Author's note: This is a Bleach one-shot, and probably the only Bleach-related thing I will ever post. I wrote this quite a while ago, and found it buried deep in my computer today, so I decided to post it here. And I gave the Bleach characters a mansion because it's always more fun when the characters have a mansion. Enjoy!
Hanataro walked carefully down the hall of the mansion, clutching the mop. It was only 6:30 in the morning, and he definitely didn't want to wake anyone up.
I wonder why they only made me clean Ichigo and Renji's room and then let me off my cleaning duties for the whole day, he thought. They even offered me money… How bad a mess could it be?
A very bad mess.
Feathers and pillow cases covered literally every inch of floor in the room. They were all over the furniture, too. Yachiru was fast asleep on one blade of the ceiling fan, a pillow wedged between her and the ceiling. Yoruichi, in her cat form, was asleep on another fan blade. The owners of the room were both asleep against the far wall. Kenpachi lay face-down in the feathers. Momo was curled up on one of the beds. Ulquiorra was hugging a pillow while he slept on the right-hand side of the room, slumped against the wall. Uryu's glasses were on top of the dresser, and the Quincy was sitting in the feathers at the bottom of it, hugging his knees to himself. Toshiro slept on the left side of the room. Orihime and Rangiku were a few meters away, leaning against the other bed. Soi Fon sat cross-legged under the ceiling fan.
Hanataro coughed quietly, trying to wake them up. When that didn't work, he made a silent prayer that he didn't damage the wall paint, and banged the handle of the mop against the wall several times. Yoruichi yelped and woke up, falling onto Soi Fon's head. The ninja screamed as she woke up, which awakened the rest of the room.
"What happened in here last night?" Hanataro asked.
Everybody began talking at once. They each seemed to have a different perspective of what had happened.
"E-enough!" cried Hanataro. "Ichigo, since you're the main character in Bleach, you explain."
"Renji started it."
"Renji, tell us from the beginning."
"OK, well, it started at about 10:45 last night…"
Renji sighed. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep so far tonight. He glanced at Ichigo, his roommate, who was turned away from him, clearly asleep.
Pimf.
Ichigo woke up as a pillow hit him in the side of the head. He sat up and glared at Renji.
"What was that for?"
Renji shrugged. "I guess I wanted company."
Pimf.
The pillow came back and hit Renji in the face.
Renji glared at Ichigo. "Are you looking for a fight, orange head?"
"You started it. Are you looking for a fight?"
"Alright, let's settle this then!"
They each grabbed two pillows and began pillow-boxing.
Yoruichi and Soi Fon stood in front of the door, listening to all the yelling and violent sounds coming from inside the room. The fight had been going on for about ten minutes, so of course all the noise had woken them up.
"What do you think they're doing in there?" asked Yoruichi.
"It sounds like they're having a party or something," replied Soi Fon.
"Only one way to find out." Yoruichi reached for the door handle.
Soi Fon took a deep breath and followed her friend in, well aware that they may never see the light of day again…
The two Soul Reapers were throwing the pillows around now. Ichigo just happened to throw one with exactly the wrong timing. As she entered, it hit Yoruichi in the face.
Soi Fon gasped.
Renji gasped.
Ichigo gasped.
Yoruichi did absolutely nothing.
As the pillow dropped to the ground, she glared at the one who had thrown the pillow, and hissed just two words:
"It's on."
All three of them started a free-for-all pillow fight. Soi Fon just stood there and watched, but eventually joined in when Renji threw a pillow at her and called her a wimp.
Ichigo threw open the closet and more fluffy white pillows collapsed onto the floor.
"Who keeps that many spare pillows in their closet?!" cried Soi Fon.
"Who cares?!" cried Yoruichi, throwing up her hands. "LET'S GET THIS THING STARTED FOR REAL!"
Orihime rushed down the hall as quietly as she could. She could hear the noises coming from inside Ichigo and Renji's room, and it sounded like fun. About five minutes ago, it sounded like two others had joined the fight, and now she wanted to come in as well.
She knocked on the door.
There was no response.
She waited.
There was no response.
Orihime facepalmed. Of course they couldn't hear her! It was so loud in there! She opened the door and walked in uninvited.
"May I join in?"
"Only if you're up for some pain!" Ichigo shouted, throwing a pillow, which she caught.
Orihime smiled. "Thank you." Then she threw the pillow right back in Ichigo's face with surprising force, giggled and dodged a pillow thrown by Renji.
