Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Angel or anything from the show. Nor do I own Errol or any of the movie stars. Although the idea and plot is mine.

Author's Note: I sent this to BA_Fluff ages ago, but I thought I'd see what y'all over at FF.net think of it. Let me know by reviewing, pretty please?

A/N Aug 2003: I'm in the process of rewriting all my old Buffy stories and I'd love to know what you think of the story one way or the other. Enjoy!


Buffy Goes To Hollywood

***

"Welcome to Sherwood my lady!"

Buffy looked up. A beautifully handsome man wearing a tight green costume was sat astride a large white horse. He smiled down at her, and tipped his green felt hat to her. She found herself blushing and smiling back, until Angel elbowed her, with that familiar jealous look in his eyes.

They weren't entirely sure how they got there or why, but somehow Buffy, Angel, Giles, Willow, Oz, Xander and Cordelia were standing on the outskirts of a lush green forest. The green clad man climbed down from his horse to greet them. He took Buffy's hand and kissed it delicately.

"My lady," he said "Allow me to introduce myself, My name is Errol Flynn."

"Errol Flynn!" Giles exclaimed, as if annoyed that he hadn't recognised him before now.

"You're a fan?" Errol grinned cheekily, taking Giles' hand and shaking it vigorously.

"Well, I've seen Robin Hood," Giles told him.

"Who hasn't seen Robin Hood?" said Errol. "That's why you're in Sherwood!"

"What? Excuse me? Why aren't we in Sunnydale?" demanded Cordelia. Errol looked at her- up and down... and up again.

"Errol Flynn at your service," he introduced himself to Cordelia personally, kissing her hand as he had Buffy's. She returned it with her best, brightest and, she hoped, sexiest smile.

"Jailbait!" Xander said, covering it up with a cough, but Errol just smiled wider at Cordelia. Errol stepped back to speak to them all.

"Sherwood Forest is the entrance to Hollywood."

"Hollywood? As in Hollywood, California?" asked Xander.

"Not that Hollywood," Errol laughed heartily. "Follow the Yellow Brick Road."

He pointed to a yellow brick road leading into the forest. Errol got back on his horse, and after winking at Buffy, Willow and Cordelia, and after giving them all a regal wave, he rode off into the depths of the forest.

"Well Toto, I guess we're not in Sunnydale anymore," Xander quipped.

"We don't have a dog," Cordelia pointed out to him.

"We have a werewolf guy," Xander pointed to Oz.

"Close enough," Oz conceded. A little warily, they began along the Yellow Brick Road into Sherwood Forest. Xander whistled the tune to Somewhere Over The Rainbow.

"So Giles," began Buffy. "Any ideas?"

"Something odd has happened," he said. After getting looks from each, he continued. "Errol Flynn died in the 1950s, and he was at least fifty years old. Yet now he appears to us, very real, and less than thirty years old."

"Looks can be deceptive," the 243 year old vampire in the body of a twenty five year old known as Angel pointed out. Giles nodded.

"Quite," Giles mused.

"Lions, and tigers and bears oh my!" Xander sang as they walked along, receiving an elbow in his side from Cordelia for his trouble.

"Ow! And, you know, ow!" he complained, rubbing his side.

"Be quiet Xander." Giles said.

"But this is Hollywood, and everyone knows that the stars never die!" he said.

Giles stopped suddenly. "Of course!" he slapped his forehead.

"Care to share?" Buffy asked.

"This is a kind of limbo paradise for the movie stars. Because they were stars in real life, they could never be entirely killed off in their movies, which has carried over into their ability to enter Heaven. Or this is their Heaven, a special reward for their work during life," he pondered, brow furrowing.


"That's great Giles. Why are we here?" Buffy demanded, clearly more than a little wigged.

"W.... well, I don't know exactly," he admitted.

***

The forest was getting darker and darker, eerier. Now Xander wasn't singing. He was tip toeing along, ready to run like a woman if the need arose. Angel and Buffy walked at the head of the group, Angel's arm protectively wrapped around her waist.

Behind them, Giles walked, lost in thought, followed by Willow and Oz who walked cautiously along hand in hand. Finally, Xander and Cordelia took up the rear.

Cordelia was alternately complaining that her feet hurt, or praising Errol Flynn's gentlemanly manners. If Xander was no longer singing, it was possibly mostly due to the fact he was reaching his daily Cordelia limit.

"What's that?" Cordelia called out. She pointed. Up on a hill stood a large castle.

"Looks creepy," said Oz.

"This being crazy cinema land and all…" Willow trailed off.

"But it's dark, cold and my feet really hurt!" exclaimed Cordelia. "And it's probably going to rain!" she added for effect.

At that very moment, it began to pour down. The gang looked at each other quizzically.

"It's not like its the Bates Motel," reasoned Oz.

