This is the first time I've ever responded to a Kink Meme. Please don't hate too much if it's awful!
The prompt was;
[Kíli won't or can't talk after BOFA and no one can figure out why. While everyone else is trying to encourage him to talk, Bifur's happy to keep Kíli in silent company and teach him some basic signs to communicate.]
Oh, and this is AU; mostly everyone survived the BOFA.
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"Ahh!" Kíli felt himself shout in surprise as a particularly large Goblin grabbed him by the front of his armor and pulled him up off the ground. Kíli struggled frantically against the grip, but his feet just kicked at air. The Goblin growled unpleasant things in a foreign tongue, and Kíli knew that he only had moments to escape death.
"Help! Help! Someone! Fíli! Fíli!" he shouted, his voice lost in the cries of the battle.
He then saw a glimpse of knitted hats and armor and saw a rock hit the goblin straight in the nose.
"Ori, no look behind-"
Kíli then saw the youngest of the company fall, an orc spear stuck in his chest. He struggled against the goblin holding him, sticking his hunting knife into the large fleshy hand, the goblin dropped him.
When he finally got to the body, he could already tell he was too late. Ori's eyes were glassed over, staring up into the sky, his face still shaped in surprise.
"No! No no, no no!"
Ori did not deserve to die, not for him.
"Oin, quick!"
"What?"
"I think he moved."
Voices were all around him. It was dark and everything felt fuzzy. Kíli struggled to open his eyes, the light was too bright. He opened them slowly, and saw that he was not on the battlefield, but in a bedroom. What happened? He felt pressure on his hand, and turned to see his brother's smiling face.
"Hey there, Kee." Fíli said softly. Kíli just stared at him.
"Is he awake?" another voice asked
Fíli turned, "Yes, I think so. Can you hear me, Kíli?"
Kíli nodded, still a little dazed. Where was he? What had happened? The last thing he remembered was when-
He felt his breathe freeze in his lungs.
Ori. Ori was gone. Because of me.
Fíli was talking at him, the words going over his head as he struggled to breath again. He felt all eyes on him, did they know? Did they know what he did? He pushed himself up in the bed and felt hands steady him.
"Careful, not too fast. You were out for a long time." his brother warned him as he settled Kíli against the headboard of the bed.
Fíli couldn't help but think something is wrong. His brother's silence was troubling him, he would have said something by now. He's still dazed from waking up, just give him a minute.
"How are you feeling?" he asked
Kíli just shrugged, not looking him in the eye.
"Are you hungry?"
Another shrug. Kíli watched as his brother's face creased in concern.
"You're so quiet. What's wrong?"
Kíli desperately wanted to answer his brother, to open his mouth and say I'm okay, everything is okay but as he reached down for the words he hit ice where they should be. He shook his head.
"Kíli?"
Fíli asked again, but all Kíli could do was shake his head again.
"Kee, please say something." his brother asked, now concerned with the silence. Kíli just shook his head, I can't he thought Ori will never be able to again, because of me. I cannot speak
"Brother?"
Another head shake, but this time Fíli saw glassy eyes. Something's wrong. Something's terribly wrong. He turned to Oin, who was watching over his shoulder.
"I don't think he can speak."
Oin nodded, "Just give him some time. The battlefield can mess with one's head." he said softly, so Kíli wouldn't hear.
"Alright."
He turned back to his younger brother, who was wiping his face with his sleeve, hiding behind a veil of hair. Fíli didn't remember much of what had happened on the battlefield, he had been knocked unconscious halfway through it, after defending Thorin from Azog. He did know that he and Kíli had been separated for a time, maybe that's what this is about. Whatever ailed his brother, he was determined to help him through it. If keeping silent was what Kíli needed to heal, then he would be there to support it.
He put a comfortable hand on Kíli's arm. "It's okay, Kíli. I'm glad you're here though. I was so afraid that I had lost you."
Kíli gave him a watery smile, then reached for him, pulling him into a hug. I'm glad you're here too.
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As Kíli sat in as armchair by mantle in his room, staring out into nothing, as he often did now, Thorin shot Fíli a worried look. This was not the nephew he remembered from before the battle.
"What happened in battle? Do you know?" he asked quietly as he closed the door.
Fíli nodded, Through trial and error and by talking with the others, Fíli had been able to put together a sketchy idea of what happened to his brother on the battlefield.
"I think he blames himself, for Ori's death." Fíli answered, remembering how Kíli had gone stiff at the funeral when approached by Dori and Nori, how he had lingered too long at the young dwarf's grave, face unable to hide his grief.
Thorin was confused, "Why? We all do, someone should have been covering the lad."
"I don't know. He hasn't said anything since he woke up."
"Nothing at all?"
Fíli shook his head. "No."
