Warriors: Into the Wild starring Hollowpaw. A Parody of the epic book by Erin Hunter
PROLOGUE:
After the battle with RiverClan Spottedleaf receives a vision.
"Spottedleaf, what did you see?" Asks Bluestar.
Spottedleaf gets a look on her face like O.O..no, really it honestly looked like that. I swear to god i am not JK.I am Eron Schunter, and Eron Schunter never lies when she tells her damn stories about dumbass cats goddamnit. Anyway, Spottedleaf replies: "Only Wood can save the Clan." Said Spottedleaf.
"But wood is feared by all the clans!" Gasped Bluestar.
And thus; our story begins.
Wood was a box with a cat face painted on it. Graypaw the schizophrenic
apprentice of ThunderClan, sees the box in the twoleg house window and he begins
to speak with it. Because he is schizophrenic, he thinks its real and talks with
him, and then he leaves. Wood's "owners" throw him out the back door and he
wheels down the yard into the forest and "stares" into the trees. Then wind
picks up and he blows further into the forest, hits a root, and he flips over
and lands on top of a mouse. The ThunderClan leader Bluestar sees Wood and
attacks him. Lionheart and Graypaw are with her and Graypaw recognizes his buddy
ol' pal Wood. "Kittypet, you are tresspassing on ThunderClan territory." Bitches Bluestar.
They then proceed to offer him a place in ThunderClan
Wood, being a box, does nothing but sit there. The cats from Thunderclan confuse this for indecisiveness, and give him a day to think over their offer. The next day, they return and Wood is still sitting there, "staring" into the trees. They decide that since he was still there, he really wanted to join their clan. So, telling him to follow, they head off into the woods. At first, Wood does nothing but sit there. Graypaw comes back and jokingly nudges his friend, sending Wood rolling further into the trees. Wood then does a series of flips over tree roots on his trip downhill toward the Thunderclan camp. Graypaw thinks that Wood is pretty awesome, and attempts to do a few flips himself on the way. He fails miserably.
As the group nears the clearing, the Clan cats hear the jingling from Wood's loose change in his box-ly self. "What's that?" Mews Mousefur.
As soon as she says it, Wood comes crashing through the brambles. "IT'S A KITTYPET!" Exclaimes Whitestorm. Soon Graypaw comes jumping in after Wood, and over shoots where he wanted to land and sailed his insane ass into the nursery walls; (making it fall apart) where Tigerclaw is mating with the Medicine Cat Spottedleaf inside.
For some reason the dumbass Apprentice thinks its funny and stares. While this is happening, Bluestar and Lionheart are introducing Wood.
"This is Wood, he will be joining ThunderCl-"
"BUT HES UHHH KIDDYP-" Whines Longtail.
"JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH. I'M SICK OF YOUR MOUSE-SHIT LONGTAIL. IM THE LEADER, I CAN KICK YOUR FURRY ASS
FROM HERE TO SHADOWCLAN." Bitches the bitchy Bluestar.
Then another wind picks up and blows Wood into Longtail. The white warrior perceives this gesture as a threat, and attacks Wood.
Wood simply sits there. Longtail goes to claw Wood and gets a huge-ass splinter in his paw. He screeches and falls backward, and a wind picks up and knocks Wood on top of him. Somehow, this cuts Longtail's ear open and he ends up bleeding all over the ground. During this, Wood's strap that his "owners" had been using to make it easier to drag him around falls off. The clan cats had thought this was a collar, so they watched as Bitchy Bluestar walks over and grabs the collar. "He has shed his kittypet roots! He can now join the clan! We shall call him, HOLLOWPAW!" She screeches. "WHAT? HE CAN'T JOIN THE CLAN!" Longtail objetcs. "LONGTAIL, GO PARK YOUR ASS IN THE CORNER!" Bluestar tells him. Longtail glares at her and pads over to the far corner of the camp, looking back and giving the newly named Hollowpaw murderous looks as he plays up his splinter injury like the pansy he is.
Graypaw stops watching the mating cats and moves to congratulate Hollowpaw when Tigerclaw and Spottedleaf roll over on his back. Squished like a pathetic shrew underneath the Medicine Cat's dappled pelt, they commence their...relations. "OH DEAR STARCLAN HELP ME!" Squeals the gray apprentice. Meanwhile Hollowpaw rolls toward the pile of cats and his little wheels hit Tigerclaw's foot and he flips over on them. The Clan sees this and Sandpaw comes running over, and shrieks loudly for about 15 minutes non stop until finally Whitestorm trots over and sees Wood rocking back and forth because of what is going on inside. "OH- OH MY LAWDY STARCLAN! HOLLOWPAW IS RAPING TIGERCLAW!" (Or well, as far as the capability of a box to rape, anyway) Screeched Whitestom.
"I never knew Hollowpaw liked toms! Haha! Hollowpaw is GAY! look everybody, its Gaypaw!" Sneered Longtail.
And from this day on, Hollowpaw was made fun of and was called Gaypaw by those who didn't like him.
The next morning, Graypaw wheeled Hollowpaw around the camp and showed him where everything was. Hollowpaw didn't respond to any of Graypaw's words, but Graypaw, being schitzophrenic, thought that Hollowpaw was holding a normal conversation with him and took no notice of the unresponsiveness of the box. After awhile, Longtail showed up to call Hollowpaw Gaypaw one time before Graypaw nudged the boxy thing that was Hollowpaw away and commenced attacking Longtail. The pansy cat Longtail swiped at Graypaw but only ended up mewing pitifully when he hit his splinter-filled paw against the gray apprentice. Graypaw continued to beat Longtail's ass into the ground until his mentor came over and said, "time for training."
Then Graypaw happily trotted with his ears back and head up across the clearing toward the gorse tunnel, then realized he forgot to say bye to Hollowpaw. He stopped mid trot and whipped his head around, eyes wide. He ran back and licked Hollowpaw's wheel and went after Darkstrips, his mentor.
"Stop being gay with Gaypaw, Homopaw!" Screeched a pissed off-cross eyed Darkstrips. Then they bolted through the gorse tunnel, and into the forest.