A/N: One-shot. This is all because of Veronica's magnificent line. "Do you love my daughter? Because if you do, it's time to stop being polite about it." I wrote this for anyone who would like Will to take this advice to heart. In some sort of fantasy world, I would like this to happen. Just once. I have a feeling this will make some of you very happy…
Disclaimer: Nothing's mine.
Summary: For a moment, the whole world disappears. There's nothing else than her eyes looking in to mine and the sharp wind cooling our cheeks. You are everything I'll ever need, I think to myself. You're it. You're all of it. I can see that's she's trembling. I'm not sure if it's the cold wind or the nerves or a combination of both.
No Time For Being Polite.
"Do you love my daughter? Because if you do, it's time to stop being polite about it". – Veronica Loy
The words Veronica said to me last week are still echoing my head. I hadn't answered. I mean, what was I supposed to say? 'Great that you're pointing it out because yes, I do love your daughter. I never stopped loving her, actually. But I don't fit in with what she wants. I guess it's all too complicated. And you can't say I haven't tried. I tried twice. No luck though. So it's not time to stop being polite about it, it's time to stop trying.'
Obviously, I didn't say any of that. I said nothing at all. I just nodded. She nodded. She walked off. I sat there, thinking about what just happened. Now, Veronica is an interesting character to begin with. She has her ways. Maybe she was just trying to spice things up a little, see what would happen. She's prone to intermeddle with Alicia's life any way. Clearly, Alicia didn't put her up to this. That much is clear. I know she isn't fond of Peter and the path Alicia has chosen, so maybe she was just trying to see what she could get from me. Who knows?
Still, she got me worried. She appeared extremely determined. She looked at me with those piercing eyes, making sure I heard her and understood the message. As if I was the only one who could prevent something terrible from happening. The only thing that is happening is the elections. Tonight, that is. I definitely can't prevent Peter from becoming governor. He's going to win, obviously. And Alicia will be the governor's wife. Whether Veronica likes it or not. Whether I like it or not.
The annoying thing is that Veronica is right. I am in love with her daughter. I have been for years. The problem is that, apparently, it's not mutual. Somewhere deep inside I know that it probably is, but Alicia appears to be a true professional at turning off feelings that don't go well with her principles. When she did the interview the other night, she convinced the whole world she loves Peter. Hell, she even came close to convincing me.
Now, I'm secretly observing Alicia from my office. She's in the conference room. She looks good. A little tired though. I can't blame her. It's a tough day for her. I'm impressed she's even working today, with the results only being hours away. I keep observing her, until the meeting comes to an end. Everyone packs up there stuff. Alicia is on her way out but stops in the doorway to talk to Cary. I'm counting down the seconds, she'll be out of here any minute now. On her way to Peter. The next time I'll see her she'll be the governor's wife.
And suddenly it hits me. If I don't act now, this is just like the last time. I'll be on my own, watching her on TV here in my office. I can make calls and send voicemails, but then it won't change anything anymore. And she won't listen. After all, she'll be the governors wife. So if I want to do it right this time, I have to do so now.
Now.
Abruptly, I get up. I walk out of my office, but when I'm out in the hall way, Alicia's already in the elevator. The doors close. She hasn't even noticed me. Too late. Maybe I should take this as a sign that this is not a good idea. I missed her. But wait. I press the button again. Perhaps the other elevator will get me down. If I run, I could catch up with her. I know where she parks her car. I could make it. I get in and desperately push the button to close the doors. Please, let no one else be using this elevator. Am I really going to do this? And what am I going to say? 'I love you'? And then what? She'll dismiss it. I take in a deep breath and close my eyes.
Just be honest Will. Tell her. Say it. That's all there is to it. Third time's a charm. Let's just stick with that. It feels like ages, but after two stops I finally do arrive in the garage. I hurry my way to where her car usually is parked. There she is. Still standing next to her car, holding her phone.
"Alicia."
Surprised she turns around. "Hi?"
"Hi," I let out relieved. I'm a little out of breath but I'm trying to cover that up. "I want to talk to you."
"Can it wait? I'm about to head out and I need to get the kids before we get to the election and-"
"Not really."
She tilts her head at that. "Is everything OK?"
"Yes. Yes. Everything is fine."
"So...?"
She doesn't want to talk to me. She's in a hurry. This is not the right time.
"Will. Seriously, is everything all right?"
"Really. It's Ok. I just need to talk to you." Great job in repeating yourself Will. This is getting more and more awkward by the second.
"Here?" She sounds surprised.
"Yeah, I don't know. Forget about it, bad idea."
"Will. You just came down 28 floors to talk to me."
I open my mouth but nothing comes out but some stupid stutter. She cocks her brow, awaiting my response.
"I wanted to see you before… tonight happens."
"Well here I am." She smiles at me. She seems relaxed. I don't think she knows where I want to go with this.
"Last time you went on a stage on public television, I made the mistake of calling you, putting you on the spot right there… And I don't want to do that again."
The sympathetic look in her eyes immediately changes to cautious as I finish the sentence.
"The voicemail messages…" I sigh again "I need to come clean about something. I haven't been honest about the… second message."
"Will," she interrupts me with a sharp tone. "It doesn't matter anymore."
"Yes. It does matter."
"How does it matter now Will. Tell me. Because I'm about to prepare myself for tonight so it better be-"
"I said…" I interrupt her. "That…" I take one more second. "I loved you." My voice turns into a hoarse whisper at the last three words but I said it. It's out. Not the way I wanted it to, but it's out.
