Even in Death
I blame myself.
Sure, part of it was her fault. She trusted me to be alone with her. And she would always want more of what I had not the control to give. We would kiss, our fingers wandering over each other. But we would always stop. I made sure of that.
That night I lay beside her in her bed like I did every night. Her breathing was steady, but I could tell she was still awake. Bella usually stirred in her sleep, but she was laying perfectly still. She turned slowly over to face me.
"Edward?" I could feel her looking at my face as I pretended to sleep. "Faker." I couldn't keep myself from smiling.
"Mmm?" I didn't open my eyes.
"I love you," she whispered. My eyes fluttered open and I smiled her favorite smile.
"I love you too," I said, kissing her. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her fingers tangled in my hair. My hands traveled down the curves of her body, and I ached for more. "I can't…"
"Don't stop," she begged. Her voice was so desperate and filled with longing. I obeyed.
We lost ourselves in a moment of passion. A moment I wish I could take back. I wanted her body so badly, but her blood called to me like a siren's voice. She screamed, but it was already too late when I realized the cause. I had sank my teeth into her, and taken it all. Not one drop of blood was left in her body. I had given her what she wanted most, death, but not in the way she desired.
I looked at her face in horror. Her eyes were glazed over, and her skin no longer held that beautiful blush.
"No!"
Charlie wasn't home; that I was thankful for. I buried my face in her neck and sobbed tearlessly, arching her limp body. What had I done? My beautiful Bella lay lifeless in the bed we shared for so long. I quickly picked her up; she was lighter without life in her body. I was sickened with myself. I knew I had no soul. I knew I was a monster. And Bella was proof.
I was at home before I knew it. Esme was the first to greet me. She didn't say anything; she knew I was punishing myself enough. She only placed her hand on my arm and left. She was crying inside though, I could hear her sobs, and it crushed my already shattered heart. I let everyone down; Carlisle, my family, but most of all my Bella.
I buried Bella in our backyard, gravestone and all. Charlie thought she ran away. He was so broken. I could only blame myself for losing control, losing Bella.
I lost all reason for existence, yet I would never know the ecstasy of death. I was undeserving of the slow painful death I wished for. I had to live with what I did, and suffer day after day with memories of Bella that could not be forgotten.
My family had left. After what happened to Bella, they didn't want anybody to grow suspicious of them, so they fled. Esme and Alice begged me to leave with them, but I ignored them. I couldn't leave her, even if it was only her body.
I stayed in my room for months, staring out the window at Bella's grave. I was unresponsive to the outside world. No one knew I still lived in our house. I never left, not even to feed. My body began to eat itself, and yet still I stayed, staring out the window at her.
Because at night, she would come for me. She would speak to me.
I sat on the couch in my room facing a small chair. A quilt she had once made for me covered up what was left of my body, hanging from my shoulders. I had grown disgustingly frail and weak, but still I didn't move. I wouldn't blink, or I would miss her entrance. My room was always dark when she came except for the moonlight that seeped through my window and illuminated the chair.
Suddenly, she would be sitting across from me, the right leg always crossed over the left. Dirt covered her decaying skin. She may have been missing an eye, but it was always too dark to tell. She chewed what was left of her nails and smirked at me. She reeked of death, nothing like my Bella. But yet she was. Every night, she came back to remind me.
"Hello, lover," she whispered.
"I've missed you my love," I whispered back.