Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I don't own Rurouni Kenshin
So you better not sue
We do own Miss Kyoko Zahaline and I Miss Enonet Shazumni.
Read Turkey Surprise FIRST! It'll make more sense. Also, anything in stars are thoughts
Valentine Blues
By The Amazing Tsu-Chan and Mitzuki Amagiwa
(Rated T for Language)
(Prologue)
It was the beginning of February, and Karou-san was about to kill Kenshin-kun.
(Chapter One)
"WHERE, IN THIS GOD-FORGIVEN COUNTRY, HAVE YOU BEEN?" Karou, Misao, and Megumi yelled, simultaneously.
"Kenshin, gomen to say it but, you broke that kuso promise AGAIN!" Sano said abruptly.
"Hey, I know this is 'fun' and all," Yahiko started, "but who is that really, really kawaii girl behind you?" He pointed at a young girl who just seemed to stand in grief at the chaos around her.
Saito looked at her. That cute 'lil chart formed in his head….
Megumi Fox Lady
Karou Raccoon Girl
Misao Weasel Girl
Enonet (the girl form Turkey Surprise) Kirei Inu
The new girl behind Kenshin Kawaii Neko
"You got another girl, aye Battousai? Hen… You keep finding ai in young girls…"
"Iie! No this is just an old-" Kenshin started…
"Kenshin, you son of a bitch!" Karou said, as she slapped our favorite manslayer….
Kenshin's eyes went swirly. "She's just an old friend of mine, during the revolution…. Ohhhh………."
"Kenshin-sempai!" the girl yelled. "Daijobu deska? Himoura-sensei!"
Everyone was surprised.
"Okay, kiddo. Tell me how you know Mr. Kenshin or you're gonna pay!" Misao yelled, poised with her daggers.
"Please, young miss, explain how you know our friend." Genkai said, stepping in front of Misao.
"Himoura-sensei taught me 11 years ago how to wield a sword. I learned the Hiten Mistsirugi style from him. Himoura-sensei was a friend of my late father. He is, technically, the only person alive who knew my family. I got a letter from him, saying he wanted me to come over for Valentine's Day." she blurted.
"Yes," Kenshin said, as he rubbed his head, "and I was hoping to have her train under Miss Karou, and maybe Miss Misao and Miss Megumi!"
"What's 'Valentine's Day,' Uncle Kenny?" Sizumi said.
"What's 'Valentine's Day,' Uncle Kenny?" Ayama mimicked.
"Kuso, Kenshin, it sounds like another evil Western 'Thanksgiving'-thing. Remember Enonet-chan!" Sano exclaimed. "It was evil, not her though…. She was cute." Sano was blushing now.
All of our usual RK, or SX, characters seem to remember last November, when a mysterious girl showed them an American traditional holiday.
Miss Megumi slapped him, also. "What's this thing, anyway, miss… miss…. Who are you anyway?"
(Chapter Two)
"Hello Miss Megumi-san, the greatest doctor ever" (WARNING: stating to act like a suck-up ¬\) she faced Megumi. "And Miss Karou-san, assistant master of the Kamiya Kashem-style." "Mr. Sanoskae Sagara, one of the two surviving members of the Sekihotai group." "And Genkai-sama, another great doctor." "And Miss Misao-san, member of the Obiwabban." "And Mr. Aoshi-kun, the leader of the Obiwabban group." "And cute Shizumi and Ayama, Genkai's granddaughters." "And Saito, the former leader of the third Shinsinzgumi squad." "And Yahiko-kun, student of Miss-."
"I AM NOT OLD! KUSO!" Yahiko yelled, as he lunged for the girl. Sano stopped him.
"Isn't it better than being called 'little,' kid?" Sano said, sarcastically.
"I'm sorry, Yahiko, um… -chan, but it's a habit of mine. Being polite, and all. I am Miss Kyoko Zahaline, student of Kenshin Himoura-sensei." Kyoko said with a little curtsy in a short kimono.
"Nice ta meet 'cha!" Misao said.
"Thank you…." Kyoko said, as the bishoujus shook hands.
Kuso, she's kawaii! Yahiko thought. He had hearts in his eyes.
Uh-oh. Yahiko has that look again… Karou thought.
(Chapter Three)
"So what is this 'Valentine's Day,' then Miss Neko?" Saito asked.
Miss Neko? Kyoko thought.
"Valentine's Day is always on February 14th, and-" Kenshin started.
"-It is a holiday where people show their love for one another. It's a day just for celebrating love." Kyoko said.
"And it's a perfect time to see whom Sir Kenshin loves the most, aye Karou?" Enonet said as she popped out of nowhere!
"KUSO!" Karou said, as she saw their friend.
It was Juichi-gatsu when I saw her last. "Kuso, she's a bitch of an inu…" said Saito.
"What'd ya say, Wolf-boy?" Enonet said. "I could just go back to my own time, if that's what you want…"
"No!" Sano said. She may be a bitch, but she's kuso cute…
"Well, it's a week till the day of hearts, but" Kyoko said sleepy, "I'm a bit tired; would it be okay if I could take a nap?"
