Resurrection
Summary: Can you ever really comeback after you destroy everything?
Olivia's POV
The wetness seeped through her fingers growing sticky and cold but her eye contact never broke with his. She would not be the one to turn away not with the desperate look overtaking his eyes. Everything seemed to freeze in that moment. A dull steady roaring in her ears blocked out the cavalcade of voices that her subconscious knew were filling the room. His gaze was so full of shock, stunned disbelief that she actually felt the thud of her heart beat stopping. She wanted to cry when he tore his gaze away.
The noises came rushing back almost painfully their full cacophony ringing in her ears.
"Olivia!" Fin called out striding over to Olivia from where he had been crouched behind his desk.
Olivia didn't move from her spot her hands frozen on Sister Peg's wound and her gaze still locked on Elliot's.
"Olivia," Fin said his hand coming to rest on her shoulder.
Olivia watched as Cragen knelt beside Elliot taking his gun with gentle firmness that Cragen always exuded in his role as captain.
"Olivia, she's gone," Fin whispered near her ear. "Come on," Fin urged her up on her feet.
As Olivia's hands slid slowly from Sister Peg's lifeless body she could not help being reminded of Sonya. She remembered inexplicably wanting nothing more than Elliot in that moment. Here she was again and here he was with her, she never felt more separated from him then she did in this moment. She stood slowly surprised to find her legs supporting her without difficulty. Her eyes stayed with Elliot.
Elliot's POV
Elliot was barely registering what Cragen was saying. He stood without thought, handed his gun over without thought. Everything was happening too fast and too slow. Where was Olivia? He needed to see her face, see her eyes. He needed her. His eyes searched for her. He was frustrated with Cragen pulling him away from the only support that really needed, her.
Olivia's POV
Fin and Munch were blocking her view of Elliot. They were saying something.
"Are you okay, Olivia?" Munch asked.
Olivia shook her head trying to clear her mind, clear the fog. She stepped around Munch not answering his questions. She could see Cragen standing between Elliot and Jenna's body like Elliot could forget that she was there. Where was Cragen taking him? Olivia started walking toward them until she was stopped by Munch's grip on her upper arm. "Don't," he said.
Olivia gave him an incredulous look.
"Liv, you can't go with him," Fin said.
Olivia jerked her arm from Munch's grip giving both of them a look that clearly said fuck you. Olivia crossed the room maneuvering past medics and officers shoving herself through the crowd, her eyes focused on the moving figures of Cragen and Elliot. She silently cursed as she saw the door shut. She pushed forward faster until she reached the door. She placed her hand there not even noticing the dried sticky blood coating her palm and fingers. She knocked with her left hand her right already turning the knob. The door gave way only slightly her movement to enter the room halted by Cragen.
"Not now, Olivia," Cragen said his tone caring but clear as he shut the door.
Olivia froze there unsure of what to do. Fin's hand on her shoulder steered her away from the door and back to her to the bullpen. The bottom half of her calf bumped into the gurney lowered to floor to load Jenna. Olivia stared down at her lifeless body still in shock.
"Give your statement first, Liv," Fin said guiding her away through the throng of people and into interrogation.
"My statement?" Olivia asked suddenly confused. "IAB is already here?"
Fin nodded solemnly. "You know IAB first scent of blood and they are here,"
Olivia wordlessly followed Fin into the open interrogation room door. She startled in her seat when she heard Fin close the door. She was alone now.
Elliot's POV
Cragen was leaning against his desk and Elliot could see him forming words even hearing them coming out but his mind had gone numb. He had just killed a fifteen year old girl. An innocent fifteen year old girl who had just lost her mother. A girl only two years younger than his twins. He had taken her life. There was no going back now.
Olivia's POV
Olivia walked out of the IAB interrogation an hour later. She quickly made her way to the bullpen seeking out Elliot. Through the myriad of inane questions that Ed Tucker had asked one thing had resonated over and over in her mind, Elliot. Olivia quickly made her way to the captain's door which was ajar. "Cap," Olivia said opening the door.
"Olivia," Cragen looked up from the paperwork he was working on. "He is in with IAB,"
Olivia nodded. "I'll wait for him,"
"Don't," Cragen replied.
Olivia looked at him. "He is my partner, Don,"
"He will be here for hours, Olivia. I do not want you waiting for him and that is an order. You need to go home,"
"No," Olivia said quietly. "I won't leave him,"
"Are you disobeying my direct order, Benson?" Cragen asked.
"Please," Olivia said her voice breaking mid plea.
"Olivia, Elliot is going to be here a long time. I need you to trust me that you need to go home," Cragen said.
Olivia nodded shakily.
"I will tell him," Cragen said.
