"I don't know, Ress, I think you should be careful."
"Oh come on, Keen, don't make me laugh."
Liz sighs and shakes her head as she and Ressler descend the stairs from Cooper's office and head towards the empty bullpen. Aram and Samar had gone out to lunch (Liz tries not to squeal with girlish glee at the thought) while she and Ressler were forced into a midday meeting with Cooper. Liz's stomach needlessly reminds her that she hasn't eaten since she threw down a tasteless container of yogurt this morning. She sighs.
"I'm just saying you should watch your back. He's can be a vindictive son of a bitch."
Ressler chuckles, obviously not worried, despite the fact that he had recently done the unthinkable. Red had come in to the Post Office to brief them on the newest blacklister in his usual dramatic fashion that everyone hated and Liz tried to be annoyed by but never really succeeded. After conveying all the information that he felt was relevant to them (and Liz has no doubt that that was the absolute minimum), Red had pulled Lizzie aside for a quick private conversation - Liz had tried to not stare at his lips while he asked her to lunch, she really had - and Ressler had come over and tactlessly interrupted them.
That was strike one.
Strike two was when he took one glance at Red's fedora of the day - a light shade of blue that, if Liz thought about it, complimented his tie and, if Liz thought harder about it, matched her eyes exactly and perhaps she should stop thinking so much - and said, "Wow, Reddington, did a blue bird hatch your hat?"
Oh, what a strike two it was. But Ressler, chuckling at his own stupid joke, did not see Red's mouth twitch or his eyes squint or his jaw clench. Ressler did not see Red commit to getting revenge. But Liz did. Because Liz knows Red. And she knows that the one thing he won't stand for, ever, is a slight to his hats.
And so Liz, feeling a vague sense of duty to her somewhat socially inept partner, is trying to warn him of the danger no doubt coming his way in the form of a vengeful Red.
"Relax, Keen. I have a gun and I'm surrounded by agents in a secure FBI black site. What could he possibly do to me?"
"Oh, a great many number of things Donald, I'm sure."
They look up to see the man in question waltzing out of the elevator, carrying a bright pink box with curly writing on it that Liz can't quite read from this far away. Dembe is following Red like a second shadow, as usual, but he has an odd lilt about his mouth, as if he's trying to smother a smirk. Strange.
"For example," Red continues easily, "he could throw a banana peel on the floor directly in your path."
Ressler narrows his eyes. "Very funny, Reddington. Do you even know who we're talking about?"
"Not a clue," Red says breezily, "but I brought donuts!"
Red plops the box on Aram's vacant workstation and, now that it's closer, Liz can read the fancy writing on the box: 'Bella's Bakery'.
The name rings a bell in Liz's memory. Where had she heard it before? Oh, yes. Tom had taken her there once, in some ridiculous attempt to regain her good graces after a fight. The bakery was on the other side of D.C., easily an hour out of the way from Red's current safe house. Did he and Dembe go all the way there just to pick up donuts for a crabby group of FBI agents that included Donald Ressler?
No. Certainly not. Liz takes a careful step back from the box. Red catches her eye and smiles his Cheshire cat grin. She raises an eyebrow at him.
"You brought us donuts?" Ressler asks, incredulously, stepping closer to peer at the colorful box.
"Why, of course, Donald! Don't sound so surprised! You hard-working agents do such a good job after all."
Well, that does it. Liz now has no doubt that Red has chosen this time to get back at Ressler. Red never has a shortage of critiques, complaints, and insults for government officials.
Except Liz, of course.
Ressler squints at Red for a moment, obviously suspicious, but Red just stares back at him, smiling cheerfully and bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. Liz smothers a grin. That's not cute, that's absolutely not adorable.
Apparently finding nothing in his scrutiny of Red's face, Ressler shrugs and reaches for the box.
"Uh, Ressler-" Liz starts to warn him but Red suddenly has an awful cough and Dembe is silently stepping up to her, grinning openly now, and handing her a paper bag.
Liz takes it carefully and frowns while Dembe wordlessly steps back into the shadows. Liz opens the bag quietly and peers into it. Oh. Red brought her lunch. Oh. How sweet. And it's from her favorite deli that she mentioned to him in passing at least two weeks ago. A roast beef sandwich with Swiss cheese and pickles and sour dough pretzels.
Oh, Red.
"I believe there's a cruller in there just for you, Agent Ressler," Red says, a little too helpfully.
Liz watches, silent now, as Ressler opens the lid to the box and picks up the cruller. He scrutinizes it for a moment and then shrugs, closing the lid. In doing so, he finally sees the name of the bakery.
"Bella's Bakery? Isn't that really far from here? You went all the way there just for us?"
Red waits until Ressler takes an enthusiastic bite of the cruller.
"No, of course not, Donald, I found them in the recycling bin."
And Ressler spits his mouthful of half-chewed donut all over Aram's desk.
"Ah!" he gasps, grabbing his coffee mug to take a large swig. "You found these in the trash?!"
"No, I said the recycling bin, Donald, aren't you paying attention? I just love this wonderful new trend of 'going green'! Waste not, want not, you know!"
"Oh my god!"
Red gives Ressler one last smile, looking far too pleased with himself, and turns to go, Dembe following him, chuckling.
"Reddington, I swear to god, I'll- Keen, are you laughing?!"
At that, Red spins around to look.
And Liz is laughing. She can't help it. Ressler's face was hilarious and besides, he may actually have deserved what he got because Red really looked very nice in his blue hat and she did try to warn him after all and it was just so funny.
At Ressler's affronted look, she begins to laugh even harder, unable to hold it in. She looks over at Red through teary eyes, arms wrapped around her middle, and sees him smiling at her in something like wonder. She realizes all of a sudden that it's been quite a long time since she laughed like this.
After taking one last tender look at her, Red turns and enters the elevator, waving happily at Ressler as the doors close.
Liz, still chuckling, wanders over to Ressler, who is scowling nastily at the pretty pink box of donuts.
"Do you think he really got it from the trash, Keen?" he asks, almost fearfully.
"I don't know, Ress." She sighs, trying not to smile.
And then the elevator opens once again.
"Ah, what happened at my workstation?!"
That sets Liz off again, giggling hysterically, while Ressler groans and starts apologizing profusely to Aram. Liz just shakes her head, smiling, and picks up her lunch, heading to her office to eat in peace. She wants to thank Red for lunch. And she certainly doesn't want to have to explain to Aram what exactly is all over his workstation.
She has to call her favorite criminal.