"And we do have the Slayer with us," added Willow, already very cold and wet. And so, biting the bullet, they made their way toward the castle.

***

Exhausted and soaking wet, the Scooby gang arrived at the huge front door.

"For the record, I think this is a really bad idea," said Xander as Buffy pulled the bell chain. Deep within the house, a bell jangled, and the door opened to reveal a strange looking butler.

"Hi, we got lost in the forest, and caught in the storm. Do you have a phone or...." Buffy's voice trailed off as the butler beckoned them inside.

He led them to a dimly lit library, where, beside the fire, a pale man sat drinking something red from a crystal goblet. He was dressed in a velvet cape and a ruffled white shirt. Behind the rest of the group, Angel began coughing, almost as if covering up a laugh.

"Dracula?" Cordelia whispered to Xander. Xander shrugged, the two of them wearing matching petrified expressions.

"I've been expecting you," the man said in a thick Transylvanian accent.

"Really?" asked Buffy, a little confused.

"Yes my dear," he got up and took Buffy's hand. "I'm hungry." he told her, opening his mouth to reveal a pair of long, sharp fangs.

Despite her better judgement and knowledge of vampires, Buffy tensed up, scared. They all held their breath, until from behind them, Angel laughed out loud.

"Please," he said derisively. "I've seen more convincing five year olds on Halloween." Dracula looked up.

"What?" he demanded.

"You're so unrealistic! You don't look anything like a vampire. This is what a vampire looks like." For Dracula's benefit, and without much warning, Angel vamped out.

Dracula screamed a high pitched, girlie scream and his fangs fell out.

"You're not Dracula. You're Bela Lugosi!" Angel accused. Lugosi picked his fake fangs up from the floor.

"Well, yeah," he admitted, the accent now a little less strong.

"What was that Dracula thing all about?" Buffy asked, more than a little embarrassed to have been duped like that. She was meant to be the Slayer, after all.

"It's my thing. Flynn stopped by for a drink and mentioned you'd be along at some point. So I thought I'd try to impress you. But you guys are pretty up on vampires, huh?" he asked, uneasily, backing away from Angel.

"It's OK Mr. Lugosi. He's a good vampire," Buffy told him. At his confused look she continued,

"It's a long story. But he gets annoyed when movies don't show vampires like they really are." Buffy made a comic face. Angel scowled at her, but then relenting, smiled.

"Sorry sir," he said, shaking Lugosi's hand. Bela then smiled back,

"So you got caught in the storm, huh? Stay here until the morning. I'll show you to the guest rooms." Noticing their slightly concerned, scared expression, he added, "It's perfectly safe, no ghosts or anything."

They settled into their rooms- although Xander was dismayed to learn he had to share with Dead Boy. With stakes and holy water readily available just in case, the Scooby Gang settled down for sleep.

***

The morning came quickly- and it was as if the castle was totally different- it was light and airy and... pretty. But the biggest change was in Bela Lugosi himself. Gone were the fake fangs, the ruffles and the velvet- he came into breakfast tanned and wearing tennis whites. On being questioned by Cordelia, he answered

"This is Hollywood. Nothing is quite as it seems."

After breakfast, they thanked him and went back along the Yellow Brick Road. Ahead of them they could just make out the town, although it was deceptively far away. As the road stretched out in front of them, they began to tire.

Just as even Buffy felt her legs go numb, the clattering of horses hooves could be heard behind them.

Hey there!" a deep male voice called. A large cart slowed to a stop by the weary group. A tall dark man, with a pencil thin moustache and a leering half grin held the reins, while a beautiful dark lady sat beside him, a scowl marring her features.

"Need a lift?" he asked. The tired group could only nod, and clambered into the cart.

"Fiddle Dee-Dee. We'll never get to Tara now," the woman said to him more than a little petulantly.

"We'll get there Scarlett. Just be patient," he told her, as if addressing a child.

"Rhett Butler?" asked Giles.

"You've heard of me?" he asked as he grinned again.

"In... In a manner of speaking."

"So, did you hear about my exploits in Charleston, or my blockade running, or my scandalous relationship with Miss O'Hara... Hamilton... Kennedy... Butler," he added slowly to irritate Scarlett. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Well, all of it."

"So you've seen the movie?" asked Rhett.

"Yes. Yes I have."

"Like it?"

"Yes, very much."

Rhett drove along, for another half an hour, until he came to a fork in the road.

"We're off to Tara. If you follow the road that way, you'll get to town in no time."

He smiled charmingly at the girls, while Scarlett silently fumed, before the two then drove off.

"So, they were the actual characters, not the actors?" Buffy asked.

"So it would appear. It's all very confusing," Giles' forehead creased into a frown.

"At least that other guy wasn't a real vampire," Xander pointed out.

