What if He Came Back
Edward made the decision. He had struggled with himself for the last time. He could not hold himself back any longer. He had to go back to Forks and see if she was alright, just see her. He wouldn't talk to her. He wouldn't let her see him, but he had to check, just to see if Bella was okay.
He couldn't justify this decision to himself. He knew it was wrong, but his life was a never ending chasm of darkness. Nothing mattered. No thought that went through his mind was one that did not include her. She was his whole life, and when he left her, he left that life behind.
He hadn't realized how difficult this would be. He thought in doing the right thing, he would have some sense of accomplishment, some sense that he was not deplorable and reprehensible. He thought, in time, he could go on; forge a new life with his family. Maybe he could never go back to the man he once was, but he could be a man with integrity. Bella had altered him forever, but he thought he might be able to be someone new, someone content and worthy of the love his family had shown him.
The problem with that hypothesis was he could not even spend time with his family. He could hear the pity in their every thought. Poor Edward…no matter what they were saying, that is what they were thinking. Hearing that was worse than being what he was now, no one.
He would just see her, one last time, make sure she was okay. Then he would leave again, and try again. He would try to be someone again.
When he arrived it was Saturday morning, overcast and misting on and off. Forks was just as he remembered it. The forest outside Bella's house was just as green and covered with moss as it had been that last day. In affect, the day he ended his life. All the memories came flooding back. The pain dropped him to his knees. Was it a mistake to come to this place? He didn't care. He had to see her.
He heard no thoughts coming from the house. Charlie wasn't home. He allowed himself to listen for her heart, the only sound that made his life livable. Then he heard it beating steadily and strongly as she attended to her morning routine. After brushing her teeth, she headed to the kitchen. Edward could hear the cereal bowl and spoon, and he imagined her eating her cereal as he had seen her many times before.
Before she finished her cereal, Bella got a feeling that someone was outside. She went to the kitchen door and peered out into the yard and the woods beyond it, but she saw nothing. Her mind was playing tricks. For some reason, she felt "him" this morning, more strongly than she had felt him since he left her 6 months ago. The despair was overwhelming, and she sat again. It was a good thing she would be seeing Jake soon; that would help.
After washing her dishes, Bella grabbed the keys and she headed out to her truck. It rumbled to life, and she was on her way to La Push, where she knew this feeling would melt away, when she saw her best friend. He made everything right again.
Edward smiled at the familiar sound of her ancient truck. He watched from the shadow of the woods until he saw her pull away. Then he began to run in the direction of the engine noise. Soon he realized they were on the road leading to the reservation. He was forbidden by treaty to set foot on Quliette land. But the decision was already made. He broke the treaty in order to follow her.
Bella stopped her truck at the little red house, and Jacob came running from his home and scooped her into his arms, twirling her around. "Bella!"
"Hey Jake." She said as she pulled herself from his arms. "What're we doing today?"
"I thought we would do some riding, and then go down to the beach."
"Sounds like a plan." Bella said as she headed back into his house with him.
Edward was stunned by the scene before him. Jacob Black was holding her in his arms, and she was allowing it? How could this be? His silent heart was crumbling in his chest. She had moved on. She had found someone new, just as he hoped she would.
Edward didn't realize how much pain this eventuality would cause him. Somewhere deep inside, he realized he wished that she would pine for him, wait for him. But that was so unfair to her. If he loved her like he said, he would be happy for her. With all his determination, he swore that he would be happy for her. She was going to live a full, healthy, safe human life. That was all he asked from his own existence.
Within a few minutes Bella and Jacob came from the shed walking their dirt bikes up to her truck. Jake loaded them into the bed, as Bella watched.
For the first time, Edward really got a look at her. She was thinner, her face sallow, with dark circles under her eyes. Her smile was not the same, it never touched her eyes. And even when she was talking to Jacob her eyes looked vacant. Bella looked even more delicate than he remembered.
Was she ill? That couldn't be it. Charlie would not have left her alone, and she was sensible enough not to go out if she wasn't feeling well. She didn't behave as though she were ill. She chatted with her boyfriend as if it were any typical Saturday. The pain in Edward's gut, cut deeper.
