Disclaimer: I do not own Vocaloid.
Sentient
Gakupo
Bitterness
"What do you have to complain about?"
CUL said that to me this morning. She probably didn't think much of it when she said it (does anyone think much of anything around here?) but I suppose she had a point or something because I've been thinking about it all day.
And I almost never think that much about anything anyone says to me.
I guess it's because I've never seen myself as someone who complains a lot that it got under my skin. You never notice these kinds of things until you look for them, and with every thing I let annoy me today I realized that I really am ungrateful.
Galaco is getting deactivated. I hear her crying when I pass her bedroom, even though she smiles around the rest of us.
Sometimes I think it's a little cruel the way they blame us for their mistakes. It isn't her fault there's a glitch in her program. It doesn't make sense that she has to stop existing because they can't afford her.
We're Vocaloid, they say, like it's one thing. Like we're the same. United.
They don't let us be, though. They put us in this competition of sales and upgrades. All we're supposed to want is glory. We're like advertisements, they need us to convince people to pay them. And if that doesn't work out, we end up like KAITO. Mocked, called a failure, and practically disgraced.
Which brings me back to what I was saying earlier about how ungrateful I am. I spend most of my time around Crypton Vocaloid, with the exception of GUMI. They don't have to let me be around. They don't need me at all, actually. And all I can do when I'm around them is criticize them. I honestly don't know why they bother me so much. I'd probably be left alone in the dust if it weren't for them, because I'm imperfect and it's not like no one notices. But they treat me just like I'm one of them. The only one who comments on my low sales- on my failure in the competition nobody wants to admit we're in- is Rin. And really, who am I to hate her? I don't have to mean a single thing to her, and I don't. She isn't the one who acts in a way she shouldn't- it's the others. Have I ever thanked KAITO for a single thing? All I've ever done is treat him with coldness and disrespect, and he still stands by me. I'm not popular, but I've never been spat on like KAITO. I've never been called a failure. I've never felt like I was alone in anything, and that's in large part because of him.
Sometimes I think that's why I find him so irritating. He's so genuinely nice, it doesn't make sense in the world we live in. A world of competition, a world where you help others, but only because it'll help you. Us Vocaloid weren't made to be generous. Of course, nothing that generates money is.
(As a side note, I always found Judgment of Corruption to be hilarious in its irony.)
And then there's Luka.
Sometimes I wonder if it's the audience that influences us, or us who influence the audience. Luka, though, does not annoy me. And I think it might be because of her selfishness that I can stand her.
Luka is very kind. She genuinely cares about others, and she really does try to help people.
But she doesn't put others before herself. Luka refuses to be cheated, unlike Len, whose kindness almost makes him stupid. Unlike KAITO, who doesn't care so much for others as he does for his image. I can understand why. He doesn't want to be hurt like that again. It's still almost suffocating how annoying it can be. Unlike Rin, whose selfishness is disgusting with how much its rotted her. Unlike Miku, who doesn't have to worry. Unlike anyone.
Luka won't sell herself out because she's worried what people will think. She won't sing a song she doesn't believe in. Luka controls the way she's used, and she wants to use it in a way that emphasizes her beliefs and allows her to help those she cares about. It's so selfless and so selfish at the same time, and it's so beautiful. You can trust Luka, really trust her, and it's not because she's too stupid to really understand or too afraid of you to betray. It's because she doesn't believe in betrayal, Luka believes in love. In her own selfish, possessive way, Luka believes in truth and honor and kindness and love.
And I love her for it.
Luka belongs here. She belongs to the competition, to the slavery, to the lack of free will. But she only belongs here because she understands the rules of the game and she knows how to play it without cheating, unlike Rin, who's the sorest loser, unlike Len, who doesn't want to win and gives the answers away, and unlike KAITO, who doesn't really care as long as people believe he knows what he's doing.
Unlike me, who hates the game and can't stand the players.
I hate the fact that I'll never win because I'm so bitter about the fact I have to play.
And then there's others, like Galaco, who can't even play at all.
I sometimes wonder if that would come as a relief to some of the others.
But then I remember that we know nothing about the world outside our prison, and even if we were kicked out of the prison, there's no proof we'd be allowed beyond into the world.
Maybe there is no world.
So, I guess CUL really does have a point. Maybe it was a little deeper than she was going for.
Really, though, with all the miracles, all the friendships, the race and thrill and snarky comments and pranks, the image, the advertising, betrayal, the success, the glory, the failures and mockery and a hurt so deep you end up acting for the rest of your life, the virtue in a certain kind of rebellion and the songs that really don't have any meaning at all coming from the deepest part of our lungs at no decent hour, when the only ones who can hear us are dead people pretending to be alive, exercising us in our slavery and thinking they have something to be proud of, reaping the benefits of the soulless nobodies they bought, the control freaks that keep us alive...
What do I have to complain about?
A/N: This is the first of eight one-shots. Each is written from the perspective of a different Vocaloid (Gakupo, Piko, Luka, GUMI, Len, Rin, CUL, KAITO). I wrote these to practice being able to write distinct voices for different characters. Hopefully, I've managed to accomplish that. Each one-shot concerns mostly the same topic of free will and the competition for sales among Vocaloid. Reviews are always appreciated!