"Sure," Karou said.
All those Kenshin-loving girls started to cook up plans to win Kenshin's heart.
(Chapter Four)
The next day, Karou came up to Kyoko (Enonet left the night before), hoping for advice. "Kyoko-chan, could I ask a favor of you?" she asked.
"Sure, Miss Karou-san." she replied, full of energy after Kenshin's home-cooked breakfast.
"Okay, first," Karou started, "you don't need both -san and Miss. It's the same thing." Kyoko nodded. "Okay, well, this Valentine's thing, I want to do something for Kenshin, and-" Karou looked around; to make sure no one else was listening. "And, I want it to be the best thing he could ever receive. REAL better than that Fox Lady or Weasel Girl!"
Fox Lady, Weasel Girl? Oh right, them. Kyoko thought. "Well, what do you have in mind, Karou-san?"
"Something he could use, to help him, if he ever leaves again. I dunno. Something useful, but out of the way…. Like a knife that folds up into your pocket, but there's no such thing… KUSO!" Karou was frantic at that point.
"But there is! Here, look at this book. It has all kinds." Kyoko said. Karou took the book and was puzzled.
KUSO! What kind of writing is this? I can't read it… Fuck… Karou thought.
Kyoko saw her puzzled friend. "You can read Eigo, can't you?" Karou shook her head 'no.' "Well, here I'll teach ya! Then you can teach everyone to read it, as a surprise!"
So for the next three hours, Kyoko helped Karou to read and speak English. This all took place in Karou's locked room. Those in the Kamiya household were scared about what was happening. Around noon, Karou knew the majority of all words in the standard Eigo of that time, and the future; Kyoko left for her room.
(Chapter 5)
Then, Misao came into Kyoko's room. "Um… Hey, Kyoko-chan," she said, shyly, "can I have more than one Valentine?"
"Yeah, of course. From what I heard, Yahiko will be happy about that, with all his odd crushes…" she replied.
"Hey, kiddo. Can you help me? I wanna give Aoishi a present and Himoura a present. And I need to give Saito one, too." Misao said, in a hush voice.
"Oh….. You like the man with a wife!" Kyoko said in a very shocked voice.
"No! That's not it at all." She yelled. "Ahem…. What I mean to say is Saito's wife is sick. So, after hearing about you and this holiday, she wanted to give something to her husband. What could you give a man to re-kindle their love?"
"Well, Saito-kun could use a kick in the butt, but maybe a new pair of handcuffs that no one can get out of…."
"Great idea, Kyoko-chan!" Both of them are, I'll give 'em the kick Then Misao got quieter. "But what about Himoura and Aoshi?"
"Um, make some thing, like cookies or weapons!" Kyoko said, very optimistically (unlike her usual self).
"OK! " Misao said happily.
(Chapter 6)
Again, Kyoko's peace didn't last soon (although she had enough time to take a bath, get sighted by Sano, and chase him across the Kamiya household for about an hour in a bath kimono…) Miss Megumi came in, a bit more abruptly than the other two girls.
"Well, little neko, could you help me with some valentines?" Megumi said, almost mockingly.
"Sure, Miss Megumi! How could I help you?" Kyoko replied, tiredly, but pleased.
"Okay then. I want you to help me make a love potion, that'll make any man I choose want me FOREVER! Please? Pretty please?" Megumi asked strictly.
Kyoko rummaged through her small bag, until she found a book. She ripped out a page, exactly like the surrounding ones, and handed it to the Fox Lady. "This is a love potion, whichever man, or men," Kyoko said, genkily, "will fall madly in love with you."
"Does it work?" asked Megumi, clutching the directions in a tight fist.
"Frankly," Kyoko started. She turned around with an Ed-like (Radical Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Trivusky the Fourth, not Ed, Edd, and Eddy) smile, "I don't know!" She went back to her normal self, "I have a potion that I'm positively sure that'll work, but I do not want to give away the secret just yet." She finished.
"Well," Megumi said, "thanks for the potion anyway!" Now Sir Ken and Sano will just HAVE to fall in love with me, and then we'll leave the Raccoon girl to suffer. "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha- ahh…"
Megumi tripped; Kyoko had one of those sweatdrops most anime/manga characters get.
"Ha, ha, ha…" Enonet laughed. She just appeared in the doorway, holding her gut. "Wow, for a fox, you're sure are clumsy! Ha, ha, ha!"
Megumi glared at the Brit., in a very sinister way.
"Oh, Megumi-san," Kyoko said, with her hand in front of her mouth, "Are you okay? Daijobu Deska?"
Megumi pushed her self up. "'Course I'm ok…. I'm a doctor!" Megumi left. And, during the time, hit Enonet squarely across the head.
"Owwwwwww!" she yelled. Rubbing her head gently, "That was wrong…"
"No, it wasn't," Kyoko said, "you made her trip AND you laughed at her… You deserved more, actually…"
"Yeah, yeah…. Whatever…." Enonet yelled, rather crossly… "Hey how about you help me fix these…."