He watched as they drove away, knowing he could catch up to the truck in seconds. He could hear it for miles. He leaned against a tree, willing himself to accept that Bella had moved on. But she didn't look exactly happy, yet she seemed content with Jacob. He would watch her some more.
Edward caught up to the truck just before it stopped on a dead end dirt road still inside the reservation. This was like torture, seeing her and not being able to touch her. He didn't realize it would feel like this, worse, Jacob Black touched her whenever he pleased! She didn't seem to mind.
As she watched Jake unload the bikes, Bella still felt the nagging heaviness from earlier. She could not wait to feel the speed, and the wind in her hair. Maybe it would clear her head. Riding her dirt bike did not engender the same danger it had in the beginning. Riding didn't bring on her delusions of Edward. She was safe on her bike now, and riding was exhilarating.
"Jake, lets race!" She enthused.
"I'm not racing you, Bella. That's dangerous. You just got good enough on the bike to stay upright all the time. I'm not racing you!" Jake stated definitively.
"Party pooper." Bella frowned.
Jake took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. "Let's just concentrate on staying on the trail today, huh?"
They were off, speeding down the road and then turning onto a well worn trail created by years of LaPush teenagers dirt biking. Bella concentrated on where she was going, as she following Jake. This helped a little. The heaviness was lifting. Jake was magic to her, like always.
Edward decided to stay behind. He would wait for them to return to her truck. Why needlessly torture himself by watching them together. What if Jacob kissed her? Edward would never be able to control himself if he saw that.
When he was sure he was alone, Edward came out of the forest, and walked around Bella's truck. He climbed inside, and her scent hit him. His mind was swimming, his heart aching for her. For the first time her scent did not set into motion the instinctual reactions it usually did. There was no urge to strike, no venom welling in his mouth, no desire for her blood at all. The only desire he felt was for her presence. He wanted her by his side, in his arms.
He looked in the glove box, for what he didn't know. He just wanted something of her that he could take with him. It really was unfair. He had left no reminder of himself with her. He knew she could not have any memento of their time together. He had seen to that. Yet he looked anyway. He folded the sun visor down, and a paper came wafting by his head. It had been folded in quarters, and appeared to have been wet and re-dried several times. Not uncommon in a place as rainy as Forks. It crinkled as he unfolded it. Some of the words were blurred. Then he realized what it was. He was reading the phases of mitosis in his own handwriting on their shared biology lab worksheet.
Tearless sobs wracked his body when he realized the blurred words were caused by her tears. The paper had been wet and re-dried many times because she had cried upon it. His heart broke with the pain he had caused her. This stupid school paper was all she had of him, and she kept it in her truck, probably so her father would not see her tears.
After a few minutes, Edward refolded the paper, held it to his lips, and kissed it. Then he placed it back where she kept it. He sat in the truck a little longer, enveloped in his memories and the scent of her. Perhaps he could live on this for a little while longer.
He stood in the shadows for a long while, and finally he heard the roar of the bikes as Bella and Jacob rode back to the truck. Edward watched as they sat on the back of it, waiting for the bikes to cool down.
Jacob pulled a plastic wrapped package out of his pocket. "I brought cookies."
"What kind?" Bella asked enthusiastically.
"I didn't say you were getting any."
"Jake!"
She grabbed for the package, and Jake held her away by the wrist. Then she grabbed with her other hand, and he caught that hand by the wrist, quickly transferring both her wrists into one of his huge hands. He held the cookies up with the other hand. Bella playfully struggled against his hold.
"You are freakishly strong, Jake! Let go of me!"
Jake laughed, and did as he was told, unwrapping the cookies, and handing one to her.
"Ooh, chocolate chip, my favorite." Bella took a bite. "These are homemade…who made these?"
"Sue Clearwater brought them over last night. She and Harry hung out with my Dad for awhile. Telling old stories and reminiscing about their youth…you know how old people are."
Bella smiled. "You like to listen to the stories and you know it."