She's clearly overthrown by that. Her eyes grow big, her cheeks flush red. Uncomfortably, she looks for her keys. I'm just staring at her, lost for words.
"I don't think we should be doing this," she says with a reserved voice while staring at the ground. "I need to go." She looks me in my eyes, begging me to stop talking. Then she presses her car keys. With a loud beep her car unlocks. She gives me another stare and then open's the door of her car.
"Wait." I walk up to her. The car door still separates us. Just like the wall that she pulled up between the two of us when she told me it needed to end.
"Look. I know I told you something different when you asked me about it. And I'm sorry. The timing wasn't right."
"And you're saying it is now?" She asks astonished.
"I know," I say. " I get it. I'm not supposed to say it. I know I'm not supposed to love you and I know we're not even supposed to talk to each other right here, but this is the way it is. And you'll probably just ignore all of it, disregard it like it never happened but at least I said it."
I'm taken aback by my own words. Here I am, standing in front of her and spilling my heart in a parking garage. And she's just standing there, close to me, the door still in her hand. I'm begging her to do something that will make this all hurt a little less, that will make it all a little less bad. Because right now, my whole body is aching as I stare in her eyes.
But she doesn't respond at all. She just stands there, her hand tightens around the car door. She tensed up. She's overwhelmed, unsure of what to do. I can't blame her. Neither do I.
I avert my gaze from hers and stare at the enormous concrete arena we're in.
She's right. This is not the right place and not the right time. But that time will never come. I don't regret what I said. But now what? How to end this. I didn't think of that when I hurried down here.
"Will…"
I look back at her. Her eyes are watery. I feel like my heart could break through my ribcage any minute now. There's too much going on.
"You need to stop doing this. It's not fair. What do you expect me to do? Walk away from tonight? Stop my life from happening?"
I shake my head. "No," my voice is so broken I hardly get myself to speak. "I just wanted you to tell me you feel the same," I mumble in nothing more than a whisper. "That's all. Good luck tonight."
"I need to leave now," she mutters.
As she says those words I hope that something will make me disappear from this place. I desperately try to tone down my feelings but I can't. I'm no longer in control. I'm devastated.
"Then this is it," I mumble. "Then this is me giving up right here." My voice cracks. There are tears stinging behind my eyes but I fight my hardest to blink them away.
I bite my lips and take a step back. I don't look at her again. I don't want to see her. I just need to get out of here. This just ended right here. I start walking, I don't even know where to go. For a brief moment I hope she's coming after me but then I hear the door of her car shut and the engine turn on. She's not going to come after me. I could have seen this coming. Every time I'm blinded by some sort of 'now or never, spill your heart' this happens. Life doesn't work this way. I should have learned by now.
I just walk down the parking garage and get outside. I don't know what do with myself. I cross the street, a car honks at me in attempt to warn me for the traffic surrounding me. I have no idea what's happening around me. I spot an empty bench and just sit down. It's too cold to sit outside without a coat but I couldn't care less. So I just sit there, lean my elbows on my lap and cup my face in my hands for I don't know how long. This is bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.
I feel numb. My whole body feels weak and heavy. I can't feel anything. Then I hear a car slowing down and a door shut behind me. I don't look over my shoulder. Of course I hope it's her, but I can't let myself go there. I just stare ahead of me, not turning around. One day, all that hope I'm filled with will get me killed eventually.
But then there's a soft hand on my shoulder. I realize it's hers. My breathing stops for a second. I don't look over my shoulder. I stay put. I don't know what to do. Is this even real? My heart still hits my ribcage with every slow, hammering beat. It hurts.
Then her other hand grabs my other shoulder, and she places a kiss on my hair. "I'm sorry."
A shiver runs down my spine.
"I do," her soft voice whispers. "I do feel the same."
I bent my head down again, not sure what to do.
She lets go and walks around the bench, then sits down close to me. My eyes are fixed on the grass in front of me and I can't bear myself to look up to her. I haven't felt as hurt and vulnerable as I do right now. Finally I find the courage to look in her eyes.
"Hi," she smiles. Her eyes are soft and loving this time, different than back there.
What are you doing here? I think to myself. I thought you were leaving.
It takes a second, but then I smile back. "Hey."
For a moment, the whole world disappears. There's nothing else than her eyes looking in to mine and the sharp wind cooling our cheeks. You are everything I'll ever need, I think to myself. You're it. You're all of it. I can see that's she's trembling. I'm not sure if it's the cold wind or the nerves or a combination of both.
Then she leans in, her hand stroking my cheek. She places a warm and gentle kiss on my lips. My lips slide over hers and finally capture her bottom lip. She let's out a warm and sweet breath. Her tongue traces over mine and our kiss intensifies. My hand finds its way to her neck, pulling her near. Again our lips find each other and we just hold like that, taking in that is actually happening. I gently pull back a little and look in her eyes. She let's out a shivery sigh.
She leans in, her forehead against mine. Her eyes look into mine and then she says it. She finally says it. "I love you too." It's more of a sigh than a sentence but I heard her, and that's what counts. A gentle kiss on my cheek is what follows.
"What do we now?" She says softly.
"I have no idea," I grin. "Sit here a little longer?"
"Sure." she smiles. She takes my hand and rests it on her lap. Together we just sit there, staring at the city in front of us.
"Someday… we're going to be all right."
"I know," she answers. "We will be."
Slowly but steadily, the world starts coming back again. The numbness I was feeling before has disappeared. I'm breathing. This is real, I realize.
Third time's a charm.
- Fin -