman glared impatiently, scowling at the line accumulating behind the two men. "Look, kid, I got a business to run here. What kind of pizza do you want?" She motioned impatiently to the thick slices of cheesy goodness baking in the heat ovens on top of the stand.
"Oh, right," Anakin recovered. "I'll have that one." He pointed to a slice of the strange food covered in some sort of meat and fruit.
"One slice of Hawaiian," the lady droned, slapping the pizza onto a paper plate and thrusting it at Anakin. "What else?"
"Master, you're supposed to pick one," Anakin muttered to Obi-Wan, who still seemed utterly at a loss.
"We don't even know what they are. Anakin, they could be poisoned. The Malastarians recently sold a very lethal poison to Viceroy Nute Gunray of the Trade Federation, and-"
"He'll have that one," Anakin declared, cutting off Obi-Wan. People in the line were beginning to stare at the pair. All things considered, Anakin figured it was best to remain as inconspicuous as possible, and allowing Obi-Wan to launch into one of his infamous lectures would be anything but.
"One slice of anchovy, mushroom, sardine, garlic, and goat cheese," the vendor monotoned, handing Obi-Wan the pizza. "That will be five seventy-five."
Anakin handed her the Republic credits and turned to walk away when her angry shout called him back.
"Hey, kid! What kind of trick is this?"
"Trick? I just paid you-"
"This some foreign currency? It's not what I use, and it's not what you'll pay me with. Got that?"
Anakin clenched his teeth. All they wanted was some food. You'd think these locals would be honored to serve two Jedi – well, a Jedi and a Padawan learner – but no…
"I gave you Republic credits. You are a part of the Republic, am I correct?" he asked in a tone of forced calmness.
"Republic? This is the United States of America, not some crazy Russian coalition! Kid, you give me money for those pizzas right now, or I'm calling the cops."
"Republic credits are perfectly acceptable," Anakin murmured in a soft voice, waving his hand ever-so-slightly in front of the vendor's furious face.
"Republic credits are perfectly acceptable," the lady repeated, her expression going blank.
"And you will never address anyone as 'kid' again," Anakin added. He might as well teach her some manners while he was at it.
"And I will never address anyone as 'kid' again." The lady gave a vacant half-smile as Anakin and Obi-Wan moved out of the line. At last, they could eat. Or so they thought.
As Obi-Wan walked away, the man behind him yanked the hood of his brown Jedi robe, sending his pizza flying through the air towards Anakin, who caught it artfully. "Stop right there, Mister. What on earth did you just do to her?"
"I did nothing," Obi-Wan retorted. "That was my Padawan who employed the mind trick. Although he knows he has no clearance from the Council to do so," Obi-Wan added, shooting Anakin the all-too familiar I-have-a-lecture-for-you,-Skywalker glance.
"You brainwashed her," the man continued, clearly upset over what he had just observed. To Anakin's surprise, the man grabbed Obi-Wan roughly by the arms. "I'm LAPD plainclothes officer Bryant," the man declared. "And you are under arrest."
Arrest. Finally, something about this strange planet that Obi-Wan comprehended perfectly. Twisting around, he swung free of his would-be captor, took the two pieces of pizza from his Padawan, and led Anakin away.
Anakin felt the tug of danger before his Master did, and he whipped back around instantaneously, drawing his blue-white lightsaber as he did so and neatly cutting the man's raised weapon in half before he could get a shot off. The lightsaber hissed as the man jumped back in surprise and the now-numerous onlookers ogled at the surreal scene playing out before them.
"What on earth?" the man hollered. "That weapon…it's not used by the police force…You stole top-secret military technology!"
Anakin took a step closer to the police officer, bringing the deadly blade dangerously near the trembling man's pale face. "Leave Master Obi-Wan alone," he ordered in a voice that commanded immediate obedience. "Unless you want to go the same way as your blaster."
Anakin closed down his lightsaber with a snap and strode down the street, Obi-Wan close behind him, still clutching the plates of pizza. The disgraced policeman attempted to collect himself as he watched the two disappear into the crowd. Fortunately, the frightened man thought, he had at least had the sense not to mention to that criminally unstable young man that he had no clue what a 'blaster' even was. The officer gathered up the halves of his destroyed gun and dumped them in a garbage can as he fled the pizza line.