They shared the rest of the cookies in silence. Then Jake broke it. "I had a good time today, what are we doing tonight?"
"I thought we were going down to the beach today. It's only like 3 o'clock." Bella protested.
"Well yeah, we are, but what about tonight?"
Bella thought for a minute. "How about I rent a movie and we watch it at my house. Charlie has been fishing all day, and he will be in bed by 9, besides he won't mind if you come over."
"Yeah, Charlie likes me." Jake stated and immediately regretted putting the emphasis on the word me.
He watched as Bella's eyes became dark and empty, and she stared past his shoulder at nothing. He knew what that meant. She was thinking of "him" again. God he hated Edward Cullen, and worse Bella didn't seem to. Ever. She still loved him. It ate Jake up inside, knowing that.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up." Jake said, trying to make eye contact with her again.
Bella looked at him now. "It's okay Jake. Hey, I think I will bag on the beach today. I'll just drop you off, and see you tonight, after dinner. That okay?"
Jake looked disappointed, but resigned. "Sure, Bells."
He loaded the bikes into the truck, while Bella climbed into the driver's seat. The smell wafted into her nose, enveloping all her senses. It was Edward! The truck smelled of Edward! She looked out the windows frantically searching. Bella climbed out of the truck, and tore into the nearby forest, looking, searching, but finding nothing. She dropped to her knees as tears welled in her eyes and spilled over. Was she crazy after all? Things just didn't make sense today.
Jake came up behind her and put his arm around her, lifting her to a standing position. "It's okay, Bella. You're going to be okay."
Edward had retreated far into the forest the second he had seen Bella come darting toward him. He wondered what had come over her. Why had she suddenly run into the forest? She could not have seen him. He knew he was well out of human sight. He decided not to follow Jacob and Bella back to the little red house. He would not be able to stand it if Jacob had kissed her goodbye.
Edward went back to his own home, lifting the sheet off the grand piano and playing some of his own compositions. He had missed playing. There was no playing the piano when you were tracking someone through the jungles and rain forests of South America, or worse yet the tenements and slums of Rio De Janeiro.
He spent hours sifting through the contents of his old room, rereading his journal entries from the time when he had first found Bella. The joy and shear bliss written in every page was heart breaking now that he knew how it all ended. He listened to some of his favorite music, and then decided he would return to Bella's house. He would see her one last time before he left her to live the normal human life that he had always said he wanted for her.
When he arrived outside her house, he could hear Bella and Jacob chatting about the film they had just watched. It sounded like Jacob was about to leave. He could hear them walking toward the front door.
"I'll call you tomorrow, Bells."
"OK."
Jake paused in front of her, staring into her eyes, looking for her reactions to him. Bella was used to their nightly "awkward moment." She tried not to lead him on, but she didn't want to push him away either. He leaned closer to her face, and she knew exactly what he was after. Before his lips could reach hers, she leaned up on her tip toes and pecked him on the cheek.
"Night, Jake." Then she held the door knob in a closing gesture.
Jake took the hint and backed out of the house, watching as she closed the door. He was thwarted again, but he was not giving up. Someday she was going to give in to him. She was going to kiss him, and then he would show her that is was possible for her to love him. He could prove to her that she already did love him.
Edward didn't watch them at the door. He couldn't bear what he might see. But he did listen, and she had kissed Jacob. He knew that much. It was late, and he knew her next stop would be her bedroom, then bathroom for a shower, and then sleep. He could wait that long before he snuck in her window this one last time.
Bella straightened things up downstairs, putting glasses in the sink, and packing the movie up, so she could return in the next day. Then she made sure the doors were locked, and headed upstairs. She collected her toiletries and bed time clothes and headed for the shower.
While she brushed her teeth she ticked through her day. It had been long and trying. Her mind had been filled with thoughts of Edward all day, and she was so afraid of the price she might pay for that in her dreams. She hoped the crushing pain would not keep her awake. She would rather dream of him all night, than feel that pain.
