Rating: T
Pairings: Rodney/Alex
Summary: Alex and Rodney find they have a lot more in common than they realise when John and Elizabeth send him to work in the kitchen
Disclaimer: I own none of it apart from Alex; she is me under another name.
Authors Notes: This came to me after a throwaway line about sex and sprouts in Dinnerladies made me laugh. This is also for the Rodney/Alex shippers out there; yes, I know who you are. Thanks to SpaceMonkey0941 for the idea during her Rodney/Alex fic
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"Alex, I want to trade Sgt McKenzie for Dr McKay," said Colonel John Sheppard. Alex Ramsey, the Head Chef of Atlantis turned and saw Colonel Sheppard and Ronon Dex, who was holding a struggling and complaining Rodney McKay at the kitchen door
"I thought Mal had another 3 days of punishment duties," replied Alex,
"Yeah, well thanks to Dr Rodney McScrooge and his non stop whining, he's had a reprieve," replied Sheppard as he nodded at McKenzie who put down the peeler he was holding and left.
"You can't seriously be putting me on punishment duty," said Rodney
"Yes I can, we've all had enough of your bitching, you're actually going to do something for others for a change, call it a lesson in the true meaning of Christmas" replied John.
"Look John, I was all in favour of having naughty soldiers as my Kitchen Porters but I don't think I can really make Dr McKay work against his will," said Alex
"Elizabeth has ok'd it, just make sure he learns a lesson, I'm leaving Ronon here to make sure he behaves" replied John. Alex sighed as John left and Ronon positioned himself by the door
"Boy you must have really pissed off Dr Weir for her to agree to this" said Alex, Rodney huffed
"I was just making my feelings know about what a waste of time all this" he waved his hands in the air "decorations, tree, food and things is..." started Rodney
"In your own inimitable style" interrupted Alex
"And...What's that supposed to mean" he remarked
"Meaning you wouldn't let the subject drop even though you were told to shut up several times," she replied. Rodney folded his arms and gave her a withering look that told her she'd hit the nail on the head. There was a cough from the door
"Aren't you supposed to be working" said Ronon, Rodney opened his mouth but Alex dragged him away
"I don't want blood spilt in here please it makes the floor sticky" she remarked. Alex took Rodney to the veg prep area and handed him a knife, he gave her a horrified look
"You're not expecting me to peel all these potatoes are you?" he asked, Alex smiled
"No, we've got a machine for that" she pointed to the machine in the corner "put the potatoes in, switch on, check to see if all the skin is off, pull this leaver and they'll end up in this sink, all you have to do is remove the eyes and odd pieces of skin" she said. Rodney still looked like he'd rather face a hungry Wraith, Alex smiled at him "cheer up at least you'll be close to coffee and food and we'll be over to help you when we can" his face brightened up at the thought of food being nearby.
"Really?" he asked
"Yes really, why do you think this is the most popular of the punishment duties?" said Alex with a laugh.
Later on, there was just Alex and Rodney left in the kitchen, Rodney hadn't enjoyed himself so much for a long time, he'd finished all the work he'd been set hours ago. Originally, he'd stayed because of the food and coffee but gradually he'd begun to unwind a little and realised how little he knew of what went on in Atlantis outside his own little circle. His first taste came when Alex gave an impromptu performance of Santa Baby in a vampy, Marilyn-esque way that had the mess hall bulging at the seams when the word got out. Next, they'd had the Athosian children in to make cookies and finally the chefs had named a turkey after their least favourite member of the Atlantis staff and proceeded to stuff them rather viciously.
Rodney and Alex we're in her office, he'd lost count of how many cups of coffee he'd had.
"How can you sleep at night after drinking all that stuff?" Alex asked, Rodney shrugged
"Never had any problem" he looked at Alex thoughtfully "I'd have thought you'd be part of the Anti Christmas crowd, all the extra work and the relentless cheerfulness, I'd have thought Scrooge was your hero this time of year" he said. Alex smiled
"I don't particularly like Christmas but I don't continually harp on about it" she replied
"Hmm" said Rodney
"I'm not having a go at you but think on it, you're so full of your own self importance you don't seem to care about other peoples opinions, only yours matter" she said, Rodney was a little surprised at how her words stung.
"You can talk" he retorted and she laughed a little
"I know, but I do know when to keep my opinions to myself, it's the commercialism and all that that annoys me, I'm not particularly religious but does anyone know why we celebrate Christmas anymore?" Rodney shrugged "and why the hell do we eat food that we wouldn't dream of just because 'it's tradition'" he shrugged again and she laughed. "I remember the last Christmas I spent with my In Laws, I just happened to mention that next year I was going have honey roast ham instead of turkey, they way my sister in law reacted you'd have thought I'd have suggested we sacrifice a virgin" she said, Rodney laughed.
"I hate all that too, Christmas's were never a favourite time when I was a kid so I guess it's kinda set now," Rodney admitted
"It's ok to hate Christmas, just don't ruin it for everyone else" said Alex
"I guess," he said, "so what would your ideal Christmas be? Mine would be to spend the day in bed with non Christmas food," he said. Alex stretched
"Sex and no sprouts" she clapped her hand over her mouth as she realized what she'd said, "oh, I didn't mean that...as such I meant..."she blustered, Rodney laughed out loud at the look on her face.
"What?" he said as he watched her blush a deep red
"Um...it was a joke, my mum used to ask me what I wanted on Christmas day and I used to say sex and no sprouts, I got my own way with the sprouts this year but Santa's going to have to pull out all the stops for the other" she said with a sigh. Rodney got up and pulled Alex out of the chair
"You're strange," he said
"Thank you, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me" she replied as she kissed his cheek.
"Jeannie sent me a bottle of Canadian Whiskey, it's a religious-cum-commercial holiday so let's get drunk," he said as he pulled Alex towards the door "it's either that or attend the midnight service in the jumper bay"
"Lets do things properly and get drunk" she replied.
Alex opened her eyes and stared at a ceiling that wasn't hers, she blinked a couple of times and realised she wasn't alone, that was obvious as she had an arm draped across her. It came back to her, this was Rodney's room and he'd made all her Christmas wishes come true.
AN: I know it's not the best I've ever done but I've had several ideas running around my head for a Christmas fic demanding to be written. Please be gentle with me.