disclaimers: i don't own sailor moon.
and this is my first try at fanfics. reviews would be nice. thanks.
-rai
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How far would you go for a love so true, yet unrequited? For a love like no other, but yet one-sided?
Would you break down and cry for the sick joke that life has played on you? Would you fight for it till the last once of blood leaves your body? Or would you rather lie down all day like a broken doll and wait till death comes upon you?
Questions...questions...that's how life is, right? Full of questions, always filled with mind-boggling mysteries that no living human can ever solve.
I love her so much. Deeply, like I have never loved anyone else before. But it isn't enough. Sadly, it isn't enough. My love for her couldn't conquer all.
She isn't the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She looks ordinary. Simple, typical and a bit weird with her meatball hairstyle. People never even glanced at her twice. And nor did I fell in love with her the first time I saw her in front of our shrine. I just thought 'hey, cute' and never did I spare another second to look at her that same day.
But then, fate intervened. I meet her through an odd turn of events. She happened to be a reincarnated moon princess. A being from the past. And I was one of those few people selected to protect her. I was one of her senshi, her guardians. My role in life is to protect our princess. Nothing more, nothing less.
After being reawakened, we apparently became friends. We laughed at each other's jokes and I even teased her to death. I began to admire her for her sense of humor, her kindness, her compassion for everyone. At first, I thought it was just a simple adoration, she was after all, our princess. But later I realized that I was already smitten by her simple yet unique personality.
And as days passed by, I found it hard to resist not to stare longingly at her face, hoping that one day, I could freely cup it between my hands as we gaze deeply into each other's eyes. I found it hard to wipe that goofy smile I have on my face whenever she walks by. And I couldn't help but be filled with overflowing warmth and joy whenever I see her smile.
And then it happened. I fell. And still am freely falling into an abyss of unknown darkness.
I wrote almost a hundred love letters, all addressed to her, but all ended up in the trash bin as I failed to find the courage to give them to her. I found it hard to speak to her normally, much more to hand her a piece of paper that would tell how I really feel about her. 'That would ruin the friendship and I wouldn't want that', I thought at that time. And besides, she already has her 'prince', destined for her.
It pains me, seeing her almost everyday, smiling, at everyone else except me. It hurts, knowing the fact that I am not even a part of her life, yet she means the world to me. I love her eyes, her smile, her personality, her weirdness, her wackiness and even her hairstyle, all that she is. I love her for everything about her. But I'm tired of this, feeling like shit, spending everyday of my life standing at the bylines, watching with envy as she looks into his eyes with such love that I would trade my soul for.
If I could choose the one I love, then I choose her. But everyone has his or her own limits. A part of me keeps nagging that I should just move on, that this situation would do me no good, and I would only find death into the abyss that I am falling into right now.
Just like everyone else, all I want is for someone to accept me for who I am, to comfort me whenever I feel down, to share my pain whenever it gets unbearable, to cry with me when I feel that I couldn't take it anymore...just...someone, to be there for me. Someone who will love and I would love back in return.
It's kind of easy for me to find a person who would fit that someone. A person who would be there in my darkest hours. There is another blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl that already declared her feelings for me. All I have to do is to accept that love, try to learn to love her back in return, and that entire problem would be solved. But the question is: would I let any other person be that someone?
I want it so badly for MY princess to be that someone. I want no one else but her to fill the void in my heart. I am already complete all by myself, but I feel like a piece of me is lost, and that she is the key to that missing part. I am praying, no, begging, to whoever god that is listening right now, to grant this one wish, for her heart to belong to me.
I want to spend the rest of my life with her. To wake up each day looking at those wonderful pair of eyes, kissing those magnificent pair of lips and finding that breathtaking face of hers beside me. To walk with her along the gardens in front of our house with the moon engulfing us in it's comforting light would be a dream come true. And finally, to hold her hand and hear her say 'I do' on our wedding atop a cliff overlooking the sea, is a thing that I could only wish for.
Sadly, her heart belongs to her prince, while mine belongs to her. What a weird twist of fate. But no, I would not give up. I will love her as long as she is a part of my life. If it is my destiny to love her, then so be it, no matter how painful it is, no matter if I am not the one fated for her.
And if in this lifetime, she loves one other, I will accept it. But in the next, I would find her and try once again to conquer her heart. For I will not give up. Not in this lifetime, not in the next, not ever.