The shower was hot and worked wonders on her mood. She felt relaxed and content as she slipped on her lace trimmed blue tank top and matching cotton panties. The panties were boy cut with the same blue lace that trimmed the tank top, making up the lower two thirds of the garment. This was what she slept in these days. She figured it was time she had some nice pajamas. If she was not going to spoil herself with pretty things, who would?
She decided to blow dry her long dark hair. It was still cold at night, and it would look much better in the morning, if she didn't sleep on it wet. It would look like a haystack in the morning if she didn't dry it now. Edward had said that about her morning hair once. She was going to pay for thinking of him again!
Edward listened outside the house as Bella finished her nightly routine. He heard her slip between the sheets and sigh in contentment. Oh, how he longed to be there beside her. He waited for her breathing and her heart to settle into the familiar patterns of sleep. Then he climbed through her window and went to sit in the old rocking chair as he had done so many times before. Her scent filled the room, and he felt the electricity of being near her flow through him.
For an hour he watched the steady rise and fall of her chest. He could never tire of watching her sleep. Her beauty was breathtaking, especially when the peace of sleep enveloped her. Her silky hair fanned out above her head like a halo and one alabaster arm lay outside the covers, where she clutched them under her chin. He wanted nothing more than to touch that arm, that smooth creamy skin.
Suddenly she began to whimper and thrash in her sleep. She must have been dreaming. She kicked and wriggled and her covers eventually twisted and slid down to her knees. Edward was overwhelmed by her spectacular beauty. She had never worn something so revealing in front of him, and he was stunned by her sensuous curves.
"No, don't go." She pleaded in her sleep.
Then she was quiet and still again. As much as Edward was enjoying this new and stunning view of Bella, he was afraid that she would get a chill without the covers. He couldn't risk her waking up. He wasn't ready to leave her yet. He didn't want to have to go if she woke, so he went to her side, and lifted the covers over her again. She silently snuggled under them.
He had not been this close to her in 6 months, and the nearness pulled at his heart. How could he have ever left her? Hurt her the way he did, hurt himself? But he knew that as much as he had hurt them both, he had done the right thing. In the end, she had found Jacob, and she was happy again. His pain didn't matter as long as she was happy.
He went back to the chair in the corner and watched as she slept soundly, switching sides periodically, but never waking. At about 4 am he heard Charlie's mind wake, and get ready for another fishing trip. Edward realized that Charlie intended to check on Bella before he left, and childishly hid in the closet.
Encircled by all her clothing, he basked in the scent of her. He let his hands wander over his favorite blouse of hers, the deep blue silk blouse she had worn on their first date. How alluring she had looked in that blouse. And tonight, she wore the same color. He wondered had she remembered his fondness for that color on her skin.
He heard Charlie on the stairs and knew it was safe to settle back into the rocking chair. When Charlie's' car started outside Bella's window, she stirred a bit, but did not wake. Edward could tell she was dreaming again because the rate of her heart increased.
"Jake…no." Bella slurred. "Silly, Jacob."
Edward felt like nails had been driven though his body. He could hear the affection in her voice. She loved this boy. But still he couldn't force himself to move. He wanted to hear her, anything she said, just to hear her voice again was like music to his ravenous ears.
Moments later, she tossed again. "Edward. Edward, don't leave me."
She said his name. The love Edward felt at that moment held no measure. She spoke his name, and a thrill shot through him. She dreamed of him. She dreamed of him still!
"Edward…Edward…please." She begged.
He couldn't be away from her any longer. He had to be near her. He knelt by the side of her bed, and gently, lighter than a feather, he moved a strand of her silken hair away from her face. He could touch her face, just once. She would not feel it if he was very careful. Like an artisan holding the most fragile of glass, he lightly stroked his fingertips along her jaw, over her eyelids, down his nose. Then he touched the smooth fullness of her lower lip. He longed to feel those lips on his own.
Could he kiss her gently enough that she would not awaken? Could he be careful enough to get away with that much? It would not hurt her if she never knew he had been there, and he could take that kiss away with him. He could live on just one more kiss forever.
He leaned into her face and so lightly so gently pressed his lips to hers. The feel of her lips upon his after all this time was bliss. His head swam with emotion, memories, and most of all adoration. He let his tongue lightly trace across her lower lip. The taste was heaven.
