'ello, 'ello, 'ello and welcome to my third story! I hope this one will be a lot better than my other two. I will upload three chapters at a time, to keep your interest and to make it a whole load easier on me. If you haven't read my previous story here's a quick catch-up. Stan, Kyle and Joey, in this story as well as the one before, are brothers, Joey has a load of mental conditions, he had to go to the doctors 'cos he was getting worse, lack of sleep made him aggressive, he went on a date with Red after Stan found him on the roof looking at her house with binoculars, he punched Cartman when he was insulted by him and that's about it. By the way, the title is actually another name for a certain activity. If you can figure it out (don't Google it unless you're prepared for an eyeful) you will get a mention at the beginning of a chapter. Enjoy the story, review and PM me with your questions and guess's. Good luck!

THE OXFORD RUB

29/05/2012

12:06:49

In the week the boys Mom was back a lot of things happened. I'll start with The Break-Up.

Joey was on his way over to Red's house to give her some bad news. In the week his Mom had been back, they had drifted apart and Joey didn't want to continue their relationship.

Or at least that's what Joey wanted her to believe. He knocked on the door and sighed, scuffing his shoes, knowing he'd have to be mean to someone he cared about. But she wasn't right for him.

In fact, she was completely the opposite of what he wanted. But more on that later. Red answered the door and smiled upon seeing who was there.

"Hi, Joey. What are you doing here?"

"Hi... I've got something to tell you. I'm sorry, Red, but I can't be with you anymore. I can't keep up this thing, I'd be hurting both of us."

"Oh... Don't worry, Joey. I understand."

"Really? Then, can we stay friends?"

"Yeah, sure. I agree, if we're in a relationship that isn't going anywhere, the best thing to do is end it. If we didn't, we'd just be suffering and it would ruin several aspects of our lives be it friends, family or school."

"Yeah..."

He hugged her and went back home. He lay down on the couch and sighed, realising it was doomed from the start.

Now for The School. I shall delve deeper into the particulars of school as you read further.

Joey felt he should be in school, when you think about his higher intelligance.

His first word at 8 months sounded vaguely like "Homosexual." It came out as "Humaseksul." the first time but it became clearer by the age of 1, when he was able to string together a sentence.

At 2 he had potty-trained himself and was showing signs of paruresis and insomnia.

At 3 he was able to read and write at the level of a 8 year old.

At 4 he was writing everything in cursive, learning calligraphy and showing signs of OCD.

At 5 he grew bored of the English language and insisted on learning something new.

He started to show bi-polar characteristics at 6, along with depression, mood-swings and restless leg syndrome.

At 7 he was baking better than a 50's housewife, a type of person he always compared himself to.

By the time he was 8 he was fluent in Polish, Russian, Slovakian, Latin and Swedish.

At the age of 9 he won his first chess game, playing against a child progidy and was showing signs of Sitophobia, Glossophobia and paranoia.

Now at the age of 10, he already has the average intelligence of any teacher at the school, probably more than them in some cases.

Stan and Kyle warned him about Cartman.

"Don't worry, if he bothers me, I'll punch 'im in the face again."

"Well, have you thought about what classes you're gonna take and what people you're gonna hang out with?"

"After checking out the class and student lists, I think I'll take History, Math, Latin cos I've pretty much got that down already, Science and... Home Economics."

"Why Home Ec?"

"I can already bake, I'm an awesome tailor and I've pretty much got the housewife thing down. It's an easy grade."

"Good point."

"I'll probably hang out with Thomas and Tweek Tweak."

"Why? Those two are the most ignored kids in school."

"That means I'll fit in perfectly. And, besides, that Thomas is kind of cu- uh, cool."

"Yeah..."

"Anyway, Mom got me in your class and I'll be going with you Monday. She was a little upset that she'll miss my first day but at least I'll be able to walk in with the two coolest guys in school."

Stan and Kyle blushed a little bit. Joey had always been excellent at the gentlemans art of flattery.

Now to get to the main story and we begin at Joey's first day in school...