Name: 50 ways to kill the Dark Lord
Summary: Now why didn't the guys from the actual story use THESE methods?
Disclaimer: Okay, this IS unrealistic. It IS stupid. But it IS worth it.
1: Use the killing spell on him. Duh.
2: Punch him in the face and beat him until he dies.
3: Get a sword and lop his head off.
4: Disguise a dagger as a wand and ask him if he wants a close range duel.
5: Give him a birthday card, which, when opened, activates 6 super-size homing missiles and launches them right to his loaction.
6: kick him in the balls. Hard. He might not have any by now but hey.
7: Run him over with an ice-cream truck.
8: Drug him up and lead him into the middle of a monster truck stadium or a horse-racing track.
9: Strap 5 10mm proximity mines to him and run like hell.
10: Give him a remote mine (Obviously, being a wizard, he won't know what it is), leg it home and push the button.
11: Take him on a nice drive to a safari park and throw him out of the door when you reach the lions.
12: Push him off a building.
13: Get him to start smoking.
14: Take him to a wide open golf course on a stormy night.
15: Make sure you carry a lovely little gun around with you so when he pops up, don't hesitate to shoot him.
16: Get an armed burglar alarm in case he comes to you.
17: Wear reinforced shoes and kick him constantly.
18: Choke him to death.
19: Whack him with a hammer while he Isn't looking.
20: Guide him into trap hole.
21: Take him to a meat grinding factory and shove his head in the mincer.
22: Take him to Sea-World and let the sharks have him.
23: Buy a farm and if he comes to you, make sure your animals are hungry.
24: Using the imperio charm, make him wander into the middle of a motorway.
25: Keep using expelliarmus spell on him until his head flies of.
26: Use crucio on him while he is swimming.
27: If you have a friend who is a Vampire, what are you waiting for?
28: Buy a sniper rifle and shoot him.
29: Buy a sniper rifle and whack him.
30: Join the Death Eaters and kill him while he trusts you.
31: Get Dumbledoor on him.
32: Ask him if he'd like to take part in a knife throwing contest, and make sure he's the one who gets the knives thrown at him.
33: Poison his dinner.
34: Poison his drink.
35: Poison his loo roll.
36: Poison his clothes.
37: Poison his bed.
38: Slap him with a wet towel when he's naked, shouting "SLAP THE PIG! SLAP THE PIG!".
39: Shine a torch in his eyes.
40: When he's enjoying an English bonfire night, chuck him in the fire instead of Guy Fawkes.
41: Lock him in a car and get him to listen to the Bee-Gees over and over again. Eventually he'll go mad and kill himself.
42: Land on top of him in an aeroplane.
43: Using the imperio charm, make him pee on an electric fence.
44: Using the imperio charm, make him fart on a fireplace.
45: Run him over with a tank. If he's too quick for it, make sure the cannon's loaded.
46: Simply let him die of old age.
47: Keep him alone outdoors on a cold rainy day and he might just catch pneumonia. If he dosn't, Then your're a bit buggered.
48: Let him die of hunger somehow.
49: Slit his throat in his sleep.
50: Pull out his balls and shove them down his throat.
Thank you very much for reading this! It took me 2 days to think of 50 ways... It was tough but it had to be done! Please review!