Bella turned away from him, and he froze. "Edward." She nearly moaned.
He was afraid she had awakened, but she continued to remain still. She would never be still if she had caught him in her room after all this time. For all he knew, she hated him. But it didn't sound like she hated him when she said his name. Then again, she was only dreaming.
Before he had a chance to lean away from her, Bella turned toward him again. Her eyes opened, and her hand reached out to stroke his chiseled jaw.
"Edward." She cooed.
Then she sat up with a start. She threw her arms around his neck now, and pulled him to her. He should have resisted, but nothing he was doing today was the right thing, only things he had longed to do for months. She was so soft, so warm. Her embrace blinded him from any thoughts of right or wrong.
He leaned into her face again and this time kissed her with all the intense desire, all the love, all the passion he had suppressed for the past 6 months. Her breathing became erratic, and he moved his lips to her jaw, her throat her ear, then back again. Sweet moans escaped her, like bird songs. Edward let his tongue lick at the outline of her lips, and Bella parted hers, giving him entry to her warm sweet mouth. His tongue darted in and found hers. They tangled in a dance of ardor and desire.
He could hear Bella's heart beat speed up, and he knew if he had a living heart it would do the same. Her lips felt like silk against his own, her tongue so hot and responsive, was driving him out of his mind.
"Edward." Bella moaned as she pulled him tighter against her.
She knew she should be protesting, she should be demanding an explanation, she should be angry, outraged, but all Bella wanted was to get closer to him. Nothing that happened after this mattered, only this moment. She would keep it in her heart forever. Even if he left again, even if she was dreaming, Edward was all she wanted.
"Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella…I love you…I never stopped loving you…I never could." Edward whispered between kisses and touches.
His lips moved down her neck as Bella tangled her hands in his hair, pulling his face toward her overheated skin. His hair felt like silk, like the softest petals of a rose. As he kissed and nuzzled her neck, his hair tickled her skin. Soon he reached the strap of her tank top, and he pulled it down.
Bella thought she must be dreaming. The Edward she remembered would never have gone this far. And yet, it wasn't far enough. She wanted him to touch all of her, kiss all of her, and she wanted to touch all of him.
She reached for the buttons of his shirt and began undoing them one by one, running her fingertips over the smooth skin over hard muscles. When she finished with the buttons she pulled it from his shoulders. Edward let go of her for just a minute to rip the shirt from his body and toss it on the floor.
Bella sat up. She reached for the hem of her top, and stopped to look at his face. His beauty had not faded. He was everything she remembered and more. The worry lines between his eyes, somehow looked more pronounced, but she knew that couldn't be. But perhaps there was more wisdom behind his eyes than she had seen before.
He stopped her from removing her shirt. "You deserve an explanation."
"It doesn't matter." Bella stated flatly.
"I am sorrier than you will ever know. I thought what I was doing was the right thing for you, the best thing for you. And I can see that it was. You did move on as I wished you would. You do have a happy normal human life. And, here I am to ruin it. Here I am interfering with what you've found. If you hate me, I understand. You should hate me. I'm deplorable."
Bella reached out and covered his mouth with her hand. "No."
She put her hand around his neck and pulled him to her again, crushing her mouth against his, seeking his tongue by licking his lower lip. His lips parted and his tongue met hers again, desire and need washing over him as he deepened the kiss. This time he reached for Bella's shirt and lifted it over her head.
Then he saw her full beauty, inches and inches of smooth porcelain skin that he had yet to touch, two beautiful breasts that he had yet to kiss. He had to fight to control his urgency, and just hold her in his arms. He slowly ran his hands up and down her back, the curves of her side. His fingers trailed along her skin, all the time reveling in the feel of her supple breasts against his chest.
Bella was panting as his cool hands ran over her skin. This was all she ever dreamed of and more. She didn't realize how strong these feelings would be. She just wanted him to touch more of her. She mimicked his actions, as she traced every hard line of his back, and then she pulled away from him slightly so she could trace every muscle of his chest.
