Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, places, etc., or the related indicia; they belong to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., Inc., Scholastic, and the numerous other publishing companies with which JKR has trusted her great works. I also do not own Katy Rose's album, Because I Can; it belongs to Katy Rose as well as her band, record producers, label, etc. No copyright infringement on any of these people or companies is intended.
Summary: Lily and James's seventh year gets off to a bad start—and gets progressively worse. Is there any hope for their relationship? With a jealous ex-boyfriend and some realizations on both sides, there may be more possibilities than you'd think. A tad unrealistic, but give it a shot. Expansion of "Teachin' Myself to Dream"; chaptered songfic to Katy Rose's album "Because I Can" (thus the title).
Category: Romance/Drama
Rating: PG-13 for language and possibly later on sexual references
Font Key:
Bold print = title or header (you probably figured that out)
Italics = flashback or someone's thoughts, depending on the context
Underlined type = song lyrics
Chapter Dedication: To DarkFlower2113, for being a great beta and person in general and for giving me the idea of having a chapter dedication at all. If you get a chapter dedicated to you, you can thank her! And if you're a Harry/Ginny shipper, you may want to check out her fic What About Me and its sequel, Heartbreak Home.
And to Briana Marie, who originally used the idea of James tricking Lily by wearing Remus's prefect badge, and who was kind enough to let me use that idea here. Curious? Check out her MWPP Era story, Growing Up Flower Twins! You can also thank her for the idea of a "cameo competition". (See the Author's Notes at the end of the chapter.)
Enough stalling. Enjoy! (I hope... XD)
Chapter One – Watching the Rain
Lily Evans sighed contentedly as she strolled through Platform 9 and ¾ . Having already said good-bye to her parents and passed through the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10, she now stood before a scarlet steam engine emblazoned with the Hogwarts crest. A sign above her read The Hogwarts Express.
"Lily! Lily!"
She turned at the call of her name to see two of her best friends in the world waving at her from several yards away. Cynthia Jean Prewett and Hestia Jones grinned broadly as she waved back.
Some said Cynthia and Lily could have been twins; not only were they both seventh-year Gryffindors at Hogwarts (as was Hestia) and were seen many places together, but they also both stood tall and proud at five foot six and had the same flaming red hair, long, thick, and wavy. Take a closer look, though, and a few differences were visible—Cynthia's heart-shaped face was dotted with many freckles, whereas the skin of Lily's somewhat more angular face was a perfect cream color. The most striking difference between them, however, was in their eyes. While Cynthia's eyes were of the darkest chocolate brown, Lily possessed the most brilliant emerald green eyes anyone had ever seen. They sparkled even more than usual as she pushed her trolley to meet her friends. The girls greeted each other, and Lily hugged both of them. She had to bend slightly to embrace Hestia, whose short, straight black hair, bright blue eyes, and pink cheeks adorned a five-foot-high head.
"Ah, the glories of being tall..." sighed Hestia.
"Don't start," Cynthia warned her.
"What? You're not the one who has to stand on tip-toe to hug your friends! If the shortest people you knew were still two inches taller than you, you'd be complaining too. At least Marlene's only five-four, though that's hardly better."
"There's Marlene now," said Lily, waving over her friends' shoulders. "Marlene! Over here!"
Marlene McKinnon's shoulder-length brown hair swished as she tossed her head to look around for her friends. Seeing them, she smiled and waved, hazel eyes glowing with relief.
"Come on, let's go meet her," said Cynthia. "She's closer to the train."
After another round of hugs, they all made their way to the train, where they began their search for an empty compartment. They were only to be quickly interrupted by none other than the Marauders. The Marauders were the four male Gryffindors in the girls' year, and were so named because of their gift for mischief-making.
"Well, look here," said Sirius Black, a Marauder with the same hair (black, straight, and long for a boy's) and eyes as Hestia's, though he was almost a foot taller than her. "It's the Fabulous Four, our female counterparts, the red-haired lionesses of Gryffindor--"
"Hey, we're not all redheads!" cried Hestia indignantly, pouting. "Just because I'm short, you don't need to ignore me."
"Last I checked, I was here, too," Marlene added, smiling.
"Last I checked, there was something called a proper greeting," said Cynthia, mock-glaring at all of them. "It goes something like, 'Hello.'"
They all laughed. The last chuckles were just subsiding when they were stimulated again by Lily's small wave as she said, "Uh, hi?"
