Sleep.
After spending the last few days with exams, he relished every moment of it he got. His knuckles dug into the sheets and pulled them tighter. A heavy crash had roused him, though the recess of his dream was fading, the thick 'clunks' of something against his door rung heavier than any bell.
He ignored it.
Sleep was all that mattered. He and Hinata, together again, trawling through the sunflowers and thudding into a wood cabin? A growl escaped the young adult. He forced himself out of bed, and ripped on a pair of pants in his amble hop towards the apartment door.
He tore open the door and was greeted to a light rasp to the forehead. He glared forward with tired eyes. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" He questioned in a near growl, akin to a bear in the first moments of spring.
"Yeah it's two in the afternoon, what the hell are you doing, Naruto?"
Naruto let out a groan, he hobbled back into his room, it was only Kiba, but he should at least wear a shirt. He rummaged through his room, it was cozy; it was also littered with books and notes. Finals were over though.
He thanked whatever deity resided above, or below, 'cause you never know.
But now that they were out of the way, his mind had started to wander. It lay claim to the realm of daydream and ruled it with an iron fist, and it swept through the seas of depression.
It was focused on her.
Hinata. He knew by now that she had no choice in the matter, though it didn't stop him from hurting. It felt like someone had stabbed through his chest with a handful of lightning.
Naruto stifled a groan, Kiba was in the next room, he didn't want to disturb the man, regardless of his feelings at the current time. His exhaustion was not an issue of Kiba's, he would push it down and bury it for the time. It also left a strange feeling in his chest, he'd known Kiba since they were kids, but they were separated in middle school.
When they met up again in high school, Kiba had become friends with Hinata, it was he who introduced the two. So seeing him here left a strange emptiness inside of Naruto. Despite that, he was able to calm himself enough to find a somewhat clean shirt to don for the morning meeting.
He stepped out, ran his hand through his hair and looked at his old friend in the kitchenette, a tiny little thing barely enough for one person, yet Kiba was already running amok making them breakfast. Naruto took in the wild locks of hair, that almost looked to be trees, sprouted from his friend's head. Those tattoos that he had on his cheeks, he'd had them since they were kids, it was a 'family' thing Kiba would say whenever he was questioned.
When Naruto thought about it, he remembered seeing similar markings on Kiba's family. They had slight differences apparently, though he wouldn't be able to tell you what they were.
Naruto scratched at his stomach and took a seat at one of the clunky stools. Kiba whipped around with eggs and bacon, like some mighty messiah. He gave a chuckle and pointed at Naruto's mouth.
"You've got a bit of drool there bud."
Naruto wiped his mouth with his arm. "You didn't see anything," he weakly got out. Kiba seemed to brush the comment off and served up two plates for them. He chucked the skillet and spatula into the sink and shoved a bit of water over them to help soak some of the grease off.
Their estranged breakfast/lunch was held in near silence, an oddity between the two young men. They were known for being loud, at the least much louder than everyone they knew. Though when thinking about their friends, they didn't have many to compete against. Sakura maybe? Though even she held her moments of quietness.
"You look more like crap than normal. This got to do with Hinata moving away?" Kiba prodded.
Naruto flinched at the accusation before giving a reserved nod. He didn't really feel like talking about it, he hoped that his intentions would be cast across to his friend.
"To be expected, it feels like crap. Well enough of that, I'm not here to talk about it. Let's get you out of this dump, get some of that natural air and a bit of life back into ya, how about it?" He gave a small pause, "Well you don't have much of a choice, 'cause that's what we're doing. So march into your room and get some decent clothes on."
Naruto did just that, a pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt; his phone and wallet sliding into his pockets.
They started their descent.
Xx Line break x X
Kiba's car was something special, to them at least; it'd been with them for years now, through thick and thin, scraping them out of all kinds of situations. It could do with a fresh coat of paint though, maybe a bit of tender love to the hind quarters, it'd seen better days.
Naruto stepped into the car, the leather seats having a strange warmth in them, was it just his nostalgia that made it so? Or did the sun beating down onto them fill it with such a feeling?
Kiba clambered into the driver's seat, an awful mixtape coming on as he turned over the engine. Naruto felt the days of honey words and sweet melodies fly through the cabin. The old car—one built for muscle and gruff—handled surprisingly well for its weight.
They turned out of the complex, the music turning up a few notches and drowning out their worries.
"Camping, you been camping before Naruto?" Kiba, at this point, was nearly yelling over the amateur rock.
Camping. He remembered going once, though it was years ago when he still lived with Karin and her parents. It was strange, he never really felt that he fit in there, though truth be told they were just helping out his mother and father. Keeping a promise to someone that isn't around anymore, he had to give them props for that.
He didn't know if he could.
With a sigh, he sunk into the chair, "Nah, at least not in a long time."