Further down the street, in a darkened alleyway, Obi-Wan Kenobi sat with his back to a brick wall, his pizza in his hand. He tentatively picked a small fish off the pizza and put it in his mouth, then smiled appreciatively at the taste.
"I never thought I'd be so happy to be eating foreign food," he remarked to Anakin. He moved to bite the pizza, but right before his teeth clamped down, his meal flew out of his grasp, causing him to instead bite his own tongue.
"Ani, knock it off," Obi-Wan reprimanded, angrily eyeing the pizza slice floating benignly in front of his grinning Padawan.
"I'm sorry, Master," Anakin replied, his tone implying anything but sincerity. "Here you go." He sent the pizza zooming back to Obi-Wan, hitting him full in his half-opened mouth and splattering all over his face.
Obi-Wan spent the remainder of the night picking dead fish out of his beard as he forced Anakin to recite the names of every single charted planet in their galaxy.
Day broke over the city and immediately the two Jedi set off again, though where to, they could not begin to imagine. Obi-Wan turned in frustration to Anakin, who was still going strong with his recitation. Apparently he had studied the Archives more than he let on.
"Then there's Mustafar, that's in the Outer Rim, and Coruscant of course, the galactic capital, and Hoth, also in the Outer Rim, and Tatooine, home planet of really cool people-"
"Anakin, for the tenth time, drop it!" Obi-Wan shouted. Anakin perhaps could run on no sleep, but weariness, coupled with the insufficiency of his dinner, was getting to the older Jedi Master.
"Then admit that fish do not belong on Pizza by the Slice," Anakin joked.
"They were good," Obi-Wan protested. "Until someone exploded them all over my face."
"The gorgeous Naboo, Geonosis, Utapau, Mon Calamari," Anakin began again, this time in an annoying sing-song voice.
"Alright, alright. You win!" Obi-Wan gave in, pressing his hands to his ears. "Fish belong in water, not on pizza."
"Thank you," Anakin beamed. Obi-Wan yawned in reply.
Emerging from the alley, the pair found themselves on an even longer street than that of the previous night. Floods of human beings hurried up and down both sides, while more humans drove odd-looking groundcrawling vehicles in the center.
A blonde woman pulled her vehicle up to the curb where Anakin and Obi-Wan stood looking out at the teaming metropolis. "Excuse me, sir," she chimed, her heavily made-up eyes batting flirtatiously up at Obi-Wan. "Can I give you a lift?"
Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin. They did need a way back to their starfighter, after all, and the woman seemed completely harmless, if somewhat unintelligent.
"Uh, I guess so," Obi-Wan replied, climbing into the strange wheeled transport and sliding over to make room for Anakin.
"Where to, sweetie?" the woman questioned, weaving her way through the mess of similar vehicles. "You look like you came from one killer party."
"We just want to get to our spaceship," Obi-Wan said. He really wished the woman would stop flipping her hair like that and concentrate harder on maneuvering the transport instead.
"Spaceship? Where are you from, the moon?" She giggled enthusiastically at her own joke, but was met with the silent stares of the two men in the backseat. "Right. I get it. You work at Disneyland, and got away yesterday for a night on the town. Okay, I'll get you back before the park opens."
"Ani, did any of that make sense to you?" Obi-Wan asked his Padawan.
"Well, I know what night is," Anakin responded. "At least, I think she said 'night.' She talks awfully fast."
"Excuse me," trilled the woman again, her voice unnaturally high. "Did you call him Annie? You know that's a girl's name, right?"
Anakin shot her a look that would have informed any half-witted Coruscanti thug to keep quiet, but apparently this planet's inhabitants were not accustomed to obeying the commands, spoken or implied, of Jedi Knights. In any case, the woman continued rattling on in her aggravating shrill tone. "Oh, I get it now," she prattled, her painted lips pouting slightly as she cast listless eyes at Obi-Wan. "You're gay."
"No, I'm Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi," Obi-Wan inserted.
The woman did not seem to hear him. She was tussling her tresses as a group of shirtless men jogged down the street near her vehicle. Eventually, she turned back to Obi-Wan, just as the pulled up near a crowded gateway and stalled her transport.