"He's still grieving, give him some time."
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Fíli sat across from his brother on the floor by the mantle, both engrossed in their game of cards that stretched between the two. Kíli grabbed a 9 and went to put it underneath the 10, but hesitated and looked up at his brother.
"That's right." Fíli assured him. Kíli smiled at confidently put the card down. Fíli laughed,
"That leaves me to do this"
And he put his line of straight cards underneath the 9, claiming the pile.
Kíli snorted and put his hands up in the air.
"Winning is all about confidence, brother."
Kíli smiled and shook his head, putting his hands underneath his chin, he examined the cards, plotting his next move.
Fíli watched his brother, and was glad that so far, today had been a good day. Kíli had yet to relapse back into the dark memories that so often haunted him. Maybe, just maybe today he wont. The days had been getting better, even though Kíli hadn't uttered a word yet.
He watched as Kíli picked up a red 4, and tried to stick it underneath a red 5.
"Hey! That's cheating." He warned his brother, and Kíli gave him a confused look.
"It had to go red, black, red. Two of the same cant go next to each other. Remember?"
Kíli scoffed noiselessly, then pointed to the card that Fíli had played earlier; a red queen, next to a…
Red King.
Oops.
"Well, uh that rule doesn't apply to the face cards." Fíli bluffed.
Kíli rolled his eyes, and then held up his hands, then signed something in iglishmek.
Fíli frowned, he didn't know that sign. Kíli had started using iglishmek a few days ago, after he had watched Bifur using it. This had been a slight concern at first, for they had thought that Kíli's use of the sign language signaled him giving up on trying to speak altogether, but Fíli knew his brother better than most. If this was what Kíli needed-a time of silence-to heal, than thats what Fíli would give him.
Regardless of what the others thought, iglishmek did make conversations easier between the two brothers.
"I don't know that one, but I assume it's something I wouldnt want to know." Kíli just smiled, and then spelled the word out for him L-i-a-r.
"It was an honest mistake, make your move it you want. Even though it is technically wrong." Fíli commented and silently thanking Mahal for this rare but good mood.
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Thorin watched his nephew converse with Bifur in iglishmek and felt a wave of disproval wash over him. Yes, he was happy that Kíli had gone from an empty shell to a slightly fuller one that showed more of his old self but, he was unhappy with the way the lad was communicating. Instead of learning a new language, he should be trying to get his old one back.
Thorin sighed as he turned back to Fíli.
"Any improvement? From yesterday?" he asked anxiously. They had a little more than a week left until the others started arriving, and Thorin feared the rumors that would spread once they saw Kíli. What would they think of the mute prince?
Fíli shook his head, but said, "Uncle, this is his way of coping. I dont think we can rush him."
"It's been nearly 3 weeks."
Fíli sighed. This was difficult for him; he wanted to support him brother, but was obligated as the prince to obey Thorin's wishes.
"I can't just snap my fingers at him and demand him to speak."
"You can't. But maybe I can." Thorin murmured, and then strod over to where Bifur and nephew were sitting.
"Bifur, may I have a moment alone with my nephew?" Thorin asked.
Bifur nodded, then waved a goodbye to Kíli and stood up, offering Thorin his chair.
Thorin sat, and stared at his nephew. This was all so new to him, he found that he didnt know what to say.
"Are you fairing alright?" he asked. Kíli nodded yes.
"Good."
There was an awkward silence.
"I heard news from your mother, she has started her journey."
Another nod.
"She would not want to see you like this."
Kíli froze.
"Whatever this is, you need to fix it."
Kíli shook his head. How did his uncle not understand? Ori was dead. Because of him, and his stupid voice. If I had just stayed quiet, not screamed when that goblin had picked me up, things would be different. It was my fault. All my fault.
Kíli paused. Should I tell him?
He raised his arms, forming the signs with his hands, but then-
"No!"
Thorin grabbed his nephews hands, stopping them mid-sign.
"If you want to say something, say it. No more of this, you are a prince, start acting like one!" he growled.
Kíli just glared, but behind the glare, Thorin could see something else, something deeper than just stubbornness. Kíli opened and closed his mouth a few times and Thorin then realized that the lad was trying to speak, but couldn't. Kíli pulled his hands out of Thorin's and turned away to stare out the window.
Temper taking over, Thorin stood up.
"I know you are grieving. But this has gone on long enough." he said softly, trying to control his anger. Then he turned and walked away, with a worried Balin running after him.
Fíli had been silently watching, but now he approached his brother and sat down in front of him
"Wouldn't it be easier, if you just spoke?" Fíli asked quietly
Kíli shook his head.
"Kíli, I'm sorry, it's just-we are all worried about you." He stated.
Kíli nodded.