"Well let's go then. I got some tents, we'll grab some food, some beer. Sound good?" Kiba questioned.
Naruto played with the idea, "Yeah, just getting away from things for a while, no school, no girls, no nothing."
"No nothing? That sounds like the blonde idiot I know."
"Shut up." Naruto knew he was never the smartest of their group. He studied like a madman to pull through a decent mark. He'd worked hard, and he wasn't really a fan of people tossing that aside, regardless of how well he did. Naruto knew Kiba wasn't doing it to be a dick, not entirely, but Kiba was never the best at helping people, never did stop him from trying though.
He'd give Kiba that, he cared more than anyone else Naruto knew. If someone needed a hand, sometimes before they knew they even needed it, Kiba was there. A stupid cheery smile on his face, the right side always pulled up a little more, a slight shine of his teeth.
Though caring did not always mean that he helped.
The riptide of ravenous thoughts ran against his solid frame. How much had changed since those days of summer bliss? Since those days of wonderful youth? He questioned and pondered the implications that made up adulthood, that made the society that he'd become part of.
To be frank he didn't like them, he didn't feel compelled to progress further. He was happy with what he had held, anything more and anything less seemed to be a waste, something he may end up regretting.
Naruto found the trip somewhat strange, normally the car was used to ferry them away to distant parties, now it found its use in small errands. They pulled into a carpark that he didn't know, he hadn't paid much attention to where they had been heading, his mind stuck on the destination—disregarding other thoughts.
The store that they found themselves seemed ramshackle and rundown. The faces there all smiled with an odd friendliness; something he wasn't used to after spending so long in the city.
He struggled to find what he was looking for, something smooth, but at the same time it needed to have a decent kick. Something to help him wash away the memories of the past few weeks. They were so lonely, not the person he wanted to be.
Naruto jolted, nearly jumping out of his skin; Kiba's hand gripping his shoulder tightly.
"I got us something a bit stronger than normal, you don't mind right?"
He held up a bottle of scotch, the pricetag was a little incredible, Naruto couldn't stop his eyes from widening at the sight. "You sure?" he questioned. Money was tight, at least for Naruto, he didn't like to spend more than he needed on anything, it left a sour taste in his mouth.
Kiba though gave a faint shrug of his shoulders, "Nothing I haven't spent before. It'll be a nice change from the slop that is beer, trust me here."
Naruto took in a deep breath, his head nodding along, "Sure man, let me pay for some of the meat though. I can't let you cover everything."
"Eh it's no problem, I told Hana that I was going on a trip to celebrate exams being over, nearly crushed me in a hug but she gave me some money to help."
Siblings.
The closest he had to them was Karin and well, at times she was a shipful of crazy, but he still loved her, she was family, he wouldn't deny her. Though personal space seemed to be something that she was lacking. Not to mention, her current boyfriend seemed a bit out of shapes, something about Sasuke rubbed him the wrong way, had they fought before?
Naruto liked to think he'd remember if they did, that such a thing would not escape him. Though as Kiba said, his head used to be full of nothing. It was not really an insult, just something that he couldn't help when they were younger.
"So long as you're sure man, but, really, you don't have to go this far. You know that right?" Naruto's question earned him the tightening grip of the hand on his shoulder. It was almost painful.
Kiba was fit, like one of those guys that hits the gym everyday, from Naruto's knowledge though he didn't. He was just abnormally strong. Not that he minded really, it made their scuffles when they were younger fun. Plus it gave him something of a rival, someone to test himself against in the physical department.
"It's no big deal man, friends gotta be there for one another, and this is our celebration. Let me take care of the costs, you just find something you like. Okay?" Kiba finished with a warm smile before trudging himself back into the shop, his eyes scanning the area, he appeared to be looking for something.
Naruto tore his gaze away, back to looking over the shop, taking in the details of each label. Turns and twists through narrow aisles seemed to lead him to a strange out of the way section. He dragged himself away after seeing some of the labels, he couldn't even pronounce the names that were on them, much less trust what they contained.
With a bit more he found the beer that he normally had, it was kinda strong, something that Karin had recomended for him, a little sweet but with a nasty hook after a couple.
Naruto brought them up to the counter, he waited for Kiba, the wild boy was taking his time. When he emerged though, Naruto felt his jaw slacken. There was a small basket in his hand full of bottles, "Dude, do we need that much?"
Kiba tilted his head in confusion, "Probably not, but it won't stop us from drinking it right?"
The cashier rung them up, even helped to help carry them out to the car for the boys. Naruto took his case, the weight wasn't anything he wasn't used too; he'd held a number of part time jobs in factories—to keep the roof over his head—while he'd been studying.
It wasn't anything fancy, nor was it anywhere near related to his area of study, but Naruto learned that sometimes you had to do things you didn't like to be an adult. He was starting to think that it was almost too much of a hassle, how much easier would it be if he stayed a child?
