Title: Vongola Famiglia Rule XXX: No Going Commando

Summary: Just because Tsuna had long since mastered the skill of slipping into his Hyper Dying Will mode without needing his pills, doesn't mean Reborn doesn't keep some Dying Will bullets on hand. Fortunately, Tsuna's Hyper Intuition has also grown enough for him to be able to dodge Reborn's shots with relative ease, but the same couldn't be said for his Guardians…

Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn! belongs to Akira Amano

Pairing: None

Warning: More or less crack. Also, language (or rather, cursing in Primo's name), because Tsuna has never been more done with his life.

For mangaaddict26.

Unbeta'd.

Vongola Famiglia Rule XXX: No Going Commando

I don't care how tight your leather pants are. No one in Vongola is allowed to go commando. Ever.

Not for the first time, Sawada "Tsuna" Tsunayoshi, famed Vongola Decimo of the Vongola Famiglia, wondered how was this his life.

It was just a regular, biweekly Guardians' meeting. The purpose was, of course, for the Guardians to update Tsuna on their respective division's activities and for Tsuna to assign new missions to his Guardians. They also took the time to decide who would accompany Decimo on his meetings, as well as any other miscellaneous things that needed discussing, all while bickering like three year olds in a playground.

Despite being called a "Guardians' meeting", Reborn, Sun Arcobaleno and Vongola hitman, usually sat in on the meetings as well, given his semi-official position as Vongola Decimo's Internal Advisor.

('In hindsight', Tsuna would later think, '…if Reborn is around, I should have expected as much.')

The start of this current chaos was, apparently, Ryohei's extremely passionate recount of his latest mission (which involved teaming up with Lussuria to provide backup for one of Vongola's alliances).

Halfway through Ryohei's speech of how heroically he had entered the fray with Lussuria, Gokudera had snapped and demanded that the Vongola Sun Guardian shorten his review to 'two sentences or less'. (And, judging by the look on Hibari's face, this was one of the few times the Vongola Storm and Cloud Guardian were actually in agreement.) Yamamoto immediately jumped in to calm Gokudera down, only to be dragged into the tongue-lashing (as usual), while Lambo 'helpfully' mocked Gokudera for his motherhen tendencies. Chrome stayed silent, smiling faintly at her fellow Guardians' antics—something Tsuna himself might be inclined to do if not for the increasingly devious smirk on his tutor's face.

Mukuro joining the fray was the last nail in Tsuna's coffin—

"Dame-Tsuna," the dreaded voice came, followed by the unmistakable click of a gun. "It's your job as their boss to stop them. So do it with your Dying Will."

—well, sort of.

At the age of twenty-one, Tsuna's Hyper Intuition had grown strong enough to dodge Reborn's surprise attacks with relative ease. Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for his Guardians.

Tsuna stood a step to the side, watching in morbid fascination as the bright red bullet swept past him and towards his Guardians. The bullet split apart right as it entered the fray, it's glowing red interior shooting forward. Tsuna's eyes followed the glow's trajectory, and for that one moment, the Vongola Decimo wished the Dying Will bullet had hit him instead.

"Oh Primo, noo…" He moaned.

Silence washed over the room as a body fell to the floor with a solid thud.

And then, as the fallen body rose from the dead, they screamed as more chaos descended.

"You perverted pineapple… Why in the six hells are you naked?!"

"Oh my god. My eyes. My EYES."

"A… Ahahahahaa…"

"You… I'll bite you to—"

"—I'll never be able to see again…!"

"Extremeeeeeeeeeee!"

The screaming continued (and, in fact, increased in volume as a certain very naked illusionist pranced around the meeting room with a flaming forehead) only dying down minutes later, when the Guardians finally recovered enough to realise the room was steadily getting colder. The Guardians mentally prepared themselves, then turned to see Tsuna calmly sitting in his seat… in Hyper Dying Will mode.

The Don Vongola was completely still.

With his face inclined towards the desk in front of him, his bangs had swung forward, obscuring his facial expression, all the Guardians could see was the brilliant orange flame burning on his forehead. It took Tsuna exactly one minute and eighteen seconds of deep breathing to calm down enough for the Dying Will flame to burn out peacefully. The brunet exhaled deeply one last time before turning to his tutor, resisting the urge to glare at the wide smirk on said man's face.

"I hate you, Reborn." Tsuna said matter-of-factly.

"No you don't." His tutor quipped back.

"No, I don't." Tsuna agreed. "And I don't know why. Must be the result of all those concussions you gave me when we first met…" The brunet rolled his eyes in exasperation before turning back to his extremely quiet Guardians. "…Well. For starters… Mukuro. I know for a fact that you can't be affected by Dying Will bullets, so drop that illusion right now before I personally castrate you."

One mist show later, Mukuro emerged, fully-dressed, and sulked. "You're no fun."

"First of all, I am the head of the Vongola Famiglia. Allow me to remind you that we have one of the bloodiest history in the entire Mafia. I am not fun." Tsuna deadpanned. "Secondly…" The brunet glanced at Mukuro, eyes sweeping from top to bottom, pausing briefly at the illusionist's pants before continuing back up to meet mismatched eyes. "I never thought I'll ever have to ask such a question, but… Why are you not wearing any…" Tsuna waved a hand up and down.

Mukuro had the audacity to look offended as he gasped dramatically, "Do you know what underwear lines do to my perfectly tight pants?"

"I don't care." Tsuna ground out. "I have just seen more of you than I ever need to see in my entire life. I don't want to know how tight your pants are or how wearing underwear or not affects your looks. Trust me, no enemy of ours will stop to admire how tight and smooth your pants are in battle, they will simply attack you." He heaved a deep breath before continuing under his breath, "For Primo's sake. I can't believe I'm saying this but I preferred it when he had a uniform fetish."

The Vongola Decimo stared at his Guardians—who had a rather interesting variety of look on their faces at the moment—as he mentally questioned his life once again. He briefly entertained the idea of early retirement before tossing that thought out of the window. Finally, running a hand through messy brown locks, Tsuna sighed and got up from his seat, turning for the door.

"J-Jyuudaime…?"

"Well. I doubt any of us has the cognitive ability to continue after Mukuro essentially flashed us, so this meeting is over for the day." Tsuna spoke. "Now, excuse me while I go break into Xanxus' stash. I need to get really, really drunk and he has all the good stuff."

A/N: This fic is a bit of trainwreck, but I still sort of liked how it turned out? Yes, Mukuro flashed them. Yes, they're gonna be traumatized for a while. (Well, most of them.) Poor, poor Tsuna. He's pretty much the most powerful man in the Mafia, but his Guardians make him feel like a pre-school teacher on a daily basis. xD

Well. Hope you guys enjoyed Tsuna's tor― I mean, the fic. Ciao ciao~