"Well, here you are," she chirped. "The Happiest Place on Earth."
"Earth? Is that where we are?" Anakin asked her. He vaguely recalled reading a brief paragraph about a rather unsophisticated planet by that name that was located somewhere in the remote Milky Way galaxy.
"Of course! Wow, you must be really drunk," the woman marveled, giggling again. "I just love it when I party so much that I forget where I am. Sometimes, I even forget who I am."
Anakin remembered that the residents of Earth were rumored to be remarkably dense. So far, he reflected as he and Obi-Wan exited the vehicle, this local was doing a great job of cementing that reputation.
"See ya' later, cutie," the blonde giggled to Obi-Wan. "Too bad you're not straight. I was hoping you could come over to my apartment later and we could get to know each other better." She stroked Obi-Wan's arm and leaned close to him.
"We have a job to do," the flustered Jedi Master informed her, pulling away and joining the crowd flooding the gates. He had no idea where he was going, but anywhere seemed better than here with this crazy, half-inebriated woman.
"Master, she thinks you're really something," Anakin teased as the two strode away. "Did you see how she was looking at you?"
Obi-Wan flushed bright red and stared at the cobblestoned ground. "What kind of place is this?" He abruptly changed the subject in an effort to avoid any further joking from Anakin.
"Beats me," Anakin replied, laughing at his Master's obvious discomfort. "There's a castle or something up ahead."
Suddenly, a giant mouse in colorful clothing pulled Obi-Wan and Anakin into an awkward bear hug. "Hold still," a cheerful man instructed, brandishing what appeared to be an old-fashioned holocamera. "Smile now. You're with Mickey Mouse!" The man clicked the instrument and the mouse released the confused Jedi. "Have a great day in the Magic Kingdom," the holocamera-man waved as the two hurried off down a side street.
"Whoa, Master, look!" Anakin pointed to a sign that read "Star Tours" and sported a picture of C-3P0 and R2-D2.
"What in the name of the Force?!" Obi-Wan exclaimed, following his apprentice into the darkened entryway, down the many roped stairs, and through an odd door. The two sat down in front of a screen and strapped in, wondering what was next.
"I am C-3P0, human- cyber relations." C-3P0 popped up from behind the screen. Or at least, a droid that resembled C-3P0. Considering he had left the droid on Tatooine nearly ten years ago, Anakin was pretty sure it was a holoprojection of some sort. "I am fluent in over-"
"Six million forms of communication," Anakin finished for the protocol droid. "Yeah, yeah, we know. I built him," he explained to the others in the craft, who were shooting him angry looks.
"Shut up, weirdo," a teenage boy yelled. "We want to enjoy the ride, okay?"
Anakin, fed up with this planet already, was about to tell the boy exactly where he could enjoy the ride, when the entire room jerked to the left and a spaceport appeared on the screen in front of them. Anakin felt a hand grip his arm tightly, and he turned to see his Master. An expression of horror mixed with impending sickness graced Obi-Wan's green face, and Anakin spent the remainder of the extremely bumpy ride attempting to calm his Master.
The two emerged, Obi-Wan rather shakily grasping Anakin, to find themselves in a shop full of model spacecraft, fake lightsabers, and shirts with sayings such as "Jedi Training Academy" plastered on the front.
"Uh, Master?" Anakin stopped to stare at a picture hanging on the wall – a picture of him and Obi-Wan. "Maybe they do like Jedi Knights here after all."
"Ani, this is weird," Obi-Wan began slowly, his eyes darting around the large store and catching a glimpse of the street outside. "We ended up exactly where we started. There's that sign again."
He pointed to the "Star Tours" entrance, but Anakin was no longer listening. Instead, he was kneeling on the ground, surrounded by a throng of enthusiastic children.
"Anakin, can I have your autograph?" a young girl pleaded, thrusting a pen and a pad of paper into Anakin's hands. "You're my favorite Jedi." Bemused, Anakin obliged, and a giant smile lit the girl's face as the Padawan handed her the signed notebook.
A little boy, nervously gripping a plastic lightsaber, shyly tugged on Anakin's leather tunic. "Mister Anakin," he whispered softly, "you're my hero. Can I have a picture with you?" The tiny child shifted anxiously as he peered up at Anakin.
