SATPA
(Sex and the Personal Assistant)
Part one
This is one of the first IM stories I started but kept putting off because I wanted to give it a little SATC flavor, (I even toyed with the idea of having Samantha turn up as Peppers friend), and to do that I needed to review my old tapes of Sex and the City... and I didnt have the energy.
Anyway, this is what I ended up with.
'Tons of lace'. 'A sea of lace'. Pepper smiled to herself, thinking of the ways she would describe Madame De L'Abadie's Boutique to her yoga classmates, back in California.
A sea of lace and sequins and feathers…
And her friend, Karen Morrison, was happily swimming through it, Pepper noticed; Karen's frilly shopping bag was filled to burst with gauzy, delicate pieces that bore names like, 'Midnight Seduction', 'Sunset Desires' and 'Purple Caresses' –nightgowns, in other words .But it would never do to ask for a 'nightgown' at a snooty place like Madame De L'Abadie's; or a 'bra.' Karen had spent the night before going over the entire catalogue, memorizing the names and descriptions of every item in it.
In French.
Some things never change, Pepper thought with a smile. Karen might not be the stocky tomboy she was when in high school anymore, but she was still as compulsive-obsessive as ever –more perhaps. She had planned their weekend in New York in painstaking detail, barely allowing them a chance to simply sit down and talk.
Not that Pepper had any complaints about that. She'd been looking forward to see Karen after 20 years of separation, but she was a little apprehensive about talking to her.
Pepper dreaded meeting childhood friends. They'd known her as Virginia Potts, the thin, painfully shy girl who seemed destined to become an anonymous clerk in some anonymous office. That her brains might save her from that destiny had seem a possibility all along, but no one –absolutely no one- could have ever imagined she would end up in a top executive position in Stark Industries. That they were in awe of her (some more happily so than others) was obvious; that their interest would inevitably turn to their boss, Tony Stark, was even more obvious...
And Pepper did not like talking about Tony.
"Well, what about this one?"
Pepper looked up. Karen was holding a lacy thing in her hands, quite unrecognizable until she laid it across her voluptuous bosom. Oh. A bra.
"It looks uncomfortable," Pepper said.
"It's beautiful."
"It's useless. And it probably itches."
Karen turned to the nearest mirror and eyed herself critically.
"Yes. I suppose it does. Especially if you wear it at the office for hours at a time –which you shouldn't do." She glanced at Pepper. "This is the Spanish Fly of bras, my friend. Wear it on a date, and you won't be waiting for him to make the first move; it's so uncomfortable, you'll be begging him to remove it from you." She paused. "Provided there's a he, of course," she added tentatively.
Pepper pretended not to hear. She studiously turned her attention to the sporty bras she preferred, knowing all along that it was only a matter of seconds before Karen spoke again… And a matter of minutes before she asked the dreaded question -the one that every friend or casual acquaintance asked at one point or another.
"So..." Karen said, letting the word trail off tantalizingly.
'Here it comes,' Pepper thought, bracing herself.
"How's it like to work for Tony Stark?"
"It's very interesting."
"He looks so intense in those pictures."
"He is."
"And he's so handsome."
"Yes," Pepper said, and she started counting to herself. '3... 2... 1'
"He radiates confidence; that's his secret, isn't it?"
"I suppose." Ok, so it would take another countdown: 3… 2… 1…
"So... How much does he pay you?"
'This is a new one,' Pepper thought. Women never asked about pay; men did. But Karen was a CPA, so it was understandable.
Not that this fact would earned her a response.
But Karen didn't seem to expect one. "You must have great perks," she said wistfully. "Travel account… medical insurance…"
"I do," Pepper said.
"So, how's he in the sack?"
Pepper narrowed her eyes. "You were dying to ask me that question, weren't you."
"As a matter of fact, yes," Karen said brightly. "Hey, you can't blame; this is Tony Stark! Ohh, hoo!"
Pepper rolled her eyes.
"Put your pom-poms down or Madame De L'Abadie will ask you to quitter le magasin."
Karen glanced around guiltily, then back at Pepper. She lowered her voice.
"Well? Tell me!"
Pepper pretended to be engrossed by the bra in her hands. In the early days she'd gone to extremes to convince people she was not sleeping with her boss, but now she merely ignored the questions altogether. People never believed her anyway.
On the other hand, this was Karen, the one childhood friend who'd always supported her through good times and bad… A friend who'd made the effort to get back in touch…
"I'm not sleeping with him," she said. "Ok?" And she pointedly moved to the next aisle.
Encouraged by the reply, Karen followed her. "Have you ever -"
"No."
"Oh, come on. You can't expect me to -"
Pepper stopped abruptly and turned. Looming over Karen thanks to longer legs and the highest heels she owned, she said, very slowly, "Get this through your head, Karen: I've never slept with Tony Stark; I'll never with Tony Stark. He's my boss."
Suitably intimidated, Karen had taken a step back… for a second.
"That doesn't mean you can't have him," she said, springing back. "Ethics aside, are you really telling me you've never even wanted to sleep with him?"
"Not at all."
"What about him? You're pretty, you're smart; surely he must have made a pass at you some time."
"I'm not his type," Pepper said firmly.
"Does he have a type?" Karen asked sarcastically. "From what I hear, he'll sleep with anything that breathes and moves."
"He flirts," Pepper admitted. "But he flirts with everybody. It's in his nature."
Karen eyed her friend critically. "Maybe if you wore something more daring; a backless dress, for instance; the way you're dressed right now says, 'I'm cold'."
"I am cold. It's winter, remember?" She turned her attention back to the lingerie, and for a couple of minutes they walked around in companionable silence.
