Disclaimer: I do not own Legolas; those wonderful people at New Line and the Tolkien estate do.
A.N. I don't think of Legolas this way, it's just that, at the heighth of teenybopperism in 2002, I was surrounded by people who thought he was Adonis reborn. I begged to differ – although I do think he is rather hot.
And so, without further ado, I give you:
Oh, Dearest Legolas
by cagedphoenix.
Oh, dearest Legolas, your eyes are so blue,
When I see them I start gagging, and don't know what to do.
My dear Legolas, you are an elf with such wonderful singing,
It's kinda like I have a migraine and there's a bell that just won't stop clinging.
Dearest Legolas, you have banished wargs with your facial features –
They took one look at your face and thought it so ugly they ran like cowardly creatures.
Dearest Legolas, teeny boppers yelp when they see you beam,
Although I prefer to simply bash my head against the wall and scream.
Dearest Legolas, my friends smile when your face a smile does wreath;
I smile too – due to the fact that you have gingivitis in your teeth.
Dearest Legolas, I dream of you at night,
And then I wake up, screaming and shivering with fright.
Oh, dearest Legolas, you are just so smart,
You bring to mind a guy called Simpson, who has a son called Bart.
Oh, dearest Legolas, your face is too complex to expound on, it's so wonderful – every smile, every laugh, every dimple;
How fortunate for us, then, that we can explain at least one part of your anatomy, by calling your brain – simple.