Anakin grinned and, much to the boy's surprise, swung the child up into his arms. "That's one cool weapon you have there," Anakin told the boy after posing for his mother to snap another of the peculiar sort-of-holocamera devices in their faces. "Would you like to hold my lightsaber?"
"Could I really?!" When Anakin ignited his blue laser-blade and carefully placed it in the child's eager hands, the boy's face glowed brighter than the lightsaber itself.
Obi-Wan moved towards his Padawan, parting the sea of adoring children. "Ani, you know that Master Shaak Ti has warned you many times about handing your lightsaber to another," Obi-Wan began, before the kids turned to him and surrounded the perplexed Jedi with cried of "Obi-Wan Kenobi!"
Half an hour and half a thousand autographs later, the two men finally found themselves alone again. Well, almost.
A stocky man in a purple uniform pulled the Jedi and his Padawan over to the wall. "Come here. We need to attract more customers, and you two are perfect. I didn't know we had Star Wars characters out today."
The man flashed a bright light, then motioned for Anakin and Obi-Wan to look at his computer screen. There, a perfect image of the two awaited. Perfect, except for-
"Ugh, Master, I have your face!" Anakin exclaimed in a horrified voice. "I'm…old!"
"Anakin," Obi-Wan hissed, his tone dangerously low, "don't say another word. I'm the one stuck with a Padawan haircut!"
"I have to wear that haircut every day, Master," Anakin whined. "Now maybe you'll remember how it feels."
"Sorry about that, gentlemen," the purple-uniformed man interrupted. "I'm just getting the hang of this PhotoShop program, and it seems I put your faces with the wrong digital bodies. But no biggie. It's more eye-catching this way." With that, he flipped a switch, and the image appeared on the wall, larger than life and in plain view.
"Come on, Anakin," Obi-Wan ordered, dragging his chuckling Padawan out the shop door. "Let's get out of here."
Anakin quickly pocketed the Padmé Amidala miniature he had snatched from a nearby case before Obi-Wan could spot it, and, with one last amused glance at the warped picture on the wall, he followed his Master outside.
"What now?" Anakin asked.
"What do you mean, what now?" Obi-Wan shot back. "We're overdue in Coruscant as it is, and it's time we report to the Council."
"You're not having fun." It was not a question. Anakin always knew when his Master was not enjoying himself, probably because Obi-Wan enjoyed himself so rarely.
"Anakin, we're not here to have fun. Jedi do not have fun."
"You don't seriously believe that, do you?" Anakin didn't wait for an answer, but instead tugged Obi-Wan towards a sign proclaiming "Space Mountain." "Master, you need to relax a little. Come on. The Council can wait."
Six hours later, Anakin stood over Obi-Wan, watching with concern as his Master vomited into the bushes. After hundreds of rides on numerous whirling, zooming, spinning, and gliding contraptions, that last trip on "Dumbo the Flying Elephant" had finally pushed Obi-wan over the top.
"That's it," he finally blurt out, wiping his mouth and straightening a bit. "Either you find something that moves at the speed of a Hutt, or we leave right now."
"Alright, alright. This "Splash Mountain" thing looks nice and slow. And I'll even let you sit in the front."
Anakin emerged from the log ride with tussled hair and a lopsided smile on his youthful face. Obi-Wan emerged soaking wet.
"I can't even wear this anymore!" he exclaimed, rolling his sopping cloak in a ball and hurling it at Anakin, who easily dodged the water-clogged missile.
"Oh, a little water's never killed a Jedi. Just take off your tunic; I'll get you a new shirt," Anakin laughed, grabbing a shirt from a cart on the street. "Here you go, Master."
"Excuse me, but did you pay for that?" the teenage salesgirl behind the cart inquired.
"Pay? But, Miss, my friend really needs this, and we can't afford…" Anakin let his voice trail off as he turned a worried face to the vendor and batted his long, downcast lashes mournfully. Two seconds later, he was striding away, T-shirt in hand, with the young woman gazing in pity after him.
Anakin tossed the shirt to Obi-Wan, who grudgingly put it on. "You better not have used another mind trick to get this," Obi-Wan declared, eyeing his Padawan with suspicion.
