My inspiration for this story was the story "What Jiraiya Can't Have in his Funeral" by Rei-Yuugasa. It's a funny fan fic and I suggest that you guys read it, too. It'll be worth it!
A big thank you to Rei-Yuugasa for writing that story!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the song I'm using, which is "You'll be in My Heart" by Phil Collins.
Note: If you want to listen to music while reading this, maybe you can listen to "You'll be in My Heart". Yeah, well, coz that's the song I'm using. It's just a suggestion, okay?
Another Note: This might be a spoiler for those who haven't reached the Chapter 380 of Naruto.
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Strangely, the skies didn't cry with everyone else. The sun's beams shot down from the heavens like any other day. To make things look better, when in truth it isn't, there wasn't a cloud in sight.
Yet the streets were deserted. No children ran about in the streets and the restaurants, even the Ichiraku Ramen Shop wasn't a place for merry-making… not today.
Everyone stood at the roof of the Hokage's Tower. Many cried yet some didn't even dare shed a tear from too much emotions overwhelming them, just like Naruto.
Sakura held his shoulder firmly as he quivered in his place, keeping the tears in him, hoping he wouldn't break down. She spoke words of comfort to his ear, softly and soothingly. But she knew it didn't help. It wouldn't.
Nothing helped anyone stop the tears… because nothing could bring Jiraiya back.
Shizune looked around, searching for the Hokage to start the service. But she wasn't in sight.
"Tsunade-sama?" she called, making her way around the area. Glancing at her watch, Shizune told herself, "I have to go get her. The ceremony has to start soon."
Tonton followed behind her, wearing a black vest instead of a red one this time. He snorted as if telling Shizune to slow down and wait for him (A/C: Fine, so I don't know if Tonton's a boy or a girl.).
What she didn't know was Tsunade had locked herself in her office, pouring another helping of sake into her cup. Resting her chin on the surface of her desk, she grumbled as she felt the alcohol in her league.
Once again, she leaned back onto her chair and downed the sake. Slamming the cup onto the table, it cracked from the force and when she had realized this, she shoved it off the table, letting it crash onto the floor.
She pulled her drawer open then took out a spare cup and again, she poured some sake into it.
"You just had to die, huh, Jiraiya?" she mumbled to herself, drunk. She missed her aim and let some sake spill onto the table and with that, she mumbled a few swears under her breath.
Tsunade heaved a rather heavy sigh then sunk back onto her chair. She hasn't shed a single tear this morning but she looked absolutely dismayed and groggy from the sake she has been drinking.
Out of mixing emotions, she tugged onto her hair then growled, "How many more loved ones do I have to lose, eh? Huh? How many more?" She straightened her seat for a second then threw her back down to the chair, leaning back.
Her eyes were scrunched shut as she sobbed a little, pitying herself. "You said you wouldn't die…" she sobbed, as if talking to Jiraiya. She grabbed the bottle of sake, reaching without much effort then drank straight from the bottle.
Even if she had tried to hold back, the teardrops ran down her cheeks, trailing down her chin. Despite her state, she noticed quickly and didn't bother to wipe them off, knowing it would be useless.
With that, she leaned forward, burying her head in her arms as she rested her head on her desk. Her shoulders moved up and down, coordinated with every hiccup she made.
Her sobs were muffled and the tears seemed to drown her and her misery was already gripping her by the second.
For now, all she can say was his name, her teammate-of-a-pervert's name. Jiraiya. And how much she had preferred him coming back alive… and in one piece. She'd rather die than go on living without him.
Come stop your cryin'
It'll be alright
Just take my hand, hold it tight.
I will protect from all around you,
I will be here dont you cry.
Tsunade lifted her head from her crossed arms, feeling no relief from all the crying she had made. Crying had always made her look horrible; it made her look like the old hag she really is. But now, she'd rather have wrinkles than tears.
Sudden regret went all over. She regretted how much she hurt him all these years. She regretted how much she had turned him down and probably broken his heart… and his jaw.
She has always thought that when that pervert is finally gone, she'd be living happily ever after with her Dan, her beloved Dan. But she knew that wouldn't be happening once Dan had died.
Now, it had to be him to be the next to go. Did it have to be him?
For one so small, you seem so strong.
My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm,
This bond between us cant be broken,
I will be here don't you cry
But soon, Tsunade found herself smiling behind all the tears and flushed cheeks. It wasn't a smile that said 'I'm glad he's dead'. It was a result of remembering the many things she's been through with Jiraiya.