"Now, does that count as a proper greeting, Cindy dear?" asked Hestia.
"Oh, don't call me that, Hestia."
Hestia pulled a face. "I know you think my name's very pretty and all, but I much prefer Hessie, if you don't mind. And Hess works, too, if you're in such a hurry that you can't pronounce the extra syllable."
"Oh, enough of this girl chat," cut in Sirius. "We ought to be looking for a compartment; the train'll be off in five minutes. By the way, you three are awfully quiet," he added to his friends.
"Erm... Hello!" said mousy-haired Peter Pettigrew, calling a few more laughs with his feigned concentration and then enthusiasm.
"I was worried you'd forgotten we were here," Remus Lupin said, smiling and brushing back some stray strands of sandy brown hair. "We couldn't get a word in edgewise."
James Potter only nodded in greeting, his messy, jet-black hair barely moving. He was the only one who wasn't smiling as the group walked down the hall, glancing left and right as they looked for an empty room. Lily frowned at his sour behavior. Usually James was nearly as jocular as Sirius, but today he seemed distant.
After a few minutes, they found themselves at the back of the train. Glancing through the glass window in one compartment door, Remus said, "Finally—this one's empty."
"So is this one," said Peter, who had checked the compartment across the hall.
"Well, then!" Sirius opened the one on the left, took a sweeping bow, and gestured into the room. "M'ladies."
Laughing and rolling their eyes, the girls filed into their compartment. "You'll be taking that one?" Cynthia pointed across the corridor as she leaned on the doorframe.
James nodded, while behind him Sirius did another doorman act for Remus and Peter. Without a word, James followed his friends. Sirius turned to look back at his "female counterparts" and tipped an invisible hat to them before joining the other Marauders.
Cynthia closed the door and sat down. "Why aren't you sitting down, Lil'?"
Lily was smiling, a gleam of secrecy in her eyes. "Oh, didn't I tell you?"
"Tell us what?" demanded Hessie.
In response, Lily reached down and opened her trunk, for whereas her friends had each deposited their luggage in the rack above them, she had kept hers. First she took out her robes, which she pulled on over her Muggle clothing, and then she grabbed a badge. She pinned it on and beamed around at them.
Marlene gasped. "You're Head Girl?!"
"Oh my gosh!" cried Cynthia, and Lily was immediately engulfed in hugs. When all shrieking had subsided, Marlene checked her watch.
"You'd better get going, Lily; the train's already started and the first prefects' meeting is in less than ten minutes. You need to direct the new prefects, don't you?"
"Right," Lily said, straightening her robes nervously and proudly. "I may as well start patrolling the train right after the meeting, so it might be an hour or so before I come back. Well... Bye."
Fortunately for Lily, the prefects' carriage was at the back of the train, so she was very near it. Just as she shut the compartment door, however, the one across the hall opened. James Potter stepped out.
"Hey, Evans," he said, smirking. He puffed out his chest, and Lily noticed something shining there... A badge?
"No," she muttered. "You can't be Head Boy, you weren't a prefect!"
"Well, I am," he said, his smirk growing. As she opened her mouth to protest, Remus stepped out of the compartment behind James. He took one look from James to Lily and shook his head.
"He's really Head Boy, Lily. See, I've still got my prefect badge, he hasn't stolen anything from me this time."
"Hey, Moony!" Sirius' voice came from behind him.
Remus sighed. "Go on, James, I'll see you at the meeting." And he slipped back into the compartment to see what Sirius wanted.
They began to walk slowly away. James soon broke the tense silence, "So now will you go out with me, Evans?"
Lily had still been eyeing James's badge as if to ascertain that it wasn't fake, but her head snapped up at this. "What makes you think I've changed my mind? I certainly hope you don't think your being Head Boy changes anything, because if so, you're sorely mistaken. If anything, it seems you're head has been inflated more from this new trust. In fact, I believe you're all Head now." James had been asking Lily out nonstop since fourth year, and even though he had begun to let up a bit at the end of last year, Lily was still used to spitting out comebacks in the blink of an eye. She was a bit disappointed in him, though. "Just because Dumbledore trusts you enough to believe you won't be hexing people left and right anymore doesn't mean you've changed in my view," she continued.
James shrugged. "Fine." I haven't changed in her view... Well, maybe she's blind, because I have changed. I'll just have to make her see it.
They arrived at the room to find most of the prefects already there. Lily had just looked up from checking her watch to see Remus leading several new prefects into the room and James performing a quick head count.
