Kate is hammering out her paper last minute, something I should look over and make sure that it is okay to hand in but I'm not in the mood today. I don't feel like even touching this paper. First semester of third year, and I know that my grades have slipped just because I don't have the drive anymore. It's just a stupid history course that we're both taking as an elective, all of our electives and general courses have been the same. First semester first year it was just by chance but then we did it by choice.

"I think I'm going to go out tonight," I announce from the couch.

"You already have this stupid paper done don't you?" She groans from the kitchen island. "It's not fair that you got to do your paper on a well known president and I was stuck with Jefferson."

"Kate, there's a lot of information on Jefferson."

"Yeah, well at least Lincoln is more interesting."

I laugh, true I got a President who will always be remember not only for his legacy but for his death/assassination. I also started when I assigned the topic instead of leaving it to the last five days. I think I finished the two thousand words last week.

"Can I call you if I get to drunk to walk back?" I ask.

"Sure, just don't do anything stupid this time.

"You can't let that one time just remain in the past, can you?"

She turns away from her laptop to critically look me up and down, then eyeing me like I have seen her mom eye her. I know, I know; God, you announce one time that you'd let some random the you over a table because you rolled your eyes and now people assume you'll always of that. My cheeks warm with the flame of a blush as Kate laughs at my discomfort, both of us recalling that time back in April.

"Don't do anything stupid, please. I don't want you to get yourself in some bad situation with some fucked up weirdo. I'm just looking out for you, Ana," She pleads.

"I know, and I appreciate it. It's just…"

"You feel like you need something more?"

"I feel like I need someone to tell me what to do with ramifications instead of being left to my own devices," I admit. "It's different growing up having to take care of yourself when you have two adults in the house who should be the ones raising you."

"I get it, Honey. You had to adult too early and now you're unbalanced."

I laugh at her imitation of her brother as I leave to my room to change into one of my favourite dresses. It's black, barely covers my ass and the collar is leather, and to complete the ensemble my favourite gold heels. Kate watches me in the mirror as I apply my night look in the bathroom. She wants to speak out about my outfit, dressing up like this and going out alone, the hazards of drunk idiots and whatever else. We have this battle too often that I can just look at her and know.

"You've been different lately," She frowns.

"I feel more out of control and numb than normal. It's getting me down. I'm… I don't know. I just think I am lost and the world just keeps going."

"Have you thought about talking to John? Calling him? I know we're not in Seattle but the good Doc may have insight for you."

"I don't need him right now. If you see cries for help call him for me."

By the time I reach club Until Dawn, it is an hour after I decided to go out. Partying it up solo on a Wednesday night, thankfully this place almost always has a good crowd with something happening every night. I head over to the bar and wave Noah down, he's in my Victorian Romance Literature course at school.

"Hey Ana, this is the ninth day in a row where you've showed up here," He smirks.

"Ain't you nosey," I joke.

"I'll bring you your double gin and tonic, and I will cut you off if you get to out of it like on Monday."

"Did Kate call you?"

"Did Kavanaugh call and warn me you're in a slump? Of course."

I pout on the stool and look around at the people who are here tonight. A group of suits are sat in the little VIP lounge in the corner, it's normally rented out for birthday parties. Noah sets my drink in front of me, and then follows my eyes.

"They're here because the you one in the light grey closed some big deal. He's not much older than us but is the richest man in the state, on the west coast," He explains.

I look around for the one in the grey suit and Noah's right, he looks around Ethan's age which is only five years older. Copper hair in that weird way where it looks clean but just fucked at the same time. A couple of the men around him look military, buzz cuts and standing at attention. Everyone seems to be having a good time, but they're staying separated from the bulk of the people here. That one though, he's gorgeous and clearly knows it.

I have no clue what's playing out of the speakers, how much I have had to drink, or any concept of time. I'm just swaying and dancing to the beat of the bass the drums through the floor and into my soul. This place is still fairly busy, it can't be that late or people don't care like myself. Hands grab onto my waist and I grind my ass into whoever has decided to join me. I turn around and wrap my arms around my kind suitor, still moving to the beat of the music with my eyes closed.

"Come get a drink with me," He says, calling my attention.

I open my eyes to look up at him, grey eyes for the grey suit man. God, he couldn't get any better but his voice is like honey. I clench my thighs together as I look up at him, my mouth's gone dry and I have forgotten all english.

"Une boisson serait belle, je vais avoir un gin tonic," I breathe.

He smirks, "Que diriez-vous d'une eau à la place?"

He grasps my hand, tiny and frail compared to his one made of muscle. He pulls me back to the VIP area where most of the men he was there with have gone except for the military men and some blonde guy who seems pretty drunk. Noah is quickly over, assessing the situation to report to Kate if I need to be retrieved. My burns with a blush, it won't go away until I leave Adonis here and I know that.