Meanwhile, Uryu stormed down the hallway. Those idiots had woken him up! Why couldn't they just try to get to sleep like the rest of the mansion?!
He opened the door. "ALL OF YOU STOP THE FIGHT! SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP!"
There was a long pause.
"No!" Orihime shouted, throwing a pillow at his face.
Uryu took the pillow off of his face and stared at it, then at Orihime, then back at the pillow.
"Well?" asked Ichigo. "Are you going to throw it back at her? Or are you too wimpy?"
Uryu threw the pillow at Ichigo, who grinned as it flew past his head. "That's what I thought."
Toshiro walked down the hallway, glaring straight ahead of him. Like Uryu, he was angry that the morons had woken him up. He heard a door open and glanced to his left.
"You heard them, too?" asked Momo quietly.
Toshiro nodded. "Let's make them pay for waking up half the mansion."
"Good idea," said Rangiku, stepping out of the room and walking quickly toward the room the noise was coming from.
Ulquiorra sat outside the room, in the hallway. He had no intention of going inside to face his doom. He glanced up as he heard footsteps coming down the hallway toward him.
"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," he warned them. "The others who went in all got dragged into the fight. The same will probably happen to you."
Rangiku shook her head. "Not us. We're stronger than them."
Toshiro opened the door and all three of them walked inside.
Moments later, Ulquiorra heard them screaming in anger, and the violent noises increased slightly.
He nodded. "I thought so."
After about another half an hour, the pillow fight still hadn't ended. Ulquiorra finally couldn't hold himself back anymore, opened the door a crack and peered inside. He decided it didn't look much more dangerous than anything he'd faced, so he walked inside.
"I'm joining in. No buts."
"LET'S ALL GANG UP ON HIM!" screamed Ichigo.
"YEAH!" screamed everyone else in unison.
"Oh blas––"
Another fifteen minutes later, Kenpachi walked past the room with Yachiru on his shoulder.
"Sounds like a fight!" exclaimed Yachiru.
They both stood and listened for a while.
"AAARRGGHHH! I TAKE IT BACK! YOU HAVE SOULS TOO!"
"Too bad, you're not going anywhere!"
"Yeah! We're not finished with you yet!"
PIMF! PIMF! PIMFPIMFPIMF!
"EMO PILLOW OF JUUUSSSTIIIIICCCE!"
"We're not scared of you, Ulqui––"
PIMF!
"–– ouch."
"RENJI! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA YOU!"
"I THOUGHT WE WERE GANGING UP ON ULQUIORRA!"
"WHEEEEEEEEE!"
"YORUICHU, COME BACK WITH THAT PILLOW!"
"Um… I'm just going to randomly throw a pillow and hope someone notices me…"
"…I think I'll sit out on this one," said Kenpachi.
"But Kenny!" cried Yachiru. "You never sit out on a fight! Pleeeeeaaassseee?"
By now, the room was beyond control. Yoruichi, in cat form, was riding the pillows Soi Fon threw through the air. Ulquiorra was delivering Emo Pillows of Justice to everyone's faces, including his own. Momo was throwing pillows at random. Orihime and Rangiku were beating Toshiro up after he said that they had no souls. Ichigo and Renji were beating each other senseless and paying no attention to the rest of the room.
"STOP!" Uryu shouted. Everyone stopped and turned to stare at him. The Quincy took off his glasses and carefully placed them on the dresser, then turned back to the others and nodded. "OK."
The room immediately went back into chaos. Suddenly, the door flew open, and a shadow loomed over all of them.
"HERE'S JOHNNY!" yelled Kenpachi, running into the room and joining in the free-for all.
After about another hour, Momo stopped randomly throwing pillows. "OK, all this pillow fighting is making me thirsty. Who wants something to drink?"
A few minutes later, she returned to the room with a pack of energy drinks. "Sorry, this is all I could––"
Before she was able to finish her sentence, everyone rushed over and took an energy drink, knocking her to the floor in the process. When Momo stood back up, picking feathers out of her hair, she saw that there was one energy drink left and took it. She didn't realize that she had forgotten to check the amount of sugar in the energy drinks when she took them from the fridge.
Everyone was high on sugar for the rest of the night.
It was not a good night for the people who were trying to sleep, to say the least.
"No wonder everyone else was so tired this morning," murmured Hanataro. The others nodded in agreement. "Why don't you lot go… do whatever it is you do in the mornings, and I'll clean up this mess?"
"OK." The others ran out of the room.
Hanataro shook his head. "Sometimes I feel like a mother…"