"I can't believe you," Karen said suddenly. "I mean, yes, I believe what you're saying, but I can't believe it, all the same. Are you telling me there've never been any awkward silences between you two, or any soulful looks, or whatever?"
Pepper sighed.
"Listen. There's something you should know about Tony Stark," she said, "And I don't think it's really a secret: He doesn't want emotional involvements of any kind."
"Oh."
"It's easy to go to bed with him, but if you do, you'll never see him again; and if you do see him again, you'll wish you hadn't."
Karen was suitably wide-eyed.
"Wow. Is he that bad in bed?"
"No," Pepper said quickly. "I'm only trying to explain what some girls feel after being with him. If all you want is a one-night stand then that's ok, but -"
"-but you're not that kind," Karen said gently.
"He values my work," Pepper said proudly. "We're friends."
"Friends?"
"Yes. Men and women can be friends, or didn't you know?"
"I see." Karen considered this for a moment. "So. You are not interested, and never have been…"
"Never."
Karen was silent for a moment.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"As long as it isn't about Tony Stark…"
"How many boyfriends have you had in the past five years?"
Pepper frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"How many, Virginia?"
"A couple," she said, avoiding eye-contact with her friend.
"And I bet you don't even remember their names anymore. Oh, Virginia," Karen sighed, "Don't you see? You've been comparing every man you meet to Tony Stark. And no matter how nice those guys are, they're just not him."
Pepper scoffed.
"Nice assessment, Dr. Morrison. Oh, wait a minute, you're not a shrink; you're a CPA."
"A brilliant CPA," Karen retorted. "One who has slept with a boss or two -"
"Ah, yes," Pepper said, "And how has that worked out for you?"
"Very well, thank you very much," Karen retorted. She paused. "Actually, it didn't work out well the first time," she said thoughtfully. "The bastard fired me. And the second time around, we were so uncomfortable with each other, he -" She stopped just in time. "Hey, this isn't about me." She stared at Pepper for a moment, then smiled. "D'you know what I think? I think you and Tony Stark have not really looked at each other all these years."
"Not look at each other –what's that supposed to mean?"
"I'm serious. You're so comfortable as employer and employee that you don't see each other as man and woman anymore."
"What?"
Karen lowered her voice. "But one of these days you'll finally look at him -really look at him -"
Pepper rolled her eyes.
"And what?"
"- and you'll realize how you really feel. Until then -" she let the word trail off, then suddenly, her eyes lit up. "Until then, I think I have the perfect solution."
Pepper looked away.
"I am not hiring a look-alike escort, Karen."
"A look-alike? What are you talking about?"
"Nothing," Pepper said. "Just some unfortunate suggestion I got from Danielle Zimmerstein. Remember her?"
"Well, that's not what I had in mind. Mine is a classier solution."
"Here it is," Karen said grandly.
Pepper sighed.
They were in the back room of a sleek adult shop –a tastefully decorated adult shop, tended by highly professional men and women; there was not a single weirdo in sight; no guys in trench coats lurking in corners, no perverts nervously thumbing lurid magazines... But sleek or not, an adult shop was an adult shop, and Pepper was uncomfortable in it, especially since the room they'd just entered seemed to house the world's largest collection of S&M paraphernalia.
"Is this your definition of 'classier?" Pepper mumbled.
"Oh, that," Karen said, casually glancing around. "That's not what we're here for. Follow me." She walked up to a softly-lit showcase at the end of the room. "There," she said, grandly waving at a half-dozen or so boxes resting on sumptuous black velvet.
Pepper frowned. "What are those?"
"Go ahead. Take a look."
Pepper did indeed take a look… then abruptly looked away. The boxes held vibrators of all sizes and colors.
"Oh, I can't believe it," she said, appalled. "You brought me here, just to -"
Karen laughed out loud. "Oh, don't be such a prude. FYI, these are collector pieces, Pepper; untouched! See that one?"
Pepper reluctantly looked back. Karen was pointing at a large box that held center stage, clearly the jewel of this collection.
Potts gave it a cursory glance.
"Impressive," she said awkwardly.
Karen showed less restraint. She picked the box from its velvet nest and examined it closely. "You know whose this is?"
"How should I?"
"Here, take it," Karen said, offering it to her friend.
"I don't want it!"
"Ok, at least look at it." Once she had Pepper's attention, she added, "That's him."
"Him, who?"
"Tony Stark."
Pepper froze.
"No way."
Karen started to laugh. "It's an authentic replica. It was made years ago, when he was going out with a wild crowd –right before Obadiah Stane reined him in." She looked back at the box. "Stane made sure every item was recalled, but there was nothing he could do about those already in private owners', ahem, hands."
"I don't believe you," Pepper said, but she wasn't that sure. Nothing Tony did surprised her anymore.
"Suit yourself." Karen turned the box in her hands. "Look at that," she said, looking at the picture on top. "Nice shape." She held it a while longer, then put it back in its place, with a little sigh of regret. "Maybe you're right," she said. "This was him fifteen years ago, after all. He might not look like this anymore."
"Body appendages grow with age," Pepper said, and why she felt like she needed to defend Tony's reputation, she couldn't imagine.
Karen looked back at the box with renewed interest. "Gee, then I'd like to see him now." She looked up. "You could buy it."
It took Pepper a couple of seconds to get her jaw to close. "I'm not buying that!"
Karen picked the box again. "You draw a large salary; you can afford it. Here," she said. "This is your chance to have Tony Stark even if you can't have him."
Pepper found herself pushing the box away. "I said no, Karen!"
"Ok," Karen said, taking the box back. "D'you mind if I buy it?"
Pepper grabbed the box, put it back in its nest, and hauled Karen out of there.
TBC...