"Real vampires I can handle. Freaky Hollywood people are a little more confusing," said Buffy.

"Maybe we'll find out more when we get to town," suggested Willow. And so the intrepid bunch walked along the Yellow Brick Road towards the town.

***

After what seemed like hours, they arrived at the town, where the Yellow Brick Road gave way to an elegant Main Street. A large sign proclaimed:

HOLLYWOOD: MORE STARS THAN THERE ARE IN THE HEAVENS WORLD!

Main Street was bustling with life- vintage looking cars in pastel shades cruised past the baffled group. It was like walking onto a movie set which was in the style of the forties and fifties. Buffy, in her lycra pants and tank top felt woefully out of place compared to the elegant women gliding past. Behind her, Xander began whistling the Twilight Zone theme until silenced by Willow's elbow.

"First stop- a clothes store," Buffy told them. They walked along Main Street, trying to ignore the stares.

They arrived at a large boutique, and within minutes the girls were being flattered and showered with dresses and accessories. Cordelia was in heaven; unlike Angel, Xander, Oz and Giles, who watched, bewildered, and a little frightened.

Then, a male assistant appeared from nowhere and began measuring them for bespoke suits.

***

An hour later, Angel stepped out, hair brylcreemed back, a little pencil thin moustache had appeared and he worse a perfectly fitting black pinstripe suit, crowned with a snap brim fedora. He looked like a cross between matinee idol and gangster.

Giles had been fitted out in a brown suit, not entirely unlike tweed, while Xander and Oz wore beautiful three piece suits in blue and grey respectively. The collective 'wow' they got was nothing compared to their reactions to Buffy, Willow and Cordelia.

Buffy wore a red skirt suit with a red pillbox hat, while Cordelia wore a slightly more daring blue sundress, and Willow wore a green dress and a half crown hat with a small veil.

"You look....amazing!" Angel offered, rendered partly speechless by the vision of his girlfriend dressed up as she was. She wrapped her arms around him

"So do you," she told him. Giles, however, could be counted on to cut in.

"This is all very well, but we must find out why we're here. And how to get back."

They left the boutique- where every thing was free of charge- and headed down Main Street. As they walked, they got the distinct impression of being watched by all. Angel, however, was so entranced by being able to walk in the sun (or whatever it was that passed as the sun) that he walked straight into someone.

"Hey! Goddamn it!" she said, a little harshly. Angel stumbled and looked down.... at a devastatingly beautiful woman. She had black hair, and dark sultry eyes, with clothes cut a little more daringly than most of the women they'd seen.

"I am so sorry," he said. She looked up, and the angry expression melted from her face.

"That's OK. I wasn't really looking. My name's Ava Gardner," she told him, as if he should have known her name anyway. She shook his hand elegantly.

Angel was transfixed. He knew her from somewhere, some other time.

"I'm Angel," he told her. She looked up at him from beneath her eyelashes.

"Oh, I know. Everyone knows who you are," she said, still holding his hand.

Buffy looked on in silent anger, and was about to make a comment when all attention switched to the middle of the road.

A group of men in perfect suits and fedoras were strolling down the middle of the road- literally stopping traffic. They were uber-cool.

"Damn Rat Pack," Ava muttered.

"Sorry?" Angel was snapped out of his reverie.

"Frank," she said, nodded towards the group of men.

At the head of the group walked The Chairman of The Board: Frank Sinatra. He was followed by his friends Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. and Peter Lawford. At the sight of Ava standing with a handsome young man, Frank's studied cool exploded into hot rage. He walked briskly over and grabbed her by the arm.

"Shit, Frank!" she yelled. A few people stopped walking to watch them.

"What are you doin', talking to random men in the street?" he raged at her. Dean and Sam approached to calm him down. "I won't have you acting like a whore, Ava Sinatra!"

"He's not some random man, and I'll talk to whoever I damn well want! You don't own me Sinatra! AND I'M NOT AVA SINATRA!" she screamed back. Frank went to lunge at Angel, but the bigger, stronger Dean held Frank back.

"Now, pallie, calm down. There ain't no harm been done here," he said in his lazy drawl.

At the sound of the olive oil smooth voice of his friend and blood brother, Sinatra calmed down a little, but still pulled Ava away- who was, for her part, kicking and screaming and swearing like a trooper. Angel stood staring after them.

"Angel?" Buffy's voice was sharp.

"Huh?"

"Having your mouth open like that, do you know how becoming that's not?" she told him. He snapped out of it.

"Sorry," he smiled sheepishly, but she wasn't having any of it. She stalked down the street, leaving him to follow on.

They had no idea where they were going, but they walked along just the same. As they approached the Chinese Theatre at the end of the street, they found out why. Hanging on the wall was a huge banner bearing their faces:

PREMIERE TONIGHT! BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!!

***