"Don't worry, Master, I didn't," Anakin assured him. "I just used my unnaturally good looks."
Obi-Wan scoffed. "Your what?"
"Please, Master. You know full well that I'm practically irresistible, what with my-" Anakin suddenly ceased speaking (a rare occurrence, Obi-Wan noted wryly). The young man was staring at his Master's new garment, an extremely amused look lighting his deep blue eyes. "Nice shirt, Master," he commented mischievously. "It really suits you."
For the first time, Obi-Wan took a good, hard look at the shirt his Padawan had obtained for him. It was brilliant purple, and across the chest the incomprehensible inscription "I am a Disney Princess" danced in soft, flowy pink script. Around the words floated the colorful portraits of five fair, highly bejeweled young women, one of whom, for no apparent reason, seemed to have a fishtail in place of her legs.
"I cannot wear this," Obi-Wan stated, clearly unable to believe he was wearing it in the first place. "It's…it's…it's purple."
Now Anakin laughed out loud. "But Master, purple is a color of great power and dignity. That's what you told me when I made fun of Master Windu's purple lightsaber."
Obi-Wan silently cursed Anakin's nearly-holographic memory. "That's different, Anakin."
"How so?" the teenage Padawan inquired, his tone conveying genuine puzzlement but his expression implying anything but.
"That is a lightsaber," Obi-Wan insisted in a pleading voice. "This is a shirt."
"And you should be thankful you have it," Anakin shot back, "or else you'd still be all wet." He paused and appeared to contemplate the matter. "You know, a very wise Jedi Master once told me to appreciate every gift of the Force, no matter its outward appearance."
Obi-Wan shook his head in exasperation, wondering how his Padawan always won these frequent banters. Obi-Wan had been that Jedi Master, of course, and he couldn't very well contradict himself now. "Come on," he chuckled, leading the grinning Anakin towards the exit of the strange Disneyland place. "Time to get back to our ship."
The pair once again threaded their way through Earth's crowded streets, searching for a transport they could borrow.
"Excuse me, sirs!" An enthusiastic throng of giddy schoolgirls waved down Anakin and Obi-Wan. "Can we interest you in a free temporary tattoo in support and honor of everyone's favorite musical sensation?"
"How do you make a tattoo temporary?" Obi-Wan questioned. A large percentage of the natives on many different planets sported tribal tattoos, but as far as he knew, the markings were all permanent.
"I'm sure it can be done," Anakin put in, "but not on me, please." He cautiously backed away from the girls. Obi-Wan smiled at his apprentice. The Jedi Master was eternally thankful that his rebellious, headstrong Padawan showed no interest in marking up his body. After all, Anakin's unconventional black leather garments and his impetuous decisions already bought Obi-Wan enough grief during Council meetings.
"Here, I'll show you." One girl approached Obi-Wan and pressed a small square of paper and a wet sponge to the bare skin of his lower arm. When she pulled the paper off, the bold words "I ♥ the Backstreet Boys" adorned the Jedi's muscular forecep.
Anakin and Obi-Wan examined the tattoo, puzzled. "You better hope that comes off, Master," Anakin told his friend as they freed themselves from the bubbly girls. Although he had no idea who or what the Backstreet Boys might be, Obi-Wan had to admit that he agreed with his apprentice.
The two walked on and on, mindfully taking in the myriad noises, sights, and beings around them. Obi-Wan chuckled at three tiny human children playing some sort of running and yelling game in the grass. The oldest boy's passionate nature and natural talents reminded the Jedi Master strongly of Anakin. He was about to mention it to his Padawan when a teenage boy and his short-haired mother walked by, talking to each other enthusiastically as they shared some sort of iced beverage. The boy said something that made his mother laugh exuberantly, then reach out to take and gently squeeze the hand of her smiling son.
Anakin suddenly stopped moving, his entire being focused on the joyful pair in front of him.
"Anakin, we need to keep going," Obi-Wan instructed impatiently. "What is it now?"
The tall Padawan turned his face to the ground quickly when Obi-Wan looked up at him, but even Anakin Skywalker could not completely conceal the tears sparkling in his wide, lonely eyes.
