a(n: kind of a songfic...sort of.

EVERYTHING YOU WANT

Somewhere there's speaking. It's inevitable there's always murmuring when you go into a room. Even if you were not a werewolf, you would hear their hushed tones when they speak of you, him, and her.

Today's is their wedding of course the old hags are having a blast, examining your every move as you walk down the aisle. You laugh softly. It doesn't bother you anymore. You don't even look his way, You make sure to avoid his eyes at all costs.

It's already coming in. They all raise as the beautiful, blessed, bride comes into view. The scars diminish her beauty, her lanky body could never compare to yours.

But it's her fate chose for him. You remember when you dreamed of this, when it was you he would be waiting for. Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind. They all assume you assumed he would marry you. They're mistaken because it was never an assumption, he said the words. He didn't only promise. He swore to make you happy. How stupid of you to believe him.

You never could get it, when he told you it was over, that he didn't love you anymore. Not even when you phased and saw it through his head. No matter how hard they try, you can't see why she's better for him. How can she love him better. Not even here, watching him kiss her and everybody beam at their happinnesMaybe fate thought unless you were fed it, you would see. Maybe that's why you're the only female werewolf. Because that's fate way of rubbing it on your face. You laugh at fate, because you still don't see how she's the better woman. Not even now, when you haver turned into a bitter harpy would you truly believe she is .

You are brought back to reality, the ceremony is over, and you're still standing there. A familiar hand is placed upon your shoulder. And you turn his way and smile at him. Jacob, your rock. Of course he is the only who noticed your catatonic state. He gives you comforting words and you believe him. You follow his lead.

Now you're here, at the back of the rabbit, going at it like humping bunnies, and you don't know why. You didn't bother to take the dress off , he didn't bother to take off his shirt or tie. He knows how much you need him right now, but his rough movements and the bites on your shoulder and neck, let you know how angry he is. He thrusts upon you harder and harder, the pain and pleasure can't be distinguished now. Your nails want to dug into his back but the shirt makes it impossible so you buck your hips against his harder. Fighting for control he won't release. There's no back and forth any more, only each of you pushing into the order, trying to win.

Your mother scolds you both, when you finally get to the wedding. She goes and on talking about how you're part of the wedding party, she practically pushes you to the couple's table where there are two empty seats waiting for both of you. One next to Emily, you are her maid of honor and the other next to Sam, Jake's his best man.

How totally fucked up this is.

You smile, eat, make your toast. Comply with each of the duties you need to. Fullfill your role. You laugh out of the blue, it's a maid of honor's right to sleep with the best man after all. Jake stands up and after bickering for almost five minutes, he gets you to the dance floor. It 's not so awful as you thought it would be, he keeps making snarky comments, and you mock the old couples' movements. You are actually enjoying yourself, despite all, until Sam interrupts.

Jake's hands release you and his take their place. He asked to cut in, How perfect. Cut is what he does. Cut and hurt. But well being with Sam is like riding a bike. No matter how much times goes by, you always get reacquainted. Everything about him is still easy and natural, doesn't matter how much you try to hate him. The thing is that even if it's easy, you still crash. Every single time you crash. You don't love him anymore, not like you used to anyways. You don't pine after him, but he has to rub it in. Talking about if's and only's. Makes you lose it and leave the dance floor abruptly. You're shaking. The old hags will definetely have a blast after your not so little scene. Let them talk, you don't care. You crashed and you're hurtying, but under the skinned knees and skid marks, there's hope that one day this will end.

You phase, and run past the place where you used to learn, live, love. La Push. The place that has literally tied you down and made it impossible to leave. To leave him. You run faster. Finally you reach the cliffs. You howl and listen.

Not a sound, only waves crashing against rocks. You're alone, he is not coming you tell yourself. Not Sam, not Jacob. Still your legs refuse to move. You are rooted to the ground. You stay to listen and wait, against your better judgement. Wait for the echoes of angels who won't return.

You sit by the porch thinking, you can't phase. You haven't since Sam's wedding. And all because of the permanent image on your head. Jacob and you in the back of his car. You can't believe you allowed it to happen. Of course he's everything you want and he's everything you need. Hell, he's everything inside of you, that you wish you could be. Happy, careless, free full of passion. What you would give to have a soul like his.

When it comes to you, Leah, he says all the right things. It must be a special trait of his, everything he does, or says that you need, comes at exactly the right time. He just knows how to deal with you, which buttons to push to make everything all right.

But he means nothing to you. Not in the way he wants .And you don't know why, if you don't love Sam anymore.

You're waiting for someone, you've been doing that for years. Someone to put you together. And Jacob is willing to, but you wouldn't let him fix you. You just kept taking from him, and maybe you crossed the line with the kiss and the sex. Because maybe you don't want to be repaired, maybe you're waiting for someone to push you away, like Sam. And it seems like Jacob just did, he didn't come after you that day. And he hasn't called since. It hurts you he didn't, it hurts more that you would've imagined. Seems like when you think you've been broken beyond repair, there's always another wound to discover.

A week and finally you are crying. Great. You detached from humanity and any kind emotional contact because of this. You can't allow it to happen again. Only now, you realize it's too late. Maybe Jake has grown to be something more than a friend without you noticing. Maybe that why there's always something more you wish he'd say.

You finally come in, everyone has gathered to welcome the happy couple back from their honeymoon. Sam is the first one to notice you, but you don't even acknowledge him, instead you look for another pair of chocolate eyes. You scan the room twice, without succeeding. You give up, MaybeJacob doesn't want to see you. Or he's confused. You don't know.