"But if this is what you need to get better, then I'll be right by you, supporting you. Thorin is just stressed out, you know how he gets-with the new people arriving soon and his kingly duties. Just dont-dont give up, okay?"
Another nod.
Fíli smiled, good? He signed.
Kíli smiled slightly and returned the gesture.
Good.
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Bofur looked up from his book and watched Kíli walk into the newly cleaned library. Kíli saw him and he hesitated for a second, but then continued towards the scrolls. Bofur waited until he was close enough to speak.
"Hello Kíli."
A nod.
"How are you doing today?"
A shrug.
"Looking for anything in particular?"
Another shrug.
It still surprised him, to see the lad like this. They had all been affected by the battle, but Kíli had seemed to have taken it the hardest. Bofur had spent a few hours with him a few days ago, when both Fíli and Thorin had been meeting with Dain. He had chatted away mindlessly as the lad stared out the window. The silence didn't bother him though, he had had enough experience with Bifur to know how to fill the gaps and was particularly good at detecting body launguage. Unlike Thorin, Bofur found the lad's use of iglishmek encouraging, at least he was trying to communicate.
He watched silently as Kíli continued to stroll among the scrolls, hands running over the ancient scripts until finally he rested his head on the shelves, and to Bofur's surprise, let out a quiet voiceless sob.
Concerned, Bofur cautiously walked over to the lad and extended his arm.
"Kíli?" he asked softly
Kíli turned his head away, but not before Bofur caught a glimpse of his grief stricken face. He rested his hand on his shoulder.
"What is troubling you, lad?" he asked softly.
Kíli just shook his head, and Bofur saw a few teardrops fall on the ancient scripts. Bofur tightened his grip on Kíli's shoulder, and then pulled him away from the shelf.
"Come, let's sit down, and have a cuppa' tea." he told him gently, and Kíli allowed him to lead him over to the small library table.
Bofur put a steaming mug in front of Kíli, who sat motionless in his chair, staring at his hands.
"Things have been hard." Bofur started, and he saw Kíli nod slightly.
"You should not be suffering alone." he continued.
Kíli's eyes flashed up.
Bofur paused, then asked "Haven't your heard it said that we ought to bear one another's burdens?"
Kíli just stared at him, frozen.
"Let us help you."
At that moment, the only thing Kíli wanted to do was to confess, to tell his friend what really happened, why Ori was gone. That it was his fault, and then maybe, just maybe the burden of guilt hanging from his chest would disappear and he would finally be free of the memories that haunted him. He opened his mouth, to say I feel like I am unraveling, and it is scaring me. So many things have happened that have been out of my control, and I do not know what to do. But his voice was still frozen somewhere inside of him, and he could not find it.
"Scared." he signed
"Scared? Of what?"
Myself-That I might do something that I'll regret later. It was my fault he died, Bofur.
Kíli's hands hesitated before he signed "My fault."
Bofur furrowed his brow in concern. As far as he knew, this was the first time Kíli had reached out to anybody since the battle. He didn't know what to make of it, and he was certainly sure that he was not the right person for this. Never the less, Kíli was part of the company, and he deserved his support.
"What was your fault, Kíli?" Bofur asked slowly.
Kíli sighed noiselessly, this was harder than he thought it would be. Hands shaking, he signed the three letters that had been haunting him since he woke up.
"O-r-i"
"Ori?"
A nod.
Bofur paused. He had attended the lad's funeral, paid respects to his brothers and had mourned with the others. He knew of this loss, and how it affected the entire company. This confession was new to him and he didnt know exactly how to take it.
"It wasnt your fault, lad. We all should have been watching him. Dont take this burden upon yourself."
Kíli shook his head. Bofur didn't understand, it was his fault that Ori had suffered so. If he hadn't yelled, if he had been just a little bit braver, a little bit stronger, a little bit faster, everything would be different.
Bofur reached across the table and patted the lad's hand. Kíli continued to stare down at the table.
"It wasn't your fault." Bofur told him sternly.
"Kíli? Kíli, look at me."
Kíli's eyes darted up and around, not exactly meeting his.
"It was not your fault." Bofur repeated, and stared at Kíli until their eyes met. Kíli nodded a little, and through his hair Bofur saw glassy eyes.
"Ori was a good lad, he would not have wanted you to suffer like this in silence."
A nod.
"He always spoke very highly of you."
A stare.
Bofur released Kíli's hands, and then motioned towards the stands of scrolls around them.
"Why don't you help me organize these scrolls? For a while? I could use the company."
And to his surprise, Kíli nodded and gave him a small smile.
Ori would have loved this.
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Thanks for reading, please review. There will be more shortly, I need to think for a few days about what's going to happen next. Any ideas would be appreciated!