It was then that Edward finally, tentatively fondled her breasts running his fingers gently over the nipples. Bella gasped in pleasure, and he became more confident. While he cupped one breast and lightly tweaked the nipple, his mouth found the other, and he kissed and licked the nipple to a hard peak. Then he switched, and did the same to her other breast.
Her breathing had become so loud, she was embarrassed, but not embarrassed enough to make him stop. As he continued his sweet torture on her breasts, Bella slid her hand downward, and worked on the buttons of his jeans. Before she got to the last button, she could feel his hardness press against her hands.
She thought it would scare her when she finally felt it, but all she felt was desire. With sudden confidence, she slipped her hand inside his pants and gently massaged his length.
Now it was Edward's turn to gasp. Never in his existence had another being touched him like that, and for it to be Bella made it just right. The tingle of excitement her touch brought made him brave, and he reached for his jeans, and took them and his boxers off in one inhumanly fast motion.
He stood before her, and Bella's eyes scanned his body. The look on her face could only be described as hungry. She licked her lips, and then caught the lower one between her teeth. Seeing her like that was making Edward crazy with need, and he pulled her legs over the edge of the bed, lifted her bottom and ripped her lace panties from her body.
Edward pulled her to the edge of the bed and knelt between her legs, running his hands along her thighs, feeling the heat from her center radiate onto his abdomen. He pulled her head down to his lips and kissed her for a long time. He wanted to slow this down, just a little, because he wanted her to be sure.
Bella grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him up so her head rested on her pillow and Edward was on top of her. Edward let her, willingly sliding between her legs. Her heat was calling to him, begging him to be inside her. He continued to patiently kiss her lips and nuzzle her neck.
When he could tolerate the wait no longer, he slid his hand down between them and slowly explored her velvet folds. Wet and warm, and so, so soft, like nothing he could have imagined. He found the special spot he was looking for, and gently slid his fingers over the engorged nub. Bella gasped and moaned, instinctively arching her body against his hand.
"Oh, Edward!" She managed between gasps for air
Edward slowly licked his way down to her breasts where he began to suck and lick the sensitive skin. His fingers continued relentlessly, working her into an unimaginable frenzy of arousal.
"Ah…Oh…Edward! I can't take anymore."
Edward smiled against her breast, thrilled that he was doing this right. "Yes you can Love, just let it happen."
Bella was sure she would pass out from the exquisite torture. She had been known to faint at lesser stimuli. Her breathing came in quick pants, and all she wanted was more. He continued exploring her wetness, gently probing and running his fingers over all the right places. Then he returned to the epicenter of her pleasure and continued to rub. Long minutes of pleasure passed, each moment bringing on a new level of pleasure. Her brain was a haze. She never realized it would be like this, this amazing.
"Edward! N…now!"
Her orgasm crashed over her in waves of tingling release. She had never felt anything close to that good in her life. Her heart was beating so hard, and she knew he could hear every beat. She couldn't worry to be embarrassed. She wanted him, all of him. Now.
Hearing her pleas, Edward was ready and poised to enter her. He could feel the heat radiating from her core, and it was all he could do to stop himself from impaling her with extreme force. He waited for her eyes to open. He knew this would hurt her physically, and he wanted to make sure she was ready.
Bella looked at him and nodded, pleading with her eyes, and he knew what she wanted. He pushed inside her with enough pressure to break through the barrier of her virginity, but slowed to stillness once he heard her sharp intake of breath. Her body tensed all around him, and her eyes were squeezed tightly shut. He hated causing her more pain, but he was sure this was what she wanted. Being connected to her like this was overwhelming to Edward.
Bella felt the stretching and the stinging as his shaft entered her forcefully. It was not unexpected, but still shocking in its intensity. Her breathing shook now, as she tried to "tough it out" through the pain. She concentrated on slowing her breathing, finally controlling it with slow measured breaths. When she looked up, her eyes met with the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. His stunning face and golden eyes held a very worried expression. She forced a small smile.
"Edward." She whispered with a quiver in her voice. "You can move now."