"Well, that seems to be everyone," he announced, glancing Lily's way. She nodded in agreement and picked up the speech.
"Hello, new prefects and old," she said, smiling around at them. "I am your new Head Girl, Lily Evans. I'm from Gryffindor."
"I am also from Gryffindor," added James. "I'm James Potter, your new Head Boy."
"Right," said Lily. "Now that you know who we are, we must introduce you to your new responsibilities as prefects. Those of you who are already familiar with your duties, please bear with us."
The speech continued like this until all the duties had been covered. Lily checked her watch; it had been fifteen minutes since the start of the meeting. "Any questions?"
At the silence, James concluded, "Well, welcome to the ranks of prefects. Throughout the afternoon we'll be patrolling the halls of the train, and we expect you to do the same for at least half an hour. And I believe that's it." He glanced at Lily, who nodded in the affirmative.
"Tomorrow evening, we'll have another prefects' meeting directly after supper, where we'll decide on times for the following meetings. We'll also start working out a schedule of when each of you will have to patrol the school corridors. We look forward to seeing you all there."
"You are dismissed," James added with a grin.
They followed their fellows out of the room and walked in silence to their compartments.
"That went well," said Remus, who had joined them on the way back.
"Yeah," Lily agreed, smiling at him. James maintained a stony silence, looking between them. "I'll see you later; I'm going to patrol the halls for awhile. I'll let you know when I'm done so you can take up the job, all right?"
"Sure," James said, looking sulky.
After nearly an hour of walking up and down the train and scolding students who were being disruptive, Lily walked back to the compartments. She knocked on the boys' door before sticking her head in.
"I'm done patrolling, Potter—it's your turn." Hearing a noise behind her, she looked back to see the lunch trolley rolling by. "Food's here, too, if you want to eat first." She stepped around the cart to get her friends.
"Hey, Lily!" They greeted her enthusiastically. "We thought you'd never get back," said Cynthia. "How'd it go?"
"It was great! Went pretty smoothly and all, and I don't think I made a fool of myself at all. Though I never truly realized before just how many people enjoy making mischief on the train... But you'd never guess who the Head Boy is."
"Who?" asked Marlene excitedly.
"Potter," she revealed, relishing the looks of surprise on their faces. "I know, I didn't expect it, either—after all, he wasn't a prefect before, was he? I rather thought he'd stolen the badge from Remus again, but it turned out he hadn't."
"And he didn't screw it up?" Hessie asked in disbelief.
"Nope, it's almost as if he's changed but it must just be for show. I mean, he can't have become that much more responsible so quickly, can he?"
"I don't know, he could have gotten more mature," said Marlene fairly. "We haven't seen him all summer, and didn't you think he was a bit less pricky last year?"
Lily shrugged. "We'll see. But come on, guys, the food trolley's is here, we don't want to miss it."
"Oh, good, I'm starving..."
As the girls stepped outside, they found James, Peter, and Remus laughing, apparently at some joke Sirius had made. James abruptly stopped chuckling, however, at the sight of the girls. They didn't notice at first, but just kept chatting.
"Ooooh, Chocolate Frogs..." drooled Cynthia. "Look, I'm salivating."
Lily laughed. "I don't blame you, my stomach's rumbling, or gurgling, or whatever you call it." They began selecting large amounts from the abundance of goodies before them.
The surly James seemed to take interest in how many sweets Lily was buying. "Stocking up for the year, Evans? Or maybe you're planning to gain a few pounds. You know, I think you could use it."
"Sod off, Potter," said Lily, trying to ignore him as she paid for her food. She couldn't help but feel a bit angry with him, though. What had happened to the responsible person who had talked to the prefects?
Still James persisted. "Maybe if you have just a bit more food, you'll be happier—then will you go out with me?"
"I said, sod off!" Lily wasn't bothering to hide her anger now. The lady who pushed the lunch cart looked round at them, apparently nervous. Seeing their expressions (Lily and James looked livid, while James's friends were apprehensive and Lily's indignant), she left quickly.
"Maybe," Lily added through gritted teeth, tossing James one of her Cauldron Cakes, "if you had some more food, you wouldn't be so churlish anymore. And I think we all agree that that would be a pleasant change. After four or five years, we've all gotten a bit sick of it! And you think I'd go out with you when you're like this."