The many rejections she threw to his face, the many times he annoyed her, the many times he tried to woo her (and each time, he failed) but the one memory she loved was how Jiraiya hated Dan's guts so much.
Yes, it was because he was jealous… but it was also because he was afraid Dan might one day make her cry or break her heart. That could've forced Jiraiya to break every bone in Dan's body… that is, if he could.
All this made her realize that Jiraiya has always been there for her… and hopefully, he still is.
From the very time they were genins, a team with Orochimaru, he was a nuisance for sure but he was also a great and supportive friend. He was, has always been and forever will be, her friend.
'Cos you'll be in my heart,
yes you'll be in my heart,
From this day on now and forever more.
You'll be in my heart,
No matter what they say,
You'll be here in my heart,
Always.
What was heartbreaking was what Tsunade told Shizune when Jiraiya still hadn't returned a few weeks ago. Right now was definitely not the right time to take it all back because ultimately, she couldn't but she just wished she still could…
"This damn rain won't stop." Tsunade said with a worried tone as she looked out her window in her office. She was getting anxious of Jiraiya's whereabouts and Shizune heard her.
"There's no need to worry about a man of Jiraiya-sama's caliber," she reassured the Hokage with a comforting smile as she faced her back, "I'm sure he'll be back soon."
Still facing the window, Tsunade snapped, "No, he won't…"
Surprised, Shizune's eyes grew then muttered in a baffled voice, "Huh?" What did Tsunade mean?
But her master faced her with a huge beam despite the gloomy scene outside as she jokingly said, "That's my bet anyways. And we all know how my bets turn out."
If Shizune saw right, somehow Tsunade still knew in her that this bet might be right. Still, the brunette carved a smile then said softly, "Yes…"
Looking back at what's beyond the window's glass, Tsunade felt certain heaviness in her as she recalled Jiraiya's words to her, "Getting dumped always makes a man stronger. But, then again, men aren't meant to pursue happiness."
She never knew what he really meant by the last sentence because she somehow thought that everybody had a chance to make things right. But Jiraiya…?
"Always trying to act cool…" Tsunade told herself, defining Jiraiya, "If you make it back here, you won't have to put a tough front for me anymore."
(A/C: Reference was /Naruto/380/05 and /Naruto/380/06 I don't own it.)
Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all
She knew that he was the one who taught her back when Dan died that even if someone has gone away, he'll still be in your heart.
Yeah, maybe that's where Jiraiya is right now… in her heart. But, unfortunately, he's just a memory now…
"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune called from behind the office door. She grabbed the knob, turning it left and right but she found it locked from the inside, "Tsunade-sama, the ceremony will be starting in a few minutes. Your presence is required."
Upon hearing this, Tsunade sat up, fixing her usual shirt, adjusting the low neckline it had then she grumbled loud enough for Shizune to hear, "I'll be out in a minute."
She stood from her seat, a little shaky from drinking. Usually, she felt happy and tipsy after taking in six bottles of sake but right now, she just felt even worst.
"Oh yeah, I have to give that speech thing for Jiraiya's tribute…" Tsunade remembered, telling herself. She drew out her drawers and shuffled through the many pieces of paper in her office. They were all reports and even some random doodles. She has lost the speech.
"No, wait. I didn't lose the speech…" Tsunade told herself, smacking her head, "I never wrote a speech."
Only then did Tsunade realize that she's been doing nothing but cry and drink sake for the past few days since Jiraiya's corpse was found. Groaning, Tsunade thought of what to say once she had to deliver the tribute speech quickly until Shizune called again.
She went on knocking on her door, saying, "Tsunade-sama! We'll be late!"
Clutching the side of her head, Tsunade growled then muttered to no one in particular, "Fine, I'll just make up the dumb speech on the spot." She tried her best to make herself presentable and not obviously drunk. Once she was on her way with Shizune, all she could do was look okay…
But she wasn't.
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Tsunade watched the mourners offer flowers to the coffin where Jiraiya was. She saw Naruto, once Jiraiya's student, almost immobile as he looked at the Sannin through the coffin's glass. Naruto felt his stomach churn and on the spot, he broke down.
His teammate, Sakura, was there, bending down to him as he crouched on the ground, clutching the smooth side of the coffin. Sakura told him how embarrassing it was for a man like him to cry like that but she knew he couldn't help it.