"Come on," Obi-Wan whispered, this time more gently. He wanted to put his arm around Anakin, to somehow take his friend's unrelenting pain and heal it once and for all, but Obi-Wan felt awkward expressing such feelings, especially in a physical way. Having been trained nearly since birth to surrender attachments and abandon all passions, emotion was an uncomfortable place for the Jedi Knight. He settled on giving Anakin a reassuring smile and silently urging the Force to surround and fill the troubled boy.
Anakin continued on in deep silence for many hours. Obi-Wan worried that his Padawan was dwelling on his past losses and not heeding the present. He was about to admonish Anakin to put aside his old wounds and become aware of the real world now around him when, to his surprise, Anakin pointed to a group of screaming men and women far in the distance. "Master, what do you think is going on over there?"
Obi-Wan jumped at the unexpected sound of Anakin's voice, then recovered and turned his eyes to the crowd. They carried brightly colored signs that screamed "Stop the Insanity!", "No More Nukes!", and "Give Peace a Chance!"
"It looks like a plea for peace," Obi-Wan ventured. "I wonder what planet they are at war with."
"Would you like to sign our petition to stop worldwide violence?" A middle-aged man with long, messy dreadlocks and a wreath of flowers around his neck shoved a piece of paper at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan willingly added his signature to the already-lengthy list of names, but when the dreadlocked man turned to Anakin, the Padawan shook his head defiantly.
"Signing a paper won't bring about peace," Anakin declared. "You have to actually do something." Obi-Wan sighed. Sometimes his apprentice could be very difficult. Most times, actually.
The man glared at Anakin and muttered what sounded distinctly like "Teenagers" before pinning a flamboyant button onto Obi-Wan's shirt. "Thank you for your support, sir," he said as the two men left the group.
"Master, what is that supposed to mean?" Anakin eyed Obi-Wan's new button with confusion. In huge, tie-dyed letters it declared "Make Love, Not War!"
Obi-Wan shrugged. "Clearly it supports peace," he responded. "Unlike some people."
"Master, you know I want peace as much as you do. I just think the current government is too lax."
"All politicians are self-serving, Anakin. The very system is flawed, but we can't just get rid of it."
"Some politicians seem alright," Anakin argued. "Well, at least one does."
"Chancellor Palpatine is a cunning political manipulator, Anakin. We've been through this before."
"I was not speaking of the Chancellor," Anakin retorted. "I meant Padmé." A second later, the Padawan flushed scarlet as he realized what he had just confessed.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan began carefully, "your feelings for Senator Amidala-"
"Look, Master, a spare transport!" Anakin interrupted, not-so-unobviously changing the subject by leaping over to a small landspeeder-esque vehicle parked nearby and quickly hotwiring it to start the engine. Obi-Wan followed his apprentice. There would be plenty of later opportunities to speak to Anakin about his forbidden emotions.
Obi-Wan jumped onto the vehicle behind Anakin, but before the pair could ride away, a tall, muscular man flanked by four bodyguards strode furiously towards the Jedi. "Stop right there!" he yelled. "That is my motorcycle!"
"Motorcycle?" Anakin looked at the odd transport. "Is that what this is?"
The man screamed to his guards. "Arrest them, this instant! They can't just sit there on my motorcycle. I won't tolerate such treatment! I am Russell Crowe!"
"Nice to meet you. I am Obi-Wan Kenobi," Obi-Wan put in.
"And I am Anakin Skywalker." With a wave of his hand, Anakin sent the four approaching bodyguards sailing backwards into the wall of a store. The bulky men hit the ground with a thud and did not move.
"You idiot! You knocked out my security guards! I'll have you jailed for this. No, I'll have you killed for this! I am Russell Crowe, world-famous actor. I am the most important person in the universe! No one crosses me and lives to tell about it!"
Obi-Wan and Anakin exchanged quizzical glances. What was the man getting so worked up over? They only wanted to use a transport to find their starship. The man charged at the two Jedi, but Anakin was too quick for him. Revving the engine, he zoomed off down the street with Obi-Wan clinging tightly to his waist and Russell Crowe hollering uselessly behind them.
"You're so great at making friends," Obi-Wan quipped. "I hope you're a little better at remembering where you landed, or we're in big trouble."
"Master, don't worry. Everything will be fine. You're with me."
"That's precisely why I worry," Obi-Wan retorted.
