A/N: This was originally going to be a brief, fairly fluffy piece, but seemed to evolve into something longer and more rambling, so apologies for that. It is currently a work-in-progress, and updates will depend on when I have time, so sorry if they take a while sometimes. It is also un-betaed, so all mistakes are completely mine - and please if you spot any glaring errors, let me know so I can correct them.
This is set post-'For the Defense', and refers to events in that episode as well as quite a few others.
Also, a note about timelines - since the dates given on the title cards seem to contradict themselves at times, and will probably just confuse things, my timeline is roughly based on air dates of episodes.
Disclaimer: As standard - all these characters belong to Dick Wolf, I'm merely borrowing them.
The trouble with being so good at arguing, Connie thought, was that it became a lot easier to talk yourself out of things.
Though, at times, that wasn't entirely a bad thing. In fact, sometimes it was very necessary, as she'd learned over the years. Such as, for example, when considering getting involved with co-workers.
Unfortunately, she'd not yet reached this conclusion when she first met Marcus Woll. With Woll, she had spent most of the time talking herself into it. Sure, they worked together - but he was charming, and good looking, and driven - and everyone had workplace affairs now and then, didn't they? What was the harm?
Well, she'd learned her lesson there.
It hadn't really been an issue after that. There had been the occasional colleague who had shown some interest, but she'd made it clear that it was a no-go area for her, and that was that.
Then she'd starting working for Mike...
Sure, she'd found him attractive when they first met. But she'd known better, and it was much easier to talk herself out of anything foolish this time. In fact, there wasn't really anything to talk herself out of. After all, they frequently disagreed. He could be kind of an ass. She wasn't even sure that she liked him some of the time - the urge to throttle him had risen on more than one occasion.
However, as they continued working together, she found herself softening to him. She couldn't help but admire his passion and dedication to the job, something she shared. And he didn't need to think about treating her as an equal, soliciting her input, listening to her advice (even if he didn't always follow it). Working with Jack, she had always felt slightly intimidated, and less willing to put herself forward. Working with Mike, she genuinely felt that he saw her as a partner rather than an assistant. It was gratifying.
And as time went on, a little dangerous. It had become easy to forget that he was still her boss. He'd made a few offhand comments hinting that he found her attractive, and she'd found herself becoming more relaxed around him, even allowing herself the occasional bit of (very) mild flirting. However, she'd always reined herself in - the whole thing could only be classified as a thoroughly bad idea. So, she'd come up with a nice internal list of why it should be avoided entirely, and she'd trot it out any time she started thinking anything treacherous.
The trouble was, it had been over two years, and the thoughts hadn't died down. If anything, they'd gotten more frequent, and while she'd found herself internally reciting her list more and more frequently, she often had difficulty remembering all the specifics.
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There had been a point when she'd first realized this might be a bigger problem than she'd ever anticipated.
It was after they'd gotten a plea bargain out of Dennis Teal, the man who'd deprived his sister Wendy of medication, hoping that she'd go crazy enough that he'd gain possession of a valuable artifact that she'd inherited after their mother's death.
In the end, Wendy had murdered two people in her unmedicated state before eventually killing herself in prison, and the only way Mike had been able to implicate Teal was to also implicate Wendy, suggesting that the two had conspired together in the murders. Jack had voiced his opposition to the strategy beforehand, and had not been impressed afterward, suggesting Mike had 'tarnished' his character in the process.
Connie had been troubled by the case, though not because of Jack's disapproval - rather the opposite. She'd been in complete agreement with Mike over what to do, and even after Jack's dressing down, she'd not reconsidered her stance. The thing was, she saw Jack's point, and previously would probably have agreed with him. It made her wonder if maybe her ethical standpoint was wavering - which did have her slightly concerned.
It wasn't exactly the first time, either. There had been the a case a few months before involving Chad Klein, who had murdered his father and stepmother. He had managed to persuade his stepsister (and girlfriend) to lie for him, and she and Mike had only managed to get to the truth by faking the medical examiner's report into the deaths and leaking it to Klein's lawyer. Jack had been out of town at the time, so hadn't found out, but Rodgers had, and had not been impressed. It wasn't quite on the same level as this case, but it had still been somewhat dubious, and Connie had been very willing to go along with the deception.
It wasn't so surprising really. After all, Mike didn't tend to let ethics hold him back in pursuit of a conviction, and they had worked together for a few years. Previously though, she'd tended to side with Jack in disapproving of Mike's methods, though she didn't often openly voice any opposition. This case had made her wonder if really, she was just a hypocrite. After all, it was easy to disapprove of Mike's behavior when she wasn't the one making the choice between some 'creative prosecuting' and letting a murderer go free.
Connie and Mike had been in the office about half an hour since Jack had left, his final words still hanging in the air. They had been completing the paperwork for Dennis Teal's plea in silence, though Connie had found herself too distracted to really concentrate. Finally, she'd put down her pen and looked at Mike thoughtfully.
"Do you want to go get a drink?"
He'd looked up at her in mild surprise. While it wasn't unheard of for them to get an occasional after work drink, it was generally to celebrate a guilty verdict, and it was almost always initiated by him - she could count on one hand the number of times she had suggested it. Still, after a moment, he'd nodded, "Sure. This can wait until tomorrow."