She turned on her heel and stalked back into their compartment. After throwing James another glare, Marlene and Cynthia followed her. However, Hestia, whose temper was quite fast for her friendly round face and otherwise small, kind appearance, stayed a moment longer.
"What is wrong with you? Lily's barely said two sentences to you all day, and for that matter, I haven't heard you say a single syllable. Then suddenly you burst out about how skinny and sour she is, as if she's been insulting you the whole time! Honestly, I ought to just punch you—or better yet, hex you!"
And Hessie, too, stepped back into the compartment, slamming the door shut and tossing herself down next to Marlene. She sighed and looked at Lily's troubled face.
"Oh, don't worry yourself about that prick," she said kindly. "He's not worth it."
"I know..." Lily sighed. "I was used to him back in fifth year, but at the end of last year he started to get a bit nicer... He was still a prat, but I kind of hoped that he might let up, if for no better reason than to make our last year a bit more enjoyable. And just before, at the prefects' meeting, I actually thought he was really more mature!"
"Well, maybe he's changed his mind or something, but like Hessie said, don't worry about it," said Cynthia. She looked rather angry herself. "You're worth twelve of him."
Lily smiled at them. "Thanks, guys. You're the best."
Marlene grinned and turned to Hestia. "Now, for the ritual game of chess? Or shall it be Exploding Snap? That's what we did last year."
"I still think you should try out Gobstones," said Cynthia.
Lily laughed but turned to the window. As she watched raindrops pelt the window (it had started raining while she was on patrol), she lost herself in her thoughts.
I wish there was a photograph that showed me here with you
And I could kiss the photograph and make my wish come true
I wish I was a humming dove so I could sing so sweet
I wish that I could steal the moon and kiss it with my feet
I wish I was a remedy that you wanted to take
A product of a recipe that no one had to bake
I wish I could forget that day, the hurting in my heart
And wash our mouths with listerine to make a brand new start
I've had so many dreams for this year, my last year at Hogwarts. It's his last year too—why does he have to ruin it? Will he ever get over whatever little grudge he has? I'd gotten my hopes up this summer, too; he really was starting to be a bit nicer last spring. And he did seem more responsible at the meeting. Then he gets all sullen and arrogant again just now. Sometimes I just wish we could start over—was it something that happened when we first met? Was he making trouble and I told him off? It must have been something like that, but I can't remember... A brand new start, that's what we need...
Watching the rain fall down
Watching the rain
Watching the rain
Watching the rain fall down
Watching the rain
Watching the rain fall down
Why does he do this to me, though? There's no point to it. And surely he's not in his compartment, staring out the window. Laughing with his friends, most likely... Like you should be right now... Lily, snap out of it! Come on, you can't let him do this to you.
I wish there was a fairytale that turned into my life
So I could kiss Prince Charming man and be his princess wife
I wish the voices in my head would leave my ears alone
So my eyes could stop their water bleeding and I could find a home
I wish there was a ruby rose where I spread my wings and flew
So I could inhale the perfume and be the morning dew
I wish the raindrops on the glass would let me join their dance
I'd spin and twirl and laugh with them and drown my thoughts per-chance
So many things Lily wished, so muddled were her thoughts, that she just wished they would drown. I just don't get why I'm so upset, he's been going out of his way to irritate me for years. This is nothing new. Though I can't recall him ever mentioning my looks... Or my moods, either... A new tactic? Come off it, Lily, what's going on with you? You're life can't be perfect, do you expect to be like Cinderella, given a chance to make your life better by some fairy godmother?
Watching the rain fall down
Watching the rain
I'm watching the rain
Watching the rain fall down
Watching the rain
I'm watching the rain fall down
Woa woa I kinda like it
Woa woa
Woa woa I kinda like it this way
Watchin the rain
Watchin the rain
Maybe... I don't know, I'd gotten so used to him by last fall that I don't remember being particularly frazzled over it. Maybe I even liked it, in a way... I mean, it was what my life was like, and I was used to it. Change would have meant instability. Is that what's wrong with me now? Did one taste of maturity on his part spoil you, so now you're unstable because of one little change? That would explain why I'm reacting like this. But I still don't get what's up with him, I mean, who tells someone she's too thin and asks her out within the same two minutes? The way he's always asking me out, you'd think he likes me, but he sure doesn't act it.
Lily would have spent much of the rest of the train ride like this—questioning herself, wondering—had not Marlene insisted that she participate in a game of Exploding Snap. Soon Lily was conversing as animatedly as her friends. When she and her friends got off the train that night, however, conversation was at a minimum. Throughout the Sorting Feast Lily steadily ignored the Marauders.