"I'll have a gin and tonic, Noah," I giggle.

"We'll have water, maybe some orange juice. No more alcohol," Adonis says.

Noah looks between us, his phone is out before he makes it over to the bar. I won't have long before Kate bursts through the doors and ruins the moments I have with him.

"You shouldn't drink to excess, it's dangerous. You shouldn't gamble with you safety or your life," He scolds.

"You don't know me," I roll my eyes.

His eyes darken, and he lets go of my hand before holding his back out. I look at it like it's some foreign object I've never seen before.

"I'm Christian, and I'd like to get to know you," I smiles, and shakes my hand before making me sit in the booth next to him. "Tell me something about yourself."

"I'm Anastasia, Ana, I'm drunk," I burst into a fit of giggles.

"Are you here with anyone?" I shake my head no. "But you're friends with the bartender? He seems protective of you."

"Noah and I share some classes and he used to date my roommate. If you want protective you should see Kate."

Noah sets glasses of juice and some water bottles down in front of us, a note is written on a napkin warning me that Kate is on her way. I huff, roll my eyes and slump down into the booth like a petulant child. They're cutting my night of fun off.

"If you were mine I would take you over my knee here and now for the show you've just put on," Christian's eyes glimmer.

I lick my lips before taking my bottom one between my teeth, nibbling on it in anticipation. His adams apples bobs as he swallows, eyes are honed in on my lip. His large hand cups my face, his thumb releasing my lip from my teeth. I'm panting, dizzy, and dealing with a very uncomfortable dampness in my panties.

"Why do you care how I act?" I choke out.

"Sometimes people need some order in their lives, someone to control them. Do you need that Anastasia?"

"Just Ana."

"Do you need someone to control you?" His tone is firmer.

I gape like a fish for a moment, bleating out, "Yes Sir."

He smiles, nudging one of the juices towards me. I roll my eyes and chug the refreshing drink. Next he hands me the uncapped water bottle and I drink half of its contents before looking back up at his eyes. The smirk the crosses his beautiful face is hypnotizing and frustrating, I should not be so entrapped in him and I am.

"Ana!" Kate's voice cuts over everyone as Noah escorts her to us. "Noah, she is fucking plastered." She hovers over me, we're challenging each other through a staring contest. "Please don't tell me you're blazed too."

"I'm not high, Kate. I'm fine. Christian here has made sure I drank water and juice, even though I wanted vodka and gin," I snap.

She stops glaring at me and looks at Christian, and then the blonde guy on the other side of the booth, fascinated by him. Of course, any one who is blonde with muscle and looks like Apollo draws her attention.

"That's not a way to talk to your friend," Christian says in my ear. "Apologize."

"What?" I spin to glare at him, making him laugh. "You're joking right?"

He shakes his head, the smile confuses me whether or not this is over disapproval or not. I can't read him, but it's as if everything I do hits some button of his or crosses some unknown line. It's like we're playing some game and I can't tell who's winning.

"Can I see your phone?" He asks.

I hand it over, not even questioning what he wants to do with it. Kate is sat across from me, in some intense conversation with the guy.

"My brother, Elliot." Christian chuckles.

"Huh?"

"You're wondering who you're very caring friend was talking to, right?"

"How did you know I was wondering that?"

"You're easy to read."

"I am not!"

"Hate to break it to you Honey, but you are."

"You're a cow," I pout.

He laughs, he full on fucking laughs at me. Fuelling the drunken rage that is building inside me. I swear that some of the stoic militia that grace his company react momentarily by his outburst but I'm pissed and am not alright being laughed at.

I snatch my phone back and stomp towards the bar, Noah gives me my purse back and looks me up and down. I shake my head, I just want to leave. Fuck, this was supposed to take my mind off everything not make me feel like more of a fuck up than I already know I am.

Kate's on me as soon as I make it out into the fresh fall air, gasping at the cold that runs down my throat and awakens all my senses. She tries to make me get in her car, but I can't. I just need space, I need to walk, I need to think. I just want all of this, every second and every painful moment and memory to end, I want the numbness to just go away.

I find a bench close to our apartment, I can see it from here but I'm not ready to go back and face Kate. I can't walk in and have her berate me for my action when I'm an adult and I get to decide.

"Why the long face?" Jose saunters over. "You have about a block to go until you make it home."

"I don't want to go home. I just want to feel alive for once," I sigh.

"And drinking didn't do it for you?"

"Nope."

"What if I could tell you that I have something to help with it?"

"I'm not fucking you, Jose."

He hands me a ziplock with six pills in it, I take it and look up at him.

"Oxi, trust me you'll feel alive. You can just take the pill, crush it and snort it, smoke it, or dissolve it and shoot it. Don't take more than one at a time though."

"You're sure?"

"One hundred percent."