They'd gathered up their things and headed to a nearby bar in relative silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Connie found an empty booth, while Mike got their drinks - the usual scotch for him, and a brandy for her, a departure from her normal beer, but she'd been in the mood for something stronger. Mike had raised an eyebrow, but made no comment on her choice.
He placed her drink in front of her, and sat opposite. They drank in silence for a few minutes, before she finally spoke, staring at the table. "I'm not sure what unsettles me more - that I don't feel bad about what we did, or that I don't really feel bad about not feeling bad." She looked up at him then. "If that makes sense."
Mike gave a wry smile as she carried on, "I mean, we put a murderer in jail. And even though Jack didn't like the way it was done, I don't care. I just really wanted to get him." Not that she didn't always want that, but this had felt different. After all, Teal had essentially been responsible for three deaths – and Connie couldn't help feeling like she could have prevented Wendy's death if she'd only done more. So she'd felt as though she owed it to Wendy to bring her brother to justice. She stared at the table again, continuing, "Part of me thinks, well, if justice is done, I don't mind doing what it takes. And then another part feels shocked that I can think that way."
She finished her drink, and sighed. "I guess it just made me question my own ethics. I always thought I knew where to draw the line, but now I'm not so sure." She shook her head. It just felt like such a slippery slope. It had been easy to make these choices in theory back in law school, but the longer she worked here, the more difficult the decisions became. She was worried that the lines were becoming too blurred for her to see clearly anymore.
Mike finished his own drink. "Connie, I'm certainly the last person to be giving anyone advice on ethics." She gave a small snort of laughter at this, and he shot her a look as he carried on, "But one thing I know for sure is that if I can rely on anyone to make the right ethical decision, it's you. In all the time we've worked together, you've never steered me wrong."
She looked up at him then, and he shrugged as he added, "I mean, I don't always listen to you, but I never regret it when I do. In fact, I'm pretty sure I would have been fired by Jack a few times over if it weren't for you." She tried to hide her surprise at his candor. Any sort of praise from Mike was pretty rare, even an acknowledgment of effort was unusual. Not that she expected it – after all, she was just doing her job. Still, it was quite nice to hear now and then.
He looked at her seriously. "So if I were you, I'd just trust your instincts. After all, you're questioning yourself now. I think if you'd really crossed over to the dark side, you wouldn't be doing that."
She nodded slightly at this. "I suppose so…" She paused for a moment, considering what to say, before she continued, "Still, I can't help but feel like a hypocrite. I've passed judgment on you a few times for some of your methods, and yet, if I were put in the same position now, if I'm really honest, I'm not really sure I'd behave all that differently." She couldn't quite look at him as she spoke - she was ashamed of the admission. She'd never truly appreciated how difficult it might have been at times for him to go that extra step, to do what was necessary to get a conviction, all the while accepting her and Jack's disapproval without comment. And while some of his choices she had definitely disagreed with, it was decidedly easier to make that call when only standing on the sidelines.
She gave him a small smile. "I guess I'll have to cut you a bit of slack in future."
He smirked at this. "No, something tells me that you'll give me just as much of a hard time as you ever have. Which is good, because I rely on it." He looked at both their empty glasses, and got up. "You want another one?"
She nodded, and reached for her bag to give him some money, as was their custom, but he waved her away. "No, tonight's on me. After all, we'd never even have gone after Dennis Teal if it wasn't for you."
As Mike went off to the bar, she considered their conversation, and was surprised by how warm she felt after his comments. She felt quite flushed that he thought so much of her opinion. She didn't often admit it to herself, but his approval was important to her, and not just because he was her boss. And she was grateful that he seemed so sure about her integrity, even if she was doubting it herself.
He came back with their drinks, and she smiled her thanks. She considered her drink for a moment, swirling it around in her glass, before looking up at him again, "By the way, I wanted to thank you for going along with me about investigating Teal. I know it would have been easier to have just gone along with Wendy's plea."
Mike gave an easy shrug. "Like you said, it's worth 'dotting every i'. You did all the work."
Taking another sip, Connie shook her head, "Yes, but even Jack was ready to cut me off. I appreciated your support."
Mike raised his eyebrows, looking bemused. "Wow, me coming out more favorably than Jack? Makes a change." She rolled her eyes, though considered that she was much less likely to side unreservedly with Jack these days than she used to.
He gave another shrug. "Hey, you've backed me up on a few crusades myself. I can at least return the favor now and then."
While this was technically true, Connie felt it gave her more credit than she was really due - after all, he didn't need her approval to proceed with anything, he was the boss. Still, it was good to know that he valued her support.
They didn't stay much longer in the bar, as it was already relatively late. As they were about to part ways outside, Connie stopped Mike with a hand on his arm. "Hey, thanks for the pep talk." She looked at him seriously. "I didn't realize it, but I needed one." She held his gaze for a long moment, and unexpectedly felt her stomach flutter a little as she looked at him. He glanced downwards briefly, and she suddenly realized she was still holding his arm. Feeling just a little flustered, she let go as he looked back at her, and then he gave her a casual smile. "No problem."
She noticed her heart was beating just a little faster, and she decided it was definitely time to go. "Ok, night then," she said, with a quick smile, and swiftly turned to walk in the opposite direction, in search of a cab.