Innocence.
Things were much easier back when he was a child, when they were children. They didn't worry about appearances, nor money, nor 'duties'. Yet, now as adults, these chains bound, coiled and wound, tight on the spindle called responsibility.
Their drinks were slumped into the backseat, a quick offer of thanks passed to the cashier, and the duo followed, their bodies dropping into the leather seats. Their eyes forward and the keys turning over, their minds rolling back as their journey started getting back on track.
Xx Line Break xX
The back seat was full with nearly everything they needed for their little trip. The rest was in the front seats, one about to start snoring, the other tapping away at the wheel, a frail attempt to strive off the coming boredom that peak hour traffic had caused.
Kiba contained the growl in his throat, he wouldn't let it escape, he would strangle the need for it to be heard.
He stole a glance to his right.
Naruto was there, head lulling back and forth. His dry lips parted, sucking in the stale air of the car. Kiba had seen how hard he'd been studying, the call from Hinata the night before his final exam had not helped. He had waited for Naruto; the inside of the cafe was colder than normal, and the dead eyes of Naruto did naught to help in warming it.
It was a feeling that Kiba wasn't used to, to him, Naruto was a ball of sunshine. It got cloudy at times, but it always cleared up. Here though, he had felt anger, depression and depravity rolling from his friend.
They dug in deep, like hemp wrapping around his heart and leaving it to hang. It stirred a fire, one that he never thought would come, within him. He wanted to yell at Hinata. He wanted to tell her how bitchy it was to do such a thing. To question if she couldn't have waited until the end of the week.
Though the words died in his throat when Naruto greeted him: a strained smile, a flicker of a hand wave. No thought passed through his mind other than to mimic the actions, so he did, as if stuck in autopilot. He hated it, he felt the need to do something, no he had to do something. The others were all already finished, and gone on holidays by now. It was him and Naruto that were left.
Kiba's last exam had been earlier in the morning, he was free now, though he felt more trapped than ever. He watched Naruto like a natural disaster, unable to look away, unable to respond. He needed to break Naruto from this funk, but his body wouldn't listen, it felt rooted in place, locked and bound like his own desires.
Naruto's eyes, his body, they were cold and filled with as much energy as a corpse.
It vanished, fading into the present. Naruto's hair clinging to his pale face, the stress and deprivation of sleep from the past weeks worn clear as perspiration and worry.
"You shouldn't bottle everything up you know? It'll eat at you. It'll eat at me too." Kiba's whisper fell onto the closed ears of his friend.
His fingers strayed from the wheel, reaching out to the statue beside him. Naruto flinched and Kiba withdrew his hand.
"We nearly there?" uttered Naruto, his voice waking up, throat and mouth growing damp.
"Once traffic clears up a bit, yeah. We shouldn't be too far."
Naruto's body twisted and turned; a moan escaping his cracked lips as joint snapped back into place. "Remind me not to sleep in your car again. These seats are killer on my back."
"You looked like you needed it," Kiba replied. His vision drawing back to the road, his fingers slipping over the controls for the music and fumbling, a rushed effort to turn it up. He slapped the stick and the car lurched forward, hungry to continue on.
"Maybe you're the one that needs a rest?" A smile pulled on Naruto's lips.
Kiba let out a small chuckle, a weight removing itself from his chest. "Maybe. We've been pretty busy lately, ya know?"
Naruto let out a sound of agreement and Kiba felt a sense of fulfillment. It was good to see that smile again, to feel the warmth that it let out, to feel joy echo through the simple motions and contractions of his muscles.
Kiba's heart raced, a mirror to the traffic that started to move. No one wanted to stay where they were, each rushing forward into a great unknown.
They drove, and drove. The sun dipped down behind the horizon and the moon hung high in the sky. The car pulled up and the duo clambered out.
Limbs mattering, untangling the bags, the booze, the blankets, and pitching the tent. A cluster of motions that would linger longer than they took.
Xx Linebreak xX
The crackle and hiss of nearby meat on the grill rung out. The faint chirping of birds as they settled for the night, filling. Naruto laid back, his gaze up to the starry sky above, shifting through the constellations, naming those he could.
He remembered doing this once, his godfather and the porch outside. His first beer, the strange conversations that rolled off of their tongues. Most were lost now, but he wouldn't forget that night, one so long ago.
His fingers recalled the similar feeling, wrapped around the cold beer, the perspiring bottle, chilly in his hand. "Do you ever think about why we're here?" The question came out before he thought it through. Its beat heavy in his mind, a constant from that night, never fading, never changing.
Naruto heard Kiba shuffle, the crackling from the fire dipping down.