You want to scream, you feel confined. With so much pretending and fake smiles, it makes your stomach turn in an unpleasant manner. You know you won't leave, but you'll just sit tight. Stay and watch it unwind. And your mind drifts to the one who's absent. You need him now. You need him to be here. He's your rock. Maybe you don't need to love him as you loved Sam once. You only need him to be with you in some way. It's only what you're asking for. You won't try to search for love anymore in the wrong place. You'll be friends and you'll be just fine, with all of your time. You'll get through this. You can do it. You can definitely pull it off, if he comes. Jacob. It's only what you're waiting for.

Kim squeals. Oh my god. Emily is pregnant. Honeymoon baby. And screw the world, and everything you just thought. It's too soon. You can't deal with this. You take the keys, mutter best wishes. And in less than thirty seconds, you have left that awful place. Where everything and everyone falls right into place, except you. Out of the island of happy endings, and promising dreams. This time is not the cliff's you're headed, you're out of La Push and into the highway.You don't have direction but you need to get away from all.

Forks isn't far enough, Seattle isn't far enough. The end of the world might not be enough, but you can try. The night sky settles again and you're tired. You reach a little motel. God knows where you are, but you're definitely past the places where you might have turned. You're far too gone now. You do your usual routine. You settle into the small room, you take a quick bath, and lay on the bed thinking. Guess you never did notice, but you're still scared. You've been playing tough bitch for years now, but you still hide away.

You've been driving for days, and you haven't find it on yourself to turn back.

She is pregnant. Big deal, that's the whole reason to the imprint. It was expected, why should it take you by surprise. Why should you run from it? Because you're still waiting for him, aren't you? In the back of your mind that ridiculous thought lives, and refuses to die. Sam's looks keep it alive. Cuz underneath it all,you know he still loves you. And you wish you could hate him, but you can't escape the anger of angels who won't return.

And Sam won't return. So why should you?.

You fall asleep exhausted. Again.

There's a loud knock on the door. You open your eyes, and notice it's still dark. You have no idea, who might be at the door, so you just toss, and close your eyes again .They probably have the wrong room. Drunkies, and hookers are the most common clientelle of places like these.

Knock, knock. "Leah open up!!" His voice booms.

You're scared, he's finally here. How the fuck did he find you?? You have no idea. But fucking Jacob Black is behind this crappy motel door, demanding you to open it. Confused, dazed you oblige to his request. And you gasp, when you notice he is butt naked.

So he ran all the way here. It's the last coherent thought that goes through your head.

He doesn't hesitate. He pulls your face to meet his by firmly gripping your hair. You caress his face, basking in the intense pleasure his rough action gives you. Every disrupting thought is pushed to the back of your mind. You pull away to gasp for air. He covers your mouth again, his fingers tangle in your hair, more gently this time. He lowers his body over your slowly. And there's something about the weight of him crushing down on top of you that drives you absolutely mad with lust. Heat pools between your legs, and when you feel his erection thrust against you, you know your underwear has to be positively drenched. You run your hands down his sides, to his hips causing him to shudder and hump you again.

He raises up on his knee to tug your shirt over your head. You are not wearing a bra. He is stunned at the sight of your breasts. You remember you didn't take the dress off last time. Then he loses his mind with passion. Wrapping his arms around your ribcage, yanking your chest to his mouth. You head dangles above the bed, your eyes are on the wall, but you can't see a thing. You're blinded by his teasing assault. You raise your hands to his hair and moan his name.

He lowers you to the bed again, licking and nipping as he goes. Strong hands go to your shorts, immediately upon releasing you. He wrenches them down, underwear and all, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your hips as they go. You twist your legs to aid the offending garment's removal. He pauses a moment to take you in. You're panting and shivering in anticipation.

"I am everything you want" he whispers "I am everything you need" You watch as his hand trails its way down you breast, your stomach. "I am everything inside of you" he stops just above her entrance "that you wish you could be" Two of his finger enter, and you scream in pleasure, shaking the room.

He pulls out his finger in surprise. "I say all the right things" he kisses your mouth softly, and his mouth makes his way to your ear. He drives his finger back into your soaking cunt. "At exactly the right time" he whispers. And goes down on you. He licks and sucks at your clit while slowly pressing circles against your inner walls. You come like a rocket.

He thrust into you with brute force. You cry out in pain and pleasure. Once your body reacquaints with him, you look into his chocolate eyes, near black with lust and nod. He rocks against you, setting a blistering pace. The noises that escape you lips drive him wild. Your legs wrap around his waist, her buries himself to the hilt inside you, and stays deep pulling one of your leg, and then the other p to his shpoulder. He seizes your tights roughly and pounds into you.

You're lost. The pleasure is almost unbearable and you wonder if it's possible to die of ectasy. If it is. It sure is a wonderful way to go. Another rocking wave hits you. Your muscles clench around him, pulling him along in your orgasm. He comes hard with you, emptying himself with every last ounce of strength. You lay together, ragged breathes slowly becoming deeper, beyond word. He gently kisses your lips before collapsing next to you, deeply sated.

"But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why"he is tired, and are you. Questions come rushing back to your mind.

"And I don't why" he says again. Urging you to explain. You know he does mean something to you. You just don't know what. It's all too sudden, too soon. You need to think So you choose not to answer. You fall into an easy sleep, snuggled against his warm chest instead.

You wake up alone. A dream you think, until you spot the note on the bedside table. A single word is written down.

Why?

a/N: sad blackwater indeed...lol. au no nessie and maybe no bella because they just ruin jake.