A few toads and frogs appeared on the metal rail (one jumped onto Tsunade's hand as she held onto the rail, causing her to shriek) and some were the frogs that he usually summoned. As they croaked in harmony, one might think that they were also tearing up.
One by one, the elders and some Jonin made their speeches as if summarizing Jiraiya's life in a nutshell. So far, three had choked in tears in the middle of their speech and one ran off, bawling.
Soon, it was Tsunade's turn to go by the casket and say something about Jiraiya.
Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know
She had heard them say that he was a pervert, specifically a perverted and wrinkly old man. Of course, he was. But she knew he was more than that and no matter what they said about him, she wouldn't change what she thought of him.
Clenching her fist and trying not to break down like earlier, Tsunade glanced at the body of her friend in the coffin, cold and pale. She bit her lip then cleared her throat, ready to speak.
"Jiraiya…" she began, hoping to find the correct words as she went on, "He was my teammate back when we were genin along with Orochimaru. He was the Great Toad Sage, yeah, and the old toad's prediction about him becoming a pervert in his later years was indeed right."
Some managed to smile with the statement yet some didn't even know how to grin at the moment.
She held back, and spoke some more, "Well, he's more than all of that. He was my teammate and he still is. He was the Great Toad Sage and he still is. He was a pervert and he probably still is."
When she said that, she wasn't joking and she had no intention to joke right now, "He's a good friend of mine, someone who never gave up. No matter how many times I broke his bones and his heart, he still tried. Stubborn? No. He's just persistent."
"Aside from the perverted things he'd always do, he taught me a lot back when he was still alive. He taught me that everyone has a chance and one should never give in to defeat. He taught me to always have a kind heart, too." She was beginning to sob.
"He taught me that I had to be strong. Strong not just by being able to pack a punch…" she paused there as she sniffled.
When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together
She then continued, "But also by being able to endure anything and move on. One is never alone because there will always be someone to help you hold on. Jiraiya was the one who helped me all this time. He made me strong."
She wiped her eyes then went on, "Jiraiya made me the person I am today. He gave me the title of Hokage when he was the one who truly deserved it. I don't know why he gave it. He must've been too lazy… but, still. The title of Hokage was something one couldn't easily refuse…"
Tsunade could feel her tears choke her, "And with that act, he taught me that one has to sacrifice for the better of the village, for others."
She decided to cut her speech short to save everyone, including herself, the hassle, "Jiraiya was my teammate, my friend, somehow my mentor, my suitor and my guide. And nothing, even his death, can change that."
Looking up to the sky, Tsunade felt the warm sun bask her skin and the cool breeze beat around her. She closed her eyes and finished, "Jiraiya's not gone. He'll always be in our hearts."
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more
The many people began to weep even more and as Tsunade moved away, she cast one more lingering look at Jiraiya's lifeless face. She was just glad that he died with a smile, meaning he died without any regrets.
She passed by Shizune, who offered a bottle of sake to drown her sorrows into, but she refused. Tsunade left the area once again, isolating herself from everyone else. After walking into her office once again, she leaned against the locked door, sat on the floor and began to let the tears just fall.
She had no more reasons to hold back. It was just too thwarting to find herself crying like this. "There…" she mumbled again, as if talking to Jiraiya again, "I'm crying. Yes, I am, because you're dead. Gone and dead… happy now?"
Her lip shivered and her cheeks were almost soaked wet from the rolling tears. Her eyes were red from weeping and she felt her every limb shake uneasily. She thought she was strong… she thought she could take this easily.
Tsunade sighed then stood from where she was. Her eyesight was blurred from the wet tears and as she made her way to her desk once again, she grabbed the lone bottle of sake by the neck then groggily said, "Here's to my friend, Jiraiya…"
She drank the entire bottle, finishing it down to the last sip and when she had sat back down onto her chair, she managed to close her eyes and she tried to doze off.
Who could sleep at a time like this? Well, she can since she was now relaxed with the effects of alcohol soothing her.
She sensed a light comforting presence around her, as if hugging her in the effort to ease her pain. Upon realizing this, she calmed her senses then whispered before drifting into sleep, "Thanks for still being here, Jiraiya…"
And with that, she heard rain hit her windowpane as if it wasn't sunny earlier. Only now did the skies decided to cry with all of Konoha.
You'll be in my heart, always
Always
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Here it is. Uh, I heard that the Japanese cremate their dead but I used a coffin funeral because that's the kind that I've experienced. Sorry about that.
Please leave a review. It will be highly appreciated. Nothing's holding you back.