For an explanation of the mix of characters, please read Mairead's profile.

Warning: Contains spoilers for Seikon No Qwaser and reference to mature content.

I'm Alexander. I believe I arrived March 18th, in the evening. I'm the newest member of Mairead's entourage of alters. I showed up because while Mairead likes my character overall, when she set out to role play me one night, she realized that she didn't know what to do with me, other than things that would make her uncomfortable. So she let me take over and I played myself without a hitch. Then I ended up staying around.

Levi doesn't trust me. None of them really trusted me in the beginning. They were afraid to let me go out in public for fear I'd start molesting people. Nothing could be more ridiculous. First of all, I know that disturbing people on Mairead's plane of existence would put her reputation and friendships in danger. Second, the only people consistently on our plane are Mairead herself and other males.

My cannon states that only women produce soma, but that doesn't seem to be the case in my individual universe. The fact is, every human being has their own unique life force, and all humans (with very few exceptions) have the capacity to produce milk, though men generally don't. Since soma is a combination of life force and milk, I see no reason why a man shouldn't be able to produce it, though it would undoubtedly be less effective than soma from a woman. These are the conclusions I have reached, and those more experienced have agreed that I am likely right.

Having said that, I have no desire to collect such inferior soma. All the same, Captain Levi seems convinced that I need constant supervision to keep me from molesting his comrades. (I must here note that he says this is an exaggeration.)

We went to a gathering one of Mairead's friends had in their home, and the others would not permit me to speak to or touch anyone else. I was allowed to eat... that was about it. Sure, I did look the girls over and compare their cup sizes a bit, but given the circumstances, I certainly wouldn't have tried to do anything.

After that, things seemed a little less tense, but it wasn't until I helped the others out at work a bit that they began to let their guard down a little.

Eren and Levi tend to curl up together at night (apparently they haven't always been this chummy, but they now have an understanding that military formality is the rule during the day and familial intimacy is the rule at night), and sometimes Kaneki joins them. Eren offered to let me sleep by him the other night, but I declined. Even though Levi said I was welcome, I knew he didn't really want me near them. Kaneki ended up sleeping between Eren and me.

I have always been fine on my own. I was nearly asleep when Kaneki began making distressed sounds in his sleep. I woke him up carefully, bracing his shoulder and head and telling him he was safe.

"I'm sorry," Kaneki said when he realized where he was.

"It's fine," I told him.

He sort of nestled up against me to go back to sleep. He is several years older than I am, so it probably seemed strange to him to seek comfort from me, but I tend not to dwell on such things. Age doesn't really matter as much as experience. I tend to react quickly to things, rather than thinking them through to every possible end, as some do. When Kaneki moved closer to me, I ended up putting my arm around him. I'm in the habit of protecting people... my name even means "protector of man."

In any case, the next thing I knew, it was morning and Levi was saying, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I looked at him and then down at Kaneki waking up in my arms. I explained (because if I said nothing, I think Levi would have taken violent action), "He had a nightmare. I woke him up and calmed him down. I didn't know I was supposed to push him away."

"It's true," Kaneki said quickly, rolling away from me. "I did... and he did... and it's ok."

Levi is hard to read... as people tell me that I am. I'm not sure exactly how he felt about things, because his perpetual neutral frown was still in place, but he said, "All right. As long as Kaneki feels safe and you're not doing anything inappropriate. But I'm watching you."

I didn't flinch under his stare. I gather that the others have trouble looking him in the eye for long, but I haven't had such difficulties since I was very small. I will never again cower before another human being. I am Sasha the Martyr. If I die, I die, but I will do so bravely.

A couple of days later, I am finishing writing up this account. It was time for me to say something, because I am tired of people assuming that I am some sort of pervert. It is my purpose to fight evil adepts and qwasers. To do that, I must use soma. To use soma, I have to suck it out of women's breasts. It is so routine to me that I can do it as easily as summoning my weapon. I'm not a pervert. It's my mission.

Tension continues to dissipate little by little. The others become somewhat more understanding as they become familiar with my cannon. I mentioned that I wish I had my gloves, and Levi offered me replacements to wear until I can get some that are more like my own. He even said that we could try looking for gloves with my symbol on them, but we won't be able to buy them for a while, because Mairead's budget is very tight. I can wait for now.

I told Kaneki that my attachment to my friend Olja was what drove me to damage my hands. I dug in the snow and frozen ground of the tundra in order to bury her remains. It was a foolish, sentimental waste of time, and it left my hands rough and scarred. Kaneki said that it wasn't foolish, that caring so much was not what damaged my hands. My hands are scarred now because of the cruelty of others, the men who killed Olja, and those who dragged us to that harsh climate in the first place.

I've struggled for a while with the idea that kindness is weakness. I want to listen to Kaneki, and to believe that caring about others makes me stronger, not weaker. But if that's true, then here, separated from Mafuyu and my other friends, where will my strength come from now?

In any case, I've said my piece. I may be damaged... I may not understand the way other people feel... and maybe I do take liberties that cause others to be upset. But I'm not lustful. I'm not malicious. And I'm not a pervert.

Thank you for reading. If you have comments I will read them, and if you have questions I will do my best to answer them. ~Alexander N. Hell