But for once, his worries were in vain. In no time at all, Anakin drove the motorcycle out of the city (ignoring the many rude hand gestures made by the drivers of much-slower vehicles) and back to the field where their once-shiny Jedi craft waited.
Anakin prepared for takeoff while Obi-Wan examined a neat-looking legless creature he had found basking in his flight helmet.
"Master, you're becoming like Qui-Gon," Anakin commented playfully as Obi-Wan buckled in, the creature wrapped around his arm.
"What do you mean?"
"You're adopting pathetic life-forms."
"You were one of those pathetic life-forms, remember?" Obi-Wan reminded his Padawan learner.
"Yes, but I don't have fangs," Anakin countered, glancing warily at the legless animal.
Obi-Wan's declaration of "He's perfectly harmless" suddenly became a shout of pain as the creature sunk its teeth into the Jedi Master's flesh. Obi-Wan swung his wounded arm blindly, flinging the animal out of the open cockpit and far into the horizon.
Anakin bit his lip in an attempt not to laugh as he bandaged Obi-Wan's bleeding arm. "Lucky for you, it doesn't appear to be infected," he assured his Master. "Maybe next time you will listen to my advice, young Padawan," Anakin intoned in a perfect mimic of Obi-Wan.
"Fly the ship," the Jedi Master ordered, "without another word." He headed off towards the luggage compartment near the back of the starfighter.
"Where are you going, Master?"
"To get some sleep."
Three days later, Anakin smoothly landed the ship at the Jedi Temple, where Obi-Wan was whisked off to report to the Council. He returned to the small quarters he and Anakin shared to find his Padawan dutifully unpacking their few belongings, despite the fact that the boy had not slept since the beginning of the mission.
"How did it go, Master?" Anakin questioned as Obi-Wan entered.
"Alright. But everyone kept staring at me for some reason."
Anakin flashed that cocky half-smile that drove Obi-Wan crazy. "Maybe it had to do with your attire." Obi-Wan was, after all, still wearing the purple princess shirt, odd button, and even odder temporary tattoo, plus thick bandages where the legless creature bit him.
"Anakin Skywalker, you let me report to the Jedi Council like this?!" Obi-Wan worked very hard to control his anger. At least his unpredictable Padawan always provided Obi-Wan plenty of practice on keeping his emotions in check. "Anakin, you are in so much trouble. Get down and give me seven thousand push-ups! Now!"
"No problem, Master." Anakin, to Obi-Wan's dismay, did not seem phased at all. In fact, when Obi-Wan returned from dinner that evening, he found Anakin not only still going strong, but doing one-handed push-ups on top of it all.
"Six thousand nine hundred and ninety-eight, six thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine, seven thousand." With a perfect back flip, Anakin got to his feet and wiped the sweat off his brow. With a bow to Obi-Wan, the Padawan strode to the open balcony and moved outside into the rainy Coruscant night. The water felt good against his skin, and Anakin, finally all tired out, lay down in the rain, letting the gentle dripping sound wash him inside and out.
"Tired, are you?" Obi-Wan stepped out to join his apprentice. "Maybe next time you'll think twice before taking us to some offbeat planet and fooling around for five days."
"It was worth it, Master, and you know it. Come on, admit it, you had fun." Anakin rolled over onto his back.
"Jedi do not have fun, Anakin," Obi-Wan insisted, gazing out at the neon lights of the giant planetary city.
He waited for Anakin's retort, but it never came. The Jedi Master looked down to find his Padawan sound asleep in the rain, water soaking his sandy hair and sparkling on his closed eyelashes. For a long time, Obi-Wan just stood on the balcony, listening to the gentle sound of Anakin's breathing and the last fading drips of the summer rain. Finally, after the rain had completely departed, leaving the Jedi Knight alone with his dreaming apprentice and the by-now-silent city, Obi-Wan retrieved a large quilt from inside.
Stooping down, he carefully tucked the blanket around Anakin, who stirred slightly and smiled peacefully in his sleep. Moved suddenly by the beauty of the night and the power of the moment, Obi-Wan hesitantly reached out and caressed his Padawan's cheek. "You're right as usual, Ani," he whispered to the sleeping boy. "It was pretty fun."