"Not really. Thinking about things like that, make me think that maybe things now don't really matter, you know? I think we need to live for who we are now, we can deal with the things we do now later, or just leave 'em to die… Yeah, that sounds pretty good. What are you thinking about stuff like that for anyway?"
"It's a stray thought, this setting just brought it up again I guess. A little deep ain't it?"
A groan escaped Kiba as he laid down next to Naruto, both looking up at the sky, "I guess I can see why you'd think that. Looking up at the stars, hell, kinda makes us feel a little, well not important."
"Yeah. Feels kinda nice, like we can make mistakes and it doesn't matter as much."
"Yeah. Thinking like that, it does feel nice. But hey, if you fuck up, I'll pick you up man."
Fingers twined into his own, wrapping tightly, and drawing his attention. His heart pounded, he could feel it in his ears, a rush of tangible emotions. The thudding of his chest and the constricting of his throat. "I've got your back too man."
"Thanks… Naruto?"
"Yeah Kiba?"
"About Hinata?" Kiba turned his head away, trying to avoid Naruto. The blonde searching for something in his friend. It wasn't a place he was used to, this feeling, this proximity. Both were different, both new and both just as confusing as the other.
"Didn't you say we weren't going to talk about her?"
A tired laugh came from Kiba, "I did, didn't I?" He hung his head, "I'm sorry, but if I go too far, just say so."
Naruto felt a rush of newfound confusion. He blinked, trying to send a message via the action to anyone watching. The hazed thoughts lasted a moment longer than it should have, the flood of warmth, the cupping of his cheek, the pressure of another weighing down on him, crashing into him.
The torrent inside of him shot up, pushing back and crashing down onto the ground. His arms forming a strong bridge, the shellshocked river that was Kiba, beneath him. Starring up, eyes questioning, prompting him.
"Sorry, I shouldn't h-"
Naruto cut Kiba off. His lips sealing the sound that tried to escape. Kiba was stunned at first, but his body quickly caught on, his mind restarting.
Their caution was thrown aside, defences torn down and penetrated. Their hearts wide open in the chilly air, the only warmth being that of the other. Tussles of hair rustled, parted and broke, crumbling to the frenzied embrace.
Their movements were reckless and haphazard, and strangled emotions mixed into their chaotic uncertainty; rushing out and breaking against a wall that wouldn't budge, that wouldn't break, but they found it—a steadfast plug that needed to be pulled—and everything fell out. Their frenzied unknown fell unto a glorious crescendo.
Sweat rolled down, the meat now shrivelled and charred, Kiba thanked whoever was above for buying extra. Naruto drew a blanket up, covering the nakedness of his emotions; his mind a swirl from the events passed, trying to regain control.
"Well…" he trailed, not sure how to push the conversation forward, to fill this echoing silence, only disturbed by the crackling of flames.
Kiba turned to him, the expression something Naruto could not describe. "It was good, for me. What about you?"
"It was sudden…"
Kiba's head sunk at his words, Naruto quickly strew through his mind, searching for something, anything to fix the situation. "...but I think I enjoyed it."
Naruto took note of the comfort his words pulled onto Kiba, the boy holding out his hand, a pair of tongs tightly in his fingers, "So, sausage?"
Xx Line break xX
Naruto slunk back into his office chair. His gaze travelling to the towering buildings outside his window. His daydream, a memory of a time long past hovering around him like a constant reminder.
"I'm a coward."
He repeated it again and again. Hinata had called the next day, she wasn't moving anymore and they got back together. He put Kiba behind him without a second though at the time. Now it haunted him.
He questioned what could have happened, where that route would have lead to? Was it better than where he was now? Would he have floundered like he had the years prior? Would Kiba had pushed him harder than Hinata had?
What would have changed? Did Kiba think he was an asshole?
Naruto thought about picking up the phone and calling, but did he have the right to? He had disregarded the path in front of him, choosing to go with what he knew, rather than starting a new adventure.
He pushed through, he found his family but it left him wondering: at what cost? Naruto caught his reflection in the windows. He had aged, the wrinkles on his face showed as much. The aching in his joints screamed it to him each morning.
He had time in spades now, when everything back then had seemed so rushed, so pressed.
He held his regrets close, tight to his chest and locked behind the wrinkling chains of his heart. They were withering though, he could feel it, and he believed it to be showing as well.
Naruto crossed his arms over his chest; his gaze pulling away from the windows, and landing on a family portrait. How could he think about such things? They'd break his family apart if he acted on his urges. He wanted to, no he needed to clear things up, but after all this time, could he tell Hinata?
He missed Kiba, he missed, if nothing else, the friendship that they had shared, that they had nurtured.
No, he didn't deserve to call himself such. He betrayed the trust, he'd turned his back and walked; leaving Kiba and that night as nothing but a memory.
It was moments like these, that let Naruto swell on the thoughts of what could've been, and why did he run?