I think I've loved you all along

I can't believe what i've just done. Did I really just sleep with Zoe? I must be dreaming, yeah its defiantly one of my Zoe dreams. I mean I've had them before and just blocked them out of my mind I mean I'm not gay I'm not! But as much as I kid myself this wasn't a dream this was real. I'm watching her right now sleeping peacefully, damn she's so beautiful. I slowly stroke her cheek with my finger and sweep her hair away from her face. She turns over and puts her arm over my stomach, I feel a slight squeeze and my heart melts. I try to fall back to sleep but I can't my heart is literally thumping through my chest. Shall I hug her back?, shall I kiss her? All these thoughts keep running through my head instead I'll watch her sleeping thinking about the night we just spent together, a smile creeps on my face. I mean yes we had something to drink but come on Sarah you know you saw the opportunity and you went for it. Its true but I didn't expect her to take it further I mean I was just expecting a kiss not sex! And my God it was amazing I mean i've never felt anything like that before and when she kissed me goodnight before she went to sleep made my heart skip a beat and from that moment I think I fell in love. I know I know she's my dad's girlfriend but truth is I think I've loved her all along.

But the question that keeps going round in my head is does Zoe love me or was it just a drunken mistake to her?? I mean she's not dunk now and shes holding me while she sleeping. Does this mean she like's me like I like her?? No she can't I mean Sarah Barns' life is filled with drama and heartache she never gets what she wants.

Ok Sarah you really need to go to sleep it's been hours and you've just been staring at the blonde lying next to you. I close my eyes and try to keep them shut but I can't I open them and check I'm not dreaming. Yes she's still silently sleeping beside me with her arm wrapped around my middle. I place my arm on top of hers and entwine my fingers with hers. They fit so perfectly together, Zoe squeezes my hand into hers and moves into my body closer. I can feel her breathing on my neck the thought of her feeling the same way about me as I do for her brings tears to my eyes. I can't help it, a tear slowly rolls down my cheek I try to stop them but they keep on coming. "Sarah?" Zoe softly says, shit I must of woken her up, I quickly wipe my eyes its dark she won't be able to tell i've been crying. "You ok?" I turn to face her the moon light bounces off her face I brush her cheek and smile "I'm fine Zo" God she's so beautiful Ok Sarah stop it you still don't know if she feels the same. Zoe leans in and places a soft kiss on my lips. I fall deeply into the kiss not wanting to ever let her go "Good I'm glad your ok, now get some sleep we have a long drive back tomorrow." She kisses me on my forehead and snuggles down placing her head on my chest. Did she really just say and do that or did I just make that up? I stroke her hair "Ok night Zo" No reply she's already fast asleep, I close my eyes and slowly drift off to sleep with Zoe Carpenter sleeping soundly in my arms.

The day light streams in through the window I slowly open my eyes I look around the hotel room and remember what happened last night. I still think it was a dream there is no way I did what I did with Zoe I mean come on this isn't Romeo and Juliet, no its kinda more like Juliet and Juliet. I let out a slight laugh yes I know I'm sad I make myself laugh but I can't think of what else to do at this point. I mean this is not like me, Sarah Barnes doesn't get the one she loves, no Sarah always gets her heart broken. But thinking about it, it's kind of ironic I mean Craig left me for Jon Paul and now I'm in bed with a women hmm maybe he turned me gay LoL. I turn over and realise this was no dream Zoe lies peacefully beside me her legs are entwined with mine I don't want to wake her she looks so content. I wonder what she's dreaming about? I place my arm other her stomach and hold her close I hear a slight moan a smile appears on her face. I lean in and whisper in her ear "Morning Zo" she holds onto my hand tight "10 more minutes, stroke my hair Sa please." I can't believe she said that I was expecting her to jump out the bed and be like don't touch me it was all a drunken mistake. "Ok 10 minutes" I whisper back, I stroke her hair my fingers silently gliding over the blonde hair the smell is intoxicating. My fingers outline her ears, she has the cutest little ears ever I know it's a weird fetish but there is something about ears they are just so cute. "mmm" I hear, she must like her ear being stroked as much as I like stroking it, match made in heaven LOL, I smile to myself. I get totally lost in the moment I can't help but lean in and place three kisses on her collar bone. I lean up and nibble her ear "now it really is time to wake up lazy" I whisper, Zoe turns around and faces me I get lost in her eyes and we both quietly stare.

Ok one of us need to say something or do something its been like five minutes and isn't silence meant to be worse then words? "Zo" "Sa" we both spoke at the same time typical "You go" Zoe says, no I need her to go first I want to know what's going through her head "No you go first Zo." She sits up and I do the same, I can't help but feel slightly uncomfortable that we're both naked underneath the sheets. I start biting my nails nervously I guess, Zoe smiles and takes my hand away from my mouth and links her fingers with mine. I smile back my heart beats faster and faster, this is so not happening I still think I'm dreaming. "Sarah last night, I mean last night was…." Oh my God I'm going to get shot down she's taking way to long to get her words out I knew it Sarah Barnes never gunna get a happy ending "one of the most special nights of my life, Sarah I really hope I didn't over step the mark, I hope you didn't feel forced into doing what we did." I laugh "forced you've got to be kidding me Zo, it's never felt so natural before believe me you didn't over step the mark." I smile and she smiles back, I feel her leg slowly stroking mine up and down "I think this should of happened a long time ago Sa" Is she kidding this is like a fantasy no a fairytale coming true, I don't believe her. Does she not feel guilty I mean she is meant to be my dad's girlfriends after all. Shit how has dad not crossed my mind before this? It's wrong this is my dad's girlfriend no this is not right. I mean yes I love Zoe I always have but it was all in my head before it was ok to imagine her kissing me or holding me or oh my god I can't do this.

