August, 2004
Uzumaki Harold Naruto was busy sitting on the couch, although saying he was busy was a bit ironic. He was eating a bowl of mayonnaise spaghetti and watching a program on how to cut your hair if you don't have any left-handed scissors and was taking notes by dipping his chopstick into the mayonnaise and pretending like it was some Harry Potter quill shit. The 13 year old ninja was also drinking a Miller Lite beer that he had stolen out of the fridge which his parents believed was secret because it was inside of a certain pine tree outside of their town of Raleigh, North Carolina.
"I just love this show," said Naruto as he finished the Anna Nicole show and he laughed when Anna told Sugar Pie to stop farting. He changed the channel up and it was sports. It was something with the Miami Heat and he saw Shaq, the gigantic dude who looked like he was a circus clown from Florence, South Carolina who frequently went to the Outback Steakhouse and ate their cheese and bacon fries and would call his homeboy Dr. Oz and say, "These fries are so good."
One thing that struck Naruto was interesting was how tall Shaq was, being 7'1, of course he was huge. Everything was huge on him. And that made wonder if something else about Shaq was larger. Naruto farted so loudly that his hello kitty whity tighties meowed and he blushed like a retired Mean Girls actor who never got a chance to open the Burn Book because it was due to racial reasons that had to be eliminated to prevent a lawsuit that would be more wrinkled than Tsunade's asscrack.
What Naruto was wondering was if Shaq had...bigger turds. Surely if he was about 20% larger than a 6 foot man, his turds would be 20% larger, right? The only issue was, how would Naruto find out?