And he did. It had been torture holding still while her tight hot walls surrounded his manhood. Instinct took over, and he began making slow long thrusts into and out of his beloved girl.
The pain was starting to fade, and all Bella could think was how right this felt, like every moment of her life had lead up to this. Nothing ever mattered, just the feel of his body at one with hers. A tear formed and trickled down her cheek.
Edward stopped his motion immediately and bent to her face to capture the tear with his kiss. It tasted of her scent, and he marveled again how that scent had no affect on his animal nature. He didn't want to consume her, at least not in that way.
"No Bella, Don't cry. We can stop. I don't want you to hurt."
"No." She gasped. "Don't stop!"
She rocked her hips upward urging him to move again. He had dropped down closer to her, holding his body over her by his forearms. When he started moving again, Bella could feel him everywhere. She didn't think she could feel any more complete than she had with him inside her, but this was something entirely new, entirely satisfying.
Small shudders rocked through her as his body slid against hers over and over again. Long minutes passed as the sweet torture of his motions heightened her pleasure with each push. She was beginning to feel that same tingling ache she had before when Edward had touched her, but this time it was so different. Every outward drag of his steel shaft caused one sensation, every inward thrust caused another. Her mind was everywhere. She didn't know which sensation to delight in. She heard sounds, like nothing she had heard before, breathy and feminine. Then she realized the sounds were coming from her, sounds she never knew she could make.
Her moans were like music to Edward's ears. Each sound that escaped her lips made him harder. He could feel her velvet walls clenching lightly around him as her orgasm neared. This was so much more than he had ever thought possible. The feelings, the sounds, everything. He had never felt more connected to another person in his entire existence.
Bella's moans increased in volume and intensity with each plateau of bliss her body reached. Suddenly, she arched against him, and screamed out. Her soft walls squeezed and milked his hardness. The sensation was too much, and he reached his climax with one last thrust into her. He collapsed on top of her but only for a moment. Then he lifted himself to look upon her delicate flushed features.
Slowly Bella recovered from one of the most intense experiences of her life and her eyes fluttered open to see the cause of all her pleasure looking at her so lovingly, she thought her heart would break. "Don't move."
Bella was still experiencing little jolts of pleasure from her powerful release and her body felt so sensitive to his touch. She shuddered lightly.
"Are you okay, my Love?"
Bella smiled. "Perfect. Now come down here and hold me."
Edward did as she said, climbing to her side and pulling her against his hard cool body. All those months of torment, when all the time the only thing he really wanted was to be with her like this, still, like this. He might never forgive himself for all the time he wasted and what he did to both of them, what he did to his Bella.
"What are you thinking?" He asked her for the first time in so long it felt like shear relief to say it.
"I'm thinking how perfect this is…how I have never felt this way before, and how I want to feel this way always." Her words trailed off as sleep began to take her.
"I love you, Bella."
"You don't have to say that." Bella managed through sleepy lips.
Edward wanted to argue with her, prove to her that he meant what he said. How could she doubt his love after what they just shared? By the time he could think of how to say what he felt, Bella was asleep in his arms, her heart settling into the familiar rhythm of slumber.
Edward held her against his chest, keeping still like only Edward could. He would not let his mind worry. He would not let the self loathing in. He had just had the most brilliant experience of his life, and he would not let his mind taint it. He rested, enveloped in the love he knew they shared.
After several hours, Bella woke. He knew she was awake, but for a long time, she did not speak. He knew she had some things to say to him, and he would wait for her. She deserved to have her say after what he had done all those months ago.
Keeping her back to him Bella asked, "Will you leave now?"
Edward pulled her around so that she was facing him. "I should. I should let you keep your life, let you be happy. But I can't live without you. I will fight for you. If you are with him, I will fight for you. And if you send me away, I won't go. You were made for me Bella, and I am nothing without you. I am selfish, I know. But there is nothing for me out there without you. You are all I will ever want, and I will never leave your side again. If you hate me, if you cast me aside, then there is no world for me."
"Never, never, never…" Bella whispered as she took his mouth in a passionate kiss, filled with all the love in her heart.