Watching the rain fall down
Watching the rain
I'm watching the rain
Watching the rain fall down
Watching the rain
I'm watching the rain fall down
At supper Lily greeted other acquaintances of hers and talked enthusiastically. Yet still, though it was quite pointless, she frequently glanced up at the ceiling of the Great Hall. Perhaps the effect of rain falling straight at her was intriguing, or maybe it was just because she liked the rain so much. But Lily seemed to have fallen into an addictive habit of watching the rain.
Watchin the rain, watchin the rain
A/N: I hope you all liked that! It was quite enjoyable to write, especially the dialogue. Lily and her friends practically wrote themselves! And now, for the cameo competition: The first person to guess correctly where Cynthia Jean Prewett, Hestia Jones, and Marlene McKinnon are from in canon gets the next chapter dedication!
Review Replies: Here I'm replying to all the people who reviewed the one-shot this fic is based on, Teachin' Myself to Dream, which is written by yours truly. If you haven't read it already, you can check it out, but it might give away the ending of this story for you. :::shrugs::: I'm not sure. Later in the story I'll have review replies for each chapter, and if I happen to get any more unexpected reviews for Teachin' Myself to Dream I will post replies to them here, too. And now, you're cookies as promised...
LaxGoalie – I'm glad you liked it so much! Thanks for being my first reviewer. As I said before, though, it's not a first chapter; that was a one-shot. However, here's the expansion I talked about! Also, I've checked out your story Living in Oblivion, although I haven't read all the chapters. I'll try to finish it soon!
luvsirius – Thanks! I've always admired your imagery and I try to make everything I portray clear, so I'm glad you liked my imagery too.
DarkFlower2113 – You're welcome for the recognition, you deserve it. : ) I never knew how much harder it is to write a chaptered story than a one-shot! Sometimes I'm tempted to think, to heck with plans, I'm writing off the cuff. But... I've still got those plans, and they're crucial to the story. If you're willing to work on another ten or so chapters (this fic should be up to fifteen), then I'd be glad to have your help. Anyway, thanks again for the beta-ing and the compliments, and for emailing me in lieu of a review when FFNet (grrr) wouldn't let you. It's happened to me before, and a couple of times my computer has refused to let me because it's blocking pop-ups. Well, if I must sacrifice formal reviewing to prevent my comp from being infested with spyware... :::sigh::: I make sure I email the author or try again later, though.
Braina Marie – I'm glad you liked it and that you thought the song and story fit each other pretty well. I'm not surprised you haven't heard the song—I don't think Katy Rose is very popular in comparison to many of the other groups out there. It's funny that you wonder who the "mystery guy" is, 'cause when I wrote it I had no idea who he was either. Heehee. But in my plans for Because I Can I know exactly who he is... even though I haven't named him yet. XD James yelling at Lily was another coincidence... I don't really think either of them was doing most of the yelling in the long run, but in Teachin' Myself to Dream Lily's really just upset; she has no reason to be mad at him until he shouts at her. If she does do most of the yelling (because I really don't know these things until/unless I write them), then it should be because of stuff he did. I just don't see Lily as someone who shouts and has rows for no reason, even though she has a quick temper. James, however, is arrogant enough (in his fifth year, anyway) to hex people just because he can. So, Lily tells him off for making trouble, James picks on her to make her notice him... And the world is happy. XD Well, anyway, thanks again for reviewing, and I hope you liked this. : )
cilverblood – I'm glad you liked it so much, even enough to think I should definitely expand it! Well, here's that expansion, and I hope you like it so far!
MissSugarQuill – Thanks so much for your several compliments, I'm glad you liked it. I'm also happy you thought Lily's thoughts were good, because they were one of the hardest parts to write. I mean, her thoughts are so discombobulated at that point, but I have to make what she's thinking clear to the readers. Anyway, I hope you liked this!
On one final note, I would like to add that I have no specific updating regime, as I haven't even started the second chapter yet. I'm starting school again this week, and chances are my updating will be irregular, and—I'll admit it—you might have to suffer long waits. I'll do my best, but schoolwork should come first. (Key word: should. XD) But every positive review is more motivation for me to make sure I do finish this story (hint hint, nudge nudge), and if you stick with me I'll be very, very grateful. So thanks muchly for reading, and now click the lovely little purple button!