Olivia nodded again before turning back to her desk and grabbing her coat. She walked blindly out of the bullpen ignoring the questions from her peers. On autopilot she made her way down the hall to the elevator and out the precinct doors. Olivia did not remember the ride home or the walk up six flights of stairs to her apartment door. She did not remember the shower she took under the scalding hot water trying desperately to get the last remnants of Sister Peg's blood off her hands. She sat curled up on the sofa in Elliot's borrowed NYPD tee shirt with a glass of vodka in her hand. She closed her eyes as she took a long sip and the fluid burned as it traveled down her throat. She wasn't even aware of the silent stream of tears lining her face as she cried for everything today. Tears for Elliot, tears for Jenna, tears for Sister Peg, and worst of all tears for herself as she knew this would change everything. She swallowed hard when she heard the buzzer. They was no request or voice on the other end but she didn't need one, she knew who it was.
Elliot's POV
He had no idea how he had arrived at the front door of her apartment building. He had left the precinct twenty minutes ago. He moved quickly through the door as she buzzed him in ignoring Olivia's doorman who greeted him. He bypassed the elevator for the stairs, the need to keep moving overwhelming him. Stopping would mean thinking, thinking would mean comprehending, and comprehending would mean dealing. He made his way down the hall and didn't even have to knock as she opened the door first. Her face was the picture of his heart. In that moment everything stopped and Elliot felt the realization, the knowledge wash over him like the crest of an ocean wave. It drowned him.
Olivia's POV
"El," she whispered as she opened the door for his entry. Her eyes studied his face watching as shock was replaced with something else. Panic. She reached for him pulling him into a hug, her arms wrapping around him in a desperate attempt to stave off the painful reality of the afternoon. The words it will be okay formed in her head but could not get past her mouth as she started then stumbled unable to finish.
Elliot's POV
He clung to her trying to absorb the comfort she was trying to give. She always had his back in every way but Elliot could not stop the fear that was rising as he stood in her entrance way. Suddenly stopped, he could not breathe. He clung tighter.
Olivia POV
She felt his hands tighten on her arms. "El?"
"I can't breathe," he whispered the words against her ear making her tremble with each syllable.
Olivia pulled back to look into his eyes. The look she saw scared her. She had never seen that look on his face. "El, what can I do," Olivia implored wanting to help him to assuage the pain and fear he was experiencing.
He shook his head. "Can't breathe,"
Olivia placed the hand not holding her glass to his cheek. It was more touching in those minutes then they had done in years but there was no thinking of that in the moment only of him and what he needed.
Elliot's POV
Later he would not be able to explain. Later he would not be able to excuse it. Elliot searched her eyes as he desperately searched for something, anything that might anchor him in this moment. The next thing he knew they were sliding to the floor, the sound of her glass hitting the hard word as it shattered did nothing to stop what was going to happen. His hand were between her legs pushing her panties aside and his hand was on his zipper.
Olivia's POV
Later she would not be able to explain her reaction. Later she would not be able to say why she didn't stop it. His hands were so quick, he was so quick. She barely registered what he was doing before she felt him long and hard on her thigh and then pushing inside. She cried out unprepared for the act and him. It hurt and her body initially resisted. She felt him slow down his entrance. Her eyes met his and she silently give him permission for this, to take from her. Olivia cupped his face in her hands their eyes locked together. His movements became steady and slower as he made his way full inside her. Their lower halves moved in tandem and she knew she would not come, not like this. This was about him. This was about saving him and she would do anything for that. With that thought she gave up the last vestige of herself to him. Ultimately saving him was saving herself although she had always known it in this moment that she actually realized it.
Elliot's POV
His heart broke at her cry. He stopped his movements his eyes searching hers. He knew he hurt her. She was so tight his body had reacted to the pleasure instinctively forcing its way in further. Now he hovered above her needing more in every sense of the word. Her hands came to rest on his cheeks and her eyes silently communicated to him. Elliot began to move slower losing himself in her. He was taking from her and he knew it but he was also giving. Elliot's eyes locked on Olivia's as he stopped holding back his feelings letting them pour forth in this moment, all twelve years of them. His hands reached for hers taking them off his face and linking them together. He cried as he came inside her silent tears sliding down his face.
They laid on the floor of her entrance way bodies entangled, hearts and souls bleeding. "Always, you," he whispered the words into her ear knowing she would be the only one to really understand them.
A/N: One shot? I wanted to do something a little different. Someone very smart mentioned to me that all the Olivia and Elliot stories start the same way, he is divorced and suddenly realizes he is in love with Olivia. I know a lot of stories are about the shooting of Jenna and the aftermath hopefully this one is a little different.