(Chapter 7)
The day of hearts arrived and everyone was happy. After Kenshin's and Kyoko's co-gift (a heart-filled breakfast), Enonet stood up and started to hand out something in red wrapping paper.
"Everyone, you can now open your gifts!" Enonet shouted. Everyone opened the paper to see a customized cell phone.
Kyoko saw Kenshin's, Sano's, Saito's, Megumi's, Misao's, Aoishi's, Genkai's, Ayama's, Sazumi's, and Yahiko's puzzled looks. Actually, Karou, Enonet, and Kyoko were the only one's not puzzled.
"Eh-hem, this is a cell phone," Karou said, as she pointed at the phone. Everyone else nodded. "It has Eigo on it, so I guess this is the perfect time to give everyone my big gift! I'm gonna show you how to read and talk Eigo! Kyoko-chan made it so we can talk through time!"
Everyone clapped; Yahiko and Misao actually shouted with joy. Kyoko then handed everyone a RingPop.
"Kuso! What is this ring?" Sano yelled.
"It's a lollipop on a ring, so then you don't lose it." Kyoko said, annoyed. "It's good, so if anyone wants anymore, ask me." They nodded.
"Well, if no one has any more gifts for the whole party, let's start moving to give everyone our personal gifts giving!" Enonet shouted with glee.
Everyone was confused by her bad grammar…. ((Actually, so am I…. My sister just pressed some buttons and there it was, really.))
(Chapter 8)
Well, it was an interesting day. Karou gave Kenshin the pocketknife. Every Meiji Era person was looking at it oddly; Kenshin loved it, though. Megumi gave Kenshin and Sano a small ounce of sake (it had the love potion inside). Kenshin spat it out (it seems he's allergic to plantains). Sano loved the sake, but still was the same way about Megumi…. Then she tried to choke Kyoko; Karou stopped her.
There was more present giving. Aoishi got a sword-shaped cookie box with everlasting cookies from Misao. She used one of Kyoko's spells. The most expensive gift was a silver necklace with ruby, sapphire, amethyst, and emerald charms on it! Guess who got it…………………………………………………………………………...
Kyoko got it from Yahiko! Let's just say he got it by "shady" ways. (From that day on, Yahiko never fell in love with any other girl, EVER) There were more great gifts, but they had to wait for a few hours to be revealed because……….
Karou and Megumi are squaring off! There's the entertainment! No one got in the way; there were actual bets on this fight….. In the end, neither won……….. The fight was interrupted by some weird dude who wore a cape… He was Shishio! He came back as a ghost from the dead!
(Chapter 9)
"I have come back from the dead to get my revenge…" Shishio moaned.
"But," Kyoko said "you died when your body engulfed in a bunch of flames… Himoura-Sensei only kicked your butt…" Everyone was nodding.
"They are telling the truth, Shishio-sama" a sly voice said.
"Kuso! It's you, Shojiro!" Sano yelled.
"It is me, Shojiro. I came here to see that Master Shishio make's it to the other side…" he said.
Wow this new dude's a bish… I think I want him as a boyfriend Kyoko thought.
"Hen…" Shishio's ghost said. "Then why do I want to kill them?"
"Because, I want to rule the world!" a cute bishie with green hair yelled.
Everyone turned around. "Ku! Why do you want to take over the world?" Shojiro said.
"So I can get the ultimate power of the Hiten Mitsarugi style!" Ku yelled.
"That's it? That's why ya wanna take over the world?" Kyoko yelled at the, obviously, dumb bishie. "Ya should've just asked a master of the style! Like Himoura-sensei, Kenshin's sensei, and me! It's that simple….."
"It is? Aww…. Well, I do this anyway! Bwa ha ha ha!" Ku yelled as he took Karou, Megumi, Misao, Enonet, and Kyoko away by air!
Then Ku moved his hand too low on Megumi's back… "PERVERT!" She yelled, as she slapped him hard! Then all the girls fell about 5 yards from the ground into a small lake near the Kamiya household.
"Wha- Who-" was all the guys could say.
"Ya know, you all can help us up…." Misao said annoyed. Water dripping from her clothes.
"Okay…" the boys said. Just don't hurt us
Ku was sent to jail, Kyoko and Yahiko are girlfriend/boyfriend, Shishio's ghost can rest in peace, and Shojiro now visits the Kamiya household and makes sure no one hurts Kyoko, and Enonet is still being chased around by the "Luveteers." All in all, this was a productive fanfic…. Good day and God Bless… Shojiro is actually, now, Kyoko's caretaker.
Author's notes:
Well, here's another crack story starring the Kenshin Gumi and Enonet, Kyoko, and Takeru. If you're wondering who these people are you can go to my profile and read turkey surprise. That is the first crack fic we had written. This was written like… six or so years ago, and we had just found it five seconds ago because I realized that Turkey surprise was up and there was no sequel. So yeah... anyways…