She strokes my hair away from my eyes I can't help it a tear falls, she wipes it away with her finger and looks me straight in the eyes. " Sarah what's wrong?" I take my hand back from hers "I can't do this, `I can't…you're not gay I'm not gay it was a big big mistake." Her face drops and I watch her eyes fill up "Sa are you telling the truth? I thought I thought…" I sit there watching the tears fall from Zoe's eyes I can't believe I've made the one I want cry I hate myself right now. "I'm sorry Zo" I reach out to wipe her tears away but she turns her head away from me. "don't" she says full of such anger and sadness I watch her stand up her beauty overwhelms me. She goes into the bath room and slams the door and her cries fill the room. I close my eyes and let the tears descend have I just made the biggest mistake in my life?

I can't stop the tears they just keep coming, what is wrong with me Zoe Carpenter doesn't cry but then Zoe Carpenter doesn't usually put her heart out there and get shot down. Last night meant everything to me yes I know I'm a cheat and I should feel bad but I don't. I mean if it was a one night stand with no emotion attached then maybe I could just forget and yeah I'd feel bad and prob end up telling Mike the truth but last night was not a mistake I want to forget. I don't think I realised until she was lying next to me with those beautiful brown eyes that I've been falling for her for a while now. I mean I would never make the first move I never thought Sarah was that way but then I didn't think I was until last night. But sleeping with her next to me, just holding her having her close made me feel complete like this was the way it should of always been. I look in the mirror I look an absolute state make up smudged all down my face I splash water on my face and sit back down on the edge of the bath. What am I meant to do now I seriously thought Sa was feeling the same guess I'm an idiot for thinking that. "Zo Zo please open the door" Sarah's calling me I can't go out there I slide down the back of the door and bury my head in my knees.

What have I done why the hell did I tell Zoe I didn't want her that wasn't the truth why didn't I speak up when she said is that the truth, she obviously knew I was lying. I sit with my back to the bathroom door and listen to her crying I can't believe I've done this I have to decide now do I want to lose Zoe because of my Dad or do I lose my Dad because of Zoe? I mean my Dad will come around eventually right? What am I kidding he's madly in love with Zoe I haven't seen him this happy for ages I can't break his heart. However from Zoe's reaction I don't think she actually loves my Dad anymore or she wouldn't be crying over what I just said would she? Ok Sarah stop talking to yourself and start talking to Zoe. I hear to knocks at the door "Sarah, Zoe you up?" Nancy calls Oh shit she can't come in now no way "Umm Nanc can you come back in a bit Zoe's still sleeping." My heart is literally in my mouth I'm sitting with my back to the door wrapped in a sheet with tear stains on my face if Nancy walked in now its not going to be easy to explain. "Lazy bum ok be back soon just going to see what Ravi's up to." I listen to her footsteps going away from the door I sigh a sigh of relief. "Zo, I'm sorry…..

"Zo… please talk to me….Zo I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said I wasn't telling the truth I'm just scared Zo I never ever thought my dream of me and you would become a reality I haven't rehearsed what to do or what to say…"

"What do you mean Sa?" finally she's speaking to me ok just tell her the truth don't be a coward and make out you don't want her of course you do go for it. "Well truth is Zo I think I've always loved you and maybe that's why we didn't see eye to eye when you started dating my dad…I guess I was jealous and I mean I didn't think I was gay and I suppressed my feelings and then last night was the happiest moment of my life Zo it was not a mistake and I'm sorry I said that I'm just scared I've never felt like this and I can't stop thinking that you're my dad's girlfriend but I can't loose you now." The door opens and Zoe looks at me her tear stained face makes my heart ping I never wanted to make her cry. She locks eyes with me "Your not going to loose me Sa" she hugs me and I hold onto her so tight not ever wanting to let her go.

I'm so happy she's told me the truth it was killing me before I knew she was lying I knew it I could see it in her eyes I'm so glad she's told me the truth. I let go of her but she pulls me back into a hug "I don't want to let you go Zo" I pull away and hold on the sarah's hands I look her in the eyes tears slowly roll down her cheeks. I wipe them away, she's so beautiful I can't believe it's taken this long for this to happen. "Sa listen to me your not going to lose me not now not ever. But we have to get ready to head back to Hollyoaks Nanc will be back soon and we don't want her walking in us like this. (Sarah lets out a laugh and smiles) there's the smile I want to see. Thank you for telling me truth Sa for a moment I thought you were going to give up on us before we even began." "No I mean I was just its just you're my dad's girlfriend this is going to kill him" Sarah looks worried and she should be mike is not going to take this well. "I know Sa and I wish there was a way to not hurt him he's been so good to me and I did love him but I'm not giving up on us we deserve to make this work." Sarah leans and in a kisses me on the lips the taste is intoxicating she makes every bone in my body shake I don't think I've ever felt this way before. " We'll tell him together, not letting you go through this alone Zo you mean to much to me and plus my dad deserves the truth from both of us." "I agree, it won't be easy but we'll get through it together now get yourself ready to go Nanc will kill us if we're late." I smile at her and watch her make her way to the bathroom she turns around and has a smirk all over her face "Care to join me in the shower?" how can I resist that offer.